Hey. Angsty one-shot. I'm listening to sad music, I've been feeling gloomy all day, and I'm feeling creative at the same time. Ta-da... This is what happened. -(shrugs)-
Summary: Namine used to be a happy, carefree person whose bubbly personality was always contagious. It had all changed one day when Roxas and Namine were watching the sunset together. Once upon a time, Namine was falling in love; now she was just falling apart.
Warning: Major OOCness. Mild cursing.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of it's characters.
Used To Be
Namine used to be the type of person whose happiness radiated off of her. Her bright blue eyes, her big smile on her pale, angelic face, and her beautiful laughter were just some things you simply could not ignore. When ever she was in the room, you automatically felt joyful and any negative feeling just suddenly vanished. Namine used to be a happy, carefree person whose bubbly personality was always contagious.
Used to be being the operative phrase.
Then came along the beautiful blonde with crystal, sky blue eyes. For her, it was like love at first sight. In her mind, he looked charming, handsome, nice, smart, and anything else that is positive. Of course, she shouldn't judge a book by its cover, right? So one day, Namine went and talked to him.
She learned a great deal about Roxas and soon they became friends. Over the years, they're friendship grew stronger and stronger. Their bond used to be so strong that nothing would have been able to break it. They used to be inseparable. They would always be there for each other; the good and bad times. They used to be the definition of best friends. Used to be...
It had all changed one day when Roxas and Namine were watching the sunset together. Everything seemed perfect. The sun was setting, giving the sky an array of beautiful colors that gave all of the clouds in the sky an orange hue. Roxas looked so perfect in the lighting and the way they were sitting, leaning against each other, her head on his shoulder and his head on hers, just felt right. With a sudden boost of confidence, Namine thought it was the perfect opportunity to tell Roxas about her feelings towards him.
"Roxas," she had said. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you."
He glanced at Namine and quickly turned to look back at the sunset. "What is it?" he asked.
"I wanted to tell you that I… I love you, Roxas. I love you as more than a friend."
Roxas' attitude completely changed when the words left her mouth. His body became tense and his eyes went hard, not like the usual bright softness that Namine was so used to. He slowly started inching away from her, not taking his eyes off of the sunset. He didn't say anything for a long time and Namine was becoming anxious. "Tell me a lie." she finally said. She didn't exactly know why she had asked for him to do that for her. She just did.
Roxas' voice was cold and uncaring. "I love you."
Once upon a time, Namine was falling in love; now she was just falling apart.
If you listened carefully, you could hear Namine's heart shattering into a million pieces. The sharp shards of what used to be her heart cut her inside. What hurt her most wasn't the fact that he didn't love her; of course, that hurt like hell, but what hurt even worse than that was the way he was now acting around her - like she was a disease or something bad like that. He avoided physical contact with her and he refused to look her in the eyes.
After all those years of being so close to each other, he had a very sudden, a very cruel change of heart. None of the "I'm sorry. I don't feel the same way, but we can still be friends" crap. Don't get her wrong, though; Namine would have chosen being just friends than being treated like a freak, any day.
But, nooo. After all those years of trust, he simply breaks her heart, let's her down, makes her cry, and then abandons her. No big deal, right? Riiight…
After all they had been through together, he stabs her in the back by becoming exactly the type of guy who he promised he wouldn't become. But the pain was far worse than just a stab on the back. It was a knife to the heart, with a couple of bullets going through her head, being run over by a train, and then after all that, pouring alcohol in her open wounds.
She had never felt that type of heartbreak; actually she had never been heartbroken. And it was even worse because the cause of all her pain was coming from the very person who used to be her best friend. The person whom she used to trust with all her secrets. The person whom she looked to when needed help or advice. The pain was unbearable and she wanted to break down right there and then. But she didn't allow herself to do that. Instead she got up and walked away, leaving behind the person whom she thought she had fallen in love with. She walked away, also leaving behind the tiny pieces of her broken heart.
She let the numbness overtake her as she walked to no where. She didn't take any notice in the sudden change of weather. The black clouds overhead were dark and gloomy; they matched her mood. She didn't care when the pouring rain soaked every last bit of her body; she just let the rain mix with the tears streaming down her face.
She ended up walking to the park and sitting on a wet bench, just watching as the swing set sway slightly with the pounding rain. As she stared into nothingness, she couldn't help but feel so lonely, so shocked, broken, and miserable. And as all these emotions went through her, she felt hollow, empty. It was really a strange sensation.
But as she was going insane on the inside, she let no emotions show on her face. Her face was blank. The only thing that showed any feelings were the silent tears that slid down her fragile-looking cheek and even that was barely noticeable since they mixed with the rain drops.
As she stared into space, she waited for herself to be calm enough to go home. She didn't want her mother to be worried about some silly teenage heartbreak. Namine didn't need to add more unnecessary stress to her sweet mother's life.
She walked home in a dazed state, not really paying attention to her surroundings. It was still raining when she got home and her clothes were still soaked.
"Honey? Is that you?" Namine's mother asked when she opened the door.
"Yes. It's me Mom." She answered in a flat voice.
"Oh no. You're all wet. You should go and change before you catch a cold." She said. Namine shrugged. A cold seemed far better than the pain she was experiencing right now.
Her mother paused for a moment before asking, "Are you alright, Sweetie?"
Namine put on the biggest, fakest smile she could muster. "Oh, I'm fine."
Her mother believed her and smiled. However, what she didn't know was that as soon as she turned her back to Namine, her smile vanished, her face crumpled, and she ran upstairs to her room. She flung herself on to her bed and sobbed as quietly as she possibly could.
How long she lay there crying, she could not know. It could've been hours or just a couple of minutes. But she cried. She cried hard. When her mother called her down for dinner, she ran to the restroom and washed her face quickly. Any trace of her crying was washed away; a good thing when trying to hide the fact you're so broken inside but a bad thing when you get tired of pretending everything's alright.
Weeks went by and barely anyone payed any attention to the almost unnoticeable changes in Namine. The happiness in her eyes was gone and the brightness died along with it. She only smiled when anyone asked if she was alright. She kept to herself more and she didn't talk to Roxas at all anymore. Everyone thought that strange since they had been inseperable for years; but no one questioned it.
Namine was tired of having to lie when ever someone asked her is she was ok. Everyone saw her smile, but never wondered what was underneath it. It was simply hiding the words that she refused to let out. If you could break through Namine's mask - not that anyone even tried - you could see the real mess she really was. Sometimes, when she said, "Oh, I'm fine," she wished someone would look her in the eyes and say, "Tell me the truth."
But no one ever did.
Everyone always thought of Namine as strong; always looking on the bright side and positive side of things. What no one knew was that ever since that day with Roxas, she had been crying herself to sleep. She may act happy to fool everyone around her, but she was just getting better at lying.
She was not fine. She was broken and lonely.
But no one knew that. So nobody tried to help her since nobody knew she needed help.
As far as she could see, Namine wasn't going to get her happy ending. She wasn't going to get love. No glory, either. There were no signs of heroes in her skies.
Despite the fact that she was so miserable inside, she always tried to brighten up everyone else's days when she couldn't even brighten her own. She hated disappointing people and that was probably the only thing keeping her alive at the moment.
Sometimes she wondered if anyone would miss her if she died. She wondered if anyone would cry. She didn't know if anyone thought she was worth crying over. She wondered if Roxas would even give a shit as to what happened to her. Probably not. She wondered what it would be like in the after-life. For some strange reason, she wanted know what it would feel like to die.
Namine had thought about suicide many times. But she never tried anything for two reasons. One: She felt already dead inside, despite the nagging pain that followed her everywhere everyday. Apparently, misery loved her company. And secondly, she didn't want to cause the kind of pain she was feeling at that moment to her Mom, family, and her friends.
Had it not been for her mother and her female best friends, she probably would have pulled the trigger or maybe "slept" underwater a long time ago. Her family and friends were sort of like her life support machine. If it wasn't for the fact she hated disappointing and hurting other people, she wouldn't be alive anymore.
She wanted to back to way things were before; when boys had cooties. Or maybe, back when the only thing that needed to happen was for a boy to touch you and you were "it". Or she would even go back to where she was truly happy and it was not just some sort of façade. She wanted to be happy with Roxas, even if it was being just friends. No one could even begin to imagine how badly she wanted to go back in time and fix everything.
But, sadly, she couldn't go back to the past. She couldn't go back to being happy with Roxas because he treated her like a circus freak. She couldn't be happy again. She wasn't going to be loved.
Namine was now simply the girl with a broken smile.
She just wanted for things to go back to the way they used to be.