Author's Notes: This story takes place during the first semester of the Class of 2007's senior year. In this alternate universe, Craig isn't a crack head, and reenrolls at Degrassi instead of playing with TBS, and his album is still in production. JT hasn't been murdered.
I also know that the Phantom of the Opera is not available for schools to perform, but it's MY fantasy world. And I apologize for the length; I just felt like every time I divided it into chapters, I was killing a child. XP
I am also a big CrAsh fan, and I realize that in order for it to work, there had to be an unlikely coupling. You'll see.
I do not own Degrassi: TNG or The Phantom of the Opera. No matter how much I want to.
Ashley
I was walking through the halls of Degrassi, Jimmy at my side. Degrassi- even the fantastic, beautiful, and vibrant London couldn't compare to its faded lockers and Mr. Simpson's fatherly eye.
We were just talking, Jimmy and I, about nothing, really, when this giant sign accosted our vision. In bold, brazen letters, read:
The Degrassi Drama Club presents:
AUDITIONS for the fall production of
The Phantom of the Opera
Friday; 3:30 to 7:30 PM
Prepare 2 songs; 1 duet and 1 solo
-music and CDs available in the Media Immersion room-
I was excited; Jimmy could easily tell, because I had stopped walking and was staring enraptured at the sign.
"You alright, there, Ash?"
"Oh, I saw Phantom in London," I said in response, barely containing my instinct to clap my hands together in delight. "It was actually really good. Amazing."
Jimmy laughed, bemused.
"Show tunes? You? Ashley 'Punk Rawk' Kerwin? Can't see it."
I smiled at him; he was so adorable. Seeing the humor in the situation, I kissed him. Sometimes, I really do feel like I'm falling in love with him. He's almost filled up the emptiness in me that London couldn't…and yet, if I'm honest with myself, there's still a chunk of me that no one but a certain curly-haired, goofy-grinned rocker in Vancouver could fill. But Jimmy…Jimmy's here. It may not be love, but it's an affection strong enough to keep us together.
I shook my head, and said, "Well, for your information, I'm thinking of trying out. "
Suddenly, I got an idea. An idea that if realized would bring us closer, and bring the love I crave and he wants.
"Why don't you audition with me?"
He arched an eyebrow, the look on his face clear: What are you smoking?
"Ash, I really don't think I'm up for those dance numbers."
My heart filled with something at once warm and bittersweet. He lacked his former confidence, the slight swagger that helped him dominate our junior high romance. I felt some of that emptiness fill again; perhaps I am falling in love with him.
"There are no real dance numbers. It's an opera. Ish."
Jimmy started to roll away, and I dutifully followed.
"Either way," he rationalized, "it'll mess with basketball."
Craig
I walked through those doors for the first time since I left for Vancouver all those months ago. I felt a bittersweet wave of nostalgia; I had realized my dreams of stardom, and yet those dreams had brought me right back to where I startedwhere those dreams had first been planted into my mind.
Half an hour later, I left Ms. Hotzilakos's office, and I was walking to my new locker when familiar voices drifted from in front of me. Manny, JT, and Emma were standing in front of a large sign taped to a wall. Unwilling to interrupt, I hung back.
"Oh, wow," exclaimed Manny, her gorgeous brown eyes lit up. It's adorable when she's like that. But, of course, whenever I think I'm falling in love with Manny, a traitorous little voice always reminds me of her. My one time fiancée, the soul mate who I lost to the bustling streets of London. Her eyes lit up like that when I saw her at Ellie's graduation. Her eyes always lit up like that.
Shaking my head, I tried to focus on my girlfriend's voice, not my ex's eyes.
"- A musical!" she continued. "Screw spirit Squad; this is what I want to do!"
"But aren't you the choreographer?" JT asked. "Y'know, an important part of the squad?"
Manny rolled her eyes. "Yea, but with Darcy the dictator in charge, I doubt on be on long enough to perform anything I write."
"Touché."
"Thanks." Many paused for moment, looking at the sign. "Who's the main part in this?"
Emma spoke up for the first time. "Its Christine." She arched an eyebrow at Manny. "A very high, lyrical soprano, Manny. And this is a musical- there's actual singing involved."
Shrugging her shoulders, Manny turned back to them. "I can do it. Dancing's no issue, and I can fake my way through the singing, if I can schmooze with the director.
She paused.
"Who is it, anyway?'
JT raised his hand.
"I am. And you know how well schmoozing works with me."
He grabbed Emma's arm when he saw a tall, longhaired brunette walk past him, smiling.
"C'mon, Stage Manager, we've got choreographer Mia to talk to."
The conversation over, Manny continued to gaze at the sign. Seizing an opportunity, I snuck up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist,
"Boo," I whispered into her ear.
Manny turned around, obviously ecstatic.
"Craig! Oh my God, what are you doing here?!"
She kissed me and I hugged her; it felt good to be with her again. We broke apart, and I smiled at her.
"We ended up getting done early, so they cut me loose until a couple of days before the album's released."
"Oh, I can't wait until it comes out!" she squealed. "There'd better be a song about me on there."
I winked at her and nodded, but a twinge of guilt made my face flush. The songs on my debut album were mostly old ones, ones about and written with…her. Ashley. One of the new ones Manny could take to be about her and me, but in reality had nothing to do with our romps, but mine and Ashley's first time. She certainly wouldn't understand the references to flower petals and Dutch chocolate.
In any case, the old were too good not to use, and no mater how hard I tried, songs about Manny always spoke of lust, not love.
Wrenching my thought away from that subject for the second time in ten minutes, I slipped my arm around her waist.
"I've reenrolled at Degrassi."
Her mouth dropped.
"So we're classmates?"
I nodded, then winced at the high-pitched shriek.
"Now we'll see each other all the time. No more long distance…" she sighed happily.
"Yea. You know, while I was in Vancouver, I met a lot of rock stars who-"
"C'mon!" Manny interrupted. "We gotta find Em!"
As she dragged me away, I plastered a smile on my face. She hadn't tried to listen, and it had hurt. I was trying not to show it, but I wanted her to share in the defining moment on my career, and the fact that she didn't give a damn had brought my twitterpated1 brain crashing back to reality. That stupid little voice started up again.
Ashley would have listened. She would have cared. It was true; she would've have offered an honest opinion. But she wasn't there, and I had no idea where she was, back in London or permanently back in Toronto.
She wasn't there, and there wasn't any point in pining.
Ashley
A little while alter, I stood in Mr. Simpson's room, buying an audition CD. Jimmy, bless him, was waiting by the door. I knew he wanted to audition, but he was too self-conscious, so I was trying to speed this up as much as possible for him.
As Simpson searched, Jimmy slapped his forehead.
"Crap, Ash, I forgot my sketch book in my locker. I'll be right back."
Nodding, I turned back to the teacher, who finally handed me a packet of copied music and the CD.
"Thanks so much, Mr. Simpson."
"It's no problem, Ashley. Good luck at the auditions; you'll do fine."
He winked.
"We've still got musical talent in the senior class."
I smiled at the compliment, and was just about to thank him when I heard a voice, and two people's footsteps.
"Hey Mr. S," Manny Santos greeted. "Can I get some audition music?"
"Sure, Manny," he replied, handing her the newly found materials.
There I went to turn around, and saw the second person whose footsteps I had heard. My eyes went from the floor to the ceiling: black Converse All-Stars, faded blue jeans, black belt, a Death Cab tee- then the face of Craig Manning. My goofy-grinned rocker.
Our eyes met, and suddenly memories flashed in my head: dancing at the luau; making out in my room; slapping him for cheating on me; the band…it all culminated in the look he gave me back in June, at Elle's graduation. His eyes till had the same look, one that promised me the world whenever I asked for it.
He waved at me, and I returned it with a small one of my own, slightly flushed and a little dizzy. Mr. Simpson's voice brought me closer to my senses.
"That'll be two dollars, Manny."
"Hmm? Why?"
"CDs and paper aren't cheap."
Manny nodded. "Ok. My purse is in my locker." As she walked out the door, she called back, "I'll be right back, Craig."
Mr. Simpson looked amused, and went back to work. I looked at Craig, but before I could even struggle to find words, he had grabbed me into one of his huge bear hugs.
"Ash!" he cried. "Long time no see!"
I returned the hug, a little taken aback, but as I felt his arms around me and caught a whiff of his all too familiar cologne, the shock began to wear off.
"Hey," I said, pulling away once the hug started to feel too familiar and guilt set in. "I didn't get a chance to see you in June."
He rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly apologetic. A needling voice in the back of my mind began whispering irrational things: He's so adorable, etc.
"Yea, Manny kinda monopolized my time. I was pretty much in town for the graduation."
An awkward silence pervaded, until Craig laughed nervously.
"So…"
On an impulse, I threw tact to the wind and let my mouth go before my thoughts.
"I guess there's no point in avoiding it; I'm sorry for last summer. I'm sorry for running away from what was so important to us. But I was overwhelmed, and for the first of many times I acted on impulse. I did with going, and with staying for more than the summer, and I'm sorry." Almost out of breath, I glanced up at him hopefully. "No hard feelings?"
He leaned back on a table and crossed his arms across his chest.
"You certainly never stopped being straightforward, did you? Do you mean to ask if I'm harboring any grudges from when you refused to let me go with you to London, then dumped me for a guy in London?"
I nodded and winced at the blunt accuracy, as well as the haunted, hurt look on his face.
"I'll be honest, it hurt. A lot. But I know now that what you did was for once good for you; your selflessness would have driven you nuts. I don't harbor any hard feelings, at least anymore." His hurt glare softened into one of satisfaction.
"Rockin' Vancouver forced me to grow up a bit." He shrugged. "Grudges are useless."
He grinned at me, and I couldn't help but smile back. It felt like a great weight had been removed from my shoulders. The fact that he still understood me, to a T, was mere icing on the cake.
"So, how is Ali, anyway?" he asked.
I shruggd my shoulders and looked at my shoes. "As far as I know, he's fine. We broke up back in January."
A flash of hope lit up his face, but was quickly replaced by his former look of satisfaction.
"Aw, I'm sorry Ash."
"It's alright. He just wasn't the guy for me."
I tried to change the subject.
"Ellie told me you were recording the 'big solo record,'" I said. Then I paused and something clicked. "Wait, so why are you here? Shouldn't you be recording?"
A wave of nostalgia hit me; almost those exact words had come out of my mouth when he and I had been in a band together, when he had put his dreams on hold, saying that the recording studio would always be there, but he wasn't so sure that I would be. It was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever said to me.
Apparently, Craig realized it as well.
"This conversation sounds familiar. But, yea, I've reenrolled at Degrassi. I never finished high school, and I've now seen too many has-been rockers with no fallback plan. I don't want to end up unemployed at 25 because I've burnt out and I have no diploma."
I nodded in agreement, and I a little bit in shock. I had never pegged Craig as the practical one, but it seemed that both of us had changed boundlessly in the past year.
"It's awesome that you're thinking of the future," I replied. "You've always known where you're going in life."
Shaking his head, Craig responded. "I knew you'd get it. Apart from Joey, you're the only one who's understood."
"Really?"
His eyes locked with mine, and I immediately forgot where I was. The warmth suddenly burned, and the old feelings flared for a moment when he answered.
"Really. You've always understood."
Craig
Ashley Kerwin, in the flesh. Not only had that floored me but I also got to look at her for the first time in over a year. She was still absolutely gorgeous; her hair was a lot longer, and she had lost her punk-rocker look, but she still captured all of my attention.
After awkward conversation that barely scratched the surface of our year apart, she had hit the subject I had wanted to avoid. It had been hard to remind myself that we weren't dating her anymore, and not get too angry. She apologized for running, and I told her I understood. That shocked me. I had expected anger to guide my words, but instead kind and forgiving words had spilled from my mouth; what was even more shocking was that I actually believed them.
Then she had listened to me, and had understood my reasons for returning to Degrassi. It felt just like it had when we performed together, when we wrote songs; our minds were always intertwined, perfectly synchronized.
With a now ever-present feeling of guilt juxtaposed with a sudden feeling of warmth, I cleared my throat and cast around for a different, less-heavy subject.
"What're you doing in here?" I asked.
She held up a packet of sheet music.
"Auditioning for The Phantom of the Opera requires sheet music."
"What part?"
"Christine."
With a sinking feeling that had little to do with Ashley's part choice, I said, "That's what Manny's auditioning for."
She grimaced, and I could tell that she knew that Manny and I were (once again) together. Manny had always been a sore spot, ever since I cheated on Ashley with her.
"Crap," she sighed.
"What?"
"She's good. And I am so damn tired of getting one-upped by Manny Santos."
She glanced at me then, with a look filled with meaning. I knew exactly what she meant. Manny had one-upped her in so many ways- she got my virginity, most of my love the first time Ashley and I dated, the first baby…I just couldn't acknowledge it then, let lone now, so once again I tried to change subjects, this time by grabbing her packet.
"What're you thinking of singing?"
Ash gave me an odd look; she knew I was avoiding talking about Manny.
"I don't know yet." She paused. "Do you want to help me pick?"
I nodded eagerly, and began sifting through the music.
Jimmy
I rolled up to Mr. S's room, and looked through the door. There I saw a surprising sight- Ash and Craig Manning, talking together. Those two were like magnets, but I also knew that Ashley was mine now.
Our relationship was so much different than it was in junior high. Then I was the confident jock, and Ashley was undoubtedly the smartest girl in grade 8. Now, I was more sensitive, and she was more outspoken. We still managed to fit together, though. I smiled at her back- I always thought of her as beautiful, together or not.
A distressed whisper caused me to look to my right. Manny Santos was standing next to me, looking through the same door I was.
"They're flirting!"
I smiled at her.
"Naw, don't worry about it. Ash and Craig'll never be more than friends now."
She looked at me, and I could tell she hadn't noticed me before.
"You waiting for Ashley?" she asked.
"Yea. She tried to get me to audition for the musical, but I can't."
She looked at me for a second, and then smiled widely.
"You should audition. It'd be cute if you both you and she made it."
It was then that the voiced from inside the room reached our ears. Manny and I stopped talking, and eavesdropped.
Ashley
Craig had finally finished looking through the sheet music for girl's solos when he showed me page in the middle of the packet.
"You should do 'Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again.'"
I took the music and looked at it with him; it had a large range, and no accompaniment intro. Scary.
"Why?" I asked.
Craig regarded me steadily.
"The song fits your voice and it's fairly difficult, which will show off the fact that you're one of the only vocally gifted girls in this school."
I blushed and said nothing. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. Suddenly, he blurted out:
"Who are you doing the duet with?"
"I wanted to audition with Jimmy," I replied.
He arched an eyebrow, but refused to look at me.
"Are you two a- a thing?"
Ignoring the sudden tension, I looked at my feet.
"Yea, but he doesn't want to."
I had to restrain my laughter when he looked at me again, hopeful.
"If you want, we could audition together. It'll be like old times."
I nearly kicked myself at what came out of my mouth in response.
"But what about Manny?"
As if on cue, the girl marched into Simpson's room, obviously peeved.
"I'm back," she announced to the room at large, and gave Craig a killer glare.
"Thanks," she said when Mr. S gave her the materials. She then turned to her unfortunate boyfriend and said pointedly, "Craig, you've gotta get music too. We're gonna practice later for our audition."
I didn't know if it was my imagination, but for a moment he looked crestfallen. But another moment later, his face was expressionless.
"Oh, right," he said, and practically shoved the money into the confused teacher's hands. Snatching the music packet and a CD, he let Manny guide him out of the room. Without turning around, he called back dispassionately, "See you, Ash. Bye Mr. Simpson."
I walked to the door after him, where Jimmy was waiting. Completely bewildered until I remembered that he was, after all, bipolar, I looked at Craig's back as he walked away.
"Bye."
Jimmy
Craig joined Ms. Kwan's Senior Literature class later that day, and in doing so forced us to change seats. Ashley ended up behind Craig, and it was just my luck that I ended up across the room, smack next to Manny Santos.
Spinner and Darcy ended up next to each other as well, and of course Spin had to annoy Ms. Kwan enough by passing notes to his girlfriend that she stopped teaching. We got a study hall so she could de-stress, so I took out my sketchbook and began to let my pencil go where it wanted. Soon, the Phantom of the Opera in a wheelchair materialized.
"Wow, that's amazing," said a voice to my left, and I looked up to find that the voice belonged to Manny.
"You really want to audition, don't you?"
I set down my pencil, sighed, and told the truth.
"I would, but I have basketball."
"But the season hasn't started yet! The play will be over before winter."
I shook my head, realizing that she wasn't going to let me rationalize.
"But I need an excuse. I want to audition, but a crippled 'Phantom?' No thanks."
She shook her head. "That doesn't matter." Then her eyes lit up, and she got out of her chair.
"Hold on one second."
I followed her with my eyes, and was a little disconcerted when I saw Ms. Kwan writing a pass for Manny. I was even more disconcerted when she came back to her seat.
"C'mon."
"What?" I asked.
Manny grabbed her purse and books.
"Grab your stuff, we're going somewhere."
Confused and not seeing the point in arguing, I followed her. I looked back at Ashley and shrugged, unable to read the look on her face.
Viciously, I looked away; if she was jealous, she had no reason to be. She talked to Craig all hour.
A few minutes later, many and I sat in a small room off of the library, where in sat a TV and DVD player, along with a table and chairs.
"What are we doing here?" I questioned, while many took a DVD from the shelf and put it into the player, then drew up a chair. Music swelled, and Manny then chose to tell me what I already had figured out.
"This is the movie version of Phantom. You'll see; you have nothing to worry about."
The movie began then, and Manny fast-forwarded to the songs. Soon, I was singing along to "Music of the Night," without realizing it. I looked over at Manny, and stopped singing out of shock.
Her eyes were glued to me, not Gerard Butler. She was smiling, but as she stared, she had a faraway look in her eyes. I turned my eye back toward the screen, confusing feelings swirling inside as I picked up the song and sang it until the end.
As the last notes of the song faded, Manny continued to stare.
"What?"
Without averting her eyes from my face, she spoke in a whisper, "That was beautiful. You are amazingly talented, you know that? You draw, play guitar, sing…it's crazy."
Shaking my head, I said sarcastically, "Thanks, I get that a lot."
She leaned in closer, taking her turn to shake her head.
"Seriously, you are. You fight for what you want AND you're smart. I wish I could be like you."
That's when I truly saw Manny. Underneath the cheerleader-persona, underneath the reputation of promiscuity, she was vulnerable. She wasn't confident anymore, and she wasn't the nymphomaniac that all the boys wished her to be.
"You're amazingly talented too," I said, with a mixture of sincerity and pity. This girl needed reassurance if the rumors were true- living with Emma Nelson because her parents kicked her out, and an agent had totally dissed her. "You dance and you act. You're outgoing and you always do what's right for you."
"I never thought of it that way. It sounds so much better then 'slut'."
"You're not a slut. You're great."
She smiled then, and leaned closer. The next thing I knew, her lips were on mine. I tried to pull away, and intense guilty feeling filling me, but then I felt something stir in my lap. Knowing exactly what an erection felt like, I felt all thoughts of Ashley fade, and kissed Manny back. My mind filled with thoughts of her.
A few minutes later, we broke apart, and an immensely articulate response fell from my lips.
"Whoa."
She regarded me seriously.
"Audition with me."
"I- I can't," I responded, flabbergasted. "How can I audition with you when I already said no to Ashley?"
She kissed me again, but pulled away quickly.
"It's okay; I can keep a secret."
I shook my head; too many thoughts and feelings were swirling around again.
"I guess, but how do I tell her?"
At that, she sat back into her chair with a 'thump.'
"Shit; how do I tell Craig?"
"I'm no just talking about auditions, Manny."
"I know," she replied, nodding. Then a conspiratorial grin lit up her adorably flushed face. "Maybe we don't have to tell them yet."
"They're going to notice when we're not there auditioning with them."
"We can practice in private…yea! Then we can sign up for a time after them."
I started to catch on. But, still, this felt surreal, like it wasn't actually happening.
"And then we can go home sick, so we can't make auditions," she continued.
Suddenly, the surreal feeling fled, and I sat back hard in the wheelchair.
"But why this huge deal? We've barely ever spoken to each other before today, and suddenly after one kiss I'm going to throw away the best thing that's happened to me since Rick?"
The excitement seemed to drain out of her too.
"I… I don't know. Maybe- maybe it's because with me, you get something different."
I looked at her, smiled, and then took her hand.
"Maybe. I'll eventually figure it out."
I glanced at the clock.
"Crap; we gotta go, the bell's gonna ring."
She stood, and I rolled over to the door. She placed a hand on the doorknob, then turned to face me. She touched a finger to her lips, indicating silence.
After a second, I did the same.
Craig
After Kwan's class, I met Manny in the hallway. I was a little confused, not having noticed her leave class. It had been like old times with me and Ash- I was singing, she was encouraging. It was weird; as soon as I was next to her I forgot all about Manny.
We walked down the hallway toward Mr. Simpson's room. Up ahead, I saw Jimmy and Ashley coming towards the same room from the opposite direction. Unconsciously, I let go of Manny's hand. She didn't notice, first because Jimmy started talking, and second because she had dropped down to tie her shoes.
This was made slightly difficult by the fact that she was wearing sandals.
"Hold on, Ash," Jimmy said as my girlfriend eavesdropped. "I need to get something."
He rolled into Simpson's room and Manny continued to fumble with her shoes.
Ashley saw me and mouthed, "hey."
I started over; Jimmy cut me off.
"Hey, what'd you get?" Ash asked.
I saw her glance down and suddenly her face lit up, overtaken by a huge, beautiful smile.
"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed, grabbing the packet out of his outstretched hand. "Jimmy, you're auditioning!"
She hugged him, then kissed him, smack on the lips. I felt my stomach clench.
I'd never seen her with another guy, not in an actual loving relationship. Seeing her kiss Jimmy felt…awful. I knew it was irrational; hell, I was dating Manny, and claimed I loved her. Just… not to her face.
Then the source of my consternation spoke, shaking the green-eyed monster out of my conscious.
"Yea, I am," he smiled at her, clearly amused by her delight.
"Oh, wow, this is great! You're going to be absolutely amazing!" She went to kiss him again, but before she could, I cut in.
"Good luck, Jim," I said, smiling at him with something that probably looked more like a grimace.
"I'm
so excited. We should go get practicing."
Jimmy looked at
someone behind me.
"Sure, I'll be right there.
We both looked at him quizzically.
"Restroom,' he replied, pointedly.
"Oh okay." Ash nodded. "I'll meet you in a practice room, if you're gonna get a free period in gym." She said goodbye then walked away, that gorgeous grin still on her face.
Turning back to Manny, I saw she had disappeared.
"Lovely," I muttered under my breath, shook my head, and then headed off to gym.
Jimmy
I was sitting in the cafeteria, stalling for time before I had to meet Ashley in a practice room. I was reading the music when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I looked up and saw Manny.
"Hey," she said sadly.
I touched her arm.
"What's the matter, pretty girl?"
She looked down dejectedly, without even the hint of a smile.
"This isn't going to work, is it?"
"What isn't going to work?"
She gestured into the air, still unable to meet my eyes..
"Ashley as so happy when she saw you were auditioning. She really loves you, we can all see it. She wants you to be happy and involved."
I took her hand, squeezing it gently.
"She does," I agreed. "But, sometimes I'm the one who knows what's best for me. And what's best for me right now is something new and unfamiliar.
Ashley is sweet, kind, smart, I thought. But she's familiar. Just like this damned chair is familiar.
"Something different," I continued. "You, I mean."
For the first time, she smiled and looked at me.
"And you for me." She paused. "But what about Craig and Ashley?"
I sighed and shook my head, my thoughts swirling.
"They'll live. I mean, I just can't think about them and what they'll feel right now."
I shrugged violently.
"I want to but I cant. I sound like a complete ass, but I can't."
It was Manny's turn to shake her head.
"No, you're not. You're just being honest." She smiled again. "So, when do you want to go practice? It's Tuesday; we have until Friday"
I laughed and grinned, happiness and excitement filling me to my toes.
Ashley
Over the next few days, Jimmy and I practiced nearly religiously.
His voice was beautiful, deep and sultry. It thrilled me to hear him sing-he had so much beauty in him, just bursting to get out.
Craig and I started talking like we used to, like best friends. His practicing was also going well- according to his ever-modest opinion of himself.
Manny, however, was, according to him, merely mediocre. He sounded immensely guilty when he said it. I knew he didn't mean to insult her.
The Thursday before auditions, Jimmy, Craig, and I had a free period during Kwan's class again. Something about Spinner reciting Shakespeare to Darcy bringing her to tears. Jimmy and I practiced for the first half, fine-tuning our duet. Then he said he had something to take care of, so I sat with Craig, who was, out of boredom, turning "Music of the Night" into a rock song.
I listened for a while, then stood up from my seat next to his and the music stand.
"I'm going to practice."
He looked up from his music, and gave me a confused look.
"Practice what?"
" 'All I Ask of You,'" I replied. "I'm too shaky; auditions are tomorrow."
Craig shrugged and went back to his music.
"All right. But after free period, no more practicing for a while. You don't want to wear out your voice."
I smiled at his concern and ruffled his hair.
"Okay, Mom," I joked as I walked back toward the practice rooms.
As I passed the first few, I heard a familiar voice singing. After a few more notes, I recognized it as Jimmy's.
Funny, I thought. We stopped practicing 10 minutes ago.
Quizzically, I looked into the next room on my right. There, I saw something that ripped my heart clean in two.
Manny was sitting close to Jimmy, almost close enough to be on his lap. He finished the song, and she smiled. She then said something inaudible, and then kissed him, full on the lips.
The horror of that little slut's lips on Jimmy's had only just flared when it was eclipsed by another shock to my system. Rather than pulling way in outrage, he kissed hr back and deepened it, and a make out session erupted.
Unable to think, I backed away from the door unnoticed. Shock had numbed the pain; I only vaguely felt grateful for that small favor.
A moan reached my ears and I snapped out of my trance. I catapulted down the hallway, and at the end almost toppled into Craig, who had stood to readjust the stand.
"Whoa there, Seabiscuit," he smiled. Then his eyes met my own, tear-filled and pained.
"Ash? What's up?"
His words barely registered as I stared into space, the image of Jimmy's hands exploring the contours of Manny's body seared onto my retinas. I began to tremble, my speech shaky both because of crying and the seizure-esque shakes.
"He can't be," I whispered. "This is just an anxiety induced dream. I'll wake up any minute now."
Now thoroughly confused, he forced my unresisting body into the seat I had vacated mere minutes earlier, and sat down in his.
"What didn't who do?" he asked, concerned.
My shattered mind tried to make sense of it.
"Jimmy and Manny…" I forced out.
He tensed up visibly. "What about them?" His voice had dropped into something resembling a growl.
Noticing the tension, I gathered myself as much as I could.
"I walked to the practice room," I choked out. "Heard voices. I looked into it, and the slut is stealing a second boyfriend from me." I started sobbing then, my next few words spoken in between tear-filled gasps. "And he kissed her back…"
He just stared at me, confused.
"What?" Shaking his head, he met my eyes. "Ash, what are you talking about?"
Sobbing harder now, I gestured wildly into the air, nearly falling off the chair, and finally managing to point towards the practice room.
"Go; see for yourself."
He stood and set me steady in my seat.
"Okay, I'll go look. But while I'm looking, try to calm down, okay? You're getting hysterical."
He squeezed my shoulder and walked towards that grand mess. I closed my eyes and tried to sift with the one my emotions were now tangled up in.
Craig
I slowly walked down the hallway of practice rooms, wondering what in the hell had gotten Ashley so worked up and upset. She had been fine five minutes ago; what the hell happened? Random crying wasn't really her, unless London had really changed her. I heard muffled moans, and winced. Someone was having fun. Mildly curious, I looked into the room on my right.
There, I saw something almost straight out of those trashy romance novels that only Manny could stomach.
My girlfriend was straddling Jimmy in his chair. Her shirt was off, and it was obvious that they were well on their way to third base.
I was filled with an indescribable emotion, a mixture of sadness, and strangely enough, relief. Then I realized that this must have been what Ashley saw. Anger flared, and I forced myself to walk back to her, and not barge in and tear Jimmy's head off for making her cry.
What a merry mix-up, I thought.
I found her right where I left her, quieted now but with tears still streaming down her face. I sat in my seat and slipped an arm around her shoulders; judging from how she had reacted, she needed the comfort more than I did. I felt a faint thrill as she leaned into me, placing her head on my shoulder like she used to.
I heaved a sigh, depressed.
"We've both been duped."
She raised her head and looked at me; I couldn't meet her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Craig," she murmured. "This during your first week back." She ran a hand through her curly brown hair and sighed. "I wonder how long…"
I shook my head, marveling at her sudden calm and focus on my pain, not hers.
"I guess they've been practicing after hours."
She looked away from me; I felt her shoulders stiffen.
"I heard him singing before I actually saw them," she said softly, staring straight ahead. I began to remove my arm; she responded by hugging me tightly.
Immediately we both relaxed. The howling inside faded and a sort of serenity set in. I moved my head to place it on hers; our heads then cracked together.
This woke her up.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, pulling away. 'Are you all right?"
"No, no," I replied, looking at her. "It's not your fault." I wasn't only talking bout the physical injury.
For a moment we sat with our own thoughts. Again, I saw her tremble. I grabbed her hand, encasing it in mine; she pulled it away a little forcefully.
"What's wrong?"
She answered so softly I had to ask her to repeat it.
"Jimmy's not the first."
"What?"
She looked at me, her eyes devoid of emotion.
"He's not the first boyfriend she's taken from me. He's the second to fall into that little slut's hands."
I shook my head.
"She's not a slut, Ash. She's made crappy decisions, yea, but she's not a slut."
At that, her eyes filled with displaced anger; her emotional upheaval present in concentrated rage.
"Oh, yea? You would say that; you're the first!" She stood up, hollering at me now. "You cheated on me with her, and now Jimmy's gone and followed in your footsteps!"
She paused and the anger rescinded just as suddenly as it had came. She sank slowly back into her seat, her eyes wide and glassy again.
"Oh, God," she whispered. "What's wrong with me?"
I reached out a hand and turned her face towards mine. She was losing her hold on everything stable in her life; the last thing she needed was me losing my temper and refusing to give her the comfort she desperately needed.
"There is nothing wrong with you."
Listlessly, she turned away.
"Then why have both you and Jimmy gone to her? Why am I left here crying again? There HAS to be something wrong."
I watched her, my heart breaking as she sat there, thinking that she was the one at fault, that she had brought this pain upon herself, rather than it being the fault of two stupid boys with overactive hormones.
I took both of her hands in mind.
"There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, Ash- you're beautiful, talented, intelligent..."
I let go of one of her hands and touched her cheek.
"You're everything, and I've never forgotten that. You stuck with me after I found out I was bipolar. No matter what I did, you came back. You've got opinions, you're interesting."
I paused for a moment, the weight of my words sinking in. I was telling her things I had never gotten a chance to, that had been buried under false notions of being in love with Manny. That flame had been sparked long ago. But with Ashley, it was not merely a flame, but a wildfire.
"You've always inspired me. Creatively and emotionally."
She was staring at me, wide-eyed. And apparently, the pragmatic, logical Ashley was still present even when her world had been turned upside-down.
"What? Why are you saying this? You're dating Manny, not me!"
I shook my head.
"Ash, I'm upset about Manny. I really am. I'm not going to deny that I like her."
I took a deep breath, and gathered my courage.
"But she's not the one I asked to marry me, once upon a time. She never lay with me in a hospital bed. You- you and I have a connection; I love you like I can't with Manny.
Her jaw dropped, her eyes brightening. She shook her head, obviously tormented.
"Craig, I- I don't know. Dammit, I don't have any idea what to think, to feel… I'm dating Jimmy!"
I regarded her steadily, trying to mask my disappointment at the lack of pronouncements of undying love and devotion.
"Have you told him you love him?"
She opened her mouth, closed it, and then looked at her hands, still in mine.
"No."
Elated, I stood up, taking her with me.
"Then why don't we give this another shot?"
I leaned in, and closed my eyes; moments later, I discovered my mouth on hers. I was kissing her, getting closer to her than I had in over a year. I felt her lips against mine again, and fireworks exploded in my head. It felt as if my heart would leap out of my chest.
She tried to pull away, presumably to say something. Not willing to spend more time rationalizing, I kissed her again.
This time, I felt her kiss me back. My soul was singing; a sort of beautiful music filled my ears, unheard by anyone but us.
Ashley
He was kissing me. Craig Manning, my ex-fiancé and soul mate, had his lips pressed against mine in a gesture we hadn't shared in ages.
As if this weren't surreal enough, I had just seen Jimmy tongue-wrestling with Manny Santos.
My heart had been breaking; I finally realized that the treachery of the men in my past was my fault. I must have been wrong, at fault, in some way shape or form. He had assured me otherwise, and then told me the most amazing thing- he loved me.
While still trying to wrap my mind around the new emotions that became mixed in with those then tormenting me, he dropped and even bigger bomb by kissing me.
It felt amazing, wonderful. The love I had been missing for over a year lit once again; that hidden, empty part of myself filled and overflowed.
Overcome with feeling, I attempted to pull away, but he kissed me again. This time, however, was different; this time I let myself go and kissed him back.
My heart felt infinitely lighter. Music filled my ears, music that not only expressed my feelings but his too. Music had always been our connection; now it was every part of us.
A moment later the song was interrupted by a high-pitched tone- the bell. Immediately, I panicked; my heart again felt heavy as I pulled away, frantically grabbing my belongings.
"Shit, shit. Free period's over," I cursed, my heart racing. "I can't see him."
"Ash?" questioned a worried Craig.
I looked into his eyes, mine brimming again. I fought to keep my voice steady.
"Jimmy and Manny are coming. I can't see him; I can't talk to him."
He cocked his head.
"Don't you want to face them? Just get it over it?"
"You don't get it, I can't. Not yet. But please, please, don't talk to them without me," I pleaded.
Before he could respond, I saw the shadow of Jimmy in his wheelchair advancing.
"I gotta go."
"Where?"
I whispered just loudly enough so that only he could hear:
"Home. Maybe. I don't really know."
And with that, I fled, barely noticing students and lockers, and didn't stop until I had flown out the front doors and was halfway to my house.
Craig
I couldn't focus the rest of the day; I couldn't go home if Joey wasn't, despite being a legal adult. He'd come home and blow a gasket. Instead, I suffered through class after class, concern for Ashley and fury against Jimmy and Manny making me extremely fidgety. Manny had tried to talk to me a bunch of times, obviously knowing that something was wrong; when I heard her voice, instead of trying to give even a semblance of caring, I turned up the volume on my iPod.
After school, I forfeited going to the movies with Spinner to just walk around by myself; fifteen minutes later I found myself at Ashley's front door. Nervously, I shifted my weight from foot to foot as I knocked on it and waited.
A few seconds later, the door opened and Mrs. Kerwin stood, looking at me imperiously.
"Oh, hello Craig," she said, sniffing.
"Hi Mrs. Kerwin,"
I said, trying not to do what I wanted and bolt. That woman still
scared the shit out of me. "Is Ashley here?"
Her eyes
suddenly became suspicious.
"She is, actually; she came home early from school today, but she wouldn't offer any explanation other than 'boy trouble.'" Her eyes bored into mine. "Would you have anything to do with that?"
"I truly hope note," I replied, not giving in to her stare down.
She seemed surprised at both my response and my willingness to stand my ground. Her face softened and she stepped back, allowing me space to step in.
"She's in her room," she said kindly, once I had entered the house and taken off my shoes.
"Thank you," I smiled.
Feeling her eyes on my back, and not entirely sure how long her new respect for me would last, I took the stairs two at a time. Outside of Ashley's room, I paused. I decently-sized box stood outside her closed door, filled to the brim with stuffed animals, a sweatshirt, and countless love notes, and some of Jimmy's drawings. Worriedly I knocked on the door.
"Mom, I told you, I'm fine," Ashley sniffled, her voice nasally and melancholy.
"If I was your mom, I wouldn't have knocked," I responded, smiling in spite of myself.
"Craig?" her voice had brightened, and I felt my heart leap. "Come in."
I did as she bid and entered, gazing in shock at what closely resembled a war zone. A huge stack of photographs lay on the floor, most with her and Jimmy smiling at the camera. A box lay over-turned onto its side in the middle of the room, more photos and jewelry spilling from inside. A few empty tissue boxes lay around the bed, interspersed between the clothes Ash had worn to school that day. And in the middle of it all, lying on her bed, was Ashley herself, dressed now in pajama bottoms and a white tank top. Her back was to the door; she thankfully couldn't see the concern on my face I knew would make her feel guilty.
I sat on her bed down by her feet, she turned to face me and propped her head up with her bent arm.
"How are you holding up?" I asked.
She looked around at her room, and then gave me a wry look.
"If you can call a psychotic rampage 'holding up,' I guess I am. How are you?"
"I'm alright," I said, truthfully. "Like I said, it's hard to be upset about Manny when in reality I've been in love with someone else." I paused. "I'm certainly not as upset as you are about Jimmy."
She sat up then, and began to wind a curl that had managed to break free of her messy bun around her finger.
"Craig, I live in the past. I dated you twice, and Jimmy three times. I just can't let the past go."
I moved closer to her on the bed, towards her headboard.
"Then why can't we give us that third shot?" I asked.
I tried to take her hand, to capture the mood from earlier that day. She moved hers away and gave me a sad look.
"We can't." She corrected herself. "I can't. First of all, I haven't even broken up with Jimmy yet, much the less started to get over him, and I'm sure you haven't broken up with Manny."
I looked away from her, guiltily. "No."
"Second of all how do I trust you? How the hell do I trust any guy?" She looked down at her hands, sadly. "How do I trust myself?"
"To do what?"
"To put this behind me. To not expect every other guy I want to date to do the same damn thing to me. To move on. I'm not so sure I can."
This time, she let me take her hands in mine.
"I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do," I said, trying desperately to keep the disappointment out of my voice. "But do you love me?"
She locked eyes with me, and nodded slowly, her eyes filling with tears again.
I hastily leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.
"Just think about it, okay?"
She nodded again, and I let go, saying:
"On a different note, I do know how to get back at Jimmy and Manny."
The tears were gone from her eyes as she shifted position and sat cross-legged on her bed, facing me.
"Now that I can do. Did you think of this after I left?"
"Yea, in between avoiding Manny's advances and Jimmy's friendly conversation. You have no idea how frustrating it is that Manny's voice can cut through any 30 Seconds to Mars song on full volume."
She laughed a little, and I smiled, glad to see some of her melancholy had lifted.
"And how do you propose we do this?" she asked.
"Well, right after school I saw them looking at open audition time at night. I think we can easily assume that they are planning to ditch us in the afternoon and then go later."
"So?" she probed.
"So, we need to ditch them first. Right after third period, we start feeling 'sick,'" I said, making little motions with my fingers like quotes. Then we'll sign out, leaving them alone. We'll then audition together right after them and blow them completely out of the water."
"And how do we do that?"
"After we'll sign out, we'll head to my garage to practice."
"And we audition together?"
I nodded; she shrugged.
"Sounds feasible. But how do we find out when they're auditioning?"
I didn't have an answer for that. She giggled at my now blank look, and after a moment I laughed with her.
"I didn't think that far into it," I chuckled. She nodded, and then snapped her fingers.
"I've got it. We'll 'leave' after we feel sick, but we can actually hide until they go and sign up- hopefully they'll do it right after we leave 'em- and then we'll take a slot."
Once again, I nodded in agreement.
"I hope there are spots left," I said.
"Me too." She put a hand to her forehead. "Ugh. We shouldn't have to do this."
I patted her shoulder. "I know."
She smiled, tearily. "But life's gotta go on."
Ashley
The next morning during the passing period between third and fourth period, Jimmy and I were at my locker.
All morning I had been gritting my teeth and clenching my fists, trying desperately not to scream at the stupid jerk.
He had acted normally, which further infuriated me. He really should get the damn role, I thought. He's a freakin' amazing actor.
As I placed my Media Immersion notebook into my locker, I glanced to my left and saws Craig and Manny walk down the hall. With satisfaction, I noticed that his hands were firmly in his pockets, and Manny looked more confused then normal. He nodded at me, and I turned back to Jimmy.
"Ugh, I don't feel well," I groaned, my hand on my forehead.
"Are you okay? You haven't been yourself today."
I resisted the urge to snort and roll my eyes, and continued my charade, wincing now at imaginary pain. "I don't think so."
I then placed a hand on my stomach, and groaned again.
"Yuck. I don't think I'll be able to make it through the rest of today. I should probably go home."
He gave me a (fake) worried look. "What about the audition?"
I slapped my forehead a little harder then I should've; it was getting really hard to hide my increasing irritation. I winced again, this time from actual pain.
"Oh, crap, Jimmy. Um…"
The look of fake concern dropped from his face.
"Don't worry about it," he said, touching my arm. "I'll find someone to do it with."
Oh, I bet you will. "You sure?"
He nodded.
"Okay. Bye." And before he could question me or wish me well, I walked away rapidly, and once I turned the corner I began rubbing my warm in disgust. Jerk.
Up ahead, I saw Manny and Craig at Manny's locker. I bent down to get a drink of water from the fountain, eavesdropping. Manny was babbling about something to do with Spirit Squad when Craig clutched his head.
"Ugh. I have a horrible headache."
"You
gonna be okay?" she asked, concerned.
" I dunno. I probably
should go home." He paused, and I admired his
believability. "But the audition…"
She shook her head. "I'll be okay."
"You sure?"
"Yea."
"Alright. See ya."
He turned and walked away, towards me. He placed a hand on my shoulder as he passed, pausing only for a second.
"Thirsty?" he whispered with a grin.
I grinned back at him, and together we slipped into an empty classroom opposite the audition signups. He shut the door, and turned to face me.
"How'd it go?"
"He didn't seem very upset in the least bit, and then he touched me. Stupid ass," I growled, grimacing.
"Hey, hey, it's all right," he soothed, touching my arm in the same spot Jimmy had. Instead of disgust, I felt a tingling sensation that remained even when his hand was no longer there. "Let's stake out, huh?"
I nodded and we both looked out the miniscule window in the classroom door, his chin pressing into the top of my head. I smiled for a moment, until I saw the little minx and Jimmy approach, nearly hand in hand. They erased their other times and signed up together, right in the open 7:00 slot.
Craig removed his chin from my skull and backed away from the door, and I followed. He sat in a chair, and then looked up at the still standing me.
"They don't suspect a thing," he said, shaking his head.
"I know," I replied. I felt depression begin to stir again, so I rushed around the room, grabbing my things in an effort to stave off my thoughts.
"C'mon, let's go practice. I have to keep my mind on something pleasant."
He stood, swinging his messenger bag over his shoulder.
"Whatever you say, boss," he joked.
I stepped closer to him to reach the purse I had tossed onto a desk upon entering the room. He didn't step back, so my body was pressed up against him for what felt like an eternity. I felt a year of longing course through my veins, a sexual hunger that surprised me immensely. This hunger was not sated but merely intensified when Craig grabbed me around the waist and held me tighter to him.
"Ash…" he breathed.
I knew then that he was feeling the same longing I was. I felt the heat radiating off of his body as I allowed myself to hug him. I heard his heart thumping through his t-shirt as I wrapped arms around him. He went to lift my head up, to kiss me. But I couldn't. Not now. Not so soon.
He saw the indecision in my eyes and backed away.
"Sorry."
"No, no, don't apologize. It's in the past."
He caught my double meaning.
"For now?" he half-jokingly pleaded.
I grabbed my purse and stepped back myself, trying to suppress the part of me that was crying out for him, that was telling me to forget everything and throw myself back into his arms. In the past or not, it was becoming increasingly obvious that a part of me still loved him.
I tried to nonchalantly roll my eyes and I smiled at him as I walked past him out the door, and then skulked down the hall to avoid detection. He followed suit, imitating my terrible Mission: Impossible- esque subtlety and I laughed, a big belly laugh that neither he nor I'd heard in a long time as we signed up at 7:15.
Craig
In Joey's garage, Ashley and I sat in our once-normal positions: her behind the keyboard and me on an amp. We were exhilarated, feeling like rebels for one reason or another.
I sang "Music of the Night," carefully not looking at her. It was amazing how well that musical fit us at that moment. Torn between two loves, a girl must choose between the light and the dark, the safe and the passionate; it was us. Scary.
I finished and finally glanced over at her. Her eyes had never left my face; she had been staring, smiling, enraptured. I flushed with pleasure.
"That was beautiful, Craig. Absolutely amazing."
I smiled warmly at her.
"Thanks. Now, what'll be our duet? We have 2 options, of course, for a boy/girl pairing."
I paused.
"Manny and I were gonna do 'Past the Point of No Return.'"
Her shoulders drooped, and her eyes dropped from my face to the hands in her lap.
"Jimmy and I were working on 'All I Ask of You.'"
I rapidly ran over the melody line and lyrics in my head. They were simple, easily learnable; I could definitely change songs before tonight.
"We'll do that one," I said, with conviction.
She looked at me, puzzled.
"Why?"
I winked at her. "'Cause I said so."
She laughed, picked up a random drumstick, and threw it at me. I artfully caught it, and she clapped, feigning admiration.
"You're going to learn the part now, then?"
"Yep. Right after I hear our solo."
She started, then shook her head.
"No, I want that to be a surprise. For everyone." She placed significant emphasis on the last word, and I understood exactly who she wanted to surprise.
"Gotcha. Then I am going to learn this part and you're…"
I looked at her, waiting for her to finish the sentence.
"…gonna pick out your audition outfit. Assuming you haven't picked one out already."
I arched an eyebrow, very confused. "Audition outfit?"
"My assumption is correct, then," she grinned.
She walked towards the door, and I found my voice again.
"Why do I need an audition outfit?"
She looked at me, serious now.
"If we want to blow them out of the water, we have to go all the way."
She rolled her eyes at my now perverse grin. "We have to blow them away, in both vocals and looks."
I nodded and she grabbed her backpack, which I now noticed was stuffed.
"You're going to change too?"
She looked back at me and nodded.
"Yup. What you've got one now is all right. It just needs a few additions."
She then sauntered out of the garage, looking and walking lighter then I had seen her in days.
Shaking my head to get the exceedingly pleasant image of Ashley's swinging hips out of my mind, I settles down to learn the duet. In ten minutes, I had it, words and all- as a signed musician, doing things quickly and correctly ensured a continued contract and a happy ex-girlfriend.
Inspiration hit in a sudden flash, as it always did, lyrics bursting to get out of my mind and into my notebook. Unbidden images of Ashley happy and smiling flitted in an out of my mind: smiling kisses, luau dances, rose petals on a hotel room floor.
I picked up a pen and wrote and wrote, stopping only when I felt blocked at a really odd spot.
"What rhymes with lust?" I wondered aloud.
"Trust?" came a voice from behind me, a very familiar and welcome voice.
I turned around, and at the sight of a newly dressed Ashley Kerwin looking shyly at me from under her eyelashes, my jaw dropped and my heart leapt.
"What do you think?"
Ashley
In Craig's bathroom I felt the oddest combination of familiarity and a sense of the unknown. I had been here tons of times, back when Craig and I had dated, but so much had changed. Makeup was now all over the right side of the counter; compliments of a growing up Angie, I suspected.
I placed the black button-up shirt and red tie I had salvaged from the war zone that Craig called a room on the toilet. I then opened up my backpack and removed what I had packed in it the night before, just after Craig left.
I slipped out of my jean, baby doll tee and flats, my eyes avoiding the mirror. When I had gotten home from school yesterday, after tearing up my room in a fit of rage, I had spent an hour in front of my full-length mirror, desperate to find some physical flaw that had driven Jimmy away. Finding none, I had flung myself onto my bed, then trying to find my emotional flaw. Unfortunately, those had been easy to diagnose, and I had avoided my mirror ever since.
I tried to shake the thoughts of self-loathing that were fast-consuming my mind, and I changed into my outfit. A form-fitting red dress replaced the jeans and tee. It hit just above my knees, with a very low-cut v-neck, a halter tie, and a ruffled hem. I slipped my now bare feet into black wedge heels, and put on a black jean half-jacket. I then touched up my makeup, giving myself smoky eyes to replace the bright blue eye shadow, and fastened a black ribbon choker around my neck.
A few minutes later I found myself at the door of the garage, watching an inspired Craig feverishly writing a song down.
At an inquiry he probably didn't expect to be answered, I walked into the garage and answered it.
"Trust?"
I saw his enraptured look, and smiled at him, meeting his eyes from under my lashes.
"what do you think?"
He swallowed hard and forced his eyes to mine.
"Amazing. No lies."
I twirled in place, carefully holding my skirt down and staying balanced in my heels.
"Really?"
"Absolutely."
I then handed him the 'add-ons' to his outfit.
"You can wear the black shirt over the tee; looks casual but also professional."
He nodded and put it on, carefully buttoning it all the way up.
"And the tie?"
"that's for if you want to match. If not, you should only button the shirt halfway. But it'll give us an aesthetic edge for the duets."
He smirked at me, and I found that his rocker-ego needed stoking.
"That and it'll look edgy."
He raised his eyebrows, still smirking. I sighed, and let him hear what he wanted to hear.
"We'll look absolutely adorable, you especially."
"That's reason enough for me!" he exclaimed in mock innocence.
He looped the tie around his neck, and I sat back down by the keyboard. I noticed his struggle, and began playing the Final Jeopardy theme music on the keyboard. He shot me a jokingly irritated glare ad jumped up in victory a minute later.
I laughed and mock-worshipped; he bowed, and then glanced at his watch.
"Hey, we've got just enough time to grab food at the Dot before the audition."
He grabbed my hand, I grabbed my purse, and in a moment we were both out the door.
Craig
At 6:50, Ashley and I slipped into the gym unnoticed, right next to Jimmy and Manny.
Ashley was tense- nerves coupled with a stupid comment compliments of Spinner ("What, are you two, like, attached at the hip now?") had made her immensely irritated. I would hate to be Jimmy right now.
The two nondescript students on the stage finished singing "Prima Donna" and the two morons found it necessary to comment.
"We're better," Jimmy assessed.
Without missing a beat, Ashley continued to stare at the stage, and said:
"Oh definitely."
Both Jimmy and Manny jumped, and she fixed him with a glare that, if armed, would have maimed him in a instant.
"Oh, wait, did you mean you two would be better at the audition? I thought you meant you were better at being a two-timing asshole," she continued, her voice dripping sarcasm right onto the floor.
And, of course, Manny slipped in it.
"I thought you two were sick!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide with confusion.
I turned to her, my voice filled with disgust. God, I was so sick of her airhead act.
"See, that's the thing with cheating girlfriends- they always seem to think that they are the only ones capable and clever enough to do the deceiving."
"Same with unfaithful boyfriends," Ashley chimed in, shooting another death glare at Jimmy.
"But they forget that those scorned are smarter, and will find out."
Both of them were now staring at the floor, not daring to look at anything else."
"How long have you known?" Jimmy finally ventured to ask.
Ash set her jaw.
"Saw you yesterday after we practiced"
"Then I saw you nearly horizontal in a practice room," I added.
Ashley started, and she looked at me. Her eyes were blazing, and now her death glare was directed at me.
"You failed to mention that," she growled.
I winced and cowered, suddenly just as fearful for my life as Jimmy should've been about his.
Thankfully, she rounded on him instead of me.
"So the slut can give you a hard-on, but not me?"
At his nod, she screamed in rage and hatred, and succeeded in placing every eye in the cafeteria on our foursome.
"What the hell? How could you do this to us?," she screamed, and then her voice faltered as she began to cry again. "To me?"
Jimmy gathered his courage and looked Ashley in the eye. Even in my anger, I had to admit that he had balls to do that.
"Ash… I really do like you. I always have. But I need something new, something firmly in the present, without any ties to the past. I need someone I can't predict."
She closed her eyes and took a rallying breath.
"Not me. I get it." Her eyes flashed open. "I'm just not good enough. Cut the bullshit and just say it!"
He nodded slowly, and I grimaced.
"Fine," she growled. She went to walk away, but turned back to Manny.
"Stupid freaking SLUT!"
Jimmy glared at her, once again with balls I didn't have.
"Don't call her that!"
Ash bristled and I braced myself; her eyes projected sheer rage as her hand slammed into Jimmy's face with a resounding 'slap!'.
"Go on, defend her!" she shrieked. "Your 'past' doesn't give a damn." She sobbed a little. "Not at all."
And with that she walked out of the gym, everyone staring.
I shot my own poisonous glare at the two of them, ignoring Manny's pleading look. I really had nothing I wanted to say to her. I then followed Ashley's path out of the caf.
She was sitting by the door, trembling and wiping her eyes.
"Are you all right?" I asked.
She didn't look at me.
"Fine," she replied, her voice dispassionate. She paused. "Has their audition started yet?"
I glanced through the glass in the door and saw that Jimmy and Manny were approaching the stage.
"They're walking up now."
A few moments later, a high-pitched squeal nearly cracked the window.
"Yep, that's Manny."
She wiped her eyes again and drew her knees up to her chest.
"I'm fine. Perfectly fine. I have to focus."
Looking at her, trembling and crying once again over Jimmy Brooks, I asked her question I'd been desperately dreading the answer to, but one that I had been dying to ask her since yesterday.
"Ash, do you think you can get over him?"
She looked up at me for the first time, surprising me with the strength in her eyes.
"He got over me. Sure, it hurts like hell that he couldn't give a damn anymore; that tears me up more than knowing that he doesn't love me anymore. But I don't love him anymore either. So I have to be over him."
I knelt down in front of her.
"I can help."
She gave me a sad look, at once both regretful and affectionate. "Craig, no. Living in the past has done nothing for me. What I am feeling for you right now is irrelevant. You are such a big part of my past, I don't see how you could help."
"I can try, Ash. You just said you were feeling something"
A door slammed shut in her eyes.
"I said no, Craig."
I stood, not wanting to push her away any farther, but still desperately wanting to open that door. She was determinedly looking at her knees.
Damnit, Ashley, I thought as I stood up and looked through the window. I know that you love me too. Don't run away this time.
I sighed as Manny and Jimmy concluded "Past the Point of No Return." What can I do to show you that it's okay to admit it, to feel it?
Ashley
I was still staring at my knees when I heard the music fade away and Craig say:
"C'mon, Ash. Time to go."
Still unwilling to meet his eyes, I stared at the floor as I nodded, stood, and followed him into the cafeteria.
JT and Emma were sitting at a table, papers strewn all over. JT was looking over a list, and then turned to face the rest of the caf from his vantage point just below the stage.
"Craig and Ashley?"
I saw Jimmy start and stare at the stage in shock. A grin crept across my face, and Craig replied with a 'yes.'
JT looked down at his legal pad, and then back up at the two of us, fin ally having gotten onstage.
"Okay, just some basic audition info, guys. Remember, the audition is to show us how amazing you are."
Emma looked up from her own pad.
"So any choreography or movement in your songs should be done to enhance it," she added.
Craig's face was priceless: both terrified and ectstatic.
"Movement?" he parroted.
JT and Emma nodded, and he sighed.
"Alright, Herr…" he pointed at Emma.
"Stage Manager," she finished. "He's the director."
Craig shrugged indifferently.
"What are you singing, Craig?" JT asked. "You are going first, I assume."
" 'All I Ask of You Reprise,'" he replied.
I arched an eyebrow in shock; I had been prepared for his amazing rendition of 'Music of the Night.'
He looked back at me and smirked at my confused expression. "Last minute change," he explained.
The music started, and he readied himself. A beat later he began to sing.
I gave you my music
Made your song take wing
And now, how you've repaid me –
He looked to the left at me, then, sad and plaintive.
Denied me and betrayed me –
He glared at Jimmy; if looks could maim, Jimmy would've been in traction.
He was bound to love you
When he heard you sing
Christine…
At that he fell to his knees, placing his head in his hands.
Hauntingly, he began the next verse.
Say you'll share with me
One love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you
Share each day with me,
Each night, each morning –
He stood again, holding his head high and strong.
You will curse the day you did not do
All that the Phantom asked of you!
The music ended, and Craig was glistening with sweat at the front of the stage. Every single person in the caf was staring, their jaws on the floor.
JT was the first to recover.
"Wow, Craig."
Emma chimed in. "Shit! Powerful, Craig."
Shaking her head, she turned to me as I took Craig's spot.
"What are you singing, Ashley?"
" 'Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again,'" I answered, as I gestured for Emma to come over to me. She got out of her chair, and stood below me at the front of the stage. "Make sure Jimmy doesn't leave," I whispered.
She looked at me quizzically, but nodded at Toby, who blocked the doors.
I heard the familiar clicks of the metronome to indicate that the song was about to start, and stared at the front of the stage.
You were once my companion
You were all that mattered –
I looked at Jimmy, who was staring at his hands.
You were once friend and father
Then my world was shattered
He glanced up at me then, and I looked away.
Wishing you were somehow here again
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed
Somehow you would be here –
I felt tears well up again; this time, however, they weren't for the pain, but because I wished none of it had ever happened: getting back together with him after coming back from London, falling in love with him again…
Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never will –
I looked at Craig the, who was staring at me, transfixed. I gave him a looked filled with meaning as I continued.
Dreaming of you, help me to do
All that I dreamed I could
The short instrumental interlude provided me with an opportunity to look away and steady myself; I took it.
Passing bells and sculpted angels
Cold and monumental
Seeing from you the wrong companions
You were warm and gentle –
I placed strong emphasis on the 'were,' and once again glared at Jimmy, who now had the decency to look ashamed.
Suddenly all the anger and hurt burst forth in a huge stream of emotions as I stood with my arms raised.
Too many years fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die?!
Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive, teach me to live
Give me the strength to try
No more memories
No more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
Help me to say goodbye –
I looked at Craig again, who seemingly hadn't blinked. I gave him a small, teary smile.
Help me to say… goodbye.
The song ended, and I had the feeling of being naked on stage, stripped of my emotional clothes.
Once again, the jaws of the audience were to the floor. I blushed furiously as applause erupted.
I felt arms wrap around me, and heard a whisper in my ear.
"Perfect," said Craig's voice. "Amazingly perfect."
He stepped back, still holding my shoulder.s
"Ready for our duet?"
I nodded and smiled, feeling lighter then I had in days.
Craig motioned for track thirteen on the CD, and the music started and swelled as he took my hands.
"Trust me," he mouthed at my scared look. I nodded, and he began to sing.
No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I'm here, nothing can harm you
My words will warm and calm you
Let me be your freedom
Let daylight dry your tears
I'm here, with you, beside you
To guard you and to guide you
I stepped away, looking at him steadily and seriously, knowing that I meant every single word of what I was singing; in order for me to be with him ever, he had to promise me the world and nothing less.
Say you love me every waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you need me with you now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you
He reached out a hand to me and looked me in the eye, taking up his part.
Let me be your shelter
Let me be your light
You're safe, no one will find you
Your fears are far behind you
I reached out my own hand and he took it, pulling me closer as I responded.
All I want is freedom
A world with no more night
And you, always beside me
To hold me and to hide me
He grasped both of my hands in his own, pulling me still closer, now asking me to promise in turn.
Then say you'll share with me
One love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here, beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Ashley, that all I ask of you
My eyes widened; he had put my name into the song. I realized then, finally, that he truly had meant every single word. He loved me, still. Truly cared, not just for a piece of ass. Truly still wanted to hold me in his arms and smother me in sweat as he'd threatened so long ago.
I met his eyes, which were filled with a gentle passion.
Say you'll share with me
One love, one lifetime –
I smiled at him, knowing that the next line in my verse would show what I now knew- that I meant every word, not only in that he needed to promise me so much in order for me to date him, but that I loved him. My goofy-grinned rocker had not merely filled the empty void in me; it was overflowing. All thoughts of Jimmy were forgotten. After a year of separation and trying to fool myself, I had my Craig.
Say the word and I will follow you
He caught his breath and leaned closer; I followed his lead as we sang together.
Say each day with me
Each night, each morning
I let go and bowed my head.
Say you love me
Craig tilted my face up to his once more.
You know I do
Still with his hand under my chin, we leaned back a little
Love me, that's all I ask of you.
The next thing I knew, Craig had lifted me up and was spinning me around, just like Raoul spun with Christine in the movie, during this exact song, this exact part. I barely managed to stifle my delighted shriek. As he set me down, I wrapped my arms around his neck. He bent down and kissed me; I kissed back in kind, fireworks erupting in my mind.
He was mine and I was his. Craig and I were back together. I was really happy.
At the down beat of the next bar, we parted.
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Love me, that's all I ask of you
The song ended, and the caf was filled with thunderous applause.
He hugged me to him, and I rested my head on his shoulder as we walked past the wide-eyed JT and Emma.
"Thanks!" we both called simultaneously, causing us to fall into hysterics once we had shut the door behind us.
We ended up sitting on the front steps, leaning up against the wall. His arm was around my shoulders and looked up at the starry sky, content in our shared silence.
Together.
Craig
After an undoubtedly amazing audition, life seemed like it couldn't have gotten any sweeter. I knew without a doubt that Ashley still loved me, just as much as I still loved her, and we had pretty much blown Jimmy and Manny out of the water.
Then I found myself staring up at the sky, with Ashley nestled into me, content and relaxed. Life could get sweeter.
After a moment, I removed my arm. She looked up at me, surprised.
"What's wrong?" she asked, the old concern etched into her face.
"Nothing, Ash," I said. "Just… I want to hear it. I know it. I just want to hear you say it."
"Say what?"
"That you love me, that you need nothing but me and my guitar to keep you happy, no matter what."
She took my hand in hers, intertwining her fingers with mine.
"Craig Manning, I love you. More than anything. There haven't been words invented that could describe it."
She kissed the tips of my fingers and I trembled.
"All I know is that no matter what, I love you. Always have, and always will."
I smiled. "I love you, too."
"No airport?" she asked cheekily, recalling a conversation we had had nearly two years ago.
I squeezed her hand.
"No airport."
She nestled into me again, and softly whispered into my ear.
"That's all I ask of you."
a/n: the end!
I know, I never mentioned the cast list; if I get enough responses, I might write the sequel. I have a bunch of ideas floating around my head for it (who's cast, CrAsh and Janny relationship issues, the performance, etc.) but I'd like to know if it's worth it.
Review, please!!