ataraxia

You feel...sick.

You're not sure if it's because you can feel someone shaking you by the shoulders or if it's because you can still see all the horrifying visions on the surface of your mindscape. Probably a bit of both, you presume.

You hear someone talking above you and you groan a little, still trying to fully wake yourself up. Once your vision focuses, you can see Ephemera leaning over you, a crease in his brow and his hair slightly ruffled from sleep (or perhaps from another night spent reading, if the books on the bedside table could talk).

Skuld's arms hold you ever so gently, her long hair falling around your face like a curtain. That's when you realize that your head is in her lap.

"Are you okay?" she asks, "You were having another nightmare."

Your lips part slightly for you to speak but you suddenly realize how out of breath you are. Your heart's still pounding and you can feel the room shifting ever so slightly.

Skuld pulls you a bit closer, pressing your head against her chest. "Try and match your breathing to mine."

You squeeze your eyes shut, focusing hard on her deep, even breaths. Ephemera whispers something but you're not sure if it was directed at you or Skuld. You don't have the strength to ask him to repeat himself.

Slowly, your breaths begins to even out and you finally have a set of coherent thoughts: They don't need to do this for you. You've had more nightmares than you can count and it must be, what, three in the morning? If you remember correctly, they have a mission in a few hours and they need their rest—

Ephemera's thumb gently caressing your cheek snaps you out of it. No. They love you. They care about you.

"It's okay to need us," Skuld had said once, during another previous night terror that was almost as bad as this one.

You feel something soft and familiar push its way through your arms and you can immediately tell without opening your eyes that it's Chirithy, doing their best to wrap their tiny arms around your torso.

"Sorry...I wasn't able to stop this one either. Some Spirit I am, huh..."

You open your eyes and run your hand down the back of Chirithy's head. Your throat's dry but you decide to speak anyway, "It's not your fault. It just happens from time to time..."

"'From time to time?' Ever since you got your memories back, the nightmares have gotten worse. You're getting them almost every night now..." Skuld points out, "We're really worried about you."

On your left, Ephemera pulls his knees to his chest, looking away. "This is why I didn't want you to remember..."

"Ephemera," You say tiredly, "I had to remember. So I could begin to understand and heal. You know that."

"I do..." he sighs, "It's just hard seeing you like this each time."

Skuld lays a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in silent reassurance.

"I'm just glad you two are here with me..." You speak from your heart, "I never want to be apart from you guys again."

"Yeah. Same here." Skuld's hand moves from Ephemera's shoulder to your arm. "Watching you over you from afar was never enough."

"I would always tell Ephemera and Skuld how you were doing," Chirithy tells you, pretending to be exasperated, "They basically wanted a three-page report each time."

That warms your heart. As overprotective Skuld and Ephemera can be at times, you appreciate how much they thought of you back when everyone's memories were still locked away.

"What was your nightmare about? Do you feel like talking about it?" Ephemera, equally curious and concerned as ever, asks you.

You hesitate, recalling what exactly it was that caused you so much terror. "Well, um...it was...it was during the war, as usual. You and Skuld were there. But someone grabbed you by your scarf. They wouldn't let go, and..."

"And?"

The mental image of skin turning blue and black boots flailing in the air cause the words to die in your mouth. Instead, you touch your neck.

"...Oh," Ephemera's expression turns somber and his hand subconsciously goes to his neck as well, "I see."

"What about me?" Skuld inquires warily.

You shake your head and silently run your fingers through some of her long, silky hair. What had happened to Skuld had been much, much worse. You can still smell the smoke...

"Okay...it's okay." Skuld plants a gentle kiss on your forehead. "You don't have to say it."

You let out a shuddering breath and lift your right hand into a fist before moving it in a circle above your chest. "Sorry."

"Please don't apologize," Ephemera tells you, "You've done nothing wrong. It's me who should be sorry."

"Ephemera, you say that every time," says Skuld, exasperated.

"Because it's true," he says before turning away from both of you, "My decisions have caused you pain and I don't deserve—"

You get his attention again by tugging forcefully on his shirt. When his eyes are on you, you lift your hands to sign a few words.

That makes Ephemera pout a little. "That alone isn't gonna make everything better. I'm not exactly a miracle worker..."

You shake your head and sign again, more forcefully this time, "Make everything up to us by never leaving our side again."

Skuld smiles. "You heard 'em. Er—saw them, I mean. Get over here."

"...You guys are never gonna let me feel guilty, are you?"

"We forgave you a long time ago. And the memory erasure wasn't only your decision; we all agreed to it."

She firmly grasps his hand, giving it a light squeeze, and she smiles. "But it's in the past now. Our job is to make the future bright so you have to forgive yourself, okay?"

Ephemera's smiling now too. It's good, you think, because his smile is what made you fall for him. He lays by your side and almost instinctively, Skuld's hand meets his head, gently pulling some of his silver curls straight before letting them bounce back to where they were.

He doesn't take his eyes off of you though. "I wish I could do more for you."

"You being here is more than enough," You say softly, "Everything I ever wanted - everyone I love most - is in this room. You, Skuld, and Chirithy."

"Aren't we so lucky to have each other?" Skuld asks, "Destiny could've had so many other things planned for us. And yet, here we all are. Hey - wanna add something cheesy about that alternate realities theory, Eph?"

"Nah. This is the only reality that matters - the one where we all get to be together. It feels like a dream..." Ephemera says, "I'd never want to wake up from this."

"You're only everything I ever dreamed of," You say to him, giggling, "Literally."

That has him smiling his usual toothy grin, like his good old self before things got out of hand. Before secrecy and silence took over. Your heart only grows warmer when he kisses the bridge of your nose.

"My turn," Skuld says, shifting a little so she can lean down to kiss your cheek.

"Me next, me next!" Ephemera exclaims and swoons when both you and Skuld kiss his cheeks.

"Get a room, you three." Chirithy quips from their spot on your chest.

"Already did." You nonchalantly gesture to the ceiling of Skuld's room. "Sorry, Chirithy."

You swear if they could, Chirithy would be lovingly rolling their eyes at all of you right at this moment.

Skuld's adorable laughter is cut off by a long yawn. "Okay...I guess it's time for us to hit the hay again."

You sit up so Skuld can move back to her side of the bed. Still holding onto Chirithy, you kick at the blankets tangled around your feet in an attempt to get them closer.

"I've got it." Ephemera reaches to the end of the bed to pull the blankets back up, tucking you and Skuld in before slipping under himself.

"Nighty night, you three." Skuld blows a kiss before laying her head on her pillow.

"G'night," Ephemera replies and lays his hand on your arm, right back where it had been before you fell asleep several hours ago. It's like you never even had a nightmare in the first place.

Chirithy hasn't forgotten though. They nuzzle against your side. "Are you sure you don't need anything else tonight?"

You smile warmly and close your eyes. You don't know for sure if your nightmares will finally cease tormenting you from now on but you do know that you'll be able to pull through them with a little help from the ones you hold dear to your heart.

"Just you three."