Summary: Set to the song 'Another Now' by Kate Alexa. Susan wonders about her life without her siblings. Slightly AU.
Author's Note: Ok folks, this is my first Susan-after-the-crash fic, so if I get something wrong about her character, blame that fact ;). Oh by the way, I'm changing this so that Peter, Edmund and Lucy are the only ones that are dead; their parents are still alive. Every time I listen to this song, it makes me think about Susan and I think the lyrics of the song fit this time in her life so perfectly, I just had to write a fic about it. Anyway, enough rambling, please enjoy!
Disclaimer: C.S. Lewis owns Narnia, not me. Kate Alexa owns the song.
Another Now
Was only just the other day,
When all this felt so real,
Like nothing could go wrong,
Was like a never ending dream
Susan Pevensie stepped out of her automobile into the pouring rain. Her shiny black dress quickly becoming saturated with moisture, but Susan really couldn't care less today. She reached inside her car and took the three bouquets of white lilies, each wrapped in black and white ribbons.
Nothing ever changed
For so long.
She strode over to three freshly dug graves in the abandoned town cemetery, her tears falling slowly onto her wet dress and onto the flower petals. She quickly wiped her face with her hand and continued to walk toward the graves that she wished were never there.
But now you've gone away,
And I've tried turning the page
Kneeling beside the first grave, she placed the first bouquet down, letting her millionth tear fall. Reading over the inscription on the headstone, Susan sat in silence for a few minutes.
Lucy Marie Pevensie
Born: 23rd June, 1933
Died: 16th August 1949
A Valiant Spirit.
"Dear Lucy" Susan sobbed, putting her head in her hands, her hair falling to the muddy ground.
(Flashback, morning of 16th August)
"Susan, do come!" Lucy's clear call sounded up the stairs.
"Lucy, dear, I have no time for your silly childhood games, I gave up on them ages ago. It was nice while they lasted, but really, you should grow up!" Susan cried back.
Unknown to Susan, Lucy gave the stairs one last glare, and left with these last words;
"Aslan was right not to let you back into Narnia, even He wouldn't recognise Queen Susan the Gentle in you anymore."
(End Flashback)
"Oh, Lu, I'm so sorry!" Susan cried. Her tears continued to fall onto the ground with new intensity.
And it's just,
Not the same
But I'm breathing in
And I'm breathing out
I'm wide awake
But I can't hear a sound
Though I'm breathing in
I can't think about
Another you, Another me, Another Now.
Shifting to the left, she came upon the grave of her youngest brother.
Edmund Joseph Pevensie
Born: 4th February 1930
Died: 16th August 1949
Just At Heart.
"Oh, Ed" she whispered brokenly. She could picture him standing at Cair Paravel, with his arm around a laughing Lucy and standing opposite a very flustered Peter. Despite herself, she felt a smile creep up to her lips.
Laying down the second bouquet of flowers, her mind again drifted back to that fateful morning.
(Flashback, morning of 16th August)
Edmund came down the stairs, carrying the box containing the rings.
"Where are you going?" Susan asked, but then she saw the box.
"Oh don't tell me you still believe in that stupid game we played as children?" she said exasperatedly.
"How can you say it was a game Su? I of all people know it wasn't" Edmund retorted.
"It was!" Susan screamed "It was just a silly game that we made up because we were bored at the Professor's! It wasn't real!"
Edmund visibly stiffened.
"You know Su, one of these days, you're going to regret ignoring us and you'll wake up to yourself. You will become the Gentle again."
And with that, he strode out the door, slamming it behind him.
(End Flashback)
"Oh, how I want to take my nastiness back, but you still believed, despite what I said!" Susan sobbed.
Where do I go from here?
I've never felt so strange
I've never felt so torn
Cause ever since you came my way
I learnt to live by you
And now I'm on my own.
Standing, Susan stepped over to the final grave – Peter's.
Peter Michael Pevensie
Born: 20th September 1927
Died: 16th August 1949
Always Magnificent.
Leaving the final bouquet next to her oldest brother's grave, Susan's tears began anew.
(Flashback, morning of 16th August)
"Susan!"
Susan sighed. Peter was calling her to play their childish games, AGAIN. She calmly placed her eyeliner down on her dressing table and strode to the door of her room.
"Peter, I don't have time! Jacinta has found us a really high society restaurant and I can't be late for her!" she yelled down the stairs.
Peter was standing at the foot of the stairs, dressed in workman's outfit.
"You'll remember one day Su, you'll see that you're the one who's not grown up anymore. You'll realise what Gentle really means" Peter sighed tiredly, then walked away from her.
Not even realising that it would be for the last time.
(End Flashback)
I know, I need some time
To leave all this behind
Cause I'm still hanging on!
But I'm breathing in
And I'm breathing out
I'm wide awake, but I can't hear a sound
Though I'm breathing in
I can't think about
Another you, another me, another now
"Oh gosh Peter!" Susan all but screamed to the silent graveyard "Now I have a good reason to have given up on all of those stupid games! It's taken you – and Ed and Lu – away from me!"
But despite how angry her words sounded, Susan didn't feel angry inside.
She sighed brokenly.
"Why did you all have to go? My life is a mess without any of you there by my side!" she cried.
"I'll never let myself believe those idiotic, childish games again!" she vowed, her blue eyes blazing.
I'm sitting here
I'm all alone
Don't want to move
Nowhere to go
Cause nothings real
I just want to hide!
Cause you're not here!
And with those last words, Susan Ashley Pevensie stood, spun on her heal, and ran back to her car.
But I'm breathing in
And I'm breathing out
I'm wide awake but I can't hear a sound
I'm breathing in
And I'm breathing out
I'm wide awake but I can't hear a sound
Though I'm breathing in
I can't think about
Another you, another me, another now
And so, Susan's story here comes to an end, she spent the rest of her life never believing or remembering those "childish games", though every night, her dreams were filled with images of her siblings, happy and care-free in a beautiful place, where she could have been too, had she only believed.
Another you, another me, Another now.
END