Neville walked down the hall to the great hall, when he saw a curl of red hair disappear around a corner. He sighed mentally. And out loud, too, but really just mentally.
He has a crush on Ginny, not that she knows that. But she does. Not that Neville knows that Ginny knows, so he's kinda depressed right now.
"If only I was cool she would date me," he thought. With another sigh. Because Neville likes sighing a lot. Or at least for the first three lines.
Just then, he saw another flash of hair, not that it was the only one because everybody was going to the great hall for dinner, but it was just so shiny that he couldn't help it.
So after secretly drooling over the shininess of Malfoy's platinum blond locks, he ran away. But not before Malfoy saw him.
"Hey, Longbottom!" he yelled.
Neville didn't stop running, so he was hit by a stunner. Then Ginny came and freed him from the Evilness of Malfoy so then they went to dinner happy.
But Neville was still sad. Because Ginny didn't like him.
He thinks. Anyways, then, Harry Potter walked in.
"O-HAI-EVERYONE-I-AM-SO-GOOD-DON'T-YOU-LOVE-LIFE?AND-HYPHENS?" He shouted.
"Oh, shut up, Potter, you great wanker!" came from the Slytherin tables. But, it wasn't Malfoy. No, it was Susan Bones.
What was she doing at the Slytherin tables?
"SUSAN-O-HAI-HOW-ARE-YOU-DON'T-YOU-LOVE-LIFE?"
"No. That's why we're sitting at the Slytherin table. They're emo."
"Hey!" Shouted Tracey Davis and Daphne Greengrass, who were both blonde so definitely not emo because everyone knows that blondes can't be emo.
But they were still half emo since they dyed half their hair black. With white pencil shavings.
Ron suddenly stood up and took a deep breath, choking a bit on the mashed potato still in his mouth.
"GINNY!" He bellowed, mashed taters flying everywhere. Even to the United States. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT THE GREASY GITTY SLYTHERIN TABLE?"
Ginny, who miraculously changed her appearance, was unrecognisable since she was under a lot of black and white makeup, hairdye, and clothing, rolled her eyes at him.
"This is the emo table, remember? Urgh. Stupid brothers."
Ron's ears turned red, because that's what ears do.
Draco Malfoy stuck his nose in the air.
"Emo was so last season. I-"
"You mean in winter? Won't they freeze to death because they're only wearing lace?"
"I-pphhpppt- I meant last fashion season, mudblood."
"I'm a pureblood! And I'm richer than you! And I am prettier, too, and I have all the boys after me so don't you dare-"
"DIE MARY SUE" came the collective yell from the crowd.
"Well," sniffed Selena Cassandra Alexis Moriarity Black Potter Parkinson Weasley Dumbledore McGonagall Snape. "I can see that I'm not wanted here. One more thing. Harry Potter? I AM YOUR FATHER! AND YOUR TWIN! AND YOUR GODMOTHER, TOO!"
"WHAT-BUT-HOW-IS-THAT-POSSIBLE-DON'T-YOU-LOVE-LIFE?"
But with a shriek, she changed into this person who looked like a person with big black fluffy wings with pink hearts sewn on and flew out of the Great Hall. Never to be seen again.
"… so, yes, I do mean winter," drawled Draco Malfoy, clueless as ever after a long rant that no one bothered listening to.
Neville was looking at them both with admiration.
Wow, he thought, looking at Harry, it would be so cool to be the son and twin and godson of Selena Cassandra Alexis Moriarity Black potter Parkinson Weasley Dumbledore McGonagall Snape. And have Ginny Weasley be in love with you.
On the other hand… He shifted his focus onto Draco It would also be epically awesome to know all the latest fashion trends!
OMG! I have an idea! I'm going… to get a makeover!
Bursting out into what he considered evil laughter, but was, really, somewhere between a pathetic snort and a squeak. Three times in a row.
"Are you alright, Neville?" asked Seamus. "AND DON'T STEAL MY LUCKY CHARMS!"
"I wasn't-"
"Okay then would you like to go to the infirmary? I think you just produced a sound so pathetic it wasn't humanly possible."
Neville Harrumphed.
"See? You just did it again. Come on, I'm sure Pomfrey has an un-pathetic… er, potion for you. She's a great medi-wizard. She's so good she can find something wrong with you when you're perfectly healthy!"
"I'm good. Um, Harry?" He asked, slightly afraid of the somehow hyper-but-usually-emo boy he shared a dorm with.
"OHAINEVILLEDON'TYOULOVELIFE?"
"Can I talk to you? Privately?"
"SURE-NEVILLE-O-HEY-EVERYONE-ME-AND-NEV-ARE-JUST-GONNA-GO-OUTSIDE-THE-GREAT-HALL-TO-HAVE-A-PRIVATE-CONVERSATION-BUT-FEEL-FREE-TO-DROP-BY-UNLESS-YOU-ARE-VOLDERS-OR-HIS-DEATH-MUCHIES-NOW-REMEMBER:LOVE-LIFE-OR-ELSE-I-WILL-GET-YOU-MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA" Because apparently the word 'private' wasn't in Harry's dictionary.
With that, he danced out of the great hall.
An "OH-HAI-HOW-ARE-YOU-PROFESSOR-UMBRIDGE-DID-YOU-KNOW-THAT-EVERYONE-CEPT-ME-HATES-YOU?" was heard. After that, the house points hourglass for Gryffindor lost half of its rubies.
Neville ran outside the great hall. He figured he might take advantage of this happy, chipper Harry. He wasn't almost sorted into Slytherin for nothing. Or was that Hufflepuff…?"
A/N: Hey, this is Hoffn speaking. Since I basically wrote this chappie Gwen will write the next and also beta. Hope this brought at least half a smile to your face!
Well, this is Ipm. Wow, my penname initials looks weird. Should've stuck with HPFS7. YAY! I GET TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER! HOORAY! So that's about it.