"Kiss today goodbye, and point me toward tomorrow. We did what we had to do. Won't forget, can't regret, what I did for love. What I did for love. Gone, love is never gone. As we travel on, love's what we'll remember." 'What I Did For Love', A Chorus Line
"Ugh, that woman" sighed the blonde, tipping her head back against the headboard and throwing her phone on the bed. She had just received yet another call from Sharon, which had been immediately sent to voicemail. Not that it really mattered, her mailbox was already full of 'I'm sorrys' and 'Call me, honeys.' If Brenda didn't know any better, she'd say that older woman was setting a timer, calling her every hour on the hour just to drive her crazy. There was no way she was going to break, as much as she missed that beautiful Captain.
This was her sixth day in the hotel room from hell. Well actually, the room was lovely with its pale blue walls and crisp white sheets. Not to mention, the room service was better than she'd expected and they delivered 24 hours a day. That was more than she could say about her home. Well, Sharon's home now. It was her life that felt like hell. At 48 years old, she once again found herself very much alone. And for some reason, this time hurt the most.
Flipping off the bed, she rooted through her belongings, attempting to find the iPad that Sharon had given her. The blonde found it buried underneath a growing pile of dirty clothes she'd accumulated over the past few days. At some point, she would have to find a place to do laundry. Settling at the foot of the bed, she typed in her password and unlocked the screen. For now, she was content just staring at the television and playing mindless games on her tablet. Major Crimes had caught a case mid-day Wednesday. The blonde had spent the rest of the week, and most of Saturday, burying herself in interviews, surveillance, and most shockingly, paperwork. She hadn't crossed her last 't' and dotted the last 'i' until late last night and promptly passed out upon arriving back at the hotel. After her exhausting week, she just wanted to be.
The blonde felt her breath catch as she glanced down at the screen. Her background was a picture the two of them had taken months ago, when the brunette had first given her the device. Nestled on the couch, foreheads tipped together, Sharon had shown her how to use the camera application and then hit the top right button to flip the camera to face them.
"Well isn't that handy," smirked the blonde, before she took a picture. They had continued to play around, a few shots sticking out their tongues, some kissing, and even a couple of candids. It wasn't until the next day, browsing through the photos, did Brenda select a background. They had been goofing around, making faces, until at some point the older woman kissed the blonde's check, catching her completely off guard. Sharon looked rather amused as she planted a sloppy kiss on her girlfriend, while Brenda looked startled and genuinely happy. The picture had taken her breath away. At that moment, seeing the shot for the first time, she'd realized no one would ever make her feel as complete as that rule-loving, adorable Captain. Even now, she couldn't deny how content she'd felt, how in love she had been. But things change, and she could no longer wait to be accepted into the older woman's life.
She supposed now was as good a time as any to begin deleting those pictures and memories. If the brunette's behavior on Tuesday was any indication, she'd already done the same. Brenda had moved into her home months ago, and recently, they'd decided to renovate the study into a home office. Both spent a large amount of time working on cases at the kitchen table, so it only made sense to create a space that was more conducive to accomplish those tasks, uninterrupted. After work, they'd agreed to check out a few furniture stores, seeing what kind of desk and chair options were available. This browsing had gone on for hours, Brenda began to get antsy and hungry. Two things that, when combined, never ended well for the younger woman.
"What about this set, Shar," sighed the blonde, pointing at a rather cheap looking, faux-wood desk and black leather chair combination. It was something straight out of an Office Depot catalogue, definitely not what the Captain would want in her home. But Brenda was hungry, she desperately wanted to get this over with. If they weren't going to pick out anything tonight, there was no reason she needed to stay.
"You're not serious, are you?" Sharon let out a chuckle, shaking her head at the blonde. The older woman thought Brenda was joking, which was kind of true. Really, she didn't care what the chose, as long as they left this store the very near future.
"No, look. It's not so bad. This chair seems real comfortable and the desk looks just like the one we've got at work," the blonde responded, sitting in the chair and scooting closer to the desk, attempting to show Sharon it wasn't completely terrible.
"Which is exactly why we aren't buying it," deadpanned the brunette, glaring down at Brenda.
"Come on, Shar, it cold be worse. It's even got this drawer for pencils, extra notepads…"
"NO, Brenda. It's my house, my office, and there's no way I'm getting something like that. You're just going to have to settle for something that I like…" Brenda didn't let the other woman finish. Bolting out of the store and into the parking lot, she opened the passenger door of Sharon's car and slunk into the seat. Had she seriously just said this was her office and her house? Well, if that was how she felt, the Chief wasn't going to stand around and hold her back. Brenda had spent more than enough time dealing with the brunette's trust issues and generally pessimistic attitude when it came to their relationship. It was always one step forward, two steps back when it came to that Captain. And once again, the blonde found herself on the losing end. They had been living together for the better part of two months, and Sharon was still pulling the 'it's my house' card. If she hadn't let that go by now, she probably never would. And Brenda was certainly not going to spend the rest of her life waiting for the older woman to accept her into her home, their home. The blonde had demanded to leave once Sharon was in the car, the tension palpable during the silent ride back to the house. She hadn't even waited for the car to fully pull into the driveway before throwing open the door and running inside. Within 10 minutes she was packed and walking to her Crown Vic, not looking back as Sharon called after her to stop.
Rubbing her head, the blonde pushed away the images of that terrible evening and settled on the task at hand. She held down her finger on the first shot, until all the photos lit up, x's in the right corner of each frame. Scrolling through the folder, she tapped each x, erasing the picture from the device and her life. Once all her photos were deleted, she opened the music application, finding a few playlists they had created. At that moment, she felt completely in control, removing the older woman from her memory, one song at a time. It wasn't until she got to that playlist, the one Sharon had loaded onto the device before she gave it to the blonde, that the weight of their break-up hit her, full force. There wasn't anything too special about the mix, it was simply titled 'I love you.' The brunette had compiled songs that reminded her of the younger woman and songs they both enjoyed. It was a simple gesture, something Brenda had taken for granted. Whenever she was having a bad day, the Chief would pull out the tablet and quietly play a few of those songs. It always reminded her that soon, she would be home, in Sharon's arms.
Against her better judgment, the blonde hit play. One more listen couldn't hurt, right? Unfortunately, the first song, 'Your Song' to be specific, was more than she could take. Launching the iPad across the room, it bounced off a wall before smashing to the ground. It took a second for the Chief to register what she had just done, she ran across the room to inspect the damage. Good news, the shock-proof case absorbed everything, and the device appeared to be working. Settling back on the bed, she turned the playlist on and let the tears fall. She could no longer distract herself…No amount of terrible television, Angry Birds, or boring paperwork could take away this pain. It felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to her heart, smashing it into pieces. The Captain left her damaged beyond repair. She'd giving up all her time and energy to make this work. Why couldn't Sharon accept her as an equal Well, obviously because the blonde was reckless and unlovable. It had taken some time for the Captain to come to her senses, to realize she was too good for the younger woman. And now, all that time and energy was wasted. Well, not wasted, exactly. Sharon was her one real love and the blonde was grateful for the short time they got to spend together, it was more than many got the to experience. Lying back, burying herself in the covers, she closed her eyes and cried.
Brenda heard her phone chirping in the distance. Rolling over, she threw a pillow over her head, trying to drown out the sound. She figured it was the Captain, calling to apologize for the millionth time. Eventually the ringing stopped. And just as quickly, began again. Of course she would catch a case, perfect timing. She fumbled around in the dark, finding her phone under the bedside table. Glancing at the screen, she saw Gabriel was calling.
"Chief Johnson," clipped the blonde.
"Sorry to bother you Chief, we've got three bodies and a pile of cocaine out in the hills. Do you want me to text you the address or should I pick you up?" She could hear the fear in David's voice at the prospect of driving her. The blonde had been biting everyone's heads off for the past few days, and she knew he didn't feel like being on the receiving end of yet another rant.
"Text me the address, I'll see y'all soon." Brenda turned on a lamp, grabbing for the first (almost) clean shirt and skirt from her pile. Slipping into her most comfortable pair of kitten heels, she pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail and headed for the door.
Walking under yellow 'crime scene' tape, the Chief noted the rather obscene amount of unmarked cars surrounding the area. Entering the home, she realized why. Not only was this case considered a Major Crime, Vice had also conveniently shown up. Apparently they had some sort of overlapping investigation that Brenda was in no mood to deal with.
"Chief Johnson," greeted Commander Jackson. Oh wonderful, she would be sharing information with the Head of Vice for the remainder of the evening.
"I'm sure I don't need to remind you that Chief Pope will want us to share this scene. We've collected evidence and sent it to…"
"You what?! Y'all won't touch anything until we've had a chance to collect our evidence." Vice was the absolute worst. And Brenda wasn't interested in babysitting a bunch of balding, middle age men who thought they were on some NBC series.
After a rather heated discussion with Commander Jackson, where the Chief may or may not have pulled rank to get things returned to her division, she left for downtown. Their only witness would be arriving for an interview shortly. Not to mention, she only had a few hours before that dreaded Head of Department meeting. It was Monday morning, at least as of two hours ago. And she would be seeing that brunette for the first time since last Tuesday. Her stomach knotted at the thought.
The interview went as well as expected. When drugs were involved, no one ever wanted to talk to the police. Staring at pictures of the scene, Brenda hoped something would just jump out at her. She heard a knock at the door and Andy waved through the glass, motioning at the clock. Oh shoot, it was already 9 - now she was officially late. Clipping out the door, she mouthed a 'thank you' to Flynn as she headed for the elevators.
Everyone turned and stared as Brenda hurried into the room. Looking around, she noticed a seat a few feet from Sharon and one much further away. She opted for distance, settling into the chair that seemed miles from the brunette. Steeling a glace, she noted how incredible the other woman looked. Was she wearing the Chief's favorite skirt? That was a pretty bold statement. Obviously the break up didn't seem to be too upsetting to her, she was practically rubbing her happiness in the younger woman's face.
Brenda knew she looked like hell, she felt even worse. Hopefully this meeting would end soon, the blonde had a pressing date with her candy drawer. And the longer she had to sit here, the more she seriously considered firing off a round or two, just to move things along. She heard her name, and turned her focus back onto the officers in front of her.
"Chief Johnson, was there any reason in particular you ordered Commander Jackson to return shared evidence? I thought I made myself clear when I said you were to share the scene…" Of course Jackson would say something. God, she hated Vice.
"I didn't realize sharin' meant he got to swoop in and take all my evidence before me and the team got a chance to look at anything," exclaimed the blonde, throwing her hands in the air. All she needed was Will on her ass, again, for not playing nice in the LAPD sandbox. Honestly, these men and their egos were infuriating.
"Well, I can't have every department complaining about your behavior during investigations, Chief Johnson. First, Captain Raydor and FID, then Delk, and now Vice. Let me ask you this, who else are you planning on pissing off?" Will sighed, directing his attention to the older woman.
"Captain Raydor, do you have as much difficultly dealing with Major Crimes as other departments do?"
As Sharon began her speech, which almost sounded like she was defending the blonde and her character, Brenda felt the ding-dongs from earlier raise up in her throat. The stress and lack of sleep over these past few days had finally caught up to her, and she was now dangerously close to throwing up in front of every department head. Once she heard the brunette finish, she excused herself and sprinted down the hall, hoping to at least make it to the toilet. Thankfully she got to a stall, throwing her purse on the counter, before spilling the contents of her stomach. Wiping her face with a piece of toilet paper, she released the sob she'd been holding in since seeing the put together Captain. Sharon had obviously moved on, now she needed to do the same. Just the thought brought a fresh wave of nausea, and soon she was once again bent over the toilet.
Brenda heard the clicking of heels before the Captain spoke.
"Brenda, are you in here?" There was no way she'd answer, of course Sharon knew she was here.
"Honey, let me in, please." As hard as she tried to ignore the woman, she wanted to feel her, to touch her. She wanted Sharon to tell her it would all be okay. Against her better judgement, she unlatched the door and pushed it open slightly before burying her face back into the bowl, vomiting again. She felt the brunette pull her hair out of her face, placing a light kiss on her neck. Sharon always had a knack for knowing exactly how to make the Chief feel better.
Eventually the heaving subsided and Brenda sat back, resting her head against the cold stall wall. The brunette did the same. This wasn't how the Chief had envisioned their first interaction. If she was honest, she wanted Sharon to see this wasn't affecting her. Instead she was puking up breakfast, fighting the urge to beg the woman to forgive her. But she hadn't caused this fight, she had no reason to ask for forgiveness.
"Will you get the toothbrush out of my purse, Shar? I threw it somewhere on the sink counter," sighed the blonde, head still against the wall.
"Are you planning on brushing your teeth on the bathroom floor," teased the Captain, as she got up to find the purse.
The brunette helped her up and handed the Chief her things before turning to the door. At that second, Brenda made a decision. While she didn't know what she was going to say, she needed to say something. If she let Sharon walk out that door, she might never come back. And that was not a risk the younger woman was wiling to take, not yet. She needed to know where they stood and how they should move on.
"Stay, please."
Sharon turned, shooting the blonde a questioning look.
"Why do you want me here," whispered the brunette. Brenda felt the tears prick and looked up to meet an almost crying Captain. How had they gotten here? When had this gone so wrong? They'd been so happy and Brenda had never felt so content, so complete. Those feelings, she couldn't just throw them away, she couldn't stop loving Sharon. And hopefully, the brunette hadn't stopped loving her.
Doing the only thing she could think of to keep the brunette close, she lunged, wrapping their bodies together. She began to weep, hoping Sharon wouldn't be too upset about her now damp shoulder. The younger woman heard the Captain sigh, before releasing the tears she was holding back.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything. I love you," was all Brenda could get out before burying her face into brown hair.
A/N I hope you guys enjoyed the sequel. Well, more like the same story from Brenda's POV. There is a third and final chapter in the works to wrap up all the lose ends. I really liked the idea of ending both at the same moment. This idea took on a life of its own pretty quickly, hopefully no one minds too much. Thanks for reading! xoxo