The Institute was quiet and Alec could hear the rain pattering against his window. He'd finally gotten Jace and Izzy to leave his room by promising not to wallow in self-pity, thinking about Magnus. He had lied, of course. Magnus was the only thing he thought about these days. He needed a demon attack, just so he could think about something else. But, unfortunately, all was quiet at the moment.
Alec stretched out on his bed, one hand behind his head, watching the rain leave tear-like trails down the window pane, and his mind drifted. Memories of Magnus flooded him, and for a moment, he almost forgot that he had a broken heart, that he was alone. For a moment, he was with Magnus, discovering new places, experiencing things he had never done before. Snippets of song lyrics entered his consciousness, unbidden.
(The Dance- Garth Brooks)
Holding you I held everything.
For a moment wasn't I the king
If I'd only known how the king would fall,
Hey, who's to say - you know I might have changed it all
They were at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. The sky was dark and the Parisian city lights were shining brightly. Alec had no idea how Magnus had arranged for them to be there, at this time of night, alone, but they were there none the less. Magnus handed him a glass of champagne, the bubbles tingling Alec's nose as he sipped it. Magnus pointed out some of the sites; the lighted Ferris Wheel, the glass pyramid structure at the Louvre lit up like a prism, the moonlight reflecting off the glass topped river boats on the Seine, the beautiful gardens and magnificent ancient buildings all aglow. Then Magnus kissed him, and everything else melted away.
(Nothing Else Matters- Metallica)
I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
Nothing else matters
They were in the hotel room in Paris. A bottle of wine lay discarded on the bedside table next to a pile of strawberry greens. Magnus kissed him deeply, passionately, and he felt himself stir. His nerves were on edge, but he trusted Magnus, and he wanted this. Magnus laid him down, gently, on the bed. How poetic that his first time would be in Paris, France, "The City of Love."
(It's Been Awhile- Staind)
And it's been awhile since I've seen the way
The candles light your face
And it's been awhile but I can still remember
Just the way you taste
At a candlelit table overlooking the canals in Venice, Italy, Alec had first told Magnus that he was in love with him. He had been so nervous that it had taken a couple of attempts to actually spit the words out, even though he already knew how Magnus felt. He had never said those words before, and wasn't entirely confident in saying them then, but he wanted Magnus to know, so he somehow found the courage. Magnus had abandoned their dinner and spent the next few hours holding and kissing Alec, as if he would never let him go.
(Iris- Goo Goo Dolls)
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
Alec laid his head on Magnus's bare chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat as it slowly returned to normal. His own body was still trembling and throbbing pleasantly and he thought he could really get used to this feeling. Suddenly, Magnus produced a key and laid it in Alec's palm. You hold the key to my heart, Alexander, and now to my apartment as well, Magnus whispered.
(One- U2)
Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
We hurt each other
Then we do it again
Terrible jealousy raged through his veins. All he wanted was for Magnus to open up, break down the walls he'd spent hundreds of years building. But he deflected every question Alec had asked him. And now, he was sitting there talking to Camille Belcourt in an intimate way that only 2 people who truly knew each other could. He wondered if he would ever have that with Magnus.
(Need You Now- Lady Antebellum)
Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor,
Reaching for the phone 'cause
I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time
Alec scrolled through the pictures of his trip around the world with Magnus. Magnus, in all his costumes based on local customs, looked so happy, nothing but love in his eyes. Perhaps, if they had just continued traveling, Alec could have ignored the fact that he wanted, no needed, more than just happy times from Magnus.
(What Hurts the Most- Rascal Flatts)
What hurts the most was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
He'd never felt so utterly lost, hopeless, alone. The image of Magnus walking away from him in the tunnel played over and over again in his mind, like a broken record that he was unable to control. He longed to tell Magnus that he loved him, that he was so, so sorry, that he needed him to understand why he had done those things, and how desperately he needed to know Magnus, all of him. There was so much left unsaid, but Magnus wasn't returning his calls or replying to his texts.
(Demons- Imagine Dragons)
Your eyes, they shine so bright
I want to save their light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how
Those green-gold eyes, with their slit pupils, the most unique feature of the man he loved, and that was saying something. Magnus was beautiful and unique, inside and out. He'd never known anyone like him, there likely wasn't anyone like him. All he'd ever wanted to was to love him, and know him like no one else did. How was he supposed to fix this, this beautiful thing he had broken so thoroughly?
(Here I am- Air Supply)
Holding you, a feeling I never outgrew,
Though each and every part of me has tried,
Only you can fill that space inside,
So there's no sense pretending, my heart is not mending
Every night was the same. Magnus's lips pressing against his own. Magnus's arms wrapped tightly around him, making him feel secure and loved. Magnus's heartbeat, slow and steady, easing Alec's pain, calming him. And then, he'd wake up, alone and heartbroken, wanting nothing more than to return to his dream.
(After All That We've Been Through- Chicago)
After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you,
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go
Tell me how to fix this, Magnus. Please. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, loving you.