A/N: Ok, so this is my first story. I am giving it a shot, I have a plan for this story, but let me know what you think. Also, I pulled Casey's therapist from the show Private Practice.

Casey sat in her therapist's office. Her legs curled up underneath her in the oversized chair by the window watching the rain fall outside. Taking a shaky breath she looked over at the woman.

Her therapist, Violet Turner, had been her confidant for years. She started seeing her to handle the abusive relationship she had experienced with her ex-Charlie four years prior. Violet had a way of breaking through Casey's walls and getting her to work out her emotions. Even after working through the Charlie mess, Casey had continued to see Violet once a month to touch base, but now she was here for help again.

"Casey," Violet asked her patient, "Are you ready to talk?"

"No," Casey sobbed, "I don't think I ever will be."

"You need to try. It will help the grieving process."

"I don't want to grieve; I want h-her to come home."

The curly haired doctor sighed, "Casey, you know that isn't going to happen. Alex isn't coming back, you need to open up. She'd want you too."

Casey took a deep breath as tears streamed down her cheeks then she began, "When I think about her I can barely breathe. I want to die. I want to close my eyes and never open them again, to slip back into her arms to breathe her scent. Every time I close my eyes to sleep I see her. I see her smile, hear her laugh, I see us dancing in the living room after a hard day at work laughing, her laughing and smiling. I want to die; I want to die so I can be with her again. I miss her so much."

Violet looked over at her sobbing patient. She'd never seen Casey so broken up, so vulnerable. She wasn't surprised, but it hurt her heart to see Casey so broken. "Casey, are you thinking about hurting yourself?"

The red eyed attorney looked up, and whispered, "Yes, but I won't"

"Why?"

"I am Catholic, if I do, I will never see her again."

Violet nodded in understanding, "Do you have someone you can stay with right now, or someone that can stay with you?"

"I already do. Alex's mom has been staying over. She says it's helping her come to terms with Alex's death."

"Is it helping you?"

"Nothing can help me, but Alex," Casey states looking back out the window.

Violet looks Casey over. She's been seeing her twice a week now for the last two months this is the first week that it's only been one visit. Casey has returned to work. She is looking a little more put together, and a very tiny bit stronger.

"So, Casey," Violet begins, "how are you doing this week?"

"As well as can be expected," Casey states blandly.

"Ok, could you elaborate?"

Casey sighs, "It's been two months, and I am back at work. Branch put me in sex crimes, it's impossible. It's laughable I guess."

"So you took over for Alex?"

"Yeah, Alex and I were so stupid. We had been dating eight months when she was killed. We thought being discrete and not sharing our relationship in the office was for the best work wise. We were so stupid. I think truthfully we liked the sneaking around the office. Abbie and Kim knew but that was it work-wise."

"Why didn't you tell Branch? Why did they think you took two months off?"

"Personal reasons."

"You haven't told anyone still? Why not?"

"Why would I? So I can get more pitied looks from people?"

Violet frowns, "Casey what do you mean?"

"My family and her mom are always checking in on me! Abbie and Kim are always checking to see if I am ok! Everyone is pushing me to move on and I don't want to! I just want to grieve in my own way and be left the fuck alone!" Casey screams as her tears flow freely.

Violet stands and moves across the room. She bends down and hugs the emotional redhead. "Casey, what are they all pushing you to do?"

"They want me to pack up her things. They say our apartment is a shrine to her and it's not healthy. Not Charlotte, Alex's mom, as much but everyone else. My parents actually mentioned that I should list the apartment and move somewhere new! How could I list our home? How could I when it's full of memories good and bad," The girl sobbed.

"Okay, wow, everyone does seem like they are pushing you a lot. I do have to ask though, what have you not packed up and why do you think they are pushing you so?"

Casey takes a deep breath and continues, "I haven't packed up her clothes. Her closet is full just the way she left it with her shoes scattered at the back of it. Her jewelry she wore the day before she died is still sitting on her nightstand where she took it off before bed that night, her toothbrush still sits on the bathroom counter next to her perfume. I go to work and go straight home. When I get home I am instantly reminded she isn't coming home because she isn't with me. I sit in the kitchen, I eat dinner, I clean up, and I go to our room. But when I get to our room I can pretend. I leave it that way so I can pretend that she isn't gone just yet, so I can sleep and think she is just at the precinct and that she will be home in a bit. Plus, to be honest, I am not ready to pack up her stuff and be only left with pictures. If I move, she will be permanently packed away and not a part of me anymore."

Violet nods in understanding, "And why do you think your family and friends are pushing you?"

Casey looks Violet in the eyes and replies, "Because they didn't and haven't lost the love of their life, but I have."

"Casey, you do not have to do anything you aren't ready to do."

"Thank you Violet."

"So Casey, how are you doing?" Violet asked. It had been almost a year since the murder of Alex Cabot and she was starting to see much improvement in her patient. They'd even bumped their meetings back to once a month starting last month.

"I am doing better. I am making some new friends and I am starting to get out more like we talked about last time," Casey replied.

"I am glad to hear it Casey. Tell me about your new friends."

"Well, I have started hanging out with one of the detectives I work with and her girlfriend. I actually just had them over for dinner last week, which was interesting."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I still hadn't been honest about my relationship with Alex until that night. My home makes it obvious though there are pictures of us around the house. Anyway, she said she knew we were together, she just hadn't realized how serious we were until I gave her my home address she knew it was Alex's address. She apologized for not knowing sooner. I think she could tell just how in love we were," Casey looked lost as she finished.

"Are you okay Casey? It sounds like that might have been difficult for you."

"I am going to be ok eventually. My only regret is that Alex and I were so naïve. We thought we'd have a lifetime together. So we were being selfish and secluded. We had no idea she was going to die so soon. We just wanted to enjoy each other for a little while before opening ourselves up to everyone. I mean we still hung out with our best friends Abbie and Kim, and our families but in hindsight, I wish I had taken out a page in all the newspapers to announce our love for each other," Casey choked up and started to cry.

"Casey?" Violet questioned.

Casey shook her head, "I am okay. I just wish I could go back in time, I would do so many things differently."

"Like what?"

"I would have taken Alex to Australia. She wanted to go for Christmas, but I would have insisted we go sooner. I would have told everyone I could about our love, I would have asked her to marry me. I knew I wanted to spend my life with her, but I thought it was too soon to ask," Casey laughs, "I would have demanded she let that case go before it cost her life."

Violet nodded in understanding, "Casey she loved you and you loved her, that's all that matters."

"You know two weeks ago was my birthday and I received flowers from her."

"What? How?" Violet asked confused.

"I guess she preordered them or put them on a yearly order."

"How do you know they were from her?"

"They were orchids, my favorite. Only Alex would buy me orchids, and it was her typical signature, a heart with a 'A' in the center." Casey smiled.

"How did that make you feel getting those?"

"It made me feel amazing, like she was still with me."

"Casey…" Violet starts, but Casey interrupts.

"I know what you are going to say, but you don't have to worry. I know she isn't coming back, but I still love her, I am still in love with her. I wish she'd come back, but I know she isn't."

Violet sat in her office waiting on her redheaded patient. Casey had been making a lot of progress over the last year and a half since her girlfriend had been murdered. It had been slow going, but she was making a lot of progress. She hoped that soon Casey would be able to start thinking about moving on.

The door opens startling Violet from her thoughts. "Casey! I was beginning to wonder if you were coming…" Violet pauses seeing that Casey is clearly upset.

"Casey what's wrong?"

Casey paces the room she doesn't know what to say. She is furious, she is ecstatic, she is so many things she doesn't know what she is and it's driving her mad.

"Casey? Casey talk to me, tell me what is wrong?"

"She's alive, Violet, Alex is alive."