THE TRUTH
They were at a gathering arranged by Harriet; it would have been a very nice gathering if Mac hadn't showed up with Webb by her side. It was innocent. He had showed up at her apartment as she was about to leave. He wanted to take her out to dinner, but she had the gathering to go to and she asked him to come. After all he knew most of the people there and could even call some of them friends. It hadn't occurred to her that Harm still thought she was dating him and that he would probably not be too happy about them being there together. He had tried to be nice when he shook hands with Webb and asked him how he was, but Mac could see that he was struggling to act cool. She felt like an ass for not telling him sooner that she was still single and waiting for him. She would always be waiting for him and she always had been for as long as they had known each other. Even when she was engaged to Mic, she had subconsciously been waiting for him.
Harm was there with Mattie, his ward, and Mac could see that he was happy when he was around her. She was a nice girl. Mac barely knew her, but anyone who could make Harm smile was nice in her eyes. He deserved to be happy, they both did; even though they were both secretly miserable because of each other.
Mac had stepped away from the crowded living room and was now standing in front of a window looking out into the dark garden. She didn't hear anyone approach her, so she jumped a little when she felt the presence behind her.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you." Mattie apologised.
"I was just lost in thought, I didn't notice you." Mac gave the young girl an inviting smile before she turned towards the window again.
"I know I don't know you that well, but can I ask you a question?" Mattie stepped a little closer and looked out the window too, as to see what Mac found so interesting out there.
"Sure." Mac said and focused on Mattie.
"What is it with you and Harm?" Mattie asked directly.
Mac looked down and didn't answer at first. "I'm a pretty girl." She finally said.
"What?" Mattie was confused.
Mac took a deep breath. "People don't see me as a smart person or a capable person, they see me as a pretty girl. It's because of my big boobs and my half Persian look, I think. That's why I always go out of the way to have knowledge about almost everything possible and that's why I always have to argue and be tougher than everyone else. I'm a pretty girl." Mac could see that Mattie was confused and she didn't blame her. Hell, she didn't know why she was telling this to her.
"What does that have to do with you and Harm?" Mattie asked, still confused.
Mac wasn't sure if she should talk or just tell the girl to forget she ever opened her mouth. She decided to talk. "Because he doesn't see me as a pretty girl, he respect me even though I don't always know everything and even though I sometimes get scared. It works both ways."
Mattie had to dwell on what Mac had said for a while before continuing. "But what is with you and him? I asked him if he loved you and he said he did. Do you love him?"
Mac smiled. "Yes I do. But something always gets in our way. Well, most of the time we get in our way."
"But you should be together. If you love each other I don't understand what's keeping you apart." Mattie couldn't understand why two people so obviously in love, couldn't be together.
"I don't know any more." Mac looked down defeated.
"Why are you with Webb?" Mattie asked.
"I'm not with Webb, he's just a friend." Mac was defensive as she answered.
Mattie looked relieved. "You should tell Harm, because he thinks that you are in a relationship with Webb."
Mac smiled again and touched Mattie's shoulder. "I will."
"Good." Mattie smiled and walked away leaving Mac to stare out the window again.
On the way back to the living room Harm met up with Mattie. "Where did you go?"
"I was talking to Mac. She's pretty cool." Mattie said before walking back into the living room to talk to Jennifer Coates.
"Yeah, she is pretty cool." Harm said to the empty space in front of him.
Mac decided that she needed some air and walked outside onto the back porch overlooking the garden. She took a deep breath of the cool air and felt her head clear a little.
"What are you doing out here?" Harm's voice came from behind.
Mac didn't turn. "Nothing."
"Shouldn't you be with your date." Harm's voice was dripping with sarcasm.
Mac turned and studied his face. "He's not my date Harm, I'm here alone."
Harm looked like he didn't believe her. "You spent Christmas with him and you came with him tonight."
Mac swallowed hard. "Can't two friends spend Christmas together?"
Harm still didn't look convinced. "Sure."
They fell quiet, both turned towards the garden and both staring right in front of them.
Mac broke the unpleasant silence. "We messed up."
Harm nodded in agreement. "We do that."
Mac turned to him. "Why?"
He looked back at her. "I don't know."
They fell quiet again and they both looked away.
Mac decided that she needed this night to end in some sort of clarity. "Mattie said that you love me."
Harm's head whipped back to her face. "She did what?"
Mac met his eyes. "She told me that you told her that you love me."
Harm swallowed hard. "I did."
Mac stepped closer to him and searched his face. "Why didn't you tell me?"
He looked defeated. "I don't know Mac."
She took a step closer and was near enough to feel his warmth. "You should have told me."
"I'm sorry." He looked down. "Are you with Webb?"
"No." Her voice was strong as she answered. She needed him to know that she was available.
"Do you want to be with Webb?" His voice was shaking.
"No." Her voice even stronger.
He looked at her again. "What do you want?"
"I want you and me to work things out between us." She felt her eyes water and looked down.
He touched her shoulder and ran his hand down her arm and found her hand. "How do we do that?"
"I love you." She turned her face towards him and met his eyes.
"I love you too." He stared back.
She gave him a slight smile. "That's a start."
He smiled back, but turned serious again just as quickly. "I'm sorry about Paraguay, I was being a jerk."
She looked defeated, like she had given up a fight. "I'm sorry too. I didn't make it easy on you to be nice to me, but I wasn't really myself."
He nodded. "You had been trough a lot, I should have been more supportive."
"You were busy getting us out of there alive." She wanted to give him an excuse.
"I could have taken a few minutes to acknowledge that I was glad that you were alive." He didn't want to excuse his behaviour.
"That would have been nice." She smiled, but with his next confession she turned serious again.
"I was going down there to tell you how I felt, but then you kissed Webb and my world got turned upside down."
"I should have taken the time to explain my actions."
"How about you do that now?" His look was pleading.
"I thought he was dying because of me, and it was my way of saying goodbye. He got tortured so that I wouldn't be, it's not easy to live with that." She felt that she was making excuses, but it was the truth.
He nodded. "I understand."
She was surprised. "You do?"
He nodded again."Yes, you felt guilty. You probably still do. It's normal."
She let out a sigh. "Sometimes I wish our lives were easier."
"I wish that all the time, but we can make it easier." He suggested and put his hands on her hips.
"How?" Her hands went to his chest.
"We stop arguing and start telling the truth."
"What's the truth?" She looked deep into his eyes.
He stared back at her, making the next statement with his eyes as well as his voice. "The truth is that I want to be with you."
She relaxed against him. "I want to be with you too."
He leaned in and kissed her, feeling her arms around his neck and she deepened the kiss.
The End