"A Life Half Undone "
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THIS THING!
A/N: Hello peoples! It's me again. I guess you could say I got entirely too bored and decided to write another fic even in between my dance lessons and school work! ARGH! Anyway, no more hassles about my problems this is only a commentary before reading this fic. I have had suggestions and other times what I felt to be complaints about how I needed to make a "happy ending" fic, well here! HAVE IT! This fic will have nothing to do with any previous one's so, . on you people! Sorry no sequels...So, enjoy and be happy that it's not going to have a DEATH ending...
Insignificant. People whom you meet on the street for only a few seconds after apologizing for bumping into them without your own notice to their presence. Things that happen at odd intervals in time like a single roll of thunder rumbling through the early morning sky before a burst of rain descends upon the silent abode that you harbor under. These simple and insignificant things can happen to anyone at any time and end up being the continuous track they unknowingly seem to travel to get them to the present situation that they are in at this very moment in time. Did they realize that such a small event that took place months or even years ago shaped what they had recently done? Of course not! No one ever does. Destiny was too harsh a word to use, more like a plan of the universe to get one to lead a certain way of life, or take an unsuspected route. All of these occurrences can lead up to a moment of life altering decision making.
What brought about this raving that I am currently holding with myself? Well, the simple fact that I never saw the deaths of everyone around me coming until I looked back at the event given back to me by my thoughts and memories. I was young and having strange dreams about death and dying at an extremely early age. My parents would always look at me oddly after I woke up screaming one night and claiming that wolves attacked me. It was awkward enough when I was younger to have my parents die and then, when I was sixteen, have the only living people taking care of me die as well. I was on my own and I still am.
Back to the bad dreams; that is to say that not all of the dreams were bad. Some I awoke with a smile and others I awoke not remembering where I was and thinking that I should be awaking in grass and beside a fire in the wilderness. Others, I would be led around by a strange figure dressed in white and never was I to see his face. Being plagued by these memories as a child singled me out from the others that I had known. I went through high school as an outcast though I didn't mind. Of course I was picked on but it could have been worse, most kids feared my quiet nature more than a kid who cut himself. It was odd to be seen as creepy by others for simply not speaking, but they were ignorant about my life and I intended to keep it that way.
Every day I would have a different dream containing this mysterious man. Every single dream was different and it seemed like when I was to fall asleep I would live an entire day in only a few hours and then, the next day when I slept, it would continue like the days I was living at the moment only somewhere, at least to me, in the past. What past? I did not know. I could only guess as to the wear of the figure I could never clearly see but this figure, I knew to be male by the mere sound of his deep voice, wore traditional clothing of the feudal times of Japan. Why would I always see everything about him except his face? He had pointed ears and sharp nails. Everything seemed to make him look demonic as a westerner would say. To me he was kind but I knew for a fact he killed things. He slaughtered in my dreams other odd looking creatures but never did he raise a harmful hand to me. Also, we (the "demon" and I) were followed by a green frog looking creature that seemed to hate this little girl I played in my dreams. He would always call me a stupid human child which lead me to the conclusion that in my dreams I was a child and that there were other things out there besides the human beings of today's society.
Never did I pay any attention to the insults of the frog, but I always seemed to be fixated on the central white figure of the "demon" always around me and sometimes fighting for me in these odd dreams. He, to me, seemed to be a hero of sorts and the feelings of admiration that I felt were overwhelming. It was almost as if I was this person and experiencing these things, just from years past; as if to be reliving past events that had indeed happened. It was odd to say the least but at one time when I reached my teens, the frog stopped calling me child and used my real name, Rin, just in a bad and angry tone. Suddenly, when I was sixteen, I noticed in my dreams, I would have sensations of love for the white figure that would appear so valiantly to protect me, while others would scorn him as being vicious and cruel. Love, was a strong word for me to use, because every person I had loved in the past had died and now I knew that these dreams did indeed mean something to me, no matter how small at the time, that something was.
I recall one night while I slept in my late parent's home - all on my own of course - that my dreams had significance. The demon of my dreams had one day, I could only correspond with my age at the time nineteen that we had a somewhat odd relationship. At first when in the dreams of my supposed younger days, I thought so highly of him as sort of a father figure. Now, in this recent dream adoration and love come to my heart when I spotted him in my dreams, still not all of him coming into the pictures of my mind. An odd feeling that scared me somewhat in the dream as I looked at him but I could now only see his eyes. Deep gold and amber depths stared back at me.
I woke up then after I looked away in my dream. So, I really did feel for this being in my dreams? It seemed so anyway. I happened to look over at my clock and saw that it was 3 am. Great, once I was up there was no more sleep to be held in my future. Stepping out of my bed and into my kitchen I slowly walked across the linoleum and flipped on the light. It burnt my eyes for a moment and then they adjusted as I placed a mug in front of me and soon began pouring myself a glass of milk. Why were these dreams so impacted into my mind and I seemed to remember every single one in great and avid detail? I never really believed in having past lives, but now these dreams were confusing me with such real and raw emotion like I had felt these things before with that demon in my dreams. Clearing my head and finishing off the contents of the mug I walked back to my room after flipping off the kitchen lights. Maybe tonight I would be able to get sleep. It never came.
I remember that night well because I felt more complete in those moments of my dream when the demon and I were facing one another. We had some sort of link, though I know not what it is at this moment. Soon enough sleeping every night served to leave me with more unanswered questions than I expected to have. If I were in love with this demon then why were my affections not catered to by him? Did he not like me back? He never said.
Currently I sat thinking these things over as I awaited the lady to come back from finding me a book at the book store. It didn't surprise me that a book about demons and ancient Japanese folklore was in the back of this tiny abode. With everything happening in the "now" of this time period, the 21st century, no one would want to resurrect stories of demons and thieves to instill into their children's minds, but now in this day and age that space was filled with what you should be when you grew up and you needed to make money. Such menial and greedy creatures humans were, and sometimes I felt bad for being one seeing everything we do to systematically destroy everything around us including ourselves.
She came back and I was finally able to pay for the books. Deciding that on a clear and crisp day as today I would take them to the park and I did. I proceeded to find myself a bench in front of these children playing while their mothers watched from a few feet away. I sat down and cracked open a book with neat and clean pages although the paper had faded a bit from nonuse and storage over what I concluded to be years. So much to know about this time period when demons and humans hated one another and as well feared what the other could do. My dreams intrigued me to find out more about this "mysterious" person that led me around like a starved puppy for so many years. I wanted to know more so that I could take away more than the basic feelings I got or what I did in the dreams. Maybe knowing more about youkai in general and the times would fill in the missing pieces that seemed to litter the puzzle of my life. I had lost so many of the pieces already it was hard to tell if my puzzle would ever get finished.
After hours of sitting on the bench and just reading what seemed to be an endless book, the chill of the air got to my fingers and the dimming light led me to believe it was going to get dark quickly. Placing my books in my hand and tucking them to my side I walked back through the park and into the busy and bustling nightlife that was Tokyo city. Japan's biggest metropolitan area. Why I had to live here surrounded by people who never knew me and people I would never see again, I do not know. Living away from everything was more my style but I had no money to move away and be at peace with my thoughts but I would learn to like it here, in due time at least I could hope.
I realized that as I walked I saw couples holding hands and whispering to one another while the other would laugh, I did not have someone. Why could I not have that? A lonely and yearning feeling crept into me and I tried to brush it off but it would not work. What was wrong with me this year? Continuing on my journey I finally reached my home and quickly took a shower and proceeded to put on my clothing for bed. What a day but at least I had learned something and maybe tonight I could read into these dreams a lot more than usual.
That morning I woke up in tears. They weren't tears of sadness but of joy. I knew his face now and his touch. I have no idea why it is that tears came from my eyes but they did and I didn't feel bad, just a bit confused but all around completely happy. Something good had finally happened and I enjoyed it very much. I appreciated the books now and would have to use them more often to get a grasp of what was going on and the underlying meaning of the actions of the time but I would get it eventually. My dream was wonderful.
I had been standing in a field of flowers with hues of yellow and pink the colors all molding to one another creating scenery close to the rising sun. A light breeze passed through the trees ahead of me and seconds later I felt it seconds later I brushed my VERY long hair out of my line of vision and then...I saw him. I was able to see everything about him that had eluded me in the previous dreams I had. To try and describe him would not do him justice.
His hair was completely silver in color and eyes that seemed to glow a piercing amber and gold. Oddly enough those eyes I knew scared many but never me and I felt blessed for it. His high cheeks and sharp features made him look like something carved from marble and set to be worshiped in the nearest Grecian temple. His markings caught me instantaneously: a blue/purple crescent moon in the middle of his forehead and his cheeks and wrists bore slashes of pink. He wore a white and red haori adorned with flowers contained inside geometrical figures. Also, he wore hakama pants and I remembered him wearing armor, but today he had nothing of the sort on his figure. Being bare of armor left his haori open to the chill of the wind and the presence of a strong and muscled physique met my gaze.
Walking up to me he had a scowl on his face as if he had been told by the toad that he couldn't have what he wanted. I had to laugh to myself at that one; Western Lord of Japan couldn't have something. I never did know that later that scowl would be placed on his face once again for my being. Stopping in front of me only a few inches away, he placed his hand on top of my own. I did not know what he was doing but my feelings and heart beat increased dramatically in seconds at his touch. Even in dreams, as well as reality, I considered him important to me above all other things, these memories were me in some way but I just don't know why yet.
How long had I awaited my dreams to reveal to me his features? Too long I suppose because tears started to roll down my cheeks but I knew it was from something other than what I came up with for reasoning after I awakened from this particular dream. Anyway, clawed hands brushed my tears away and he surprised me by bringing my face up and gently touching my lips with his own in a light and playful kiss, but I knew something was wrong. He brought our foreheads together and breathed a sigh against my lips as tears continued. What were all these tears for?
"I leave today Rin, you know that."
I could not register what he was saying clearly as silent tears blurred my vision and the pain in my heart blocked out words I did not want to hear. Shaking my head a little he applied force to the sides of my face to keep me from moving away. Giving up against his strength I couldn't help but whisper a small "no".
"Yes Rin, I have to go. I have to protect what belongs to me. There is no reason for you to try and change my mind; I am set on this matter. This Sesshomaru is sorry for ever hurting you and if you feel that I have harmed you in any way know I again, apologize. Being a demon and prince of the West I have never apologized for anything; know that you always seem to be the exception."
His lips began to arch if only for a second before becoming serious again, that seemed to be as close to a smile as I was going to get. As soon as he went back to his nonchalant face more tears spilled over the lids of my eyes. Clutching him to me I cried into his shoulder as he placed both arms around me and one began to soothe my back as if to tell me I would be alright; ya right. Words somehow found their way through all of the tears and gasps for air.
"Please, don't go. Don't leave me alone."
Stepping back away from me he placed me away from his being at arms length and as I tried to get next to him again he held back this time. Had I done something to anger him? Quickly, I placed my own hand upon his and laced our fingers so that he would not be able to leave me so easily this time.
Rin, I have to go to war with Naraku and his minions you will be alright without me, even if I never do come back. Accordingly, you would know from experience that this Sesshomaru will not die easily or at the hand of a hanyou
Shaking my head again and vigorously this time as if to shake the thoughts away, he stopped me with a quick kiss on the forehead and placed something in my hand. Before I knew it he was walking away with his back towards my vision. Tears blurred my eyes but I managed to open them and whisper softly to the breeze that I knew would carry it to him.
"Don't leave, I love you Sesshomaru, I loved you."
Looking up I noticed he was gone in an instant and opening my hand I found what I never thought I would. It was something he had explained to me when I had first seen it as a child. He took it everywhere and I never did see him take it off. It was simple but beautiful at the same time and I knew that by him wanting me to have it he was saying a secret only I would hear even if not spoken from lips. This secret was a promise of love whether or not he did come back. In my palm was a necklace. A necklace made out of a deep blue set stone in the middle and golden beads for the rest of its features.
This one dream was so important because I looked up the necklace in the folklore book I had purchased from the bookstore and found the exact same thing I had seen in my dreams. It was a pendant prophesized to open a box (inside this stone a key was said to have been placed by Midoriko) and inside that box was the most precious object of the time, the Shikon jewel. And hanging around my neck in my most recent dreams is that necklace. The months I spent dreaming without him in the actual dreams told me that the war was long and hard fought. That necklace changed everything.
Down the street, I looked up from the ground as I watched cars pass by myself and a group full of people. A large crowd that I was now part of and waiting for the light to turn green so that I could walk across and go on with the rest of my day. It was like any other day, simple and boring. I was wearing a simple white dress that reached to my knees with small spaghetti straps. I loved it because it was outlined in gold which gave a shine when the sun was bright, like today.
Seeing the cars stop I knew I needed to pay attention to where I was going but a hint of silver flashed across my vision from the street I needed to walk over to. I froze instantaneously. People bumped me and tried to move passed me uttering course words at me, but I didn't care. I fixated on that one object and could not look away. There he was, the man from my dreams who I claimed to love so dearly and as I went to step forward I felt something hit my cheek. Quickly whipping my eyes with the backs of my hands I had began crying oddly enough. All of what I was dreaming had to be true, it just needed to be.
With renewed vigor and being over the shock of seeing him I sprinted across the street while cars honked and people yelled but again I didn't care. I panicked a little when I lost him from my sight for a few seconds. Then again, I saw a flash of silver from his hair and followed him down the street. As always he made a quick pace and I tried to keep up. Turning a corner I decided to get his attention because his pace was killing me and I was about to loose him due to lack of exercise. Calling out to him didn't make him stop either.
" Sesshomaru! Sesshomaru!"
Still he kept going and then I made one final burst of speed on the hot summer's day and grabbed his arm and trying to venemehntly pull him back. As I touched him I heard a growl and then he spoke in a voice I had only once heard in my dreams. How had the two of us come to this moment in time? I still did not know all of the answers yet, but I still dreamt and that was a good sign.
"Look I don't want to give you an autograph, nor do I want to take-"
He stopped as he turned to face me and then with a look of astonishment continued his sentence in a whisper, the likes of both these reactions I had never experienced before.
"...a picture. Rin?"
I looked away from him for a second. Would he even remember me? Would he want to know me again? Maybe he had been absent from my dreams because I had scared him away-highly unlikely-with my talk of love...I knew that as of now, I wanted to just see him again. I smiled and looked up at him.
"Do you remember me Lord Sesshomaru?"
I did not expect the answer I received. Arms quickly encased me in warmth and I was pushed roughly against his chest. Too stunned by his actions I didn't return it, no matter how I wanted to and quickly tears were drawing up in my eyes. I was so glad that he at least knew who I was after hundreds of years. Oddly enough I felt his nose in my hair and then he pushed my hair aside to breathe so close to my ear I felt my cheeks turn a slight shade of pink.
"I see you do remember me."
Quietly I awaited his reply and he soon enough stepped back from our moment of renewal only to place his hands at my waist this time. I felt his eyes scan me and I knew he never liked me wearing anything too revealing in my upper body and this dress was what he would consider way too shady to wear. I kept my eyes on his chest and soon he spoke.
"You have not changed much except in this period you are fairly taller than back then."
I looked up to him and smiled as I felt his thumbs need into my sides. Normally, I would feel embarrassed but I knew that what he was doing was helping him to deal with the situation. He was making sure I was really there by feeling me in his arms, so I simply let him do as he pleased. I had not truly felt his touch until now. Of course in my dreams I could see myself being touched on the cheek or the shoulder but I never really felt it. He was surprisingly gentle with me from what I had seen him do to his enemies in my memories. I always felt special when I was with him and even today was no exception. Breaking the silence I then spoke.
"You have not changed at all."
He still was tall, silver haired with sharp features and demanding and piercing golden eyes. Still he had the markings on his face but of course his attire was more suited for today's world. After all, we could not function in society dressing the same as we had done in the years that I recalled when I slept. Plus, these days men could let loose a little more and seeing him dressed the way I did now was simply...cute.
He wore white (as always). A clean and crisp white button-up cotton shirt lie on his chest with the first few undone to reveal a hint of his muscle. He had the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and I could see his lower arms flex when he moved. He also wore tan khaki pants and on his feet were black and open sandals. He looked like a picture from some surfer magazine but he looked a lot less stern to me than having a sword slung next to his hip.
"You look more relaxed in this world Sesshomaru. So, where were you headed? Assuming that I may still follow you like years ago? I wish to catch up with you and tell you some things."
Pulling me closer yet again he whipped my eyes from the tears that had fallen and turned around to face forward. Placing an arm around my waist he walked slowly letting me keep up with him this time.
"Quite the contrary actually Rin. In this world I'm rich just like before, but now more people know me."
He softly growled and I let out a small giggle. He always sounded angry and vengeful to others, but when he growled at me, it always seemed that he was sighing but in a harsher way. I knew he didn't like interaction with humans and demons alike but he was making me happy once again and I couldn't help but let a smile creep onto my face the whole time we were walking.
"So, where are we headed?"
He simply looked down at me and replied.
"Home."
We arrived in an odd way. I hadn't been held in his arms for so long it felt odd for a few minutes but then I got fond of the breeze blowing in my hair as we traveled through the sky. When we slowed down and he placed me on the ground I couldn't help but notice that the home looked identical to the old youkai mansion we used to inhabit. The sound of waves came to my ears and I knew that no doubt he probably owned his own stretch of beach but he had always liked his privacy and I didn't blame him in today's world you are always bumping into another person. It was a good way from the city and already I loved it.
My head began to swim with all of the memories of being in the mansion and I leaned into his side and unconsciously put my hand to my head to try and keep myself steady. The ocean breeze blew passed us as he spoke.
"Come, we shall talk after you get used to this place again. I wish to know how you remember me but only after you have had rest."
Picking me up into his arms he leaped into the air and we landed lightly in the front of the entrance to the home. Pushing open the heavy doors with no effort at all he stepped inside and I heard nothing but his shoes smacking into pure hardwood floors. He took me up a flight of stairs and made a few turns here and there as I remembered what it was like to first come here and I would get lost as a child in the space of the mansion. He stopped and opened a sliding door while balancing me in his other arm.
I noticed something right away, my old room. He had kept this here as well. What had happened to me? Pushing it aside for now, a painful headache that I knew would be aided if I did not at least try and get ample rest came to me. Placing me down on the floor he turned away as he spoke.
"Sleep and we will 'catch up' as you like to call it, when you wake."
I was about to open my mouth to ask him something when he turned to me and grazed his claws lightly along the side of my neck. To me it seemed that his touches were absent minded and he didn't seem to notice what he was doing. Pulling away from me again he walked down the hall as he spoke.
"Yes Rin, I will be here when you wake now rest."
I smiled at his retreating form and closed the door to my room. As I stepped inside I was hit with the smell of fresh flowers and as well I saw pearl colored sheets with a trim of gold on them and smiled to myself. I walked over to "my bed" and jumped face first in and giggling, sometimes acting like a kid was fun. Sighing I turned over and leapt from it again to hear the sounds of seabirds in the distance. Quickly, I walked over to a long sliding shoji door and pushed it aside to reveal a blazing midday sun and the beautiful scene of a perfect beach setting. Inhaling the ocean breeze mixed with my flower scent, I kicked off my shoes and smiled to myself as I slid back to the bed and on top of the covers.
"I'm home. Finally."
Nuzzling into the cool silk that rested against my cheek I felt my eyes grow heavy and I knew I would have questions answered when I awoke but as for now I could just simply have another memory of our old times. Yes, that certainly would do for now.
A/N: So, how was the first chapter? Review!