Learn Me, Love Me.

by: Kenseikan

-:-

Chapter One.

Matsumoto laid on the couch in idle as she watched the day pass by beautifully. The sun was shining late that afternoon, her workload had lessened (with the help of a certain aggravated captain) and she had plans to see her friends later at the bar. All in all, it was an easygoing day for her. It was sure good to have a nice view of the beautiful garden from her office window. At least this office does some good, she smiled inwardly. Her captain had left to some captains' meeting and wouldn't be back for a while, meaning the sneaky woman had the office to herself. If she were bothered enough, she would've thrown a secret party with Renji and the crew, but somehow, all she wanted was to relax. Pushing the thoughts away, Matsumoto closed her eyes as she allowed the sun's reflections to dance on her skin.

It was a day like this that the thought of Ichimaru Gin and his recent betrayal hadn't swarm her mind. And it was nice to finally be able tosmile a little.

Then, her thoughts directed to her captain. Why couldn't he ever relax like how she did? The guy should cut himself some slack after working overtime almost every night. Then again, he must be in the process of healing over what condition Aizen had put Hinamori in. She'd once offered her help; as a result he had simply dismissed her and said he would be fine working alone. He probably sensed the woman's crying in the night; her eye bags weren't very convincing when lying. Truth was, she'd rather fight three packs of Hollows than stay in, but looking at her young captain bust his ass off every other night to get a few stacks of her paperwork done simply didn't scream 'fine' to her. She cared for the guy, but it didn't seem like he wanted her to.

Truth be told, Matsumoto didn't actually know her captain that well, now that she came to think of it. She knew him, but she didn't...understand him. Yes, that's the word. She didn't understand his intentions, and what he was thinking or what he thought of things. Sure, he liked watermelons and he hated the sun, but that was a rather humiliating amount of knowledge given their reasonable amount of years as partners. She knew he hated her hugs, and disliked her slacking off. She knew he hated people calling him anything other than Hitsugaya (which also sparked an idea for a drinking game Ikkaku had cleverly thought of) and she knew he liked to eat sweet amanattō.

Aside that, she knew nothing personal of him. They've co-operated in handling the Tenth Division together for a while now, and one would assume that they were close - that, they were in terms of working, but not in a personal scale. He rarely ever changed his icy demeanor around her, and that annoyed Matsumoto at times.

There were times where she'd really want to get to know her captain, but luck wasn't ever on her side to give her a chance to. Thinking back, she found it strange how so many years ago people had been treating the young boy with disrespect, dare not look him in the eye. To have a mere boy possess such great and fierce powers... she admired him. From afar, at first. After the incident in the candy store, it took no effort to find the boy. He leaked his reiatsu like a broken tap, she found herself spectating the boy for a few hours that night before finally approaching him.

That night she perched on his rooftop, without a need to trace his reiatsu, he had laid there trying to sleep but instead causing his grandmother to shiver greatly with the vast amount of reiatsu blasting out. That evening onwards, she knew the boy would someday become a successful shinigami, at captain-level with much training, perhaps. She just had to tell him to enroll into the Academy to control it. It was a simple must. But what she didn't know was that he would become a prodigy and blast his way through the Academy's course in no time, then miraculously joining her division, then eventually becoming her captain. Matsumoto smiled at the irony.

A voice called out from behind, awakening Matsumoto from her muse.

"Yo. Enjoying your time away from the captain?"

Matsumoto peeped open an eye, then turning around to the door. It was Renji. "Oh, hello Renji! I guess I am. Now what brings you here? Are you here for pre-drinks? There's still a bit of sun, it's too early!"

"No no, we'll save that for the bar. I just wanted to see what you were up to. Ikkaku and the rest of them have a spar session with Kusajishi and it ain't going well...so I thought I'd drop by and see how you're doing without your taicho present." Renji sat on the desk, placing Zabimaru beside him. "You ready to face Hisagi tonight?"

"Don't even remind me." came her short response as she continued to lay there idly. "Honestly, Renji. Do you think I'm a bad person for not being straight forward? I mean I guess it is a little obvious Shuhei has the hots for me...but I can't just hurt him like that, you know? Especially with Tosen-taicho's recent betrayal..."

"By not setting it straight? I don't know, Rangiku-san... It seems like doing that will hurt him more. I guess it wouldn't hurt giving it a try for the guy, would it?" Renji paused, eyes locked with her cool blue ones. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, Renji!" Matsumoto sat up, wiggling a finger at the man while chuckling. "I know a wingman when I see one! Has he been asking you to set us up? Because that sure as hell is a stupid idea to play the wingwoman at her game!" Matsumoto chuckled softly, almost a little fake. "Of course I'm okay."

"No no no, that's not the case!" Renji insisted, his hands shooting up for mercy. "It's just...well, he's always been there for you, right? Paying for your drinks when I'm out of cash thanks to you." Matsumoto gave a sheepish smile at his words. She did tend to rely on the two of them to pay her long list of sake at the bars. "Aside that, I guess it wont hurt to try if you have neutral feelings about him. It's not like he's a bad option, but it just may not have officially come to your attention that he could be more than a drinking buddy...A potential candidate, I guess."

"Wow," Matsumoto paused, astonished. "I can't believe I've lived up to the day to see Abarai Renji speak something smart! Praise the Lord, the day has finally come!"

"Oi! I always say smart things!" Renji huffed, glaring at the younger woman. "Don't drag my drunk words into this conversation, because screaming 'Ichimaru, I'm out to get you' in front of everyone totally ain't reckless!" Renji retorted playfully, only had he realized seconds later, that bringing Ichimaru's name into the picture had wiped Matsumoto's usual mischief off her face. Clearly it remained as a sensitive subject to some of them in the Gotei Thirteen.

Matsumoto let out a pitiful chuckle, her voice lowering to a murmur. "I hope he's having the time of his life there with Aizen and all those hollows."

Renji heard her whisper, and was contemplating on thrusting Zabimaru into his heart and ending it there and then. He mentally cursed himself for his carelessness about the topic. "S-sorry, Rangiku-san. Really, I didn't mean to bring him up." After all, it had been less than a month since the incident.

Matsumoto stayed quiet for a while, her eyes glued to the floor. More thoughts of the past rammed through her mind with the simple word 'Gin'. Suddenly, a bright grin rose to her face, as if all the sake in the world was presented in front of her.

"No worries, Renji! I know you didn't mean to. Besides, I'm totally over all of that! Gin can go marry Aizen for all I care!" Clearly she had been bluffing, Renji saw through, but decided it was best to let her believe that she had deceived him. It hadn't been long since Aizen's departure with Gin and Tosen. Everybody was in the stage of healing, but Matsumoto's heart still took baby steps. Hell, if Matsumoto hadn't mastered the deceiving facade all those years ago, she'd be in a worse state than Hinamori.

Now I'm acting like you, huh? Matsumoto thought to herself pitifully. She often caught herself gazing out the window at the gardens of her division. It was where they often met in the middle of the night, to talk. There really wasn't a day where the thought of Gin wouldn't come to mind.

"Yeah, doesn't matter what they do. We'll stop them, end them and we're much happier without them." Renji reassured his friend with a comforting smile.

"Say, Renji..." Matsumoto trailed off, remembering what she had thought prior Renji's arrival in the office. "Do you know much about Kuchiki-taicho? As in, has he ever...opened up to you?"

Renji scratched his head, trying to think of all the times Kuchiki Byakuya hadn't indirectly bullied him. Now that was rare. "Well...yeah, I think. There has been times where taicho had cared for my well-being, and interfered battles when I was on the brink of death..." Renji pondered for a few seconds before opening his mouth again. "We don't share secrets, but we don't need words to communicate. I guess we just let actions speak for itself."

"Oh... I see."

"Why? Is anything bothering you about your taicho?" came Renji's response.

Matsumoto shook her head, slumping her back on the couch. "He's not giving me anything to bother about. It feels like I don't know much of my taicho, you know? So I was wondering if you knew much about yours... it's not some crazy rule in the Soul Society to forbid captains associating themselves with their lieutenants personally, is there?"

"No, of course not," Renji replied. "In fact, I think they're meant to be closer than any other subordinate...Hitsugaya-taicho's the youngest captain, remember that. He ain't gonna waltz around boasting about his role, people talk shit about everyone and I think he's got it pretty bad..."

"The guy seems troubled all the time! Mou... I mean even Kurotsuchi-taicho takes interests into things and he's weird as hell! Taicho just...breaks off from the world." Matsumoto sighed. She envied those who had a close relationship with their captains, like Nanao and Kyoraku. Gods, she'd give anything to break open that stupid little ice cage of his.

Renji let out a small sigh, pushed himself off the table and walked straight to the door, Zabimaru hung on his waist. "Well, I'm off. I'll see you in an hour or so at the bars. Try not to think about it so much, Rangiku-san... If it bothers you that much, how about go understand him?"

Matsumoto looked at him in inquiry, raising an innocent eyebrow.

"There's a big difference between knowing someone and understanding someone. I guess that's how you'll have to break through his coldness or whatever it was. See ya." With that, Renji left the room to a musing Matsumoto.

-:-

The latter words remained into Matsumoto's memory for a while as she returned to her loving couch. The strawberry-blonde woman glanced at the window, the sky was turning dark already and ready for the evening to pass by. She must've been pondering about it for some time now not to notice the swift change.

"There's a difference between knowing someone and understanding someone, huh?"

Memories of Gin started to flow through her mind. She knew the man, she loved the man, she grew up with the man...but did she really understand his intentions? No, he wouldn't let her. And she wasn't going to let her captain do the same. Hitsugaya and Gin were the most important men in Matsumoto's life, she'd admit. She valued her captain greatly for all the things he's done for her, especially thoughtfully dealing with her mourning of Gin.

Suddenly, the door flew open and not a very happy Hitsugaya came charging in, ignoring all the cries from their subordinates outside. A brisk rush of wind came swooshing through; the temperature had changed drastically and she didn't have to guess that he wasn't in a good mood. His captain's haori was messy, his scowl was a lot colder than usual and his cheek had been slashed, a few careless blood drops trickling down his cheek.

"Taicho?" Matsumoto stared at her captain, who certainly did not look happy at all. It was rare to ever see the man truly angry, something must've pissed him off bad to get him infuriating. Hitsugaya looked as if he had come out of some battle, the blood on his cheek being evidence. He did not look good at all.

"I'm not in the mood, Matsumoto." He whispered harshly through his gritted teeth. She could see his scowl deepening as he trudged to his desk, grabbing his scarf that hung on his chair. "I finished the paperwork for the night."

"Your cheek!" The woman rose, walking over to her captain, looking at him with worried eyes. "What the hell happened, taicho? Did you get into a fight?" Matsumoto absently lifted her hand to lightly trace the fresh scab on his neck, feeling the crispness of the top. It may be nothing compared to previous wounds, but it sent chills down her back. Why had no one inform her on a fight? Moments later, her hand was in contact by her side again, swatted away harshly by Hitsugaya.

"Nothing happened." He spat, glaring at the woman. "Drop it, Matsumoto." Without giving a chance for the woman to respond, Matsumoto watched him leave the room swiftly as his yelling at a few unlucky subordinates rung through the office. Matsumoto winced at his harshness, feeling the remains of the icy temperature in the room, not long before it started to warm up. She pondered some more on what could possibly piss him off. Hinamori was still at the Fourth, and Renji would've updated her if otherwise. Aizen was happily shitting on his Hollows as they kissed his feet in Hueco Mundo, so that was taken care of. Nothing sprung to mind as Matsumoto pondered.

Hitsugaya just didn't tell her anything that he was feeling. Heck, he never told her anything aside from business. Unless he was on the brink of exploding by her constant moaning, he'd never let Matsumoto know how he felt.

"M-Matsumoto-fukutaicho!" came the trembling voice of a fellow Tenth subordinate, instantly snapping her out of her thoughts. Poor guy, he must've suffered Hitsugaya's anger and came to ask about it. "Is Hitsugaya-taicho okay? W-we tried to ask him if he needed assistance with his bleeding cheek and arm, but h-he denied our offers, m'am! Without sufficient care for his bleeding arm, it may form a-"

Matsumoto raised an eyebrow, cutting the man off. "His arm was bleeding, you say?" She didn't recall seeing his arm bleed.

"H-hai! His right arm was bleeding severely, and was addressed very badly with his shihakusho sleeve!"

Matsumoto's eyebrows knitted together as she absorbed the information carefully. No wonder he wouldn't turn to face her, Matsumoto thought. He had deliberately hid the fact his arm was cut in a much more severe state than his cheek when he came into the room. He didn't turn to face her, but allowed her to face the undamaged arm. Matsumoto's expression clouded — how dare he bear all his injuries himself? How dare he ignore his lieutenant and subordinates, allowing them to worry? How dare he ignore her, allow her to worry? Matsumoto was damn tired of being the last one to know all the time. Deciding to find out for herself, Matsumoto turned to grab Haineko in a swift and walked straight past the trembling officer, murmuring a simple 'thanks' on her way out.

She definitely was going to get answers from her captain somehow. As for now, she needed to do a little investigation of her own.

To Be Continued.

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