Déjà vu
By Mercury
Author Notes: Thanks a bunch to September for being a great beta!
We broke up a while ago, but I guess I never really got over her. What was it that made me love her so much? It might've been her hair, her dark, unruly hair that I would brush aside in order to kiss her neck. Her eyes, perhaps? Those soft blue eyes that looked right through me? Whatever it was, it was something I could never place my finger on, something that I knew, but the knowledge was always out of my reach.
She would stay up at night, typing on the computer, hunched over the desk. I would walk over and lean over her shoulder.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing." She'd grin and then turn back to her computer, her haven.
She was perfect to me. Perfect but still alienated from me, as if she trusted those invisible people on the computer more than she did me.
And gradually I began to realize it wasn't going to work. I couldn't spend the rest of my life with a girl like this, one who stayed with me but spent all her time with her chat room buddies.
So when she left after only a month or two together without a trace, I wasn't the least bit surprised.
What does surprise me is how she is burned in my memory so strongly. It's been ten years now. Ten years since she left. Over ten years, I've had countless girlfriends. I've even gotten married and divorced once. So why is it that I remember her, of all people?
Maybe it was because I thought I saw her again. I had been walking past this old building a while ago when I saw a woman walk out amid a group of people. She had short hair, and it was gelled back, but I knew that without the gel it would be exactly like it used to be. And even from a distance, her eyes pierced me, but I knew they were once softer, less cold.
It could've been someone else. Hell, it probably was. But I would have loved if it were her, if I could have stopped her and asked her for a bite to eat or something.
Yet when she entered a black car and sped off moments later, I realized that she was out of my reach. She had been out of my life for ten years, so why should she come back now?
I just hope she's happy where she is now, wherever that may be. I hope she thinks of me as much as I think of her.
Then I remember that she's out of my reach, and I sigh and continue walking.