I don't own Harry Potter.
While reading a review, someone mentioned a 'Drapple'. I have never heard of a 'Drapple'. So I looked it up, and behold, it was Draco/Apple!
So I decided to write a Drapple, because it's so ridiculous!
Enjoy my madness.
"Is Malfoy crazy?" Ron said, as he stared at the blonde haired boy, who was strutting across the courtyard.
Harry didn't answer; he was also staring at Malfoy.
Draco was carrying a bright red apple in his hand and talking to it. When he reached a large oak tree on the outskirts of the courtyard, he laid down a picnic blanket and carefully placed his apple on it. Then he summoned a plate of sandwiches, and sat down next to his apple.
"Oh, Mackie, I wish we could spend more time together, but what with school and everything, I don't have enough time."
The apple didn't reply, it just sat there.
"I know you're angry, because I haven't taken you anywhere in a while, but there's a Hogsmeade trip coming up, so maybe would you want to go with me?"
The apple was silent, but Draco's face lit up and he said, "Great! I'll bring you anywhere you want to go, and I'll buy you something special!"
Then Draco picked the apple up and started kissing it.
By now, other students had joined Harry and Ron in watching Draco, and Ron was rolling on the ground laughing.
Pansy Parkinson suddenly pushed through the crowd and marched up to Draco under the tree.
"What is WRONG with you?" she screamed.
"Pansy! Can't you see I'm on a date, here? Begone!" Draco said, annoyed. "And Mackie says you're being very rude by interrupting us. She says you had your chance, and now it's over."
"But we never broke up!" Pansy yelled. "And I hate to break it you, but 'Mackie' is just a stupid apple! It can't talk!"
Pansy grabbed the apple from Draco's hand, threw it on the ground, and stomped it to bits.
"Now, you better think twice before you cheat on me again, even if it's with an apple." Then she stalked angrily away.
Draco crawled over to where the apple was smashed into bits.
"NOOOOOOOO! Mackie! She's killed you!" Draco hugged the sticky bits to his cheek.
"Hey, Malfoy!"
Draco looked up.
Harry was standing there, holding something in his hand.
"I want to introduce you to someone," Harry said, holding out his hand.
Draco wiped his sticky hands on the grass, smoothed down his hair, and straightened his shirt.
"This is Peach."
Harry placed the peach on the grass next to Draco, and walked back to the crowd of onlookers.
Draco had never seen anything so beautiful; her red and yellow skin glowed in the sun, and she was big and plump.
He picked her up in his hand and sighed. The fuzz that covered her body was so soft.
"Hey, Peach-ilicious, where have you been all my life?"
The apple lay sad, smashed, and forgotten in the grass as her man was pulled in by the tender beauty of Peach.
After that, Draco was not seen without Peach; he brought her everywhere, to classes, to dinner, on a Hogmeade trip, to his dorm room. Until, one day, when she finally rotted away. Draco was depressed for weeks after, until Harry threw him an orange during breakfast.
How did you like it? Too Weird? Good!
Reviewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!