DISCLAIMER: So, Joss and I are lounging poolside the other day, martinis in hand, when he turns his head slightly and says, "I think this will be the last season of Buffy. Hmmm. Yes, yes. I'm sure it will." I blink. "Will you go back and start overseeing the Big Finish? Make sure this season doesn't fall apart...you know, more so?" He starts to get up, but is too tipsy from all the Crantinis he's guzzled, and proceeds to fall into the pool. I point and laugh but unfortunately, season seven still continues to suck major bag. Bummer!

THANKS: Well, to all of you for reading. It's been a long time since I've gotten the urge to write. And mucho thanks as always to my sassy beta little_bit.

LAST TIME, ON BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: We last left our little gang of Scoobies tied helplessly over a giant vat of acid. Luckily Xander had his tool belt on and managed to hammer the ropes off. BAM! THWAP! Soon the fight was going between Batman and the goons...oh, wait. None of that actually happened. What actually happened was this: Warren built a Buffybot. It escaped. Wackiness ensued. Spike and Buffy fell in looo-oove. If you want the previous story, go to my site and read 'The Wacky Adventures of Spike and Buffybot' at www.mrmonkeybottoms.com because you will need to read it if you haven't already. Or else you might get a little confused. More so.

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Warren was watching under the cover of the night, just like he had for the previous two months, watching and waiting and taking notes and rubbing his hands together evilly. Sometimes he'd try out his Evil Genius Cackle, but it seemed to freak out the birds, so he'd pretty much put that one to rest. He was tired of chickadees dive-bombing him. The watching was important however, and he kept it up, keeping his notepad handy for jotting down important notes (Willow seems to be kinda gay, Anya really likes sex) and the whatever occasional reminder (pick up pre-ordered copy of Star Trek Season One, fix Nintendo controller) that happened to pop into his head.

The Scoobies, of course, were oblivious to his spying as he followed them around their daily lives. They were clueless that he was even still in town, never mind the fact that he was present as they went to school, shopped, studied, showered (he especially liked the shower missions, very important) chatted, planned patrols, and snuggled. Warren highly enjoyed the snuggling parts. Those were important enough to record on video. For study later on, in the privacy of his Lair of Evil.

In fact, he was recording a 'snuggle' session right at this very moment. After following the lovebirds as they made their sweep of the graveyard, he was rewarded in spades. Buffy and Spike were half-hidden beneath some trees, going at it like a bunch of-

"Klingons," Andrew whispered beside him, interrupting his train of thought.

"What?" Warren frowned, not looking away from the scene in the graveyard as he peered over the dense bushes that hid them. The camcorder recorded quietly beside him, safely screwed into its tripod.

"They're having sexual rituals like Klingons. First the male reads poetry, then the female throws heavy objects at him. And then they mate." Andrew nodded at the two half-naked bodies rolling about in the grass. "I wonder if they'll get married."

"Married." Warren looked away from the sex for a moment and studied Andrew who was gazing at the two with rapt admiration. "Married. Yeah. The vampire and the Slayer are gonna get married."

"Klingons marry after having sexual relations. Oh! And the man has a keen sense of smell." Andrew nodded and Warren looked back over to see Spike sniffing playfully at Buffy's knees. "And the women are know for their large sexual appetites-"

Warren cuffed him across the head and he yelped loudly, surprised. The lovers stopped smooching and popped up, clothes off, fighting stance on, making the two spies duck back behind the thick mass of leaves, panicked.

"Way to go," Warren hissed, grabbing the video camera off its tripod. "You've blown our cover!" He tossed the equipment into his duffle bag with an accusing glare.

"It's not my fault! You're the one who hit me!" They crawled away frantically, getting up and running madly to the road where their Van of Evil was waiting. "You startled me-"

Andrew's words were cut off as the back doors to the van swung open with a bang, revealing the figure who half-crouched inside, head cocked mockingly.

"Stay inside," Warren ordered, tossing the equipment carelessly, ignoring Andrew's wince as the camera thudded. "No one can see you yet."

The robot shrugged and moved away, leaving the two to push at each other in an attempt to enter the van first. Finally, with a shove that send Andrew rolling in the gravel, Warren succeeded.

"You cheated." Andrew got up and followed him in, face pouty. "You know I have weak ankles."

The bot rolled its eyes as Warren gunned the motor and the van roared off into the night, tires kicking up dust and tiny rocks as it sped away.

"When are we going to do it?" Andrew whined, stumbling up to the front and plopping into the passenger seat. "We need to get the plan in motion."

Warren nodded, eyes on the road. "Yeah, you're right. I think we've studied them enough."

Andrew grinned happily. "Time to start Phase Three?"

"Time to start Phase Three," Warren said.

"I concur," Andrew repeated solemnly. They looked at each other and nodded, throwing their heads back and laughing The Evil Laughter of Villains.

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"Did you hear something?" Buffy looked around the graveyard, frowning.

Spike vamped out and looked about. Hearing and seeing nothing, he shook his head, putting his human face on again. "Well, whatever it was, it's long gone. Probably a rabbit or a lost groundhog or something." He snaked an arm around Buffy's waist and pulled her close. "All the screaming must have scared it off."

Buffy grabbed a handful of hair and yanked sharply, making Spike hiss. "I wasn't the one screaming." She shoved him back down to the grass and placed her foot on his chest. Hard.

Spike smiled. "I know."

"Spike! Buffy! Hi!" The Buffybot waved, standing right beside them. "I see you're naked and having sex. I used to have sex with Spike, but now I'm programmed not to. He has a magnificent body."

Naked! Buffy squealed and hid behind an equally naked Spike, who jumped up and hid his privates with two hands, flustered. "How is it she can sneak up on us like this every time?" Buffy peered out from behind Spike's back at the grinning Bot. "We have to stop having sex outside. Seriously."

"I slay evil!" Buffybot informed them happily.

Spike bent down and snagged his duster from a nearby branch. "Here luv," he muttered. Buffy took it gratefully. "Where are my pants?"

Buffybot pointed behind him to where his jeans hung, draped over a gravestone.

"Ah. Thanks, Slayerbot." He threw a leg in, ignoring how the Bot smiled as she caught a glimpse.

"Hey, Buffybot, you have to stop racing off without me-" Xander stepped through the bushes, sipping from the giant cup in his hands. He caught one glimpse of the nearly-naked Spike and choked, his Blue Raspberry Slurpee spraying everywhere. "GAH!"

"Give it up, Harris," Spike drawled, pulling his pants all the way up and zipping. "I know you loved it."

"I am so tired of seeing you two naked!" Xander wiped his mouth, looking anywhere but at the lovebirds. Spike scoffed and he whirled at him. "Shut up!"

Buffy stepped between the two, jacket belted tightly, sleeves trailing. "Shut up, both of you." Xander took another sip of his drink as the two glared at each other. "Seriously, if I didn't know better I'd say that you guys had that love/hate thing going on. And that never works out. Unless you're me."

"I used to love Spike and Willow. I hate villains!"

"Yeah, well, at least Willow managed to program that out of your system." Spike gathered the rest of their clothing, pausing at Xander's snicker. "Shut it."

Buffy looked around nervously. "Where is Willow anyways?" she asked, hoping that she wouldn't be the next person to come bounding in to join the party. Throw Giles in to make the moment complete. Hell, why not invite her Mom?

"Out with her 'new friend'." Xander put in just the right amount of wistfulness to imply that he suspected they were doing more than studying, and that he'd like to watch. Spike looked over, interested.

"Oh yeah?" He raised an eyebrow. "Have the little Wiccas come out of the Wiccan Closet?"

Xander's eyes glazed. "Oh god, I hope so."

Both received a smack on the head from Buffy. "Stop being pigs, you pigs. Willow's our friend and she wouldn't appreciate you talking like this about her. Show some respect." She paused and grinned a little. "I saw them sneaking a kiss at Giles' the other night."

Both boys shot back to attention. "Oh yeah?" Xander said excitedly. "What kind of a kiss? Like, a make-out tongue kind, or a shy, sexy kind?"

"Maybe it was a desperate, can't keep their hands off each other kind," Spike added. They looked at each other and nodded, bonding over the girly hotness.

"It was more of a...hey! Stop it!" Buffy grabbed her clothes from Spike, huffy. "I refuse to say another word." Xander and Spike wilted visibly. "I'm going home," she announced, walking away.

Spike shot to her side. "Home?"

"Yes. Home." Buffy paused and smiled as Spike stooped over her and whispered in her ear. "Well, home, or maybe to the crypt."

"Eww." Xander tossed his Slurpee away at the sickly sight of the two snuggling and giggling, unable to handle all the sweetness. The Bot gasped.

"Xander!" she said, pointing in shock. "Littering is evil!"

He nodded. "You're right, sorry." He picked it up to find Spike and Buffy leaving the graveyard, arms wrapped around each other. The Buffybot blinked at him happily. "Let's get out of here. Anya's waiting for me."

"In your basement?" The Bot asked.

Xander groaned, thinking of that hellhole. "Yeah."

"I like your basement!"

"Well little Botty, that's why I like you. You like everything." Xander put an arm around her good-naturedly. "Tell you what. I'll even let you pick the movie tonight."

Buffybot clapped her hands and bounced. "Ohhh! The Sound of Music!"

"Again?" Xander made a face. "You pick that every time! Aren't you tired of it?" The Bot shook her head and he sighed. "All right."

The two walked away, singing.

"You are sixteen, going on seventeen..."