It's fucking hot, yet also freezing. Matt feels the chill go through his bones as he feels Mello's eyes drag over him. The ice cold, unblinking stare just makes him want to say something, anything to ease the chilling tension in the air, but he doesn't know what. He shivers and turns back to his game.
Oh God, he's looking his way now. Must have felt Mello's eyes on him. Though it's only a brief searching glance, Mello can see the uncertainty in his friend's eyes – knows he must have been making him feel awkward, but its no good. His skin has blistered and then cracked and though they only seem skin deep, these cracks lead right to his soul. Matt can see inside of him, and right through him and Mello knows it's only a matter of time before he finds out. Is he scared?
Are the windows open? …because a breeze is playing on Matt's arm, and he rubs it quickly, eyes fixed on the screen in front of him. Could he risk another glance at Mello? After a momentary pause, he decides he can. He looks up, and those eyes pierce right through him, and see his core. It's frightening, and it freezes his bones, and he's wondering now… can he tell him?
But the answer is no. It will always be no. That is made clear by the bitter look in Mello's eyes. He's calculating something; Matt can feel it, even as the stinging cold races through his veins, and yes. yes. yes.
Yes he is scared.
There is something weird about sharing a room with someone you can't talk to, even for Matt, used to Mello's mood swings. The air hangs around them like icicles, waiting to be broken, to shatter the silence.
Matt has always been the easy one to talk to. He's easy to get to know, carefree, and loyal. He never questioned motives, or betrayed anyone. Maybe that's why he works so well with Mello.
At Whammy's, they were inseparable. Each knew the other's needs without speaking, but could also give the other space when needed. Mello was the louder one. Jumping to conclusions, always ready for a fight, yet he wouldn't let anyone see the real person he was protecting. Not even Matt knew the real Mello.
He guesses that is why he is so scared now. The marks on his face show weakness, something he is not willing to admit to. There's a fire burning somewhere inside of him, a bomb that's waiting to go off, set his nerves alight with rage, but for now he's content to sit and stare. Just ponder, and wonder how things would be if Matt knew.
If his friend knew that the emotionless, distant Mello was an act. A sign that clearly read 'don't get too close'…
Could he ever tell him? Show Matt the real him?
The answer is no, and it will always be no. That is made clear by the stinging fire behind his eyes, the blaze that will one day take him out, burning, and he's a fool to admit it, but yes.
Yes, he is scared.