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Fairytis

A Fairly Odd–Parents fic

Brought to you by:

Megawacky Max

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Author Notes:

My first FoP fic, really. Hope I do this right…

As usual, my eternal thanks to my beloved Eve13 for the grammar corrections.

By the way, I haven't seen the episode where Cosmo and Wanda have Fairy Flu. Eve enlightened me on it while she corrected the grammar and added the necessary lines to make this fic fit properly, so thanks again to her for that.

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This story is dedicated to Qwerty–Kitties, a friend of mine since long ago and a person who just goes "Whee!" when the topic is Fairies.

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Chapter One
Sickening beginning

It had been a normal week. Or at least as normal as it could get when you happened to be a ten year–old, nasal–voiced, buck–toothed, pink–hatted, Vicky–vexed boy living in the average city of Dimmsdale.

Timmy Turner's bedroom door slammed open. The boy slunk into the room with his clothes singed and smoke pouring off his body in waves. His face was full of annoyed resignation.

"That," he squeaked, "is the last time I wish to drive a flaming Bentley."

Timmy slammed the door shut. There was a double POP as two magical beings appeared over Timmy's head.

"Whoo! Wasn't that awesome!" said Cosmo, thrilled and nursing second–degree burns. Next to him, Wanda could still smell burnt rubber and scorched metal.

"No, it definitely wasn't," she said. With a wave of her wand and a cleansing poof the three of them were free of burns and smoldering embers. Timmy walked to his bed and lay face–down on the mattress.

"What a week!" He turned over, a very tired expression on his face. "I don't recall having such an intense week since… since… Ah, never mind."

Cosmo and Wanda could only nod in agreement, a smile on his face and a weary sigh on hers. It had been a tense week, all right – Monday had real Space Invaders and Timmy's new perspective on the Perfect Video–Game, Tuesday and a very stupid wish involving submarine–diving in active volcanoes for Geography homework, Wednesday with an unexpected Vicky Alert which made Timmy wish she would turn into something really ugly (and she turned into… Vicky), Thursday Timmy had only to say, "Bah, History class sucks! I wish I could have lived World War II, that'd save me a lot of – POOF!" and, finally, today.

All Timmy wanted on this Friday was to sit down and read a book in order to impress Trixie Tang (currently going through a "Smart is so dorky it's cool" stage). He should have read something else, though. The book gave Timmy the image of himself driving an old, classic car in flames while he grinned like a demonic maniac. It had been too tempting to resist. He just had to wish for it. In the end, the city could surely repair the trail of destruction. Yeah, they probably could. Chompy was probably putting out some of the bigger fires right now.

"Saturday!" Timmy moaned. "Much–loved weekend! You know what I really wish for this weekend? I wish for a very calm couple of days, just to relax a bit…"

Wanda beamed at him. At last, some peace! She raised her wand and smiled maniacally, except she was not driving a car in flames. Cosmo, on the other hand, did not.

"What! Like, no Ghost Pirates and sunken ships!" he said.

"No," Timmy just said.

"No sliding down the tallest, most dangerous icy slope ever!" Cosmo almost cried.

"Nope."

"No risking Time and Space in a freaky scientific experiment involving cute little white mice, supercomputers, and . . . and nuclear reactors!" Cosmo all but demanded.

"Nnnnnooo…" said Timmy, although that last one had some appeal.

"Just two days of plain, boring calm and tranquility!" Cosmo's eyes put a kennel's worth of pleading puppies to shame.

"That's right. I wish for a calm, tranquil weekend," repeated Timmy.

Cosmo thought for two long seconds, then grinned in relief and raised his wand. "Cool! I can take a break, too, whoohoo!"

Cosmo and Wanda's wands glowed, sparkled with gathering magic . . . and went dead. The two fairies examined them with concern.

"What's wrong with these?" wondered Wanda. "This isn't against Da Rules, I'm sure of it!"

Timmy looked worried, too.

"Uhm! Maybe if I try something smaller?" he thought out loud. "Okay, here goes . . . I wish I had a kitty!"

"Kitty!" smiled Cosmo. Both raised their wands once more.

There was a puff of MEOW!–shaped smoke, and a giant saber–tooth tiger stood behind Timmy. Cosmo seemed delighted, but Wanda gasped in what Timmy hoped was awe at his fluffy new pet.

"Well?" he asked, "Where's the kitty?"

The intense roar that followed made Timmy's head rock forward. When the sound stopped, Timmy knew he didn't want to look behind. The expressions on his godparents' faces were enough.

"There's a giant saber–tooth tiger behind me, isn't there?" he said. It didn't help when Wanda and Cosmo nodded, one in horror and the other in innocent pleasure. "Okaaaaaayyyy…" said Timmy calmly, then leapt off the bed right before 700 pounds of primitive paws and claws landed on the mattress and sliced it like bread.

"I wish the tiger was gone!" yelped Timmy, and began to scream when the wands failed again. The tiger crouched and Timmy suddenly saw his life flash before his eyes. It took about three seconds.

Mom and Dad walked past their son's bedroom door just in time to hear a loud roar and an even louder crash. They exchanged a glance. Timmy's Dad knocked.

"Son, is everything all right? What was that noise?"

"Kitty!" yelled a happy voice on the other side.

"Oh, good. You've got a pet." smiled Dad and turned to leave. "Just make sure to keep it away from your goldfish."

"And remember to get a scratching post, Timmy." Mom chimed before heading downstairs.

Just after they vanished from sight, four razor sharp claws stabbed through the wooden door and sliced their way down.

Inside, mayhem was the blue plate special. Timmy's recently cleaned clothes were ripped. Wanda floated around the saber–tooth, attempting to tame it through wearing a beast–trainer outfit and wielding a whip and chair.

"Back!" she yelled at the beast. "Back, I said! You shall not pass!" the whip in her hand cracked like fire.

"Cosmo, do something!" Timmy yelled to Cosmo, who was currently wearing a hunter's outfit and holding a cork–loaded shotgun.

"I just know what to do!" he suddenly beamed. The cork–loaded shotgun turned into Cosmo's wand and he traced a glowing arch in the air.

Whoosh! Bang! Poof! SIGFRIED & ROY!

Two men in tight white clothes appeared within the sparkly dust. They posed and produced a large, white hoop from nowhere. As one, they spoke the words that had soothed savage felines the world over.

"Here, kitty!"

The giant saber–tooth turned his attention to them, and went from a psychotic hunter of the night to a purring pussycat that napped in sunbeams.

"Through the hoop, come on!" the men said. The tiger obeyed and jumped through the large, white hoop. He didn't land on the other side.

"Show's over!" the men said with twin bows before jumping through the magical hoop and disappearing as well. The hoop then turned into flames and shrunk to the size of a ring, right before exploding into dust that spelled out VIVA LAS VEGAS.

Timmy and Wanda stood still, jaws agape. Cosmo applauded and whistled. Five second later, both Timmy and Wanda fainted.

–o–

"Try not to wish for anything until we discover what's wrong," suggested Wanda after regaining consciousness again and having two very strong cups of tea. Both she and Cosmo focused on their research, turning page after page of Da Rules. It had been hours since his Odd–Parents had started the investigation.

Timmy nodded, glancing at the eight cracks in his bedroom door and smothered a yawn. Life was terribly boring when one discovered the only real fun was to do something intense and perhaps death–defying with two magical creatures of your own.

"Eureka!" said Cosmo.

"Found anything?" wondered Wanda.

"What? Oh… No, I just like the sound of the word," grinned Cosmo.

Wanda gave him a hard look and a tense sigh. "Just keep looking, okay?"

Timmy also sighed, but decided to jump on his sliced bed and fluffed up the miraculously undamaged pillow. He fell asleep.

He woke up and sensed something strange. He patted his chin and discovered a long, white beard. Annoyed, he pulled the false beard from his face and was ready to complain about those stupid stereotypic jokes, when…

"Eureka!" said Cosmo.

"For the one thousandth time, quit that!" yelled Wanda.

"Nonono! This time I mean it, look!" grinned Cosmo, pointing at one paragraph in particular.

Timmy jumped off the bed. "What's that, Cosmo, Wanda? You look worried."

Wanda pushed Cosmo aside as she grabbed the book as if her life depended on it. There certainly was a trace of horror in her face as she stared at the article.

"Oh, no! No! I mean… No!" she blabbed. "Maybe it was Cosmo, not me!" she then said, a grin of maniacal hope on her face.

"What's all this about?" demanded Timmy, stretching out his arms.

"Fairytis!" Wanda almost yelled, her voice betraying here feelings.

"Wha?" said Timmy, suddenly lost.

"It's a Fairy illness," said Cosmo. "Like chicken pox or flu, but it only affects Fairies. I had it when I was little."

"This is bad!" said Wanda. "I cannot have Fairytis! Fairies can only have it if they work too hard at granting wishes!"

Timmy blinked, then turned to Cosmo. "How could you get it when you were little? I doubt you had Godchildren at that age."

"Nope, but I had a very demanding mother," Cosmo said proudly. "Cosmo, do this; Cosmo, do that; Cosmo, don't pay attention to that dumb Wanda girl; Cosmo, go to the Fairy Academy… Well, if you try to grant too many wishes in a short period of time, you get sick of it."

"Oh, no, it was this past week!" said Wanda. "The wishes of this week were too much, and I probably got sick of it! Oh, my, I have Fairytis!" she claimed in horror, bending her wand to the breaking point.

"And what happens when you have Fairytis?" asked Timmy. "Besides bringing savage animals into my room, I mean."

"Oh, that wasn't her; that was me!" smiled Cosmo. "I conjured it before Wanda could. I just love kitties…"

"I can't perform magic as long as I'm sick," said Wanda, sweating nervously and looking from left and right in paranoia. "Nor dual magic, that's why both our wands became useless when we tried magic. Cosmo alone can grant wishes! This is terrible!"

"Why terrible?" asked Timmy. "I mean, okay, you can't grant wishes –– you probably need to, I don't know, stay in bed for a few days and take some medicine, but in the meantime Cosmo can grant my wishes!" smiled Timmy. Cosmo nodded in agreement.

"Timmy, think of what you are saying!" shouted Wanda. Her hair started to frizz. "You asked for a little kitty and this idiot brought a large feline armed with sharp claws and huge fangs!"

Timmy blinked. Looked down in thought. Gasped. Blinked again. Thought for a moment longer. Stared back at Wanda. And blinked one last time.

"I'm dead, you mean."

–o–

Wanda's appearance didn't improve by Saturday morning; she had dark rings around her half–closed eyes, a runny nose, uncombed hair, and was wearing a thick, pink, fluffy bathrobe.

"'Ood mo'ning, Minny," she croaked, unable to focus on her Godchild.

"Wow, you're a mess!" said Timmy. Next to Wanda, Cosmo seemed as professional as ever, which in this case wasn't much.

"She's been sneezing all night," he said. "It might not be a good idea to have her around."

"Why not?" Timmy asked.

Wanda's eyes bulged open as she opened her mouth and sneezed violently. Zip! Bang! Crackle! Dozens of small random magic popped in Timmy's bedroom in the shapes of white doves, rabbits, poker cards and other random, stereotypical enchantments.

"You mean she casts magic accidentally?" Timmy dreaded. "Why didn't you tell me this was like the Fairy Flu? I'll get the sauerkraut!"

Wanda blew her nose. "Id won' worg, Minny. Thid id buch worse than de Bairy Blu."

"Yup." Cosmo added. "Fairytis and the Fairy Flu mess up a Fairy's magic, but Fairytis can't be cured by sauerkraut and can even suffer after–effects when it's gone."

"Yeah, how's that?"

Cosmo grinned. "I'm a Fairytis After–Effect myself," he said, smiling with his tongue stuck out to one side.

Timmy slapped his forehead in horror. "That's terrible! We can't let that happen to Wanda! Isn't there a cure for it?"

"Been drink'ih it last nig'h," she muttered. "But it ta'es ti'e…"

"I don't have time," scowled Timmy. "Isn't there a quicker way?"

"Oh, yes," said Cosmo, "but I can not tell you of the Secret Magical Seed of the Himalayas because it's Top Secret."

"Really? Why is it a secret?" smiled Timmy, playing with Cosmo's mind.

"Because if humans discover the Seed they would never need medicines again. The Seed is able to cure absolutely everything, but its location and method of use is restricted even to Fairies," said Cosmo. "But I can't tell you any of that because if Top Secret", he repeated.

"Oh, Cosmo, you idi'ot…", Wanda shook her sick head.

"Well, this requires desperate measures," said Timmy. "Wanda can't stay like this. I say we find a way to get this Secret Magical Seed of the Himalayas for her sake."

"Hey! How did you know of the Secret Seed! It was Secret!" Cosmo gasped. Timmy opted to ignore him.

"All I need to do is wish to be in the Himalayas, right? If I wish, say, to know the exact location of the Seed… is that possible?"

"Timmy," croaked Wanda, "even in my state of suff'ring and pain, I advide again' dat…" she thought for a couple of seconds and groaned. "Aw, heck widdit! Am sick! I woun't mind recob'ring faster."

"It's settled!" said Timmy. "Cosmo, I wish to know the exact location of the Secret Magical Seed of the Himalayas!"

Cosmo smiled and raised his wand. There was a large poof of smoke, a sound like a record being scratched, and a large manly DENIED! crushed Cosmo. The clouds of smoke dissipated to reveal an office with a large desk on one end. Timmy and Cosmo looked around and discovered Wanda had traveled with them.

"Wanda, I thought you couldn't do magic…" said Timmy.

"Hey, this doesn't look like the Himalayas," said Cosmo, frowning. "Where's the ice–cream man?"

"SILENCE!" roared a voice from behind the desk. A giant figure loomed over Fairies and Godchild.

Buff body. Short, white hair. German accent.

"Jorgen Von Strangle!" yelled Timmy.

"Hey, when did you start working at the Himalayas?" smiled Cosmo.

"Be quiet you pitiful little beings!" said Jorgen. "Timmy Turner, you have attempted to ask for a wish that would reveal the hiding place of our Secret Magical Seed, haven't you?"

"Uuuhhhh… No… That's a secret," Timmy grinned insanely.

"Silence! Nothing's secret with Cosmo around!" barked Jorgen. "Little kid, you listen to me carefully, now! According to Da Rules, such a powerful wish as the one you just made has a loophole to prevent little kids like you from ruining everything!"

"That means . . .?" asked Timmy, already fearing the worse.

Da Book appeared in front of Jorgen, who put his reading spectacles on and intoned with somber authority:

"The Secret Magical Seed of the Himalayas is the definitive cure for every illness in the worlds of Humans and Fairies. Such is its power that it has been contained in the depths of the Himalaya Mountains to avoid greedy hands. Wishing to know the location of the Seed or wishing to have the Seed itself is a restriction classified under the codename PINK."

"Codename PINK!" yelled both Cosmo and Wanda.

"What's Codename PINK…?" asked Timmy.

"Painfully Intense, Nearly Killing!" shouted Jorgen, making Timmy fall on his back. "Timmy Turner! You have requested a dangerous wish! Now you must achieve it within a time limit, or you will be removed from your Godparents!"

"What! Wait! I… Hey, why within a time limit?"

"BECAUSE I LIKE TIME LIMITS!"

With a swing of his enormous wand Jorgen crashed it on Timmy's head. There was a blinding flash that spelled OUT COLD! in Timmy's mind, and when he regained consciousness he was face down in a Timmy–shaped hole under three feet of snow.

"Yikes!" Timmy jumped out the hole, landing on a frozen rock and curling into a small ball of cold agony. "What's with Jorgen?"

Cosmo and Wanda appeared from thin air. She sniffed loudly and approached her Godchild.

"I had fo'gotten… T'eese widshes br'ig an ultimahtoom" she said. "If we dom't fi'd dat Seed soon, we'll lose you!"

"Oh, no!" cried Timmy.

"Hey, look at the bright side!" claimed Cosmo: "I found the ice–cream man…" he said, offering a snow cone to Timmy.

"I don't want ice–cream, I want warm clothes!" Timmy said through clattering teeth.

"You ha've to do it, Cosmo," sniffed Wanda. "I'm not feelig too well… Gah."

"Sure thing, sweetie!" said Cosmo. Icicles became POLAR FASHION as the green–haired fairy twirled his wand. Timmy became clothed in the thickest clothes possible. It was warm, but that didn't mean Timmy could move nor talk.

"Mmmhh! Mmmmhhh!" he attempted. Timmy tried to walk. He gave a muffled scream and rolled into the snow beside the rock he was on.

"You're very welcome," Cosmo chirped.

A large explosion took place several feet from the small group. The extreme heat melted all the snow in the area, freeing Timmy from the cold danger. When he managed to stand he saw Jorgen where the explosion had taken place.

"I just forgot something, skinny," he said. "Your wish…"

He extended his wand and blasted Timmy away, making him slam his back against a cliff. He landed on a dried patch of dirt and then jumped to his feet, excited.

"Hey, I know! I know the location of the Seed!" he grinned. "I could go there with my eyes closed!"

"Good!" smiled Jorgen, then the smile vanished. "Because now comes Part Two!"

A second blast of magic hit Timmy. Over his head appeared a glowing green digital image of a clock. It read ten hours and began to decrease.

"There. You have ten hours to reach the Seed. If you don't, your Godparents will be reassigned to another weak little kid, and you will be a puny boy with no Godparents! Now move! You only have nine hours and fifty–nine minutes left!"

There was a new deafening blast, and Jorgen was gone. Timmy stood. The clock stayed floating over his head.

"Oh, no, we have to move!" he said urgently. "We only have ten hours to find that Seed, and I just know the path is gonna be long and dangerous!"

"No, you are wrong," said Cosmo.

"What do you mean?" sniffed Wanda.

Cosmo pointed at the digital clock. "He only has nine hours and fifty–eight minutes, not ten."

Despite the glance of intense annoyance between Timmy and Wanda, they had to admit Cosmo was right.

They only had nine hours and fifty–eight minutes (fifty–seven now). They'd better hurry…

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