"This is so stupid. Stupid as in, I should definitely not be doing this, stupid." I thought to myself, sighing. Begrudgingly, I walked into the old lodge, just beside the hotel. With me, I had a tray of various breakfast items given to me by Koizumi. These included boiled egg, toast and yogurt, along with a drink. If nothing else, I know that my talent isn't being a waiter, because I was not steady with this tray.
Walking through the building, I soon came to the entrance to the main hall. I stared at the chestnut coloured doors, and they stared back. This is where Koizumi said he was, right? I hesitated. My stomach churned. I really was not ready to face him again.
But he wasn't my friend, so there would be no pleasantries, no conversation. Just give it to him and go. I puffed, trying to relax. This would be easy, right? I reached for the handle and hesitated. Everything in me was telling me I was not ready for this, that I should just turn around and give it to someone else.
Groaning, I put my hand firmly on the handle, pushing those thoughts aside. There's no use putting this off. He's already gone a few days without food, so someone has to feed him. There's no way I'm going through another trial just because I didn't give him food. That would be a pretty pathetic way to go. It was a poor excuse for a resolve, but it would have to do.
Turning the handle and moving into the room, I had no idea what to expect. But this... This is not what I had in mind. Komaeda lay on the floor, his hands chained behind his back and legs tied together. He had a dubious smile on his face. So much for him atoning, or at least thinking about what he had done. So much for being affected by the room where he got a man killed.
Stunned. I was stunned, plain and simple. I wasn't sure what to do. What to say. How to act. I just stared at him. He stared back, still smiling. We started at each other for quite a while. In another setting this could have been romantic. Us being alone, him tied up, us just staring at each other. The thought made me uncomfortable. This situation was weird, so weird.
"Are you going to stand there and ignore me all day, Hinata? I suppose trash like me just isn't worthy of your attention..." Komaeda finally broke the silence. He sounded tired? Sick? Breathy. But, didn't he usually sound like that? Quieter than usual, maybe.
Instinctively, I gulped. I had already forgotten the deal I had made with myself earlier. He hadn't had any contact in at least two days, I had to say something. That was what a better person would do, right? I could imagine Nanami talking to him like it was nothing. Sitting with him, staying with him. After all, it was just Komaeda, it was just talking. But, it was just Komaeda. The wannabe killer. The man who deceived us all. The one who was still smiling even though he's tied up and could starve at our will. The man who I thought was my friend. The best friend that I had here. Now I know there are far better friends than him. I was mad at myself, and him. I couldn't do this.
"Just, shut up Komaeda." I placed the tray down in front of him. "You're not trash. You're just, hard to deal with. So eat your breakfast so I can go." I snapped at him, irritated. I half regretted it. I meant what I said, but it wasn't exactly going to help me get through to him. Honestly, if our relationship could back to how it was, I would happily be friends again.
Komaeda finally stopped smiling. He looked at his feet and frowned. Did I upset him that much? I've been called blunt before, but I don't think what I said was all that offensive.
"You see, Hinata-kun, I would if I were able! But I can't eat without using my hands, which I currently can't use..." He sighed, his stomach making a quiet growl. Obviously not. He's just hungry. Hungry enough to brush off everything else I say, apparently. Before I could think of what to say back to him, he carried on. "I'm glad you came here Hinata, I was too embarrassed to ask a girl to feed me." He laughed, his voice trying hard to play it cool.
He wants me to feed him? Me. Feed him? Him? Putting food into his mouth? Standing around whilst he chews? No. nonononono. There's a line of things I'm willing to do and he just crossed it. By several miles. I made a mental note to have a stern word with Koizumi once this was over.
"Can't you just try and do it without your hands?" I couldn't help but groan. If there was an excuse to get out of this, I was going to find it. The last time someone got that close to him, they died.
"And get piping hot egg all over my face? You're cruel, Hinata!"
I guess he did have a point. The last thing I want to do is wipe egg off his face. Or worse, have to come back and rub burn creams into his face. Actually, I don't know which is worse. Having to feed him or having to rub cream into him. I guess I didn't have a choice after all. Huffing, I took him by the shoulders. He squeaked in surprised. I propped him up on the wall behind him.
"What are you doing?" He questioned, sounding a little worried. What did he think I was going to do to him? Dismissing the thought, I replied with a disinterested, if a little sarcastic voice. "Getting you to sit up so that you don't choke, idiot."
At that, he looked down gave a small smile "You shouldn't worry yourself over someone like me." Against his pale white skin, the smallest of blushes became visible. If this was him genuinely being humble, it was pretty cute. Wait, what was I thinking?
"Knowing that you're willing to think of my safety, it makes me happy. I don't think anyone else here would've done this for me!" He smiled at me. It seemed almost genuine. Maybe it was. At this point, I couldn't tell if he was insulting himself again or not.
But he was wasting time, prolonging the inevitable. With every passing moment I grew more anxious. Did he have no sense of shame? Could he not read how awkward this was, at all? Even if he said some nice stuff, I still didn't want to feed him. "I appreciate the sentiment, but are we going to do this, or not? This egg is getting cold." He seemed to get the hint after that, as he became quiet.
And surprisingly, he stayed quiet for the entire time whilst I fed him. The silence was weird, but it was better than having him talking. Every mouth full of egg brought me a few more seconds of quiet. Some food would've been useful in the trial.
Finally, we got to the last forkful. I leant slightly forward as usual, guiding the fork towards his mouth. But he dodged it and leaned (or rather fell) up to meet me and unceremoniously kissed me.
I should've seen it coming. The compliments, only wanting me to feed him, the blush, it was obvious now. I insulted Komaeda's intelligence, but I was the real idiot here. Maybe we both needed to work on reading the atmosphere. But, it was all happening so fast. I had no idea what to think. I had half the mind to jab him with the fork and tell him to sod off, and the other half just to sit there and enjoy it.
Either way, my face was all hot. I was embarrassed and I could tell I was blushing. We were kissing. Actually, kissing. I wanted to pull away, but my brain and body weren't in sync at all, both trying to comprehend what was happening. So I sat there like an idiot, taking it all in. It wasn't all that bad, actually. Though, his lips were pretty dry. Not that I'd had much experience in kissing to know...
It was only a quick kiss, about 10 seconds or so, but it felt like a long time. He eventually pulled away, shuffling to get back against the wall. He looked me in the eyes, happy.
"That was delicious, Hinata."