Evidently I have a habit of making Cullen rather inobservant. Anyway, here's the first smut I've written in about two years. Forgive me if it's god awful. I'm a bit rusty.
...
Perhaps in another world, Cullen often caught him self thinking. Perhaps the two of them could happen, could even work. Perhaps he would finally gather the courage to tell her just how hard he'd fallen for her. Perhaps he would kiss her, and she would even kiss him back. Perhaps she could even love him the way he loved her. But this wasn't another world. They were friends, just friends, despite coming from vastly different worlds, despite the roles they played in the whole "saving the world" business. He'd never risk it. Their friendship, her trust, her safety, her respect. He absolutely cursed him self for it, knowing he was a coward for never at least telling her. he hadn't, and he knew he never would, just as he always acted. He tried to shut away everything he felt for her. All the feelings, the thoughts, the fantasies... he stored them somewhere in the back of his mind, always there, always threatening to bubble to the surface. They were most vibrant when she was near, and even more so when she'd come visit him in his office, usually with a tray of food and a complaint that he'd missed dinner again. In truth, there were times where he'd miss dinner on purpose, just so she'd come to see him. He wasn't proud of it, but it was his silly secret to hide.
He knew she was concerned. His headaches were getting worse, and his nightmares more frequent. Her worry ran deeper, though, than he knew. Though she was firmly convinced that he'd never want her the way she wished, it didn't stop her from fearing. What she wanted, most desperately, was to heal him somehow, to assure herself that he would be okay, that she wouldn't lose him to the lyrium he'd fought so hard to rid himself of. Certainly that wasn't all she wanted, but he'd never know that. They were friends, and she knew that, no matter how much that knowledge troubled her. It was torture, being just his friend, but she never let it show, never admitted to a soul how truly deep her feelings ran. They often walked or ate together, and more than a few times she'd caught herself thinking about just how much she enjoyed his company, how comfortable they were together.
Sure, she'd tried at first to drop a hint or two that she was interested. But he was either oblivious or just unimpressed, so she kept it to herself. Evae knew that many of her friends could tell she was unhappy, they probably even know the reason why, though she'd never told them explicitly. She couldn't deny it, though. She was unhappy. It took her a while to even realize why that was, but when it hit her, she realized she'd just been in denial of it the whole time. She was in love with Cullen, and had absolutely no idea how she could remedy that fact. She'd get the chance though, before she even knew it. It just took a while.
xxx
Having returned to Skyhold just an hour or two prior from a long, pointless visit to the Western Approach, Evae found herself wandering the fortress that she called home. It was dark, already well past midnight, when she noticed a light from Cullens quarters. Despite it being late, she smiled to herself and made her way up to his tower, slipping silently through his door in case he was sleeping. The rogue was very good at being quiet, especially when she already had the support of the darkness to help her stealth her way around.
Cullen hadn't heard her enter, just as she'd wanted, but she knew he was awake from the sounds coming from the loft above. She was quiet, wondering what he was doing up here, but her question was answered almost immediately when she heard him let out a groan. Not one of pain, though, but of pleasure. She flushed, knowing she should leave, but she remained rooted to the floor where she was, upset. Did he have another woman up there with him? She wished bitterly that she was the one making him moan, but she knew it wasn't. Still, she couldn't help the warmth that flooded her body at the sound of his throaty noise. It had sparked something in her, and now she had to know if he was alone. So she waited.
Cullen believed himself alone. He hadn't been told of the Inquisitors return, and therefore had no reason to think she, nor anyone else, was there. His mind was filled with the thoughts he tried so hard to push away, as was his nightly ritual now. In the quiet of his room, he let the thoughts escape from their cage and take him over. He thought of her body, the way her hips swung when she walked, the way she was curved and perfect. He thought of her mind, the intelligence and kindness she possessed that captivated him, and everyone around. He thought of her eyes, her skin, her lips... especially her lips. They were plump and pink and he wanted nothing more than to kiss them. He let out a low groan. The thought of her was sinful. He knew how very wrong it was, touching himself and thinking of her, wishing it was her instead of his hand. He felt like a creep, but at the moment, he didn't care. He wanted her more than anything, wanted her desperately, and in his mind he imagined what she would look like under the armor she always seemed to wear, what she would look like writing under him as he made her scream his name. Another groan, but this time, along with it, a name. Her name.
His movements stopped instantly, fearing the worst and eyes flying open as he heard a gasp and a couple of stumbling steps from his office below. Cullen briefly considered grabbing his sword, but instead, he just slid on the trousers that had been beside the bed where he'd left them.
Evae was as red as she could possibly be when Cullen, shirtless, dropped down the ladder, his jaw dropping and face flushing as soon as he saw her.
"How long have you been here?" He asked, surprising the both of them with the softness in his tone.. He took in her flustered appearance and wondered why she hadn't fled right away.
"Long enough." She stammered, and a short silence fell over them. She wanted to flee, to be anywhere but where she was, until it clicked. She recalled her thoughts, just a few moments ago, where she had wished to be the one causing his pleasure. It seemed to her now that she was.
Cullen wanted to say something, say anything, to lighten the situation, but he knew he'd been caught and he felt absolutely awful, so he stared at the floor instead. He was ashamed, he was angry at himself, but mostly he was afraid. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, trying to find anything to say, but she spoke first.
"Cullen," She began, hesitating until he looked up at her. He wanted to apologize, but he knew there was nothing he could say to fix this. "I won't pretend I know what goes on in your head, but... I'll admit, I genuinely thought you weren't interested in me."
Once again, his jaw dropped in shock at her admission, while she looked at him sheepishly. He nearly laughed at his own stupidity, then.
"I've always wanted you." He replied simply, and the expression she wore changed so suddenly and so drastically he wasn't sure if this was even real. He watched her push herself off the wall she was leaning on and take a couple steps toward him, then stopped.
"Then show me." Her voice was soft, but so layered with emotion that something in Cullen just snapped. He closed the distance between them in a few long strides, taking her face in his hands and leaning in to kiss her with everything he had. All the pent up frustration, lust, love. He kissed her with a passion he didn't know he possessed. He kissed her with every ounce of his being, and she returned it in a similar fashion. One of her slender arms wrapped around him, and the other snaked its way up his back so that her hand could tangle itself in his golden curls. Before either of them even realized they'd moved, he had her back pressed against the wall once more, his firm grip on her hips, rubbing little circles with calloused thumbs over her hip bones where her blouse had ridden up. His hot touch against her cool skin had her shivering, the thought that Cullen wanted her was maddening. Though Cullen had a similar feeling, feeling overwhelmed that she desired him in the same way, and he silently prayed that this all wasn't just a dream, that he wouldn't wake up alone with his thoughts as he seemed to so often do.
Her breathing came in gasps, when Cullen finally pulled away from her kiss, though it was only so he could trail his lips down her jaw and to her neck. He was probably leaving marks, but neither of them really cared, too absorbed in the other. Her head lolled to the side as he pressed feather-light kisses to her throat, her eyes squeezing shut at the intensity of their current situation. The way her entire body felt aflame, from the way he pushed up against her, his hands at her hips, his lips at her throat, her fingers in his hair. her own long locks had released themselves at some point, or perhaps Cullen had done that and she hadn't noticed, and the platinum waves flowed down her back, probably as messy and knotted as could be. She found herself unconcerned, only focused on him, hyper aware of each touch, each movement. She was dizzy with the feel of it all, her head spinning and thoughts slowing more and more at every new sensation.
Evae could scarcely think, but when Cullens surprisingly nimble fingers found the buttons of her shirt, she was smiling, pulling him back to her for another forceful kiss. That should have been all the approval he needed, but being the gentleman that he was, Cullen pulled away to look her in the eyes, silently requesting her permission. She would have laughed, were she not so caught up in the moment. Instead, she just nodded to him, and then her top disappeared, flung somewhere she wasn't concerned with, leaving her in only her breast band and pants, boots having been kicked off long ago. Cullen, too, was shirtless, just wearing the trousers he'd slipped on to cover himself before.
Her hands had moved finally, now roaming his broad chest, tracing the lines of muscle and light scars that patterned his skin, making him shudder. She smirked, but her small victory was short lived, as Cullen had swiftly removed her breast band, letting her bounce a bit before taking her chest in his hands. Her head smacked the wall behind her as she threw it back, back arching so that her chest was thrust out against his hands, the warmth of them compared to the cool walls making her shiver. It was his turn to smirk, and he decided right then and there that making Evae gasp was his new favorite thing in life.
His fingers slid down her body to brush her thighs before coming back up slowly, reaching their destination to pinch and roll her lovely pink nipples. He watched her then, though he wanted nothing more than to toss her on the desk and taste her. She was panting, letting out little moans and sounds of delight that Cullen was sure she wasn't aware she was making. Her eyes were again squeezed shut, and her delicate fingers were gripping at his shoulders for support. She looked as though she might collapse any second, if Cullen were to let her go. But he wouldn't. He'd never let her go if he could help it.
When she let out a moan that sounded very much like his name, Cullen groaned. He picked her up, making her let out a squeak of surprise, and placed her carefully on his desk so that her rear was resting just at the edge, but not enough to fall. One eyebrow raised at him in question, but he just smirked again, lightly pushing her back so that she rested on her elbows, watching him. It hit her then, what he was planning, and she gasped, attempting to sputter something unrecognizable, but he just smiled and shushed her.
Gently, he pulled away the pants she wore and tossed them aside, leaving her in just her smalls. He then proceeded to prod her knees a bit so she'd spread herself to him, which she did, making him smile again with a smug pleasure. The damp spot on her smalls made him suck in a deep breath, knowing that he was the one who'd caused it making him far happier than it should have. Again, he looked up at her for permission. Her eyes were dark when she nodded, pupils blown in her desire. She sucked her lip into a bite, watching him. Cullen wasn't sure if he'd last with her watching. It was a turn on he hadn't known about. But, when he finally shed her of her knickers and settled himself between her knees, he was smiling again. She was whimpering, though whether in anticipation or perhaps nerves, he wasn't sure. Either way, when he began pressing short, open mouthed kisses to her thighs, traveling upward from there, she was nearly exploding in frustration.
Cullen took his time in reaching her core, keeping her hips in place as she begged him for some kind of friction, trying in vain to swivel or buck her hips. When he finally did reach her center, she cried out and he was quite pleased with himself. One hand left its position at her hip and came down to spread her folds, while his tongue worked at her little nub, making her shake. He slid one long digit into her, dragging it back out slowly and picking up the pace as he continued. What Cullen truly wanted in that moment was to make her come so hard she screamed his name, let everyone in Skyhold know that she was his. She tried again to wiggle, to move her hips or just somehow force him to just... more. More was what she needed, though what exactly that meant, she wasn't sure.
"Cullen!" She cried out as she rapidly approached her orgasm. He increased the speed of his finger again, curling it slightly and driving her absolutely mad.
"Come for me, love." He said, pulling back just long enough to speak, then returning his lips to their assault on her clit. That was all it took, and she screamed out his name - much to his delight - writhing and shaking. Cullen didn't stop his movements yet, however, and kept his pace as she rode out her incredible high. It wasn't until she called his name again did he pull away.
After a moment, she sat up, pulling him up off his knees as well to kiss him, tasting herself on his tongue. He stopped entirely, though, when she moved her hands south, reaching for the band of his pants. When she brushed against his length, he growled and she grinned. In his moment of weakness, she'd managed to stand and swap their positions so that he was leaning against the desk and she stood in front of him. With a smug grin, she dropped to her knees, and his knuckles went white with the effort of gripping the edges of his desk.
"Evae..." He began, but she just looked at him, effectively shutting him up when he saw the look of lust in her eyes. She tugged at his pants, releasing his ridiculously hard cock from it's binding, and he kicked them away when they pooled at his feet. An unintentional groan was released from him as she wrapped a tiny hand around his length. Cullen was certain he'd never been this hard before, but any thoughts he may have had were silenced when she gave him a kitten lick, giggling at him when he braced himself against the desk like he'd be struck by lightning. She stroked him a few times, and brushed her thumb along the vein that ran through his length. He was certainly bigger than any man she'd had in the past (not that she was complaining in the slightest), and when she finally wrapped her lips around his thick member, she was thrilled at the sounds he released, urging her on.
He couldn't watch her. If he had, he knew he'd be a mess long before he wanted to be. He had to be inside her first, so instead of watching, he stared at the ceiling, trying not to thrust into her mouth as she bobbed her head up and down. His hand had reached down to tangle in her hair, and he was grimacing, legs shaking as he held back. Finally, after a particularly deep bob of her head, he pulled her away, a bit more roughly than he intended, but she was grinning nonetheless. It took him all of his strength then not to tackle her to the floor and absolutely ravish her. Instead, he picked her up again, returning to the wall and pressing her up against it. She wrapped her legs around him, placing her heat directly above his throbbing manhood. Quickly, he grabbed both of her wrists and pinned them against the wall above her head, kissing her neck again and down to her chest. She was a work of art, Cullen thought, as she panted for him, chest heaving. Using his free hand to push up one breast, he took the peak of the other between his lips, lightly flicking and nibbling at it until it was stiff, then switching his attention to the other, repeating the action.
"Cullen," she choked out, and he made a throaty sound to acknowledge that he was indeed listening. She didn't reply though, just tugged at her wrists, still being restrained by one of his hands. He released her, and her hands then came down to pull him in for another heated kiss. She shuddered, and he pressed a kiss to her ear.
"Tell me what you want, love." he whispered, voice rough and throaty and sensual and perfect. The effect it had on her was instant.
"I - Cullen, oh, please..." The words came out between gasps, and she needed him like she needed no other, his teasing driving her wild. "Fuck me, Cullen, just-"
She groaned when the tip of his cock pressed against her heat, as she wrapped her arms around his neck, begging him.
"Evae." Cullen said her name like a prayer, but he was asking, making sure she was absolutely sure.
"Please" She moaned, and he did not deny her any longer. He thrust up, pushing her into the wall, sheathing himself inside her hot, wet heat, and they both cried out. Cullen had never felt such intense pleasure, nor such a need to make someone else feel the way he did, and Evae had never felt so full, so whole. He shifted then, sliding her down the wall just enough to hold her a bit closer, and when he did, Evae was already seeing stars. He set a pace that amazed her, had her gasping every time he hit a spot within her that would be her undoing. She let out a cry of utter ecstacy, letting go of any control she had left and shaking wildly as Cullen continued, helping her again to ride out her high. She was filled with a white hot, burning pleasure that seemed to last forever. Cullen placed kisses to her temple and cheeks as she slowly came down, breathing hard and shivering, while he silently confessed all the things he'd never had the courage to tell her before.
Soon, her head was again tossed back and Cullen was losing rhythm, each thrust somehow harder and deeper than the last, ripping a whine from her lips each time. Cullen was close, so he reached between them to rub tight circles on her clit, watching her face as she came undone again. That was all it took to drive him completely over the edge, and he buried himself inside her and his face in the crook of her neck as he spilled into her, amazed he managed to hold them both up. They stayed like that for a while, until their labored breathing had calmed enough to move, and he carefully pulled out of her. She was still wrapped around him, her head now resting against his shoulder as she struggled to regain a normal heartbeat. Making sure he had a good grip on her, he turned them to the ladder that led to his loft, carefully climbing up (and thanking the Maker that he had the strength to do so), reaching his bed and seating himself carefully near the foot of it. She was in his lap, and she look up at him with a weak, tired smile, brown eyes warm and watching him with an expression of such unspoken joy and love. He was silent, despite the thousand things he wanted to tell her. They'd have time for that later, he knew. Right now he was more concerned with her comfort.
"I love you." She said a few moments later, breaking the silence and laying her head against his chest to listen to the sound of his pounding hear. Cullen couldn't help but beam, the grin on his face so evident that she giggled. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and pushed a few stray hairs behind her ear.
"I love you too." He replied, and he saw her sleepy face light up with a smile that filled him with such happiness that he struggled to contain it. He shifted them to the middle of the bed so that she could untangle herself and fall backwards against the blankets with a content sigh. He followed suit, laying beside her and wrapping an arm protectively over her when she cuddled up to his chest. They both decided that this was exactly where they wanted to be forever.
The pair fell asleep not long after, dreaming of nothing but one another.