Headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix was running rather smoothly, though on occasion punctuated by Remus's howls or snarls as he paced around the room he was confined in. After Sirius's death, he had been doing fine, but once Harry had left for the Dursley's…he snapped. After that, he was kept in a room away from the other's on Dumbledore's orders until he calmed down. More than often now the painting of Mrs. Black would start howling with him, and he'd hear Molly Weasley screech with annoyance as she stomped off to hide it from view. Yet when she passed his door, she grew deathly quiet.
Death. Sirius….
As Remus looked at the window, he realized it was another week before he went through the transformation to werewolf once again. Worried about his "time of the month", as Muggle females called their…ahem…he then noticed that he looked even more shabby and tired just by the faint reflection the evening light cast on the window. With a snarl, he began pacing the room once again.
It was Tonks who finally approached him. She had reverted from the brilliant pink hair to the jet-ink waist-length strands that were acquired by being part of the Black family. Tonks, brave as she was, knew better than to be boisterous at such a time and knocked softly on the door. Remus opened the door, took one look at her pale, heart-shaped face and immediately felt a sting in his heart similar to a slap on the face-without the bright colors of the metamorphmagus disguise, she looked awfully similar to Sirius.
"Hullo, Remus," Her smile seemed awfully bright, he thought as he looked at her, but then sighed and moved so she could get inside. "Come on, say what you have to say, Tonks."
She swept right along inside, standing in the middle of the room and fixing a saddened gaze on him. Remus immediately felt worse; he didn't want pity, Tonks was obviously busy with the Order and all…. But deep down, he knew that was what he wanted. To himself, he was the last surviving Marauder.
"Remus, it's not about what I have to say. It's about you." She ignored the blatant surprised look on his face and turned around, moving to sit on the edge of Lupin's bed. Once she made herself comfortable, she folded her hands in her lap and spoke once again.
"I'm not the motherly type, so I probably can't make you better…though I doubt anything can." A sad smile had replaced the forced one earlier, and she continued, "But you need to talk to someone, and I thought it would be best if it were me. Sirius…he was my relative, and the last with the surname 'Black' in my family. So maybe I know a little bit about what you're going through…?"
Remus stood there, ready to tell her off for showing any ounce of pity too him, when it hit him: She did understand. Sirius had been the last of what she could call family on friendly terms, whereas he had lost a friend that he had known for twenty-two years. In an odd, strange sort of way, they feeling the same pain. And yet there was something more, something that Tonks didn't understand….
He sat down beside her, sighing softly and brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Tonks, before this whole thing happened…Sirius and I, we had a fight. And we were unable to apologize to each other because we had to find Harry, and then…." His voice cracked with the lie he was forced to tell; nobody could know what he was really thinking. Unable to continue just yet, he turned his head to look out the window and for several minutes, sat there. Tonks took it for truth and watched him, not saying anything, patiently waiting for him to continue. But Remus would not be continuing for awhile.
He was remembering.
----
"I want to go outside, Remus!" Sirius's face was unnaturally flushed with anger; his eyes twinkled with malice and he looked very threatening as he started to approach Lupin, apparently ready to tell him off. And oddly enough, as Remus looked at the anger directed to him, he thought fondly of the reason why he cared so deeply for Sirius-his energy, the restlessness and vitality that he was able to throw around.
"Padfoot, I can't let you go outside." He stood firmly planted in front of the door, arms folded over his chest as he gave Sirius the most menacing look he could muster. It must have not worked, for Sirius snarled and kept on coming.
"Don't call me that damn nickname, Remmy." He noticed the wince on Remus's face and finally came to a stop, standing in front of Moony and practically an inch apart, his teeth bared and looking quite ferocious to anyone but Lupin. He had put up with Padfoot's tantrums for years.
"You're not going outside, Siri-"
"You'll have to fight me to keep me in."
"As I said, you're not going outside." Before Sirius could do anything stupid, Remus lunged forward and pushed him back, shoving him brutally against the wall. Sirius sputtered obscenities and tried to push Remus away, but he wouldn't let go.
"You're not risking your life, Sirius!"
"Let me out, I can't stand it anymore-"
"Yes you can, Sirius-"
"NO I CAN'T, DAMN YOU! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE LOCKED AWAY IN A HELLHOLE YOU'VE LOATHED SINCE THE EARLIEST MEMORIES YOU POSSESS!? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, FORCED TO DEAL WITH A PAST YOU'D RATHER FORGET AND TRY TO MOVE ON ABOUT, BUT YOU CAN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE TRAPPED IN THE PLACE WHERE THE NIGHTMARES BEGAN?"
"Sirius, please list-"
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT FEELS, DO YOU? WHY, YOU-"
He was cut off from saying anymore because he was slapped; Remus's eyes were narrowed into slits, as he raised his hand again and clamped it on Black's shoulder. Far away he could hear the portrait of Sirius's mother shriek with rage, but neither paid attention to it. Sirius looked as if he were Stunned; he stared at Remus with a look of shock. Remus noticed he was about to say something else, and continued before Sirius started off on another tantrum.
"I can't let you go, Sirius. I care about you too much. I love you, I'm not letting you risk being caught by the Ministry or…worse." He thought about how the Death Eaters knew of Sirius's animagus form, and to himself he didn't know whether he'd rather be caught by Voldemort or Fudge.
Sirius had snapped his mouth shut again, and was staring at Remus with a mingled look of surprise and…fear?
"Remus…."
"Oh, you git, don't go soft on me no-" He was cut off by Sirius, whose lips had come into contact with his own. He gasped, and with that gasp Sirius's tongue was in his mouth….
It felt like an electric shock; Remus finally responded, his tongue rising and meeting with Sirius's as it was exploring his mouth, he felt Sirius's arms go around him by the waist and pull him closer, to which Remus finally pulled away and looked at Sirius with a questioning look.
"Oh, don't be a prat, Remus." He snarled, moving to plant kisses along Remus's neck. "Is it…that hard for you… to notice…? I love you too…."
"Sirius, I-" He was cut off by a moan that rose up as he felt Sirius run his tongue gently along the collarbone. Lupin wrapped his arms around the other man's neck, running his fingers gently along the soft skin underneath the long black hair that had once shone with elegance and well breeding, but was now merely silky and slightly untidy.
Padfoot worked his way back up, running along the base of Remus's throat and trailing his tongue up to his jaw-line, then running it softly over Moony's lips. He stopped finally, tearing away from Remus with great difficulty. "Remus, if we go any further…."
"Go further, then."
They had made love several times over the night and now lay within each other's arms on Sirius's bed, curled up under the blankets. Neither spoke, but merely held each other and rested comfortably.
Remus had never known a happier moment in his life, and doubted that he would ever feel happier again.
----
"Remus?" Tonks's voice startled him out of his memories. Looking at the metamorphmagus, he smiled softly and moved closer, hugging her. Though she seemed a bit startled at his sudden change, she didn't say anything and merely patted him on the back softly.
"I'll be okay, Tonks."
"You sure?"
"Yeah…."
She smiled at him. "All right, then." He let her go and she stood up, walked to the door, opened it, and cast one last look at him. "G'night, Remus."
"Good night, Nymphadora." He heard her cursing all the way down the hall, but it changed to a shriek once she apparently ran into something, judging by the noise…and the included howls of pain from Mrs. Black's painting. He started to laugh, but immediately stopped. Guilt rushed at him in a painful wave. How could he be laughing when Sirius would never laugh, or anything, again?
Remus leaned back on his bed and closed his eyes. He saw the surprised and look of fear on Sirius's face as he fell, going through the veil with widened eyes….
And then he remembered the loving look they had shared together as they laid in the bed, and the peace that he had felt then, he could feel a little of now.
He'd never be the same again, but he knew he couldn't let Sirius's death destroy him. For one thing, the Order still needed him.
And for another, he would never rest until Bellatrix Lestrange's death was by his hands.
For his beloved's sake.
Death. Sirius….
As Remus looked at the window, he realized it was another week before he went through the transformation to werewolf once again. Worried about his "time of the month", as Muggle females called their…ahem…he then noticed that he looked even more shabby and tired just by the faint reflection the evening light cast on the window. With a snarl, he began pacing the room once again.
It was Tonks who finally approached him. She had reverted from the brilliant pink hair to the jet-ink waist-length strands that were acquired by being part of the Black family. Tonks, brave as she was, knew better than to be boisterous at such a time and knocked softly on the door. Remus opened the door, took one look at her pale, heart-shaped face and immediately felt a sting in his heart similar to a slap on the face-without the bright colors of the metamorphmagus disguise, she looked awfully similar to Sirius.
"Hullo, Remus," Her smile seemed awfully bright, he thought as he looked at her, but then sighed and moved so she could get inside. "Come on, say what you have to say, Tonks."
She swept right along inside, standing in the middle of the room and fixing a saddened gaze on him. Remus immediately felt worse; he didn't want pity, Tonks was obviously busy with the Order and all…. But deep down, he knew that was what he wanted. To himself, he was the last surviving Marauder.
"Remus, it's not about what I have to say. It's about you." She ignored the blatant surprised look on his face and turned around, moving to sit on the edge of Lupin's bed. Once she made herself comfortable, she folded her hands in her lap and spoke once again.
"I'm not the motherly type, so I probably can't make you better…though I doubt anything can." A sad smile had replaced the forced one earlier, and she continued, "But you need to talk to someone, and I thought it would be best if it were me. Sirius…he was my relative, and the last with the surname 'Black' in my family. So maybe I know a little bit about what you're going through…?"
Remus stood there, ready to tell her off for showing any ounce of pity too him, when it hit him: She did understand. Sirius had been the last of what she could call family on friendly terms, whereas he had lost a friend that he had known for twenty-two years. In an odd, strange sort of way, they feeling the same pain. And yet there was something more, something that Tonks didn't understand….
He sat down beside her, sighing softly and brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Tonks, before this whole thing happened…Sirius and I, we had a fight. And we were unable to apologize to each other because we had to find Harry, and then…." His voice cracked with the lie he was forced to tell; nobody could know what he was really thinking. Unable to continue just yet, he turned his head to look out the window and for several minutes, sat there. Tonks took it for truth and watched him, not saying anything, patiently waiting for him to continue. But Remus would not be continuing for awhile.
He was remembering.
----
"I want to go outside, Remus!" Sirius's face was unnaturally flushed with anger; his eyes twinkled with malice and he looked very threatening as he started to approach Lupin, apparently ready to tell him off. And oddly enough, as Remus looked at the anger directed to him, he thought fondly of the reason why he cared so deeply for Sirius-his energy, the restlessness and vitality that he was able to throw around.
"Padfoot, I can't let you go outside." He stood firmly planted in front of the door, arms folded over his chest as he gave Sirius the most menacing look he could muster. It must have not worked, for Sirius snarled and kept on coming.
"Don't call me that damn nickname, Remmy." He noticed the wince on Remus's face and finally came to a stop, standing in front of Moony and practically an inch apart, his teeth bared and looking quite ferocious to anyone but Lupin. He had put up with Padfoot's tantrums for years.
"You're not going outside, Siri-"
"You'll have to fight me to keep me in."
"As I said, you're not going outside." Before Sirius could do anything stupid, Remus lunged forward and pushed him back, shoving him brutally against the wall. Sirius sputtered obscenities and tried to push Remus away, but he wouldn't let go.
"You're not risking your life, Sirius!"
"Let me out, I can't stand it anymore-"
"Yes you can, Sirius-"
"NO I CAN'T, DAMN YOU! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE LOCKED AWAY IN A HELLHOLE YOU'VE LOATHED SINCE THE EARLIEST MEMORIES YOU POSSESS!? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, FORCED TO DEAL WITH A PAST YOU'D RATHER FORGET AND TRY TO MOVE ON ABOUT, BUT YOU CAN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE TRAPPED IN THE PLACE WHERE THE NIGHTMARES BEGAN?"
"Sirius, please list-"
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT FEELS, DO YOU? WHY, YOU-"
He was cut off from saying anymore because he was slapped; Remus's eyes were narrowed into slits, as he raised his hand again and clamped it on Black's shoulder. Far away he could hear the portrait of Sirius's mother shriek with rage, but neither paid attention to it. Sirius looked as if he were Stunned; he stared at Remus with a look of shock. Remus noticed he was about to say something else, and continued before Sirius started off on another tantrum.
"I can't let you go, Sirius. I care about you too much. I love you, I'm not letting you risk being caught by the Ministry or…worse." He thought about how the Death Eaters knew of Sirius's animagus form, and to himself he didn't know whether he'd rather be caught by Voldemort or Fudge.
Sirius had snapped his mouth shut again, and was staring at Remus with a mingled look of surprise and…fear?
"Remus…."
"Oh, you git, don't go soft on me no-" He was cut off by Sirius, whose lips had come into contact with his own. He gasped, and with that gasp Sirius's tongue was in his mouth….
It felt like an electric shock; Remus finally responded, his tongue rising and meeting with Sirius's as it was exploring his mouth, he felt Sirius's arms go around him by the waist and pull him closer, to which Remus finally pulled away and looked at Sirius with a questioning look.
"Oh, don't be a prat, Remus." He snarled, moving to plant kisses along Remus's neck. "Is it…that hard for you… to notice…? I love you too…."
"Sirius, I-" He was cut off by a moan that rose up as he felt Sirius run his tongue gently along the collarbone. Lupin wrapped his arms around the other man's neck, running his fingers gently along the soft skin underneath the long black hair that had once shone with elegance and well breeding, but was now merely silky and slightly untidy.
Padfoot worked his way back up, running along the base of Remus's throat and trailing his tongue up to his jaw-line, then running it softly over Moony's lips. He stopped finally, tearing away from Remus with great difficulty. "Remus, if we go any further…."
"Go further, then."
They had made love several times over the night and now lay within each other's arms on Sirius's bed, curled up under the blankets. Neither spoke, but merely held each other and rested comfortably.
Remus had never known a happier moment in his life, and doubted that he would ever feel happier again.
----
"Remus?" Tonks's voice startled him out of his memories. Looking at the metamorphmagus, he smiled softly and moved closer, hugging her. Though she seemed a bit startled at his sudden change, she didn't say anything and merely patted him on the back softly.
"I'll be okay, Tonks."
"You sure?"
"Yeah…."
She smiled at him. "All right, then." He let her go and she stood up, walked to the door, opened it, and cast one last look at him. "G'night, Remus."
"Good night, Nymphadora." He heard her cursing all the way down the hall, but it changed to a shriek once she apparently ran into something, judging by the noise…and the included howls of pain from Mrs. Black's painting. He started to laugh, but immediately stopped. Guilt rushed at him in a painful wave. How could he be laughing when Sirius would never laugh, or anything, again?
Remus leaned back on his bed and closed his eyes. He saw the surprised and look of fear on Sirius's face as he fell, going through the veil with widened eyes….
And then he remembered the loving look they had shared together as they laid in the bed, and the peace that he had felt then, he could feel a little of now.
He'd never be the same again, but he knew he couldn't let Sirius's death destroy him. For one thing, the Order still needed him.
And for another, he would never rest until Bellatrix Lestrange's death was by his hands.
For his beloved's sake.