THE DEATHLY TEA PARTY
Characters:
- Harry- Napoleon Dynamite- Snape- Will Turner
- Lucius Malfoy- Draco Malfoy- Hermione- Jack Sparrow
- Voldemort- Liger- Pedro- Dumbledore
- Adolph Hitler - Ron - Pirate band- Chicken
THE DEATHLY TEA PARTY
Opens to Lucius, Hitler, Harry, Napoleon, and Voldemort sitting at a table (from left to right). Voldemort's robes are pink. This surprising color is the conversation of the table(?). In walks Draco Malfoy wearing a pink flowered apron.
Lucius Malfoy- What are you doing Draco?
Draco Malfoy- Why I'm serving tea, Father. (exits)
Harry- (beginning to chuckle): Your son is wearing a pink apron!
Lucius Malfoy- (angrily) It was red!
Voldemort- It was pink.
Lucius Malfoy- (yelling) That was red!
Napoleon Dynamite- No, it was pretty much pink.
Liger walks behind the scene from right to left, then in front of the scene from left to right, and then behind again from the right this time carrying Ron, Hermione, and Snape.
Ron- (to Voldemort laughing) Ha Ha, You're wearing pink robes!
Voldemort- (yelling furiously at Snape) You! It's all your fault! You dyed all my robes pink!
Snape- I thought it would match the color of your eyes, My Lord.
Voldemort- My eyes are not pink! They're red, like roses...evil roses. (kills Snape)
Hermione- (to Hitler excitedly) Oh my gosh! Hitler? Adolph Hitler? I'm such a big fan! Zeig Heil!
Pedro- (enters from left, walks a short ways to nearest person) Vote for Pedro. (walks further) Vote for Pedro. (repeats until off stage, exits right).
Napoleon Dynamite- (to no one in particular) Ligers are pretty much my favorite animal. They are the most awesome animals ever!
Harry- (to Napoleon) No they're not, Hippogriffs are!
Napoleon Dynamite- Ligers have awesome magic skills.
Harry- Well, Hippogriffs are half horse, half Griffins! That's way better!
Lucius Malfoy and Voldemort have engaged in a staring contest. Suddenly a band of pirates sweep across stage taking Hermione with them and leaving Jack Sparrow and Will Turner.
Will Turner- Aye Avast! Awkward silence.
Lucius Malfoy breaks eye contact with Voldemort losing the staring contest.
Voldemort- Ha Ha, I win! Avada Kadavra! (kills Lucius).
At that moment, Draco enters carrying tray.
Draco- (screams like a girl and drops tray, begins to run around sobbing) Daddy! Daddy! (runs off stage)
Jack Sparrow walks to table and takes a sip of tea.
Jack Sparrow- (dissatisfied) That's not rum! ... Pointing to Napoleon Dynamite. Your movie smells like...really bad eggs!
Jack Sparrow and Will Turner randomly pull out machine guns and shoot each other.
Voldemort- (to Napoleon) They're right you know. Your movie really did stink.
Napoleon Dynamite- Now I'm gonna have to use my awesome skills to kill you. (kills Voldemort)
Ron- (finds Napoleon Dynamite's chap stick) Hey, look what I've got!
Napoleon Dynamite- Hey, give it back! That's my chap stick!
Ron throws the chap stick to Harry.
Harry- (laughs) No!
Napoleon Dynamite- (in a raspy voice) But my lips hurt really bad! (dies of chapped lips)
Harry throws the chap stick back at Ron and it sticks in his ear.
Ron- Ahhh! There's oozing chap stick in my brain! (dies)
Harry- Nooooooooo! (sobbing)
Liger enters from the right and slowly makes his way toward Harry who is mourning over Ron's body. Harry does not move and gets eaten or run over or whatever and dies. Dumbledore comes out of nowhere wearing Draco's pink flowered apron.
Dumbledore- Alas, a cornucopia of (looks around) death!…
Chicken- runs across stage squawking loudly! Dumbledore kills chicken.
Draco Malfoy walks in wearing nothing but a tea cozy and carrying a tray of Zucchini bread.
Draco Malfoy- To Dumbledore, You stole my apron!
Dumbledore- You stole my tea cozy!
Draco Malfoy- You stole my apron first!
Dumbledore- (pauses) Oh no you hath not! (kills Draco accidentally killing himself when spell ricochets off tray)
At this point everyone is lying around dead except for Hitler who is still seated at the table. He gets up and walks to center stage.
Hitler- (rolls eyes)*in German* something about fictional characters
A/N: This is a story that my friend and I wrote a couple of years ago. She found a copy of it while going through some old fiels so I put it up for your enterainment.