A/N: Hey peeps, what's up? If you can't tell this is me trying to cover my huge absence for the fanfic world. I have no idea what I'm going to write for you today so this should be interesting. Anyway let's get into it shall we?
Not Myself
Walked into the Gryffindor common room and settled into a large, comfortable chair in one of the corners. I preferred to sit in the corners and keep to myself. It was generally better for me, seeing as most of my house thinks I was sorted incorrectly and the Slytherins think I'm a sissy to have been sorted here. Like I really wanted to be in Gryffindor, come on, you think my father was highly impressed with that? We've all been in Slytherin for centuries and then there's me, the black sheep, a Gryffindor in the Malfoy family. Rosie tries incredibly hard to remind me about Sirius Black, that this happened to him too and that her father, mother and aunt and uncle all tell her what a great man he was. The thing is, I don't think I'm a great man. I'm a bit of a coward. Rosie's intelligence and Al's cunning and bravery have saved me more times than I can count. Which Rosie reminds me is what happened to her dad a lot. I suppose we're a lot like them, the golden trio…only we're not all golden. Rosie is, she's amazing.
A lot of the time I feel like I'm going to go insane from the pressure of living up to my best friends. Rose Weasley is of course the most brilliant witch since her mother attended school and Albus Potter is very much like his father, too much bravery not enough common sense, well most of the time anyway. I on the other hand am nothing like my father, he was by far the smartest wizard when he attended Hogwarts and he was by no means a coward. Me? Scorpius Malfoy, 17 years old and still afraid to raise my hand in class.
I settled into my corner with my Rune's homework and started to decipher the symbols in front of me. Honestly, I'm pretty good at school, I'm not the smartest but I'm decent, I certainly didn't struggle it was just a matter of never feeling 100 that I was right. Rosie always knew she was right. And she still wanted to be my friend; I have no idea why. I try to be normal but I wonder if I weren't would she still like me?
Suppose I said
I am on my best behaviour
And there are times
I loose my worried mind?
Rosie joined me in the corner I had been occupying after about an hour. I couldn't help but notice the way her hair shines in the glow of the fire, the golden streaks winked in the light. It amazed me every day that someone could be so beautiful. I hadn't old her of course, more cowardly behaviour I suppose. I'd gone to do it a thousand times, but she always had something to say before I got there, the worst part it was generally about school. I wanted to tell her today, I told myself every night I'd do it the next day, but today was the day I was going to actually do it. I smiled as she sat down; I planned to do it after dinner, which was in half an hour.
Rose went straight to work on some homework for Potions which wasn't due for another 3 weeks. She didn't say anything; we often existed like that when Albus wasn't around.
I'm trying so hard to be the guy she'd want, I work extra hard at school and I try to be assertive. It wasn't really like me but what could I do? They were attributes I knew she admired. I'd been trying all these different things to get her attention lately, making out with another girl was the worst thing, but I was being more out going and louder. People seemed to like me better that way, I guess because people can talk to those kinds of people. Rose just kept treating me like normal though. Actually she seemed a little odd lately. Maybe it was me…
Would you want me,
When I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?
I was so nervous by dinner, the speech I had prepared in my head, the one that sounded like poetry, it was becoming slowly jumbled, it sounded like a badly written romance novel now. And if anyone should happen to be thinking, yeah, I bet it was poetic…it was! I'm actually quite poetic when I'm not freaking out. I'm so poetic I could be bloody Shakespeare reincarnate, only better.
As I settled in across the table from Al, who was eating like he'd never seen food in his life, I watched Rose sit down next to Lilly, the two of them together are a sight. While Rose is tall, pale, blue eyed and has that trademark Weasley red hair, her cousin, who also inherited the red hair of her mother, is shorter, a fair bit tanner, which means she also has a few freckles scattered across her nose and has large brown eyes. Both girls are beautiful, but when Rose flicked her long curly hair over her shoulder and the candlelight hit it just so, the whole world stopped to watch the ethereal glow it gave her. She was like nothing else most of the student body had ever seen. It is like all the light in the room was attracted to her, like if she was there nothing else needed it's colour. I often find myself having to keep my bottom jaw up, for fear of swallowing an insect.
Suppose I said
Colours change for no good reason
And words will go
From poetry to prose.
I ate my dinner almost silently and marvelled at how even though Al is a Slytherin he sits at the Gryffindor table every night. I wondered how I was going to get Rose alone and once I did how I could explain to her what I needed to say. Then I noticed that Rose was getting up from the table alone. I moved exceptionally fast to join her, meeting her stride as the walked through the doors that lead to the entrance hall.
"Rosie, Rosie, wait up" I called as she started to head up the stairs. Of course she turned around and cocked an eyebrow at me.
"What is it, Scorpius?" She asked with a tone of slight annoyance that could only mean one thing…I was holding her back from the library, not a good idea, but I had to do this now.
"I need to talk to you. Can we talk a walk outside?" Good plan Scorp, outside in the freezing cold, nice work.
"Sure," I was floored to say the least with this reply. Of course being Rose expecting the unexpected was constant. She looked up the stairs and then summoned both our heavy coats. As the coats came hurtling down the stairs I stared in awe. Staring in awe is not a good idea when you have a good 2kg's of coat hurtling towards you, Rose grabbed her's gracefully and pulled it on. Mine hit me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me. Not going as planned yet.
Walking in the snow has always been something I enjoyed, one of the few ways to tell I am Draco Malfoy's son. Rose glanced at me sideways, I kept my eyes glued to the ground. My heart was beating so fast that I thought I was going to have some kind of attack and die. I took my eyes off the ground as we stopped under the old beech tree. Leaning up against the bark I closed my eyes and tried to gather my thoughts so I could start speaking. But I kept thinking of the way I'd been acting these last couple of weeks. I think Rose must have been thinking about that too, because she met my eyes, and spoke first, before I got the chance.
"What's been wrong with you the past couple of weeks?"
Would you want me when
I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else.
I averted my eyes to the lake, thinking about the glass like clam of the water. I had to be like the water I told myself, but for some reason I seemed to have a giant squid breaking the surface of the water and causing ripples. Breathe, just breathe. Ok now that you're breathing…talk!
"I don't know Rosie" I answered. Liar, I am such a liar.
"Scorpius, I know you, something has been up. Wanna talk about it?" She laid a hand on my arm, I could feel the warmth through the many layers of clothes I was wearing.
"Not really" I mumbled.
"Then why did you bring me out here?" Rose asked trying to make eye contact with me as I kept my eyes on the moon's reflection breaking and coming together on the water's surface, how could it move if the water wasn't?
"Oh," I forgot I asked her to come with me, I guess it was now or never then, "Rosie, I've been acting weird trying to impress a girl."
"A girl?" She looked as if I'd said I was planning to grow gills and marry a mermaid.
"You" I said softly not even daring to meet her eyes, hoping desperately that she wouldn't laugh.
"Me? But, but…m..me?" She managed to stutter out. Oh great, I thought, she thinks this is stupid, well it was stupid, I'm so stupid.
"I'm sorry, I just…I mean…" I had no idea what to say, then I remembered something I'd seen in a muggle movie, "in the words of David Cassidy, I think I love you."
Rose stared at me wide eyed, shit; I'd done it now. There was only one thing left to do, so I turned and walked away. I hung my head and hurried back towards the school.
And I, in time, will come around
I always do for you.
"Scorpius, wait" I heard behind me, I stopped. "Why?" she asked.
"Because you're beautiful and intelligent, you capture the energy of a room, and your smile makes my day, everyday without fail Rosie." There I'd said it, unfortunately unlike in the movies or books the weight wasn't gone, in fact I think it got heavier.
"Me?" Rose asked, "you think I'm beautiful?" A single tear slid down her cheek.
"Yes, I always have," I said, remembering the first time I'd met Rose on the Hogwarts Express 6 years ago, she found me after her father told her to beat me at all costs. She had smiled at me and said she hoped I'd be a worthy adversary.
Rose covered her moth with her hand several tears now making their way down her cheeks. Then she stepped forward and kissed me. That was the most amazing kiss I have ever experienced in my life, the electricity shot through my whole body, and then it was over. I held her for a long time before we started walking back to Hogwarts.
Suppose I said
You're my saving grace.
"Scorpius, I love you and I love that movie. But next time you profess your love try and come up with something original." Rose said displaying a smirk worthy of any Malfoy.
A/N: That's all folks, the song is John Mayer's Not Myself and if you can tell me the movie you earn yourself some brownie points. R and R.
Much love and later days,
Manda
xx