Ballad of Mr. Puckett
Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or this song
A/N: I kept hearing the song "Cleaning this Gun" by Rodney Atkins and it just continued to make me think of Mr. Puckett and Sam. I'm going to try and make this good, the lyrics I shall underline because they are in the dialogue.
A/N: As usual, they're 16.
-CLEANING THIS GUN-
The home of Dale, Amy, and Sam Puckett was more alive than it had been in quite some time, granted it had always been great, but this time Sam seemed happier than she had ever been. "Can you believe it?!" Sam exclaimed while hugging her mom. "Freddie finally asked me out…I mean sure, he's a geek and all and-"
"Isn't he the one that was always saying how he loved Carly?" Dale asked with a raised eyebrow. Sam crossed her arms and let out a small sigh, that did seem to be the case, but he had told her that it was all for show back then. He told her the reason he did that, was just to make her jealous, because as they say in the dating game, feign interest in the best friend of the one you want. That was at least what Freddie's older brother told him, and therefore that was why he seemed to always say he liked Carly.
"Yeah but he said he didn't really like her, and that he really only liked me." Dale rubbed his chin and looked at Sam, he and Amy both knew that Sam had liked Freddie and had always given him a hard time because of that and because he always liked Carly. She wanted him to notice her, and not Carly; she had recently been giving up on that though.
"I think that's a great thing, then," Amy said while hugging Sam. "I would be afraid if he continued to like Carly, then you would start feeling ill emotions toward her, and she is your best friend!"
"Yeah, I don't want to be mean to Carly or anything, I guess I was sort of getting jealous of her." Dale crossed his arms and continued to think about Freddie, he had met the young man before, but he didn't talk to the guy all that much. He was sure the boy was better than Jonah; at least he thought that Freddie should be better than Jonah. For Jonah only wanted one thing, and that was something that he could never have, and if Freddie wanted that, he was going to have a hard time getting it.
"Dale, you're probably going to be the first person he meets," Amy said while crossing her arms. "After all, I'm going to help Sam with a few things before he gets here…" Amy tilted her head and stared at Dale with narrow eyes, she knew what Dale was like and what he was probably thinking of. Since Jonah, even she was afraid of her daughter getting hurt in one way or another. "Dale, don't scare the poor boy if you do want to talk to him."
"Yeah Daddy, please don't scare Freddie," Sam said with a pleading look. "I would like to date him at least once!" Dale chuckled and smirked as he hugged Sam, she eyed him suspiciously as he walked out of the room. "Mom, he's planning something, isn't he?"
"Yeah, I'm afraid so." Amy sighed and placed her hand on Sam's back. "Come on, let's go work on your look and everything, we'll deal with Dale if he says or does anything wrong to Freddie." Sam tried to imagine what her father would do to Freddie, she knew that after Jonah, Dale was really concerned with other boys. Sam shrugged and Amy walked her upstairs, Dale came back into the room and sat on the couch, he laid his shotgun on the couch and waited for the doorbell to ring. When it did, he took the shotgun and walked to the door, having been a military man in his day, he was a damn good shot. That meant that if Freddie did anything wrong, he wasn't getting far if he decided to run.
Dale opened the door and smiled at Freddie, Freddie of course was glancing at the shotgun before looking up at Dale. "Hello Mr. Puckett, I'm here to pick up your daughter for the date."'
"I'm sure you are," Dale said with a smile. "I assume you are Freddie Benson, the uh…tech producer on my little girl's show?" Freddie nodded and Dale gave a brief nod. "I see you've noticed my shotgun, yes it is one of my favorites. You see, Mr. Benson, I am a military man, or I should say a retired one…I am a damn good shot, Jonah, well he lucked out. However do keep in mind that whatever you do, I will be watching you. I have a sniper rifle in the back of my pickup, a hunting rifle elsewhere, this gun and a few others. Hurt my daughter, try to run, but I will still find you."
"Mr. Puckett, I promise you, I will never hurt Sam. If ever I do hurt her, it surely will not be intentional."
"Yes, yes that is true. I'm sure Jonah said something much similar to what you are telling me, though…However I feel like I could probably trust you with Sam, a tiny bit."
"Yes sir, well as you know, I am pretty smart…so I know that I won't do the same thing that Jonah did, I learn from others when they make those damn mistakes."
"Yes, you must know a lot I presume; after all, you are the tech producer. I assume you must be smart…but let me tell you a little about myself, Mr. Benson."
"Yes sir." Dale smiled and crossed his arms over, keeping the shotgun at a decent angle.
"Well let's see...You learn a lot in school, I know I did back in the day. The Declaration of Independence, I think I could tell you that first sentence, but then I'm lost. I can't begin to count the theories I've had pounded into my head that I forgot, I don't remember all that Spanish or the Gettysburg Address."
"I see…" Freddie crossed his arms and brought up his hand to rub his chin, Dale looked at Freddie and smirked before continuing.
"But there is one speech in High School that I'll never forget."
"What is that, sir?"
"Come on in boy, sit on down and tell me about yourself!" Dale gestured toward the couch and Freddie nodded while walking over to take a seat. Dale sat down in a chair and stared into Freddie's eyes, what he saw was slight nervousness and quite possibly, total fear. Dale chuckled to himself, the boy knew he didn't want Dale doing anything with that gun. "So you like my daughter do you know? Yeah, we think she's something else." Dale pointed to a set of pictures on the wall and Freddie looked over.
"A few pictures, they look great, sir." One picture frame had Sam with her dad and another with her mom, in the center was one of all three.
"She's her daddy's girl, her mother's world, she deserves respect and that's what she'll get, now isn't it, son?" Freddie nodded and looked into Dale's eyes, he glanced once more at the gun and felt shivers running down his spin. He wondered if Jonah had the same treatment, surely he did and he didn't listen to Dale, but Jonah lucked out by dropping out of school and vanishing. "Now you both run along now and have some fun, I'll see you when you get back. I bet I'll be up all night, still cleaning this gun!"
"Yes sir, I don't doubt that at all." Dale smiled and lifted the shotgun slightly, he rubbed it with a rag and looked over at Freddie.
"Well now that I'm a father, I'm scared to death that one day my daughter's going to find the teenage boy I used to be, one seems to have just one thing on his mind."
"Oh no, I wouldn't dream of doing something like that with Sam! I know my boundaries and limits."
"No you don't."
"Huh?"
"I am that boundary and you have to come through me to get to my daughter."
"Yes sir, I understand sir."
"Also remember Jonah, don't be a Jonah. Do not and I repeat, do not break my daughter's precious heart. There is to be one girl on your mind at all times, and as long as you're dating Sam, that one girl had better be her. Do not make the mistake of switching over to Carly."
"I promise you, I will not do that. I feel more for Sam than I do for Carly, I will not hurt Sam and I will not turn to Jonah."
"That's a good thing on your part." Dale tapped his gun on his leg and sighed, he looked over at the pictures on the wall and Freddie looked over at the pictures of Sam as well. "She's growing up so fast; it won't be long before I'll have to put the fear of God in some kid at the door."
"I agree, sir. I also have no doubts that someone like you would be able to do just that." Dale smirked and looked over at Freddie, he knew the effect he was having on this boy, and he honestly enjoyed it. Freddie was getting scared, but at the same time he was not backing out. Dale had given this talk to quite a few boys that came knocking upon his door, but only two had appeared to make it out without freaking out, and Freddie seemed to be the second. Jonah was the first, but at the same time, Jonah hadn't really been paying a whole lot of attention to what he was saying.
"So you like my daughter, do you now?"
"Yes sir, I believe that is the reason I want to date her. I mean, she's great and special, I know that deep down she has a very fragile heart and I wouldn't want to do anything to break it."
"I'm sure you mean well, Mr. Benson."
"Yes sir." Dale shifted his gun and Freddie stared at it, Dale smirked once more and continued on.
"Now it's all for show, no one's going to get hurt, it's just a daddy thing, but believe me, man it works."
"I don't doubt that at all, sir…"
"Yes, I can understand why you'd want to take my daughter on a date, and why you would want to make her happy, she is a very special woman. Yeah, we think she's something else, see she's her daddy's girl and her momma's world. She deserves respect, and that's what she'll get, now isn't it, son?"
"Yes sir and I intend to fully give her that respect that she deserves. I will treat her with all the respect that she needs, and more, I will do nothing to forsake her and surely I will try not to do anything to hurt her."
"You will try not to do anything?"
"Sir, in all due respect…that is the most anyone can do…I can't make any promises that I won't do something incredibly stupid one day. I can't make any promises that there will never come a day where I make her cry, but I can damn sure try as hard as hell to not make her cry and to make sure she is perfectly happy!"
"That's good, I'm thankful that you see things that way. So I'll say this…You run along and have some fun, I'll see you when you get back. I bet I'll be up all night, still cleaning this gun." Dale shifted his gun and Freddie let out a slight gulp, but he remained stoic and showed no fear, especially when Dale pointed the gun toward Freddie. "You didn't freak, now that is something that impresses me." Dale raised his eyebrow and smirked, Freddie then smirked.
"Sir, Sam is just that important to me, I won't be scared off that easily. I understand your concern, and I promise you that they are well placed, I won't let anything happen to her and I'll make sure she remains happy. As I said, she is just that important to me and I want to make sure she is happy. I will say that she is as important to me as she is to you and I want to make sure that she is treated just right."
"You know what? You may be the second man to not freak out, but you are the first person who just said what you have said, this impresses me as well."
"Should I ask who that other person was?"
"Jonah..." Freddie blinked and Dale placed the gun on his lap and crossed his arms over, Freddie knew he didn't want to go down like Jonah did, but he also didn't believe that he would ever do the same thing that bastard had done. "In fact, Sam tells me that Spencer witnessed you beating up Jonah, is this true?"
"Well actually yes, when Jonah did what he did, I roughed him up a bit for treating Sam like that."
"I appreciate that, it saves me the work of hunting him down and teaching him a lesson. However, that doesn't mean you're not going to be treated to my lessons if you mess up."
"I wouldn't doubt it at all…" Dale stared at Freddie and glanced into his eyes, he then tilted his head back and laughed lightly.
"Well then…Son, you two better buckle up and have her back by ten, let's say nine…thirty. Drive safe."
"So that means I can date your daughter?" Freddie looked at Dale and the man laughed as if Freddie were asking the question as though it was the biggest question yet.
"Of course you can, but just remember that I was in the military once, so if you screw up, don't try to run. I've caught faster chickens than what you can run, I guarantee you." Freddie crossed his arms over and smirked, Dale raised his eyebrow.
"Then if you've been in battle, you know just how fast a man will run when he has a gun pointed at him, and my friend, that is pretty damn fast." Dale chuckled and patted Freddie on the shoulder.
"I like that; you must think you're pretty smart." Dale walked into another room and returned without the gun, he and Freddie then talked for a little while longer before seeing Sam at the top of the stairs. They both stood up and looked over at Sam, she was beautiful, truly an angel.
"Daddy, you haven't been scaring the dork, have you?" Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No, I haven't been scaring him." Sam smiled as she walked down the stairs and toward Freddie, he took her hand and looked over at Dale. "Well Mr. Benson, have her back soon and both of you have fun."
"Thank you," Freddie said with a smile.
"Yeah, thanks Dad," Sam responded as she and Freddie walked out the door. Amy glanced at the couch and then back at Dale, she narrowed her eyes and he looked over at her with a sheepish grin.
"Dale, would you like to explain why there is a rag and a pack of bullets on the couch?" Amy asked while crossing her arms. Dale glanced over and chuckled, she then slapped him on the back of his head. "I told you not to scare the boy!"
"I didn't scare him at all," Dale said with a smile. "In fact, he seemed to not be very fazed by that gun." Amy rolled her eyes and slowly shook her head.
"Sometimes I wonder about you, Dale. I also wonder why I even let you keep that gun in this house…For crying out loud, scaring our daughter's dates like that."
"Freddie must really like Sam if he managed to not be scared off." Dale closed his eyes and grinned while Amy let out a sigh and took the rag and box of ammo off of the couch. She figured Dale did have a point, and maybe, just maybe, Freddie would be good to Sam, unlike Jonah was.
"Yeah, but I'm guessing you gave him the same talk that you gave Jonah and all the other boys?"
"You know it!"
"Then Freddie must be damn good for her if he wasn't scared off by your little act." Dale crossed his arms and looked smug, he figured Freddie wasn't going to run off, he cared about Sam and now he knew the consequences of doing the wrong thing to her.
"Yeah, how about we go in the kitchen and have some food and wait for Sam to come back." Amy nodded and walked toward the kitchen, both she and Dale had no doubt in their mind that Freddie was going to treat Sam properly. Dale knew he would before the entire speech, but now it was definite that Freddie wasn't going to be stupid with Sam. The fact that Freddie cared more for Sam than to be afraid of that gun, it was definitely something that made Dale feel confident in the boy.
I hope you liked that! I just had to do this when I heard that song, it was just too perfect. Yes, Jonah disappeared oddly enough, but we'll leave that to your imaginations! Let me know what you thought!