I've never belonged anywhere. In all my life, I've never felt truly accepted. People float in and out of my life like a spindly feather drifting through a zephyr. They are actors in the theatre show of my life. What life? Does it count as a life when nobody trusts you, and you cannot dispute what they believe because you are betraying every one of them? Does it count as a life when you have only ever had one love, to whom you dedicate all your heart and soul and being, just to discover that they lied their way into your heart, to discover that they never felt the raw emotion that you bled so painfully every day you were away? What kind of a life is that? It's my life, the unbearable reality I suffer when I wake up every tedious time I see the sun rise outside my window.

I'm an outcast in my own home. I have nobody to fall back on, to hold me and reassure me that every little injustice and fear and sorrow in my life is going to be okay. I don't even know who I am anymore. I am a stranger to myself, and to everyone else, so it seems.

Why bother carrying on? I have no-one to love and no-one to love me. Maybe someday I will. Maybe someday I'll have a friend. Maybe someday I'll fit in. Maybe someday... Maybe. Maybe. What does that word even mean? May-be. "May, it will never be". That's a realistic interpretation. I'm holding on to fantasies, to myths and legends and dreams and stories - I know they will never be real. Who am I kidding?

I'm sick of reality. After I was captured, I was wired up to machines and my brain was played like a video game, a digital re-enactment of the sick joke of my life. I've been manipulated many a time, force fed lies and stories and promises of friendship, promises of love, and I'm tired of believing. I'm tired of believing that there is still hope for me, because, from what I can comprehend, there isn't.

Bitter? Of course. After suffering through these lingering, arduous years, I have become bitter. Can I be forgiven? Hardship can warp and distort optimistic mindset. Not that I ever had one anyway.

I can't find my way. No matter how hard I try, how far I search, how many days, months, weeks, years I live... I still don't know where I belong. Does this realm exist? It's all an ideal picturesque reverie that no map or compass will direct me. I'm lost. Lost in a hateful wasteland. Help.