But its hard to get stronger here because everyone else is super strong here too. Take for example my rival Sasuke Uchiha. He can spit fire out of his mouth like a dragon and he is only twelve years old. Which is what he is doing right now as I watch him from under the dock.
No, no no. I am NOT stalking him. This is just me keeping an eye on the competition. I have to be stealthy because this is my way of the ninja and obviously I should learn all Sasuke's secret techniques since right now he is beating me at being a ninja by a lot.
I hope by watching Sasuke I can learn to a) learn to be a dragon b) learn to attract girls c) learn to keep Sakura-chan from hitting me. Oh yeah and d) learn Sasuke's secret weakness so I can defeat him.
I know these are not typical ninja goals but I am not a typical ninja. I am something much better.
You see, I have this drawing on my belly. It looks like a stinky fish cake, which I think is how I got my name.
Fish cake belly makes me look like a fish cake which Naruto means fishcake, get it, neh?
But anyway, this fish cake drawing is pretty rad. For one thing, it looks like a tattoo. Bad ass, huh?
For another thing, I'm pretty sure my parents drew it on me when I was a baby(who else would?). So its like, something nice to remember them by. My stinky fish cake obsessed parents.
Okay but the coolest thing about my belly art, and don't call me crazy for this...
sometimes if I pull my bellfat up with my hands, and press it to my ear like a conch shell, IT TALKS TO ME.
I don't mean the typical rumbling tummy sounds. My tummytattoo directs me. And whenever my tummytattoo talks to me, good things tend to happen.
oh yeah, and its a seal for the monster fox inside of my too.
Like last week. I was just chillin on the swing, kinda sad because I failed my ninja academy graduation test. Everyone was like "hey look at that guy he sucks because he didn't graduate" "haha his lame-ass teacher Iruka-sensei hates him and failed him on purpose" "Hey look at that ugly orange jumpsuit"
So naturally, I was extremely hurt because I don't have money to buy any fashionable new jumpsuits since I mean, obviously I'm an orphan and my parents aren't taking me to the GAP everyday to buy sexy jumpsuits like Sasuke's parents used to.
So anyways, I was looking at my jumpsuit and I pulled it up to my face to see if it smelled like the people said it did and my tummy starts talking to me. It was like, "hey Naruto, you should go and try and talk to Mizuki-sensei. Hes a real smart guy." My tummy is real convincing so I did find Mizuki-sensei. Usually talking to Mizuki-sensei is kind of a drag. He is kinda creepy and talks to you in this fake, sweet, baby voice. Also he looks like a creep-o because his hair is all white, and long, and it looks like he straightens it everyday and puts product in it and spends all to much time on it for a normal, heterosexual man.
But that day, Mizuki-sensei was pretty cool to me. He told me about this way to become a genin without stupid, Iruka-sensei's approval. It was a way...Oh yeah, and my jumpsuit did kind of smell by the way...AROUND THE SYSTEM.(like oranges and spoiled milk)
But anyway, Mizuki-sensei told me to steal this scroll and learn everything in it. So I went to this decrepit old building and I took this scroll, it was giant and I started reading it and all. Suddenly I understood why I had never been good at regular clone jutsu. It was because, it wasn't badass enough for me.
You see, the first thing in there was something called "shadow clone jutsu." Like clones. of the shadows. If thats not badass I don't know what is. So I learned it all up and my tummy gave this contented little purr and we were all happy. I thought thats all my tummy was going to serve up for me then things got even better.
Out of nowhere pops up that dickhead Iruka-sensei. So to prove my greatness I showed him my new shadow clone jutsu which kicks his regular clone jutsu in the ass.
But instead of being proud of me, being the ass that he is, he starts bitchin at me for stealing some sacred scroll. I think he was just jealous.
Anyway, by the end of things, Mizuki-sensei tried to kill me and he hit Iruka with a giant staryu. Iruka-sensei was really bleeding so I multiplied real quick with my badass shadow clone jutsu and kicked Mizuki-sensei's butt because he was being kind of mean about things. So then Iruka started crying and gave me his headband and I became a ninja after all.
Oh yeah and then Iruka took me out to ramen despite the fact that he had a spinal injury and my stomach was super happy.
So you see, my stomach can always tell me what to do because it always results in me becoming more badass, and ramen.
But anyway, back to Sasuke. He was blowing fire out of his mouth just to show off how hawt he was even though there was nobody around. To be honest it was really pissing me off how full of himself he was. But I couldn't leave because the only reason I was there was because the rotting fishcake tattoo on my stomach was telling me I should follow Sasuke around for a while.
I was under the dock, holding on with my feetsies and my hands to the bottom so I wouldn't touch the water when all the sudden my stomach lets off this big growl. I was hoping Sasuke-kun would be too absorbed in showing off how hawt he is to notice but it turns out he has good ears. So immediately he goes all hostile-emo- I-hate-being-stalked-so-leave-me-alone.
"Whos there!" He says in that stupid, deeper than normal for our age, voice of his.
Being that I am an honorable rival, I crawl out from my hiding place, and dust off my orange-sour milk jumpsuit.
"What do you care?" I say in a difficult manner and cross my arms over my chest because I don't want any of his attitude, I just want to watch him a bit longer.
Sasuke looks at me with dark eyes.
"Oh, its just you... whats your name again?"
"Its Naruto. Naruto Uzumaki and don't you forget it, prick." Oohhhkay, I didn't say the prick part but I thought it.
"What are you doing?" Sasuke asks and whipes his hands on his dumb looking shorts. I bet you just about anything they're from the Ninja GAP."I was afraid you were Sakura or something."
I have no idea why Sasuke would have to be afraid of Sakura. She LOVES him. And shes the prettiest girl I know so I sure don't understand. I would love to have Sakura follow me around.
I put my hands back to my side, then cross them again just to get my angryness across to Sasuke. "I'm just watching you."
Sasuke, arches an eyebrow. "Why?"
"To figure things out." I sneer at him rudely.
At this Sasuke's eyes get kind of big and his cheeks turn a bit red. I can't imagine why. Maybe he's scared because he realizes that I'm his rival or something.
But instead of saying something similar back to me, like telling me to get lost because he's gonna kick my ass he gets really happy.
"Y-you too? I thought I was the only one here who was having issues... figuring things out."
I don't really understand what hes saying but I don't let on. "Yup. Me too. Yessiree."
He comes over real quick, and I back away suspicious. "Oh, no. Don't be afraid." He coos at me. "I won't tell anybody. You and I are two of a kind. We got to stick together."
"What?" My face is like a stone because hes really starting to freak me out.
He grabs my hands in his own, "Lets work together. We'll take care of each other, okay?"
Okay. Finally I understand. An alliance, with my rival. GREAT! "YEAH OKAY," I take my hands from his and give him a double high five, " Cool man."
He glances at me with this hurt look on his face for a second before regaining his composure. "Oh yeah. You're right. We should really keep it on the downlow. Good thinking, Naruto."
My stomach growls contentedly because it meant to get me this alliance the whole time.