Title: Unfaithful
Rating: T
Genre: AU/All-Human
Pairing(s): Bonnie/Enzo, Bonnie/Damon
Summary: She loves them both and that's always been the problem.
Bonnie Bennett CommUNITY Week: Human AU (Day Two)
Warnings: Infidelity, Mentions of Sexual Acts, Minor OCC-ness, etc.
Unfaithful
"'Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to fall." ~William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure
She loves them both and that's always been the problem. Hurting one means hurting the other and so she has trapped herself in a sort of limbo that seems pleasurable at times and then closer to hell at others.
In the beginning it wasn't love with either of them. Though the beginning with Enzo came after the beginning with Damon. Then again the beginning with Damon came after Damon's beginning with Elena.
She thinks that perhaps this is her karma, for taking something that belonged to someone else. The thing was that she hadn't meant to. She is not entirely sure that she had. But Elena was sure because after Damon ended it with her, he started it with Bonnie and before he had ended it with Elena Bonnie had been his sounding board.
The thing was, Bonnie was everyone's sounding board. That was her job. Always had been. She listened to people when no one else would. She gave advice when it was needed. The only time that she was ever silent was when it came to her needs, until Damon and then later when she had closed herself off to Damon again, Enzo. But she was getting ahead of herself.
She had tolerated Damon in the beginning, when they first met. She had put up with him and his sarcasm and his recklessness and his childishness because Elena had decided that she loved him instead of his younger brother Stefan. The two of them hanging out amongst their group of friends was awkward enough without Bonnie openly expressing her distaste for him and so she kept her snide remarks to herself in front of the others. Though, now that she thought about she hadn't had any problems expressing her feelings of ire on the rare occasions that she and Damon were alone. Then the occasions went from rare to sporadic. From sporadic, to regularly. And then from regularly to something that didn't quite have a name but was dangerous considering that he had been dating someone that they both claimed to love.
Within that time they had talked about everything. About his family and her family. About Elena and about Bonnie's lack of love life outside of the five year long crush that Elena's little brother had on her that had never been reciprocated. They had talked about their dreams. She had been the one to help Damon open his seedy bar on the other side of down. He had been the first to sample her homemade botanical line, which had resulted in a week in which he gave everyone different explanations for why he smelled like lavender and mint.
By the time Bonnie had opened her storefront (which Damon had convinced her to Witch's Brew after the consumption of copious amounts of bourbon while celebrating getting her small business loan) she had been in love with. Silently and pathetically. Two weeks after her business had opened her friendship with Elena ended when the other woman stormed into her shop and broken a few choice products and giving her a few choice words. It was in the way that Bonnie had found out that Damon had reciprocated her feelings before Damon had even had a chance to tell her.
They had started dating two weeks later and had moved in together three months after that. It was the moving in together that had caused the problems. Two things happened before they were in their new loft for a week. The first was the beginning of Elena's downward spiral.
Elena had been able to tolerate their relationship when she was certain that it was temporary. That Damon would take her back. However, when he and Bonnie had moved into together, a step that he and Elena had never taken things had become more real for Elena. Her response to what she had considered the cementing of Bonnie and Damon's relationship was to act out in ways that would force the Salvatore brothers to clean up after her.
The thing was that Bonnie didn't see any reason that they shouldn't have to. Elena had family and other friends. Elena was a big girl. She would get over. The funny thing was that while Bonnie had stopped feeling guilty about pursuing her own happiness and not stopping her life to deal with everyone else's problems as a byproduct of her relationship with Damon, for Damon it had been just the opposite. He had let his guilt resurface after years of being selfish and entitled and he had decided that he had wanted to be there for the people that he cared about more. That was the paradox of the thing and it made him susceptible to the stunts that Elena pulled to get attention and it had gotten the end result that Elena had wanted to a point.
While she and Damon hadn't broken up, there was a distance there and Bonnie had predictably chosen to retreat into herself instead of addressing the issue at hand. Damon was trying to get Elena back on track and take care of her because even after everything he considered her to be a friend. But Bonnie had been a friend to him once and she and Damon had gotten together emotionally before Damon and Elena had ended even if neither of them would admit it out loud. Bonnie insecurities had resurfaced so when the second thing had happened Bonnie had been in just the right frame of mind to do something extremely stupid. The second thing of course, had been Enzo.
Enzo had come to stay with Bonnie and Damon after the death of his fiancé, Maggie. Bonnie hadn't known anything about him outside of the fact that he had been Damon's friend in college that Stefan had felt was the worst influence Damon had so far. However, Damon said that Enzo had grown through his relationship with Maggie and Bonnie had known what it was like to lose someone that was close to you as she had lost her grams the year before.
Besides that a part of her had hoped that if Damon was taking care of Enzo, he wouldn't have time to take care of Elena. It was a selfish thought she knew but she had couldn't stop it from surfacing just the same. It had backfired, because Damon had taken it into his head that Bonnie would be better suited because she could more understand his grief. While his mother had abandon him and Stefan as children, he had never lost a loved one to death and so while he tended to talking Elena off the edge, Bonnie had been left to bring Enzo back from the brink. In the interim they were so busy with work that there was nothing left for them in terms of spending time with each other.
The rest Bonnie saw coming. She had already been through it with Damon after all. Enzo and Damon were alike enough that she had even known what to look for. She had seen the signs. The long talks. The looks. The touches that only seemed accidently.
A week before Enzo kissed her the first time she had tried to air out her grievances to Damon. She had tried to bring to light the things that were bothering her. About Elena. About Enzo. About the lack of time they were spending together. Damon had brushed her off and ignored her concerns so when Enzo kissed her a week later she hadn't pushed him away.
At first there was guilt. So much guilt that Bonnie had lost sleep over it. So much guilt that Bonnie had begun to hate herself. But the harder she fell and the more risks they took, the less guilt she felt. The more Damon ignored her and the signs that were going on, the less she cared.
She tried to end it once or twice but it got the point where she was unbothered by the whole thing. It got to the point that she could kiss Damon goodnight and sneak into Enzo's room once he fell asleep. It got to the point where she could sleep with Damon in the morning, kiss him hard, scratch his back and moan his name; and cuddle with Enzo on the couch while Damon went to open the bar at night. It could to the point where Bonnie had let Enzo go down on her while she was drinking Damon's bourbon and was in nothing but Damon's shirt while Damon was in the shower in the bedroom and Bonnie hadn't really felt as if she was doing anything wrong.
She wasn't sure what kind of person that made her. It was way past the point of no return. Had been before they even started. She wanted to hate the person that she was now, but she doubted it would make things any better if she could say that she did.
:::
He loves them both and that was the problem. The affair with Bonnie had been going on thirty two days when she came to him, saying that she wanted to break it off. In the beginning he might've agreed. In the beginning when he didn't love her. When they were both just looking for something that they could no longer get from the people they did love.
Hell, in the middle he might've agreed. When he had loved her but he loved Damon more. When he had kept going because it was the only thing that felt good and Damon wasn't paying attention to either of them anyway. When Bonnie could come into the guest room and suck him off in the middle of the night and Damon would be too busy on the phone talking Elena down from whatever cliff she was ready to jump off of this time to realize that Bonnie was gone. When the thrill was still there and the adrenaline of it all was a part of the reason that there was even an affair to be had at all.
But this far in, it could never be over. It was no longer and option. Once he loved, he loved hard and he didn't let go if he could help it and Bonnie…Bonnie was different than anyone he had ever loved except for Maggie. Bonnie was the only person that he had left that gave as good as she got, because she knew what it was like to suffer loss and she knew what it was like to be left behind. That was why he was angry when she came to him wanting them to be over. It wasn't what she wanted, but he understood.
She wasn't like him. She loved Damon and she didn't want to hurt him. She had morals, even if they had relaxed between him and Damon being present. She could walk away if it meant Damon not being hurt. He couldn't.
He loved Damon. Damon was his only friend. But he had hated Damon too. Hated the life that Damon had that he couldn't. Damon had his brother. Damon had his friends, even if they were few. But more than anything Damon had Bonnie. She was still his, even if she was also Enzo's and no matter what he did, that was a tie that Enzo just couldn't break.
He could however, dig himself deeper. Under her skin. In her veins. It wasn't easy for her to walk away no matter what she said. He could tell by the way her eyes watered as she sat on the edge of his bed. He could tell by the way her hands shook and the way her green eyes couldn't meet his gaze.
He could read her now. Even if he couldn't she laid herself bare to him. Made herself vulnerable. It wasn't easy and that meant even more to him that the sex did. Even more than the quiet conversations that lasted for hours on end. Still, as much as he knew what it meant for her to be vulnerable, he was still angry and he thought as his eyes narrowed, that it would be easier for her if he would be.
She was the kind that needed to repent. That would punish herself if she wasn't punished. Maybe she would even need him to take the choice away from her or rather make it seemed like he did. "There's always a choice," that was what she always said.
She had said it to him when he had lashed out at everyone after Maggie's death. He was sure that she had said it Damon too. There was no other way to explain the changes in him. The thing was Damon didn't know how to be happy. He wasn't used to it. He was use to drama and misery and toxicity and fucking everything up. That was why Enzo knew that, Damon putting up with Elena's bullshit was more to protect himself than it was about Elena.
If Damon let himself settle into something good he wouldn't be able to do without waiting for it go away. Without waiting for the other shoe to drop. In a way Enzo was doing their relationship a favor. When Damon found out the asshole would pay attention to Bonnie again. There would be enough drama and uncertainty and betrayal and disappointment there that he would delve back in head first.
Enzo would be happy to give him that. Something new to angst about. Someone else to feel insecure over. It was better than the other way around. He was tired of the other way around. Tired of being the jealous one. Of being on the outside looking in because Bonnie could only touch him when no one was looking. Could only kiss him under the cover of darkness.
These were the thoughts in his head as he threatened to tell Damon about all of the times they had been together. About the time that he fucked from behind in the bathroom stall at Damon's a bar. About the time on the counter in her shop and they had put all of those oils that she made to good use.
She called him every obscenity that she knows but she doesn't object when he pushes her onto his bed. She bites his bottom lip harder than necessary when he kisses her, her eyes spitting fire at him when he pulls away. He knows that if she could hate him she would. Even as she lays on her back and hikes up her dress, he's sure a part of her does.
He could be sweet and tender when she needed but right now what she needed was for him to be the bad guy. If he's the good guy then his only choice is to walk away. Then it would be over, but it can't be over and it probably won't be anytime soon.
:::
They're not very careful. Damon was sure that they were in the beginning. He hadn't seen it, before they started to get sloppy. He hadn't worried. He probably should've.
Bonnie had seen it coming. He was sure of that now. A week before Damon thinks it might've started she was on his ass. Riding him about being the one to be there for Enzo. Riding him about spending more time with Elena and none with her. She was right. She always was. But Damon was used to fucking things up and he had been too happy. It had made him antsy and so he had told her she had nothing to worry about. She hadn't. He hadn't touched Elena. Didn't want to. He on the other had should've been worried.
By the time the worry starts it's too late. By the time that he notices the looks that last too long and the not so subtle touches, it's already a living thing. Bonnie and Enzo. Enzo and Bonnie. His best friend and probably the only women he has ever really loved. It's his fault as much as it is there's because he knows them well enough that he should've seen it coming and stopped it before it happened.
Enzo was in love with being in love. He liked the idea of having someone or rather he didn't like the idea of being alone. He liked the chase. He liked the unattainable. He liked the adrenaline high as much as Damon did. Putting Bonnie in front of him had been like dangling bait in front of a fish.
Then there was Bonnie. Bonnie whose insecurities he had stirred up again with his attention toward Elena. Bonnie who didn't like being alone any more than he or Enzo did. Bonnie, who had gone from seeing things in black in white to shades of gray under his influence.
He had struck the match and lit the fuse. Maybe this was what he had wanted all along. Some kind of out. Something to remind him of the reality that was his life. The thing was now that he was sure what was going on, that didn't mean he wanted to give either of them up. Didn't mean that he could.
So that night he stayed awake. Pretended to be asleep. Waited until Bonnie's side of the bed dipped and she threw back the covers. Waited until she left the room and closed the door behind her. They weren't even waiting until he was out of the loft anymore.
He waited after she was gone. Stared at the digital clock on the night stand. Stared at the picture that they had took together at their housewarming part that the red letters illuminated, the silver of the frame that Stefan had gifted to them giving it an odd glow.
When fifteen minutes had passed Damon got out of bed. He left the room and walked down the stairs. His mind was blank as he went over the wet bar and poured a glass of bourbon.
Still he thought nothing as he headed in the direction the guest bedroom, glass in hand.
They weren't trying to be quiet. It wasn't a game now. It wasn't a secret now. They just didn't care. Or they knew that he knew and since he had yet to say anything they thought he didn't care. Or they wanted to get caught. Maybe it was a combination of all three.
When he walked into the room, they pulled away from each other but they didn't get out of bed. Their eyes widened for a moment before they shared a look and communicated something silently that Damon couldn't decipher and then sat there, side by side with their backs against the headboard and looked at him expectantly.
Bonnie's chest was bare but she didn't cover herself. It was clear that everyone in the room had seen what she had to offer, so Damon guessed it didn't much matter.
"How long?" Damon asked. His voice is calmer than he thought it would be. Then again he's had some time to think about this. He knew what he wanted to ask. Knew what he wanted to say.
Bonnie opened her mouth to answer him but Enzo cut her off. "Long enough, mate." Enzo was grinning. Looking unrepentant. Damon wanted to kill him. Still he probably would've done the same thing.
"You're not helping," Bonnie muttered, giving Enzo a sideways glance. Damon was familiar with the chastising look on her face. He has seen it directed at him many times. It hurt to see it directed at someone else.
Enzo opened his mouth to respond but this time Damon cut him off. "He wasn't trying to," and then, "Do you still love me?"
Bonnie looked at him then, the first time she was able to meet his eyes since he entered the room. "Of course we do." Her mouth clamped shut as soon as the last word came out. Damon feels something twist in his gut. We, he thought, his first thought since he came in, they're a 'we' now.
"Probably not the best time for couple speak, love," Enzo interjected before anyone could speak again.
Bonnie looked exasperated but Damon knows the fond twitch of the corner of her lip upwards and what it means. That was once his too. "Do you have to be an ass all the time?"
"Yes," Both Damon and Enzo replied at the same time though it was likely a rhetorical question. The three shared a look and a tense silence followed.
"Do you want to break up with me?" Again Damon was the one who spoke first. This time Bonnie didn't reply. She simply shook her head.
To Damon's surprise Enzo didn't look surprised at all by the development. They had discussed this before, just the two of them it seemed.
"So," Damon sighed, taking a sip from his glass, "What now?"
Bonnie swallowed and moved to speak. It didn't really matter what the answer was. Damon already knew that he would go along with it. He loved them both no matter what and that was the problem.