The Stupid Heart and What It Wants
Whatever, Clarke thinks, it's not like she had any say in what he could do or not do. They were friends, he called her buddy and champ! If she didn't have a clear sign that they were just friends, friendzone was now flashing in red right in her face. He was on a date, a freaking date! And he texted her telling her he was having a good time. She was awesome, he had said, she's all about spirituality and healing and loves reading and science fiction movies. Oh and here's the kicker she even loves Korean food just like him.
If Clarke didn't want to go back and tell herself to knock the feelings the fuck off before, she most definitely did now. She was upset. Over what though? That he was having a good time, like he should be after all. Or maybe it was that he found his twin, only it was a female and most definitely not related to him.
Argh! Clarke had this coming, she knew it, she really did. She met him and he was funny and sweet and everything she liked in a guy. They could talk for hours, their coffee tastes were the same and they could make each other laugh. It was not at all hard to fall for him. To fall for his stupid adorable hot stupid stupid argh Clarke was annoyed at herself. She shouldn't have let this happen.
Feelings were an awful thing. And now, Clarke was really being slapped in the face by them. Why was she even crying? Why did her chest have this stupid ache in it. Why was she stupid enough to fall for him when he was clearly not into her. He wasn't interested, they were just friends.
Clarke had forced the feelings down for a long time, for at least 5 months since they met. It's now been two months since she let herself feel. Why? Because she thought, hey they were getting closer, hanging out more and more. At her place, at his place. They were going to dinners and lunch and movies and getting coffee. Dammit they even had a class together at the college!
Why did this have to happen? Why did she have to meet him? Talk to him? Find out what a great guy he was? Why why why!
Clarke sighs picking up her phone and glaring at the texts he sent. This is probably the fifth time she's read them since he's sent them. And then there was her message, "She sounds like a lot of fun". Oh she hoped he read it how she sent it, with none of her usual excitement at their conversations. She did not add an exclamation mark, nor did she add a happy face emoj, no. Clarke was not having any of that. Nope, not at all. In fact she was done. Done with men. Done with women, specially after her nasty break up with Lexa. She was done with dating and everything. From this moment on, Clarke was going to focus on one thing and one thing only. Her damn self. That's right, she didn't need a man or a woman to put value to herself. She is independent and free.
Her phone dinged, a happy little chime that Clarke now thought to be as annoying as nails on a chalkboard. It was him.
"Date went good. I'll see you tomorrow morning for coffee?" -Bellamy.
"Date went well." She corrected him, outloud instead of sending it to him.
Grinding her teeth she locked her phone and sat back in her chair. She looked out at the foresty view.
"I'll see you tomorrow for coffee?" She mocked rolling her eyes. She was being a child. A stupid child with a heart filled with too many feelings.
Giving up and picking up her phone, she slid her thumb across the screen unlocking it and opening his texts.
"Yes, same time as always." -Clarke.
Oh how she wished she could just give him the cold shoulder, ignore him, blow him off. But, her thumb instinctively hit the send button and now she was obligated to show up to their favorite coffee house tomorrow and sure enough he will talk all about his date and how great it was and how great she was and how fucking great everything was.
She hated herself.
Clarke stood from her chair and went inside. A cloud of brood following her into the kitchen.
"What's wrong with you?" Raven asks looking up from her phone at Clarke whom now was slamming things around trying to put a meal together.
"Why would anything be wrong?" She pursed her lips opening the fridge.
"Okaaay," Raven drug out, "I say it's Bellamy related." She pointed at Clarke and smiled.
Clarke laughed sharply, humorlessly. "Bellamy, right."
"Yeah, right." Raven narrowed her eyes, a smile still stretching her lips.
"Shut up." Clarke looked up at Raven with a glare dropping the bag of veggie nuggets on the counter. She looked down and frowned deciding she wasn't hungry after all.
"I'm stupid, Raven." She murmured leaning against the counter. "Incredibly utterly completely stupid."
"I mean you're not the brightest but I wouldn't say you're all those things you just said." Raven tried joking and stood up. "You wanna talk about it?" She stuck out her bottom lip and gave her best impression of a bad sad face.
"Sure," Clarke shrugs, "Why not?"
So she told her, everything Bellamy told her and everything she felt afterward. Raven listened, nodded and held back her commentary. And in the end, Clarke could tell there was some pity behind her dark eyes.
"Please don't pity me." She whipped her face, smearing her mascara even more.
"I'm not, I just think maybe it's time to tell him how you feel, you know before things go any further with this chick." Raven was right, maybe it was time, maybe if she told him how she felt he would come to the light and feel the same. Or maybe she was kidding herself and he would respectfully reject her.
"I don't know!" Clarke whines throwing herself back against the couch they sat on in the middle of her information unload.
"Alright I'm throwing you an ultimatum, if you don't tell him tomorrow at coffee, I will tell him." Raven pursed her lips and gave a stern look.
"You wouldn't." But she would, oh she so would. Clarke knew her and she knew Raven wasn't messing around. Maybe she was tired of hearing Clarke talk about Bellamy all time. Ultimatums, were Raven's best friend.
"Fiiiine!" Clarke breathes out, "I will tell him tomorrow at coffee."
"Good." She smiles standing up heading towards the kitchen to make dinner.
The coffee house was busy, too busy for Clarke. How would she tell him with so many people around? Maybe she would put out a little small talk. No, no that wouldn't work. He would end up talking about his date and she didn't want to hear any of that.
"Hey," Bellamy greets with a soft touch to her arm.
She was screwed.
"Hi." She returns.
"I have so much to tell you."
He seems so happy, and it actually pains Clarke. She doesn't want to crush his happiness but if she doesn't say something, Raven will.
"Stop, please." She puts her hand up, haulting him from further heart shattering news. "I have something to tell you and I would like it if you dont interrupt me." She gives him a look before looking down at her hands, her fingers twining around one another.
"I know you just went on this incredible date, and this girl seems nice and you seem to like her and whatever," she grimaced at her own words, "But I have something to say and this might come off a little too late but it had to be said because I-"
"Clarke,"
"Hush," she shakes her head, "I am going to fall a part if it doesn't." She takes a deep breath and looks up at Bellamy. "I like you, like I like like you, like a lot. Really a lot. I love you."
Her heart is in her throat, and she can't seem to breathe for a moment. His face doesn't show anything, not even a pitiful look. Nothing, he has become emotionless.
"Say something, please." She implores.
He leans forward, his hands reaching out to her own. "Clarke,"
"No, I know what you're going to say and I just decided right now that I don't want to hear it." She rips her hands away from his and stands grabbing her bag and walking out of the coffee house.
"Hey!" Bellamy shouts after her, grabbing her wrist. "Why can't you be patient and listen to what I have to say?"
"Patient? I've been patient for the last 6 months you idiot!" She shouts pulling away from him.
"I'm an idiot?" He questions, "If I'm an idiot than you're blind!"
She couldn't believe it has come to this. They were yelling at each other on the street. People were looking, she was embarrassed. Maybe she should have never told him how she felt. They would probably stay friends and Clarke could learn to not love him, but it was too late. Her feelings were out in the open.
"Blind? Blind to what? How incredibly difficult you have been? I've been squashing down my feelings for you because you clearly arn't interested in me like I'm interested in you!"
"How do you know?"
"How do I know what?"
"How do you know I'm not interested in you if you never asked me?"
"How am I supposed to ask you that kind of question?"
"Damn Clarke it's easy, ask me!"
"Fine!" She growled, "Are you interested in me?"
"Yes, Clarke, I like you, like I like like you, like a lot. Really a lot. I love you!"
She doesn't know how to react. He used her exact words and for a second she feared he was mocking her but he was absolutely genuine. His eyes said it all. He was telling the truth.
"Are you going to say something?" He huffed at her silence.
"You're a jerk, you're a big jerk, you know." She squeezed her lips together forcing herself not to smile.
"Well you're an idiot, I guess we can be a jerk and an idiot together." He started smiling.
"You mean what you said?" She asks looking up at him through her lashes.
"Yes, I love you, Clarke." He brings her close and leans down.
Clarke hesitates for a moment but then gives up closing the gap between them.
Hey everyone! So sorry for the forever wait! I will be honest with you, I had no inspiration for any one shots and I just went through something and I felt the need to pour my heart out in the form of writing. So here is a new installment to 100 One Shots. I hope you guys enjoy! Please review, letting me know what you think of this latest piece!
With tons of love- Len