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"Kyle!" Craig Tucker cried out in relief. The simple night at Stark's Pond had turned into the nightmare that was the annoyance of Eric Cartman. Drunk Eric Cartman who couldn't really stand up and was even more insulting than usual.
He'd shown up with Stan and Kenny, but Stan had left to have sex with Wendy in a truck and Kenny was trying to fill up some girls with enough alcohol to do the same.
So he, Tweek, and Clyde were stuck with him bitching about the situation. But Kyle was here now, and Craig already had his hands on Cartman's shoulders.
"Oh hey Craig-"
He was cut off by a flying Cartman having been shoved in his direction. He only just managed to catch him by the waist as Cartman collapsed onto him.
"Aye! Don't give meh to the Jew!''
"He's yours now!" Craig explained, and his group walked off thankfully before Kyle could reject his new responsibility. He gave a heavy sigh, and upon flipping Craig's back off he put Cartman down and sat next to him.
"Kahl you're late!"
"I have a job fatass."
"At the Jew palace!"
"For fucks sake Cartman! A law firm is not a 'Jew Palace'! You're just pissed off that you've been banned."
"I was not banned! I was kindly asked to leave by the Park county police of whom I have a very good understanding with!" Cartman slurred and was about to throw a punch and instead fell onto Kyle's lap. Kyle chuckled and stroked Cartman's hair as Cartman made a gurgling sound.
"Fuck," Kyle sat him up a bit in case he was choking on his own spit or something. He felt like he was looking after a baby. To top this off Cartman made a whiny noise and extended his arms.
"What?"
"Hug, fucktard." As Cartman said that he fell again into Kyle's arms. Kyle punched Cartman's shoulder a little and then buried his face into his shoulder.
"Don't be late again, Craig's an asshole." Cartman said and began to pull at Kyle's clothes and was very frustrated at how they were not coming off.
"Fucking Jew clothes!" He said, and Kyle clasped Cartman's hands as not to be undressed in public. Granted this public was a group of mostly wasted and or sexually preoccupied teenagers in a small town gathering on a Saturday night, but still.
"Ah, I see nyah." Cartman said as he discovered the zip. He tried to grab at it but Kyle's control of his hands did nothing to help him.
"Kaaaaahl get naked!" He yelled, and a couple of people turned to them for a second. Kyle sighed again and looked up heaven ward for strength. He made a little yelp as he felt something at his chest and looked down to see Cartman with his car keys in his mouth. Before he could do anything Cartman had ripped himself away from him and was now standing with little balance in front of him.
"You're going to drive now?" Kyle raised his eyebrows.
"Yes."
"Good look with getting to the car."
Cartman stuck his tongue out and began to walk towards the road. About five steps in he fell into the snow. Kyle smirked at the sight of Cartman s ass in the air.
"You need any help?"
"No!" Cartman began to crawl.
"You sure?"
"Fuck...you...Kahl...," Cartman managed to get out before giving up and falling down. Upon hearing the gurgling sound again Kyle rushed over in time to witness Cartman throwing up into the snow.
"Dude, sick!" Kyle wrinkled his nose and began to drag Cartman to the car. His night would have to be cut short.
"Where we going?!"
"I m taking you home moron."
"No!" Cartman shook himself free and crawled a little away from Kyle. Kyle sighed once again and joined Cartman on the snow. Three feet away from a pile of vomit and the screams of idiocy and smells of sex was their backdrop. To their ridiculous love.
Cartman reached out with uncoordinated hands and found Kyle. He began to kiss his face, not really caring where as long as the flesh his lips were touching belonged to Kyle Broflovski. Kyle helped him out and kissed Cartman right on the mouth. The taste of sick didn t bother him too much and he pulled the drunk baby closer to himself as he was getting cold now in the snow.
He d drag him to the car and take him home later. He d put him under too hot water and feed him salad and deny him too much aspirin. He d make fun of him for his behavior and he d fight off racial insults.
But right now he was content on inebriated Cartman doing his best to try to find his lips.