A/N: UNBETAED!! CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISCSM!

As I was in my long and painful labor, I saw many things.

I saw my son, fiercely telling some men to leave, blue fire blazing in his eyes. I felt his anger then.

I saw many other things, including him jumping over a body, climbing through a window in the air.

I felt his delight as he discovered this whole new world to hide in, his surprise as a girl burst at him and fought him, not knowing what he was. I saw her wonder at the snap-top on a cola can, and I saw her changing animal companion, which I knew to be a part of her.

I felt William's surprise at this daemon, and at her symbol reader.

I heard him say her strange name for the first time, saying Laura, Lara, and then finally the correct Lyra. I saw Sir Charles when he said that he knew a Lizzie, not a Lyra.

I saw the fight for the subtle knife, saw and felt Will's fingers curl off of his hand, saw the youth being attacked by specters, saw Will and Lyra steal the alethiometer back from the evil Sir Charles.

And, for the first time, I saw the evil, clever, gorgeous Mrs. Coulter.

I saw the fight on the belvedere, and the witches' spell.

I saw my beloved Johnny as he fought with Will, not knowing that it was his son, the moment of realization, the death by the witch's arrow.

I saw many things I will not list here, but I realized that he was to do something great and unheard of.

I felt his pain at looking at his best friend Lyra, as she had to leave her beloved daemon Pantalaimon behind on the poisonous shore of the world of the dead. I felt his own pain as his soul was ripped out of his chest; I saw Lyra's tears and heard her groan, "Will, my heart!"

I saw the ghosts, I saw mulefa, but then, I saw something else.

I tasted a small little red fruit, saw Lyra as a new, gorgeous being, dark golden hair filling my vision, hearing her say, "I love you, Will, I love you."

I felt the intensity of her stare.

I felt her lips on Will's. When I mean that, I felt it like I was Will. I saw it, and by extension to Will, I felt her soft, pink lips on mine. It's hard to describe.

I also felt the sweet rightfulness of Kirjava coming back to Will, and the realization that him and Lyra had to part.

I cried then, and at their actual parting.

I saw the two touch the others daemon.

I saw them become adults before my eyes.

I saw the looks in their eyes. That has haunted my dreams for years now. I did not understand many things, yet I did.

I saw my Johnny's death; I saw dark golden hair haunting Will like a phantom, her intense blue gaze even in his dreams.

I realized the effect of this when I saw him and Mary Malone in her apartment.

I saw the sadness, the immense load placed on his shoulders, the two missing fingers. Everything was better now; I no longer thought that I would get explanations for what I had seen by touching the slats in the bench, I had returned to sanity.

Of course, John was dead, so the dreams he had sent me had stopped. No longer I felt a bird on my shoulder, and saw his bliss of my touching her. No longer.

Will brings out the pieces of the subtle knife and says in one short sentence, "It brought me Lyra, and took her away again." Mary hugged him, and I do believe he cried.

I did not know, because I didn't have to wrench myself away from John, he just was gone. I miss him.

Will had assumed his father's mantle, literally, as I saw when I was in labor.

Needless to say, my labor was a hard one.

The visions and the dreams had plagued me for years and they finally stopped. Will was a man now, a strong, powerful man.

It still is hard to believe, that after all that I have seen, that my baby William is now a grown man, who has loved and been loved.

Kirjava is a large cat with subtle fur and bright green eyes with Will's intensity in them, and yet with her own pride.

Mary's Danik is an alpine chough, black and glossy.

My daemon is a beautiful bird. I don't know what type. He is a glorious green, with a purple and blue crest. Gorgeous. I still miss John, and I long to see the gorgeous being haunting my son, but I am at rest. I have a friend and I have my son back with me, and I am at rest. I am at rest.