maybe you were the ocean
when i was just a stone
Their days spent in the woods under the searing summer sun rarely differed. It went like this: meet at the rock, hunt or fish, sit in the shade or swim in the lake. No big changes but eventually there would be. Both were acutely aware but chose to push it back into the depths of their mind. When Gale turned eighteen he would go work in the mines - if he hadn't been shipped off to the Capitol yet - and Katniss would... Well she didn't even know what she would so after she was done with the Reaping forever. Literally forever since she was not bringing innocent children who had a chance at being called to the slaughter into this world.
The Reaping that had passed a few months earlier had been Gale's second last and he was anticipating the day when he would no longer have his name on those little white slips in that big clear bowl. When he could make money to support his family so his brothers and sister would never have to take the tessera like he did for all those years.
Whenever they would sit in the shade – actually, when they were anywhere for that matter – Katniss could feel the hatred that rolled of Gale when he talked about the Capitol. They were smart enough to know not to say those things in public, but more than once Gale had come pretty damn close. Katniss' disdain towards the Capitol was not as strong as Gale's and she certainly didn't profess such hatred so loudly. Even in the safety of the woods she did not want to take any chances.
He knew. There was this little flame in his belly that would heat up when he saw her around the District or when she smiled one of those rare ones at him in the woods. He tried to ignore it – honestly he did. They had such a good thing going on. A good partnership and he wasn't about to ruin that so he could – what, get a stupid kiss? He could get that from any girl in the district. Except he didn't want to taste the lips of any other girl. (His hands were getting sweaty just thinking about her.)
There was no use in thinking about it because a. she did not feel the same way and b. he would never act on his "feelings".
Once or twice (not seven days a weeks – no, definitely not…), in the middle of the night when he could not seem to slip into dreamland, he would think of what it would be like if she reciprocated the things he was feeling. He did not know what to classify them as and neither did he want to because that made the... feelings real.
"I can't wait until we're free," he muttered, looking from their place in the clearing to the vast expanse of forest ahead of them.
"We'll never be free," she said in a tone that was full to the brim with annoyance.
"We will when we're dead, Catnip," he turned his head to glance at her but it didn't last long.
It was harsh, but the truth. She couldn't fathom leaving Prim in this cruel world while she rotted in the ground. It seemed almost criminal to leave sweet and innocent little Prim all alone. She imagined Gale felt the same about his two brothers and his sister.
Katniss' younger sister was then only thing that mattered to her. She held Prim above everyone else - even her own mother! Katniss wished she could abolish the Hunger Games and Panem's government along with it mostly because she did not want to see Prim go through the Reaping process. The mere thought of Prim's name in that fish bowl made her heart clench uncomfortably.
"Yeah. One day," she replied after shaking free from her thoughts.
Gale's eyes shifted towards her again but she barely noticed.
She watched as his hands set the snares on their daily route. He had attempted to teach her once but she failed miserably and he had no patience. After a few months of practice she was able to build one that could catch an animal. It had been a proud moment. She would never be as good as Gale. Just like her father had taught her how to use a bow, Gale was taught how to make intricate traps.
More often than not Katniss wondered what it would be like if her's and Gale's father had not been killed that day. Would she have ever met Gale in the woods and developed a friendship with him? Would her family be less starving if they had some income? Oh the possibilities.
Her thoughts shifted to the boy – who had taken on the roll of a man – in front of her. He was much stronger than she was. Emotionally and physically. It was considerably harder for Gale with four mouths to feed, not including himself, and not to mention the ever-present possibility of being shipped on to his death.
She quite enjoyed their friendship. It was a constant that she could look forward to. Every morning - less times in the winter months - she would wake beside Prim and head off to meet Gale in the woods. Their sanctuary. A place where they could feel free even if it was only for a couple of hours. He probably did not know how much their time in the woods meant to her! (Probably because she never showed it.) The days she didn't meet Gale, there felt as if something was missing. Almost like spending time with Gale in their favourite place made her feel almost complete. That's how everyone felt about their friends – right?
"Earth to Catnip!"
She was pulled out of her thoughts by Gale's big hand waving in front of her face.
"You looked kind of out of it. You okay?"
He had finished the snares and began to walk, half expecting half hoping she'd follow.
"I was thinking we should see if there are any fish willing to bite today. We haven't had fish in a while," he said once she was finally in step with him.
It was hard to keep up because of his insane height. Since he stood a good few heads taller than her it made his legs considerably longer, thus making it harder for her smaller, chicken like legs.
"Sure. Whatever you want,"
He looked over at her and said, "I know you're not usually chatty but you seem more anti-social than usual. Is something wrong?"
"Something is always wrong, just look at where we live," she said in a very monotonous voice.
That's one way to bring someone's happiness down.
Gale didn't comment. He only kept walking and allowed himself the pleasure of looking at her while she looked forward. (Thank God he didn't walk into a tree!)
"I can't wait until we are both done with the Games," Katniss said as they were walking to the Hob.
"Just a couple more years. Don't worry about it too much," Gale replied easily.
They had a good haul that was sure to make them some coins. Of course they kept some meat for themselves but no one could pass up trading a squirrel or two for a bowl of Greasy Sae's hot soup when the weather was cooling down.
When they reached Sae's stall Gale reached into his bag, grabbing a few animals to hand to her. In exchange she pushed forward two bowls with her withered hands.
"Better stock up now. It's going to be a cold one this year," Sae told them as they shoveled the warm soup into their hungry mouths.
"Boy, slow down or soon enough you'll have eaten the spoon too!"
At that Katniss laughed. Whenever they got food Gale always ate it too fast but who could blame him? He shot her a glare she knew he didn't really mean and began to eat slower.
It always happened the same way after they traded at the Hob. They walked down a dirt road for a few minutes; hardly ever speaking. That was the best thing - not having to talk to know what the other was feeling. After the short walk he'd go one way with her going the other. They rarely met at each other's houses, preferring to spend their time together in the woods. (That didn't stop his mother from asking about her any less!)
They weren't ones for small talk but sometimes the silence turned into something less than comfortable. Why was it hard for them to have a real conversation outside of the woods? (Probably because they – meaning Gale – mostly spoke of their hatred towards the Capitol.)
"How much do you have?" Gale asked, motioning to her hunting bag. His own was slung over his shoulder, almost a mirror image of hers.
"Enough," Katniss replied in a snippy tone.
He sighed. Of course. He hated when she acted like this. Usually he would ignore, it was easier that way.
"I'm only trying to look out for you," he said with an exasperated voice.
"I can look out for myself. I don't need anyone's help!"
God, he thought. Why is she acting like this? She rarely brushed him off this obviously. He tried to pretend it didn't hurt – he was good at masking his feelings so that wouldn't be too hard
"Why are you so keen on ignoring the fact that people have feelings? Not everyone is cold and emotionless like you, Katniss! Whatever, I just -" he let out a groan and walked away like he did almost every day; except he rarely left angry.
Feelings? What was he going about? He meant caring... The feeling of care for someone (obviously) not romanticfeelings. No, definitely not that.
She stared after him with a confused look gracing her facial features. Did he suddenly forget she wasn't the most talkative or happy-go-lucky person. Whatever.
There was no use trying to figure out what went on in his mind.
The view of the forest from their spot in the clearing was the most beautiful place this time of year. The leaves on the trees had started to change colour and fall off the branches. Looking at the large measure of changing trees made her feel something. How could so many beautiful things exist in a world corrupted by the need for power over everyone, where children would be killed for others entertainment? Just the thought truly bewildered her.
Out of the corner of her she saw his hand outstretched towards her. She looked over at him, a small smile lighting up her face.
"Thanks," she said when she took the berries from his hand.
He withdrew his hand and popped a few berries in his mouth. The burst of tangy flavour making his face scrunch up.
"Isn't it weird," Katniss said, before swallowing. "That such good things can exist in this terrible world."
He thought about it for a moment, while looking at the trees in front of them.
"It's strange, yeah. But also kind of cool when you think about it," Gale said. "Gives you hope that something good must come from all this."
She chuckled, lowly, then.
"Gale, there is no such thing as hope,"
"You are so cynical, it's almost unbelievable," his anger towards her 'nothing will ever change' attitude was rising but his voice didn't make that known.
"Don't act like you're not the same," she said with a scoff.
Why were they acting like this so often these days? It wasn't the playful banter that once filled the air here. It turned into clipped tones and harsh words. They didn't want this – they weren't supposed to fight like this.
"I'm not distrustful of everyone, I don't have doubts about the good that can be found, I'm just angry and I have a pretty damn good reason!"
Now his anger was reaching its boiling point. She was just pushing all of his buttons lately – (did he even have buttons and how did she know where they were?) – and frankly, it was staring to get annoying.
She shifted, bringing her legs to her chest and hugging her knees. The dead leaves on the ground crunched from her movement. Her head was slightly turned away from him and he couldn't help but stare. He didn't want to fight with Katniss. She was the only friend he had and he was hers. They belonged to each other. They'd first meet three years ago, after their fathers had died, in these very woods. It quickly became their sanctuary, their safe haven.
That burning of that flame in the pit of his stomach started again, (did it actually ever go away?) and it scared him. He didn't want to think of her in thatway but, damn it felt good – also slightly hurtful at times. He didn't know how long he'd been feeling like this but he hoped she had some sort of inkling of a feeling for him too.
She knew her attitude towards good happening in this godforsaken place needed some adjustments but it was so hard to think that it would get better! The people of District 12 would always be poor and starving, she'd always have to hunt to get some nutrients, kids would always be subjected to the Reaping and Gale would always hate the Capitol and everything they had done – simple as that. Change just didn't seem possible, especially the good kind. She wished Gale would realize that just like his views were hard to change, so were hers.
They were best friends, he'd figure it out. Did everyone think of how good their friend's hands must feel? That was normal right? (Depends on what said "friend" was doing with those hands.)
"I don't like it when we fight," she said in a small voice.
His throat felt more dry than usual when he tried to respond. "I know, Catnip. Me either," he murmured.
He was lying on the ground, propped on his elbows, blatantly staring at her. She turned to look at him and he tried to smile at her and she returned it weakly.
"When you have two strong-minded people there will most likely be sparks. Our opinions aren't so easily changed."
They both turned to look at the big open forest at the same time. There was a cool breeze, autumn was coming closer, but it didn't bother them. You could only hear the soft whistle of the wind and their combined breathing. After a few minutes his gaze was pulled to her like it had been so many times these days. He let out a sign, knowing full well that they would never end up together. Nothing every turned out the way he planned. A man could dream right?
"Beautiful," he whispered.
A smile spread across her face as she looked at changing trees.
"Yeah, it is," her eyes drifting over the different colours in the distance.
Meanwhile, his gaze never left her face.
Their peaceful – sort of – time together would soon cease to exist. Neither knew that next spring both their lives would change forever. The path they'd travel, without each other, would be winding and frightening. Maybe all they needed was the other to help them through or maybe all they needed was to start anew.