July 18
James' Bedroom
Sometime around 2:00 AM
I have decided to start a journal!
…
Picture that in a booming voice and you'll be able to properly imagine the magnitude of this momentous occasion. I mean, it's not every day that a young, viral, mentally stable – I say this because I'm certain that Severino keeps one of these, and he is most definitely not stable- starts writing a journal. But since this is the summer before my last year at Hogwarts, and sure to be filled with amazing things, I might as well write it down so I can preserve it forever and ever.
I mean, James and Remus and Peter and I already have a list of pranks written down, and they're bloody fantastic. There's that one with the galoshes, and the one with the dust, and the other one with the… back shaving.
I would write all of them down, but I'm afraid that someone would find this and read it and find out my secret plans for total Hogwarts Domination. And that, coupled with the fact that they would find out absolutely everything about me, courtesy of this here journal, would surely send me spiraling to the deep end.
So I'm going to keep those to my self, thank you very much.
Also, I can't remember half of them. So there ya go.
…
Is that pancakes that I smell? Hmm, must go investigate.
July 20
Potter Parlor (which is fun to say)
A time that involves lots of sun
Uh…. Yesterday… sat around with James and considered going to Diagon Alley for supplies. This never happened as I somehow, accidentally, not in the least bit on purpose, managed to explode a cupboard filled with apparently extremely expensive plates.
…
But I swear, I didn't do it on purpose. I wouldn't do a thing like that.
I just didn't turn the other direction when I saw that I was running towards it.
And you'd think that Potters –James excluded, the smashing chap that he is- would realize it was all just a mistake and let us go to Diagon. But noooooooooooooooo, they made us stay home and "Think about what we'd done".
Honestly, you'd think I'd killed a man for all the fuss they put on about it. It was just an accident.
…
Oh, who in Merlin's Beard am I kidding? They damn plates were some kind of ugly, let me tell you. They managed to cram butterflies, gnomes, and NAKED MEN on them and still have it be considered "art". And when a young, strapping man like myself sees them and becomes offended by their ugliness, and then decides to do away with them –the proper thing to do, if I do say so myself- THAT YOUNG MAN GETS IN TROUBLE!
There is something seriously corrupted within the system.
And it's probably me.
July 28
Guest Bedroom that I Suppose is Mine.
Niiiiiiiightime.
So… the past week was… uneventful. Managed to be a peaceful little darling –I think I scared James and Mr. and Mrs. Potter- and STILL HAVE NOT BEEN ALLOWED TO GO TO DIAGON ALLEY.
This is a travesty! A travesty, I tell you. A TRAVESTY!
….
But have no fear, I plan on sneaking out tomorrow.
NO ONE SHALL KEEP ME FROM THE PURSUIT OF DUNGBOMBS!
July 29
My Bedroom
Its around 3:00 AM
Snuck out. Managed to snog four girls and get the dungbombs. Night went well.
G'Night.
August 6
James' Room
Does it matter?
James is standing in front of the mirror fluffing up his hair and asking whether or not this look makes him look sexier.
Must catalog this for future making fun of opportunities.
August 13
My Room
3:12 AM
Nothing interesting going on. Started dating Bethany today. Broke up with Bethany today, as I realized that her high-pitched laugh was probably dangerous for my ear drums.
Then I kissed her friend Annabelle, and got her sister's number. (Even though I already had it. Eh, no matter.)
So life is basically the same.
August 15
My Room
2:06 PM
Hi.
…
See, I wrote something down.
August 30
My Bedroom
4:02 AM … I think.
So.. I haven't written in here in a while. I have learned that it is somewhat hard to write down every meaningless detail in my life. But no matter, James and I leave for school tomorrow and I have decided to write down in here as much as possible during the year so as not to forget anything that happened.
But as for now, I have to go and pack. And find my books. And clean my socks.
So I'll get back at you later.
September 1
Train Compartment
5:26 PM
So let me tell you about the AMAZING thing that just happened out in the train corridor. Myself and the rest of the Marauders were sitting around, just minding our own business, sharing stories of what we did over break, when all of a sudden an extremely greasy head walked passed our compartment.
"Well, hey," I said, poking Remus in the ribs. "Did you just see Snivelus walk passed here?"
"Yes," he shrugged, awful prat that he is. As if he didn't care about what happened last year! "And I think we should let him alone."
James, of course, made him see reason. "Let him alone? Remus, don't go playing all innocent just so he wont tell anyone about… you know. If he didn't say anything last year, he's not going to say anything now." When Remus just gave him a blank look, he rolled his eyes and motioned to me. "C'mon Padfoot. We'll take care of Sevvy for Remus."
And so we got up and left, ignoring Remus' disapproving sigh –when is that guy going to lighten up? I mean, he may be a werewolf, but that doesn't mean he can go living his life with a flaming poker rammed up his arse- and went in search of Severino. We found him soon enough, considering how everyone hates him and he was forced to have a compartment all to his lonesome. As soon as we walked in he sent us a scowl and sneer that I'm sure he's been practicing for months and months. And then PROCEEDED TO WALK OUT OF THE COMPARTMENT AS IF WE WEREN'T STANDING THERE!
Honestly! The nerve of that smelly arse! No one walks away from Sirius Black!
So of course James and I followed and hexed the Slytherin out of him. We used a new spell that James concocted over the holidays, and it worked better than expected. He flew down the bloody corridor!
James and I laughed our arses off, let me tell ya. I don't think I've ever see anything quite so funny as the already batty –haha, double meanings, anyone?- Severus Snape flying through the air.
Actually, I have, but that's besides the point. And anyway, there's more to the story.
Where was I? Oh, yes, the slimy Severino flying. Yes, well, he flew, and James and I laughed extremely hard, and then he landed right as this girl –later learned to be one Pippa Rightwing- was opening up her compartment door. And then, I swear to Merlin, she squeaked and tried to close the door.
Except… hahahaha, I'm still laughing…. Except Mr. Slimy's hand was apparently stuck in the doorway and she ended up closing the door on his hand, thus causing him to freak out and start KICKING AT THE DOOR!
Honestly! I've never seen the man go so psychotic! It was magnificent! And just as I was going to put the poor girl out of her no-doubt fear-filled existence, Remus came out of no where and muttered another spell that had Sevvy-poo on the compartment floor again.
And since I was extremely excited about James' spell working, I laughed extremely hard and then walked over to the prone body of one Mr. Severus Snape. Only when I got close, I realized he was being kicked in the side by the same girl that had probably broken his fingers.
I was just about the say something about her being a vicious little wench when I got a good look at her.
And got semi-turned on.
Let me just set something straight right now, OK? OK. So… I know that I generally only go out with extremely "smokin'" individuals, but I am attracted to most any girl. Especially those girls that have a "hidden beauty". I've learned that those girls are generally more fun to be around, as you never knew when that beauty was going to show up.
Plus, they're generally more likely to do stuff with you as they don't have thousands of guys vying for their attentions.
…
So I suppose I'm not entirely noble. Though I never claimed to be. That would be disastrous for my reputation. I have to be the stuuuuuuuuuuud.
So anyway, let me tell you about the looks of this girl. She's one of those short girls that are really fun to stand next to as they have to look up at you with their big eyes –this girl has an interesting shade of blue. She also seemed to be one of those fascinating innocently-attractive girls, as she had mousy-brown –I think that's what it's called- hair and a pair of glasses on her nose. And she had a nice little figure –if I do say so myself. And believe me, I do say it- with these giant breasts that I would be interested in further investigating.
However, I don't think she feels the same way about me.
'Cause when I came up to her, saying something about the spell working, she just looked up at me with a blank look that basically said, "Well, who the Hell are you and why are you looking at me?" You know, the Ravenclaw Look.
And so, since she was looking at me like that, and people just DO NOT look at Sirius Black like that I asked, "Who the Hell are you?"
And she just looked up at me and said, "I'm Pippa Rightwing." And then she GLARED AT ME. SERIOUSLY! SHE GLARED AT ME! WHO GETS OFF GLARING AT ME? NO ONE, THAT'S WHO!
…
OK, I think the freaking out is done now. Though must say, I do look rather charming when I'm angry.
Hmm….
…
What was I talking about?
Oh, yes, the girl. Right, well, afterwards, she asked me who I was, and just as I was about to look at her like she was crazy –who doesn't know who Sirius Black is? Honestly- I heard the disgusting voice of Sevvy coming from the ground.
"He's a bloody dead man. And you will be one too, once you stop showing me your nether bits."
Honestly. Nether bits. Who in their right mind says "Nether bits"?
I just rolled my eyes at his stupidity.
Oh, wait, Sevvy isn't in his right mind. That explains it.
Heh. That was pretty funny. I'm going to have to tell James that.
…
James thinks it was funny too. See, I knew I was amusing.
Right, well, after that the girl squeaked again –which is pretty amusing too. I mean, I'd known her for about three seconds and she had already squeaked twice- and dove into her compartment. And BatMan, being, well, BatMan, he smirked on the ground as if making a poor little Ravenclaw embarrassed was the highlight of his life. And, if I think about it, it probably was. But anyway, since I can't stand the smelly git, or a weepy female, I looked down at him and said, "Really, Sevvy, she'll be a dead woman."
And then a thought occurred to me. If The Slimy Ponce of Death had seen up the girl's skirt, then he must have seen what was up there. And why would he lie? I mean, he is a dumbarse, but he must know the differences between the male and female bodies. His father must have sat him down and had that talk with him years ago. So really, I had to ask.
I think I said something along the lines of, "Unless, of course, you saw something underneath her robes to make you say otherwise," and looked at the girl who was still huddled up on her seat looking mortified. "Oi!" I said, just to get her attention. "You there! Are you a man or woman?"
…
Looking back, it was a slightly rude thing to say. But really, it wouldn't do for me to go lusting after a boy. I mean, that's just messed up.
Apparently, the girl –Pippa- thought so too, as she just glared at me. AGAIN! THE NERVE OF THAT GIRL!
So I think it's only right that I looked at her and said, "And here I was, just trying to be friendly to a girl who obviously has no friends at all."
This is the point when I realized that, if the girl was brutal enough to kick Sevvy when he was down AND break his bony, creepy-looking fingers, then she was certainly brutal enough to try and hex me into oblivion. Thankfully I was saved from having to hex her before she got around to doing me in by James showing up. And he lightened the atmosphere up quite neatly by asking why Snivelus was on the floor moaning. After saying it was because he had seen Pippa's 'nether bits' –really, that is one of the most amusing things I have ever heard- James looked at her and suggested she get a therapist.
She looked like she was about to glare again –she doesn't talk much, this Pippa Rightwing. But then again, she is a Ravenclaw. They are known for their quiet natures- but then she stopped suddenly and dove into her compartment.
All of us stood there for a moment –Remus and Peter had since caught up with James and I- before James said, "Perhaps she already has a therapist." Then we were all laughing and having a grand old time. And then Remus rolled his eyes and walked away, leaving us to follow. Which we did, but not before we all kicked Snivelus a little.
And now we're back, in the compartment, sitting around and doing nothing. James is staring at himself in the window, Remus is reading the book we'll be reading over the course of this year –he really is a dumbarse, let me tell ya- and Peter is blowing spit bubbles and watching them slide down the window. And I'm writing this, getting bored with the process already.
Ugh, why did I allow myself to get this hairbrained idea?
…
I've never said that before. I must be loosing my touch.
…
Naaaaaaaaaah.
Anyhoobles, I need to change sooooooo, Ima go.
And I'm not going to leave the compartment. Let the little first years that walk past get an eyeful. Might as well make their day.
Yea, I'm damn fine.
Great Hall
7:05 PM
Am I the only one that thinks that Prongs needs to get over his Lily Evans fantasy? I mean, the girl may be nice to look at, but she is obviously some kind of psychotic since she keeps rejecting poor wittle Jamie.
Plus, I rather think she's a lesbian.
Her and that Sofia Meyer are far too close to be "just friends". I swear to Merlin that I walked in on them once in quite the compromising position.
…
Then again, that could've just been a dream bred on loneliness.
Sigh.
I haven't gotten anything since last month when I met that ravishing little Spanish beauty at Diagon Alley. And even then, I only just got a kiss.
…
Damn, I'm undersexed.
No matter, there are plenty of girls at Hogwarts who'd like to be my sex kitten. And since it is my last year, I intend on partaking in my fair share of lady loving.
And first one I take care of will be that oddly alluring Pippa Rightwing.
…
…
…
…
…
…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Just kidding. Diane Lewandowski is looking mighty fine tonight, and Merlin knows I've wanted to get with her since forever. All I'll have to do is work my magic and soon enough she'll be eating out of the palm of my hand.
And maybe something else.
…
Heh, winking is fun.
Though slightly hard to put on paper.
No matter. I'll find a way. I always do.
Boys Domitory
12:13 AM
It seems as if mine and James' little stunt on the train earned us a detention. It's only for two weeks, sadly, but it's still a nice start to the school year. Who knows, maybe this year I'll learn to repent my ruthless, self-centered ways and teach myself to be a better person.
…
Hah, and James'll finally get with Evans.
Man, I am funny.
Disclaimer: Sirius is, sadly, J.K Rowlings, but the whole premise going on here about Sirius and Pippa is mine. ALL MINE! TAKE THAT COPYWRITERS!
Author's Notes: Hiya! Here I am, updating something is not Diaries. But instead, it is a companion piece to the thing that has been my life here on so I've only won halfway. Eh, no matter.
So, what'd ya guys think? Did ya love it, hate it, be apathetic towards it? Are you going to put it on your Fav's list, or straight into the "Never Look at Again" cabinate in your mind, much like you had to do with that naked picture of your Great Aunt Frenchie? Anyhoobles, I'd really like to know what you think, so drop me a line. 'Cause if you like it I'll keep it up and continue updating, but if you hate it I'll deleat it and pretend like it was never written.
And just so you know, this will be updated at a slower pace than Diaries, just 'cause that's mainly what I'm interested in now.
Also, if you were confused about this whole thing, then I suggest you read Diaries of a Siriusly Skewed Individual. It basically tells you everything you need to know.
And if you have read Diaries and want to know what the Hell I was smoking, then I must tell you that I wasn't quite expecting this myself.
And as always, I love you, and ignore the mistakes. ('Cause we all know they're there.)
Melissa