The Boat trip
It was a busy Saturday afternoon and the Brockman family where taking a boat trip on the river Thames. They had barely been on the boat for five minutes and Ben was leaning over the side, making vomiting noises much to Jake's annoyance.
"Why do you have to do that?" the older boy asked in a irritated tone of voice, not taking his eyes from his mobile phone.
"Because that's what people do when they go on a boat" Ben replied as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Only if they get sea sick and you're not sea sick are you" said Pete.
"No" Ben replied " so I can only lean over making pukey noises if i do actually need to be sick then?." Meanwhile, karen was questioning Sue about where the Boat would be going and began to worry that the captain would take everyone prisoner and sail the boat to another country and tie everyone up on the boat.
"I don't think that will happen" Sue reassured her daughter "if the captain was planning on taking everyone prisoner and taking them to another country he would have probably tied everyone up by now and announced he was taking the boat with everyone on to another country."
"Well maybe he's planning everything right now and could come out at any minute with loads of henchmen to tie us all up and then say he's taking everyone to africa or italy and then leave the boat out in the middle of the ocean" Karen pointed out " it won't be much fun if everyone is tied up on a big boat in the middle of the ocean." A little while soon passed by and there was no sign of the captain coming up to announce he was taking all the passengers hostage and then taking them to another country to leave the boat with everyone tied up in the middle of the ocean and that made Karen seem more at ease.
"See I told you that wasn't going to happen" Sue told her "why did you think that that was going to happen?"
"Because I saw this story on the internet where a bunch of these people went on a boat trip and the captain was actually a criminal who took them all prisoner" Karen explained " he tied them all up, stole all their belongings they brought with them and then he sailed the boat to Australia before leaving the boat in the middle of the ocean and he escaped in a helicopter whilst the people where still on the boat." Sue let out a sigh and told Karen that the story she read was on a fictional crime site an the story was made up and Karen pointed out that she knew it was fictional but got a little worried that it was going to happen for real.
"Mum, who do you think would win in a fight between Voldemort and Barack Obama?" Ben asked as he came walking over.
"What do you mean?" Sue asked "you mean like an argument."
"No a sort of punching and kicking fight, like Obama could punch Voldemort in the face" Ben stated, making a punching gesture "or Voldemort could use some of his magic on Obama and turn him into a coffee table."
"Ben it is highly unlikely that Barack Obama would have a fight with Voldemort because Voldemort is a fictional Character" Jake said in a fed up tone and Pete noticed that the older boy seemed to be in a foul mood.
'What is up with you, you've had a face like a smacked bottom ever since we left the house" Pete pointed out.
"Oh nothing, just thrilled to be spending the day taking a boring boat ride and having to listen to pointless discussions about Barack obama and Voldemort having a fight" Jake pointed out sarcastically before going back to texting. Half an hour later, Ben was now having a discussion with Pete and Sue about something interesting happening during the boat ride
"Imagine if something like a giant squid attacked the boat with it's huge tentacles and broke the boat in half and everyone had to swim back to shore only to be grabbed by the giant squid and then eaten by it" Ben suggested "or a merman with a pointy stick thing punches loads of holes in the boat and it sunk."
"Ben I don't think there are any giant squids or mer people in the river thames" said Pete as Karen mad a noise of disgust and pointed out that a piece of turd floated by and Pete suddenly turned a slight shade of green
"Dad, why have you gone a funny colour?' Karen asked with a confused expression but Pete didn't answer her, instead he leaned over the side and made a retching noise as he threw up over board.
"Dad's just been sick" Ben yelled so loud that the other passengers turned around to look at the Brockman family.
'SSsshhh Ben" Sue hissed to him going red.
"Dad you just made the river Thames more dirtier" Karen pointed out as Pete sat back down.
"Well I don't think the captain would be too happy if I threw up all over the floor" he replied.
"But the river Thames is already dirty enough with bits of turd and probably wee wee" Karen pointed out "and you made it much worse by being sick in it."
"Karen, I'm not the only one to have vomited in the river Thames, probably loads of people who went on these boat rides probably got a bit sea sick and vomited over the side of the boats" Pete explained.
"Well if the boat does end up being attacked by a giant squid or sunken by an angry merman poking holes in it like then I don't fancy swimming in all that wee and poo and sick" Karen pointed out.
"Karen the boat isn't going to be attacked by a giant squid or sunken by an angry merman because none of them are likely to be in the river Thames" Sue pointed out just as the captain came up on the deck looking a little annoyed and dragging Ben along with him.
"Who does this boy belong too?" he asked. Sue buried her face in her hands and Jake rolled his eyes whilst Pete walked over to the captain and pointed out that Ben was his son.
"Well I suggest you keep him under control, he's been traumatizing some of the kids about a giant squid attacking the boat" the captain said in an annoyed tone as he handed Ben back to Pete who noticed that some of the other kids on the boat looked a little worried and one boy was wanting to get off in case the giant squid attacked.
"Ben I thought I made myself perfectly clear that there is no giant squid in the River Thames" Pete said.
"I know but I was bored so I told the other passengers to pay me a pound if they wanted to here the legend of the giant squid that lurks in the river Thames" Ben replied "do you want to hear it, will cost you a pound though."
"No I don't want to hear about the legend of the bloody giant river Thames squid" Pete replied in an annoyed tone "how much did you take from the other passengers anyway?"
"I earned seven pounds because I told the story to seven kids" Ben admitted proudly, revealing seven pound coins in his hand.
"Ben why on earth did you go around telling the other kids that story and scaring the living daylights out of them? Pete asked and Ben pointed out that they looked bored so he thought he'd entertain them by telling them his made up story about the giant squid that lived in the river Thames who attacks boats and eats the passengers. After Pete made Ben give all the money back, the boat ride was almost over and Karen was still concerned about the current state that the Thames was in.
"I reckon they should have built a giant plughole under the water and a huge tap at the side of west minister bridge so that when the water gets dirty then they should let it go down the huge plug hole and then replace it with clean fresh water from the tap and then people can go swimming in it when it's nice a sunny because people wouldn't want to go swimming if it's dirty" she explained "I know I wouldn't."
"Well actually some people do go swimming in the Thames" Sue revealed.
"What?" Karen asked with a look if disgust " why on earth would people do that?"
"Could be that they're idiots or probably drunk" Sue suggested as they were the only reasons she could think off but Karen agreed with her. A few hours had passed by and the Brockman family where now at home where Karen was in the kitchen writing a letter to the government about the Thames being filthy, Jake had gone out to his friends, Ben was upstairs flushing random objects down the toilet as part as an experiment to see which object flushed quicker and Sue was giving a Pete a massage after he sprained his shoulder from almost falling off the boat after Ben jumped on him whilst playing a game called Jumping Dragon.
"I have to say that that was the worst boat trip I ever had. First I throw up over the side then I hear that Ben's been traumatizing some of the other kids on the boat with some made up urban legend about a giant squid living in the Thames then he almost sends me flying overboard with that game of Jumping Dragon he made up" he pointed out.
"Yeah what was the purpose of that game?' Sue asked.
"I think it's where you play a Dragon who jumps on people and they become a Jumping Dragon after being jumped on" Pete suggested before they heard Karen yelling from upstairs, saying there was a pair of rubber gloves in the toilet.
"Oh bloody hell I bet Ben's been trying to flush things down the toilet again" Pete said with a sigh and sue left the room to sort him out whilst Pete leaned back in his seat, relieved that the boat trip was now over as it had been one of the worst he had been on.