Flabbergasting Edward

Flabbergasting Edward

Chapter One

Bella's stomach lurched at the speed with which Edward was driving. She thought it completely unnecessary to be moving this fast when they were speeding towards their own doom. Edward stared out through the windshield, completely at ease; he had a smile on his face, that beautiful crooked smile which Bella adored.

This time, however, she did not smile back. She glared at him. She opened her mouth to say something, changed her mind and turned her head to stare out the window. She knew that, in his own way, Edward was mocking her, which meant he knew something valuable that she didn't.

Bella crossed her arms over her chest to make it obvious that she wasn't impressed.

"Hmph!" Bella let out a strange noise.

Edward moved his head slightly to look at her. "Okay, okay, I get the hint," he said. "What is bothering you?"

"Why are you not … why aren't you going to …"

Edward's smile vanished. "Bella, what's wrong?"

Bella's face had drained of colour, but then, just as suddenly, she blushed.

"Edward, why aren't you … scared?"

Edward turned back to face the windshield, biting his lip, and then let out a roar of laughter. He wiped the tears that could have been streaming down his face.

"Bella, honey, we're just going to your place like we always do, I don't exactly see the problem."

"EDWARD!" Bella screeched, her voice raising in anger. "We're about to tell my father we're getting – getting married! He's going to KILL you!"

Edward doubled over the steering wheel in laughter. Bella scowled.

"If you don't watch where you're going, you will kill me!"

"Bella, sweetie pie, it is quite difficult for Charlie to kill a vampire."

"That is not the point!"

Edward suppressed a giggle. Bella gave up and glared, glared so hard and long, that her eyes started to water. Edward avoided looking at her, as it made him laugh ever time he saw the expression etched on Bella's face. He smiled wider than ever; obviously he was sharing and inside joke with himself.

As the shiny silver Volvo pulled up, Charlie was peaking out the window. This wasn't right, he thought, as he noticed Bella's good-for-nothing boyfriend accompanying her. This was NOT Edward's designated time!

"EDWARD CULLEN!" Charlie screamed, so loudly he thought that his throat might tear. "WHAT THE PUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? And get your hands off my daughter," he added as an afterthought.

"Charlie, Charlie," chuckled Edward, removing his hands from their compromising position. "Dear old Charlie. We're here to tell you some important news."

Charlie scowled. "Come on in, then," he said resentfully, yet he couldn't help feeling slightly excited at the prospect of important news. Not much went on in the town of Forks.

As they walked towards the house, Bella took Edward's hand and squeezed it so tightly that if Edward wasn't already dead, he would be. Charlie stood in the lounge room, arms folded. An awkward silence followed and Edward started to whistle.

"So, uh, why don't you take a seat, Charlie, sweetie?" Edward asked.

Charlie scowled again, but sat down on the couch. Edward smiled. Bella looked at him and her thoughts screamed WHAT THE HULL? Edward was acting stranger than usual today. Bella looked into Edward's eyes, and her eyes widened, as if willing him to go on.

Edward took a breath and spoke at last.

"I love your hair, Charlie," he blurted out, then, in an attempt to cover himself, he winked.

Charlie looked flabbergasted and Bella stomped her foot in fury.

"Edward," she whined. "Tell him, now!"

Edward examined his nails and sighed. He looked at Charlie.

"Bella and I are getting married," he stated.

Charlie looked from Bella to Edward to Bella to Edward again. He took a deep breath … a vein was pulsing in his temple.

"Father, I do not want you to be angry …" Bella started hesitantly.

But then Charlie fell to the ground, convulsing wildly. Froth started escaping from his lips and he made a strange gargling noise.

"Charlie, babe!" screeched Edward, running over to take his pulse. Edward's face went paler, then he looked up at Bella and took a breath.

"He's in cardiac arrest. Your father is having a heart attack, sweetheart." Edward looked horrified.

Charlie's body suddenly went very still.

"NO!" Bella screamed, tears streaming down her face.

"Bella, my lovkins, call nine-one-one NOW!"

Bella fell down to her knees.

"Now, Bella!" Edward screamed.

Edward was sitting on the floor, cradling Charlie. He then sighed as he saw that Bella couldn't move, and knew that the only way for Charlie to survive was if Edward carried him and ran, ran faster than the wind.

Leaving Bella sobbing on the floor, Edward flashed out of the house and the wind whipped at his face.

"CHARLIE, darling, WAKE THE PUCK UP!" he screamed as he ran.

Dry sobs filled the air as Edward heard Charlie's heart beat became slower and fainter.

After what seemed like hours of agonized sprinting, Edward found himself at the hospital. He kicked down the door and burst in, holding Charlie's limp body in his arms.

"I NEED A DOCTOR! SOMEBODY GET SOME HELP!" Edward sobbed.

About thirty doctors and nurses rushed to the scene of Edward's heartbreaking cries of anguish.

"Wait a second," exclaimed a doctor. "This is Charlie Swan!"

Carlisle pushed himself to the front.

"Ruuuuuun, Edward, ruuuuuun!" Carlisle yelled.

Edward ran to the emergency room, Carlisle right behind him.

"I need defibrillators, stat!" Carlisle yelled to any nurse that would listen.

"But sir, you don't even know what is wrong with him!" a silly blonde nurse exclaimed.

"NOW!"

Carlisle knew exactly what had happened. He applied the defibrillators.

"Clear!"

Charlie's body jolted.

Nothing.

"Clear!"

Charlie's body lurched forward.

Nothing.

"Clear!"

Beep, beep, beep …

Edward breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh Carlisle, thank you so much, Daddy," Edward sighed, throwing his arms around his surrogate father. Edward felt as though he never, ever wanted to let go. Secretly, Carlisle felt the same way. But he would never admit it.

Finally, Edward let go and rubbed his tired eyes.

"I'd better go find Bella," sighed Edward, for the third time in a row.

Carlisle nodded solemnly. "You tell her that everything's going to be okay," he whispered, grasping his dear son's shoulders and smiling reassuredly.

So Edward ran.

"Ruuuuuun, Edward, ruuuuuun!" Carlisle screamed again.

As he burst through the door, Edward called for Bella.

"I'm here, Eddie!" Bella cooed.

Edward stared in disbelief as he saw Bella sitting casually on the couch, channel surfing.

"Bella, sugar honey, what are you doing?"

"Huh?" Bella looked confused.

"Uh, Charlie, with the almost dying and the running to the hospital?"

"Oh, yes, is he dead, then?"

"Bella, my fuck buddy, I'm taking you there, stat!" Edward scooped Bella up in his muscular arms and they ran off into the sunset.

Edward sparkled.

As he ran, Edward sang his very favourite song to Bella.

"I believe in miracles! Since you came along! You sexy thing!"

"Oh, Edward, your voice is really nice. And sexy," Bella added, hardly able to contain herself.

"Now, now, Bella dear, calm down," chuckled Edward. "Bella, Bella, Bella. My beautiful little parasite. Your father is dying. But Carlisle told me to tell you that everything is going to be okay."

"Oh, that makes me feel so happy … inside," sang Bella. Edward joined in.

"It's such a feeling that my love … I can't hide … I can't hide … I CAN'T HIDE!"

Bella and Edward giggled as they finished the high note. Edward lowered Bella to the ground and turned around, looking into her eyes solemnly and earnestly. He sang to her gently, his eyes wide with love.

"Yeah you, you've got that something … I think you'll understand. When I feel that something, I want to hold your hand!"

Bella smiled, taking Edward's cold, smooth hand in hers, and whispered gently into his ear.

"I want to hold your hand."

"Oh, Bella, you make my heart sing," Edward chortled.

"No," Bella whispered seductively. "You make my heart sing."

Bella faced him, now holding both his hands. Looking into his eyes, she started to sing.

I love your eyes

and I love your smile

Edward smiled.

I love your hair when it shines

Bella ran her fingers through his shiny bronze hair.

But I can't get enough of your –

Edward pulled Bella forward into a tight embrace.

Edward, oh Edward, Edward, oh Edward, Edward, oh Edward

I can't get enough of your name

Bella winked at him. Edward pulled her even closer, and they kissed, passionately and vigorously.

Whilst they were kissing, Bella continued singing into his mouth, but all that could be heard was strangled murmuring. However, Edward understood every word.

Your marble skin

Your topaz eyes

When I'm in your arms

It makes my heart go …

Bella's phone rang. She answered it.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Hello," came the creepy reply. "I'm from a band called *****. Maybe you've heard of us. Maybe you haven't. The point is, Bella, that the song you just sang was written by us. You can listen to said song by logging on to my MySpace page. It can be located on Belt's profile page, actually. Or, alternatively, you could just search '*****' in MySpace Music."

"Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want with me?" Bella demanded. "You're just some son of a bitch telemarketer trying to sell me your shitty products. Well listen here, motherfucker – I will NOT be going to your shithouse MySpace and listening to your shithouse song, despite the fact that I found it quite lovely. So quit advertising your crap songs through me!"

Bella hung up on the telemarketer, and with that, she continued on her way to the hospital.