THIS HAS BEEN BUGGING ME FOR WEEKS SINCE THAT ZARC EPISODE WHERE HE REVEALED HIS FEAR. TOOK ME ONLY TEN MINUTES TO WRITE THIS.
Warning: it is sad. And short. And probably inaccurate to the show. BUT IT IS MY OTP, THEREFORE, MY FEELS! MY STORY! XD
Also, just started Tokyo Ghoul recently. XD Maybe that had a hand in it...but why does Kaneki remind me so much of DANNY PHANTOM?
And on the terms of phobias, it took me a while to find this one. The other name for it is way too long (Kakorrhaphiophobia). I myself happen to have trypophobia (fear of holes/pattern of holes), atelophobia (fear of imperfection, but I can't do anything about this one), pistanthrophobia (fear of trusting people due to past bad experiences, minus the love relationship part for me), and catagelophobia (fear of being ridiculed, mostly from experience). Yeah...
I am so happy to know Jesus. :) Anyway, enjoy!
Atychiphobia - The fear of failure, losing, defeat.
Zarc hated losing. He hated failure. He could never accept defeat. The pain of experiencing such a weakness in his mind was too unbearable.
Because...throughout his entire life, all Zarc had ever experienced time and time again was nothing but loss.
He always lost something, whether it was some money that got sucked down the drain, or a pen accidentally misplaced, or something else entirely. There were also the parents he never knew, the homes he never had an opportunity to comfortably reside in, all the duels that were nothing more than hopeless scapegoats to save his hide from the other local street rats, and all the failed attempts of ever gaining any friends because of his power to hear his cards.
Zarc lost everything, and it left an empty hole in his heart over time. Was it something he did wrong? Why was he alone? Why did his life end up like this?
He hated that feeling of failure, how it just left him utterly helpless and...alone. At the very least, he never misplaced any of his precious dragons; they were one of the few friends in life that stayed by his side through and through, in good times and in bad. Even if everyone else called him out as a "lunatic who talks to thin air", he never felt alone when they were with him.
But even with their endless comfort...he still felt restless. Something else was missing. His life felt incomplete without that "something". What was it? What was that object he needed, the hope and light he could cling to in life?
Then, he met her. She was...special. She was his answer.
"Hi, my name is Zarc."
"That's a funny name. Ha-ha, nice to meet you, Zarc! You can call me..."
Ray...
Ray was her name. It was a wonderful name, a beautiful name, a perfect name that was music to his ears whenever he heard it. It fit her role, her personality, her liveliness wholly, like a warm ray of sunlight brightening up his otherwise dark and shadowed life. She was his light, that was for sure.
Ray was his best and only friend, who had the same abilities and love for the spirits as him. He felt a strange twinge swelling in his soul whenever she was around, an overwhelming warmth that he hoped would never go away.
It was hope. It was small, but it grew into a purpose for him, a purpose to live, to fight back, and to win.
And so he did just that. He started to fight with all of his power and he won. Again and again, he achieved victory after victory in his duels, his battles, in everything. The crowds that once called him out as a lunatic now cheered on for his strength and entertainment. They loved him and wanted more, and that made him happy. He felt like he could do absolutely anything, that there was nothing stopping him from being the greatest duelist in the world.
And it was all because of her that he had this amazing feeling. And he made sure that he would do anything, everything in his power to never lose her.
But unfortunately...it was inevitable. When he had already lost everything, it was only a matter of time before she left his life, too. And it was the most painful, unbearable loss that he had ever experienced in his life.
"Zarc...what you are doing is wrong. I...I can't see you like this. You're hurting people, it's just wrong!"
"But, Ray, the crowds love it! They love me! For once in my life, I have finally won at something, and they've accepted me for it."
"I do...but that doesn't mean it's the right choice. Zarc, I understand as a friend, but you can't continue down this path!"
"But...they..."
"Zarc, please listen to me! It's wrong. You have to stop this now. Please!"
"No...you're wrong. There's no way I'm going to start losing now, not after all I have done to reach this point. I've lost too much in my life already, Ray. Why can't you of all people see that?"
"I do...but you're now losing yourself. And until you stop this destruction...I..."
"...Ray?"
"I'm sorry...I have to go. Father's calling me."
"Ray, wait! Don't go, Ray! RAY!"
"I'm sorry, Zarc. I truly am."
"RAY! Please...don't leave me...I love you, Ray."
But Zarc did lose her, his only hope and light. She was his purpose in life, and she left him for the sake of the people. She left him for them.
He had failed again...thanks to Ray.
What other choice did Zarc have other than to cry out in rage? Why, of all things, did it had to be her? Why did she do this to him? Didn't she know of the pain that she caused, the anguish?
Zarc had to stop losing, to stop failing at everything. He had come so far to this point, and if he gave up on his dream right then and there because of her...he wouldn't ever be able to forgive himself for it. She made her choice, and he had to move onward. He now had a new purpose: to win by any means necessary, to win with whatever stakes were on the line, to win no matter what the cost or consequence may be in the future.
He had to win. That was all that mattered. There was no hope in his life elsewhere.
And so he did. He gained victory upon victory until he grew to be the strongest duelist in history...and then beyond. With all the power he had, he still couldn't face the scary reality of failure.
And to ensure that he never lost again, that he would never face that rejection or loneliness again, he became one with his only friends and transformed into an all-powerful god. With his unlimited power, Zarc knew that everything was in his grasp. He was the strongest, the greatest force in existence, the supreme ruler over all.
He had finally achieved the ultimate victory. No one could ever hurt or oppose him ever again, and he made sure of that.
But then...she came along and stopped him of all things. Of all people, why did it had to be her? Why did she continue to hurt him?
Zarc gritted his teeth; he would never fall to her again. He would never fall for her again, not after all the pain that she had caused him the first time. He promised himself that he would never lose again, especially to a traitor like her.
"You are unforgivable! UNFORGIVABLE! I HATE YOU!"
So why was everything drifting apart? Why was everything turning white...?
Was he losing again? His dragons were calling out to him...
"No...NO...this can't be happening! Not again! NOOO!"
The pain was sharp, intense, tearing into his very soul and breaking it apart into many pieces. He screamed, wanting it to stop.
However, the physical suffering was nothing compared to the emotional pain that he was experiencing. He was losing everything again, and his whole world was literally falling apart before his eyes.
And this time...not even his dragons were there to comfort him.
And it was all because of her. He was defeated by her.
"Why...why, Ray? Why did you do this to me? After everything...just why?"
Zarc vowed to be one again with his true friends...and to never experience any loss that painful ever again.
Well, there goes my feels. Also, stay tuned for fluffy VD stuff coming up! And till next time, this is CTA out! And God is good!