Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters that were created by J.K. Rowling. I do, however, own Salim. I don't own my friends, but I do own the Lemons. Yes, it's a self-insertion fic, not of the Mary-sue kind though. If you want to read a normal story about Harry and his friends, go elsewhere and leave my review page alone. Many thanks to His Lordship Chaos and Friends for writing "Pretty Fly for a Hentai" and inspiring this crazed… err… thing… As stated in the preview this is not a story for younger audiences. Slash and sex abound along with alcohol and mushrooms. Nothing graphic, mind, but all the same I will not be responsible for corrupting the worlds youth. That's what HBO and Skinimax are for. 16 recommended. You have been warned.
Prologue: When life gives you Lemons…
Rabbit sat in front of her computer staring blankly at the screen and half expecting a banner to pop up across the Fictionalley.org homepage proclaiming "Weird Ship Day!" Every single fic, she sighed to herself as she scrolled down the screen, had some odd pairing. This author had decided that Hagrid and Filch made a good pair. The one below it sported a paring list that was longer than the summary of the fic itself. The oddest was still a fic proclaiming to slash James/Harry/Sirius/Snape/Mrs. Norris/OC/AU. Yes, the fic proclaimed to be slashing an entire alternate universe with the characters and had a bonus Mary Sue thrown in for effect. Rabbit shuttered to think what that poor person was on.
"Salim," The girl addressed her absolutely adorable Mini Super Dollfie, (http:www.volks.co.jp) "This sucks! Is it really so much to ask for a normal pairing?" Salim, to her credit, had gotten used to the cynical, perpetually complaining girl, and remained as she was, grinning impishly. Rabbit knew better than to expect a response from her. Dolls, no matter how life-like, cannot talk, she reasoned to herself as she closed her eyes and rubbed at her temples. It was then that she heard a small, annoyed sigh followed by a heavy thunk against her desk.
"You are pathetic." A tiny, childish voice accused from the vicinity of the keyboard. Rabbit opened one eye, wondering what ungodly popup had infiltrated her internet pleasure this time, and nearly fell from her chair.
Salim stood in front of the screen with tiny hands on her hips and the most incensed look a doll could manage. Rabbit sat bug eyed for a few moments before reaching into her top drawer and extracting a medicine bottle.
"They told me this was Echinacea!" She fumbled with the bottle.
Salim rolled her eyes. "You're not drugged! Although if you were to get weed accidentally, Walmart'd be the place to do it."
Rabbit looked from the animated doll to the Echinacea bottle to the terrible shipped fics on the web page in front of her. "I am never ever falling asleep with you in plain sight after reading fiction again!"
Salim ceased the girl by the ears and looked right into her face. "We're gonna go make use of these ships! All of them!"
"Good night, Salim!" Rabbit got up to fetch her box.
"Ambulo fabulam!"
"WHAT?!" It was then that Rabbit saw the broadband cable slithering over the monitor. "We're on page two! It's too early for a deus ex machina!"
"Well then, I seem to be in control of that now, don't I?" Salim quipped, rather pleased with herself, as the cable began to swallow the girl headfirst. The doll then disapperated from the room with an evil giggle and a loud crack.
Yeah, short, I know. Sorry. There will be actual Harry Potter characters in the next installment. R&R Flames become birdcage lining.
Prologue: When life gives you Lemons…
Rabbit sat in front of her computer staring blankly at the screen and half expecting a banner to pop up across the Fictionalley.org homepage proclaiming "Weird Ship Day!" Every single fic, she sighed to herself as she scrolled down the screen, had some odd pairing. This author had decided that Hagrid and Filch made a good pair. The one below it sported a paring list that was longer than the summary of the fic itself. The oddest was still a fic proclaiming to slash James/Harry/Sirius/Snape/Mrs. Norris/OC/AU. Yes, the fic proclaimed to be slashing an entire alternate universe with the characters and had a bonus Mary Sue thrown in for effect. Rabbit shuttered to think what that poor person was on.
"Salim," The girl addressed her absolutely adorable Mini Super Dollfie, (http:www.volks.co.jp) "This sucks! Is it really so much to ask for a normal pairing?" Salim, to her credit, had gotten used to the cynical, perpetually complaining girl, and remained as she was, grinning impishly. Rabbit knew better than to expect a response from her. Dolls, no matter how life-like, cannot talk, she reasoned to herself as she closed her eyes and rubbed at her temples. It was then that she heard a small, annoyed sigh followed by a heavy thunk against her desk.
"You are pathetic." A tiny, childish voice accused from the vicinity of the keyboard. Rabbit opened one eye, wondering what ungodly popup had infiltrated her internet pleasure this time, and nearly fell from her chair.
Salim stood in front of the screen with tiny hands on her hips and the most incensed look a doll could manage. Rabbit sat bug eyed for a few moments before reaching into her top drawer and extracting a medicine bottle.
"They told me this was Echinacea!" She fumbled with the bottle.
Salim rolled her eyes. "You're not drugged! Although if you were to get weed accidentally, Walmart'd be the place to do it."
Rabbit looked from the animated doll to the Echinacea bottle to the terrible shipped fics on the web page in front of her. "I am never ever falling asleep with you in plain sight after reading fiction again!"
Salim ceased the girl by the ears and looked right into her face. "We're gonna go make use of these ships! All of them!"
"Good night, Salim!" Rabbit got up to fetch her box.
"Ambulo fabulam!"
"WHAT?!" It was then that Rabbit saw the broadband cable slithering over the monitor. "We're on page two! It's too early for a deus ex machina!"
"Well then, I seem to be in control of that now, don't I?" Salim quipped, rather pleased with herself, as the cable began to swallow the girl headfirst. The doll then disapperated from the room with an evil giggle and a loud crack.
Yeah, short, I know. Sorry. There will be actual Harry Potter characters in the next installment. R&R Flames become birdcage lining.