Note from the Author:

Thank you for choosing to read my first (committed) multi-chapter Vampire Knight fanfic! I'll be sticking close to the manga for this chapter, only tweaking a few things to aid in later chapters, but the story will veer off in Chapter 2 and take it's own twist and curves. My goal is to satisfy my own need to see Yuuki make some personal development rather than be a "sitting duck" so to speak (like she always is, but nevertheless). We've seen in the manga how Kaname and Zero have coped with their own personal tragedies, and now I think that it would be interesting to see Yuuki mature as a character and sprout her own wings- pun intended.

~.Rayatta.~

Antiphon

There was a burden heavy on her shoulders, the weight of which seemed as though it were threatening to drown her, asphyxiate her heart and leave nothing but crisp, black ashes. It hurts, my whole chest feels like it's crumbling. Her thoughts rang out in her skull, crying for an outlet. Her knees threatened to buckle as she continued walking. This isn't my home, so why am I here? She knew the answer, but she couldn't bring the probing tendrils within her conscience to accept it.

Quiet activity surrounded her. Vampires, fresh and new to dormitory lifestyle, buzzed in the hallways, making last minute adjustments to accommodate their preference for luxury, and a fly zipped from one wall to the next. She found the insect's sound to be irritating. What an annoying sound at a time like this… It wasn't at all friendly to her heavy thoughts, her already slightly agitated disposition. The nobles admitted here had been rather warm in accepting her, not at all coldly like she'd, at least partly, expected. They'd been friendly, even. For herself though, this was a common thought. Why should she expect anything different from herself? This is the way my mind has always worked, soft and pliable, like clay.

She'd been so caught in her self-speculation that she'd almost missed the entrance to her room. Taking the handle in her delicate, almost fragile, hand, she opened the door and paused. The room was empty. There was no one in here. Her only company at the moment was the lavish furniture and décor that had been ever so carefully placed to suit her status. The light curtains she'd politely requested allowed the moonlight to seep in and illuminate the dark mahogany four poster, its excessive quantity of pillows, and matching nightstand in a silvery glow. Her vanity, of identical color and quality as the rest of the furniture, stood on the wall beside her as she stepped tentatively over the threshold, as though the space was not for her. The chest of drawers and her desk lay on the adjacent wall, noble in their articulate craftsmanship, the door leading to her bathroom between them. Leaving the door slightly ajar, she took up a quiet solitude which created in her a sense of restlessness and vulnerability. Her heart sank.

She made her way to the bed and sank to her knees. Her shoulders felt weak. Her chest was aching. Her thoughts were spinning out of her control and emotion was welling up inside her, starting from the tips of her toes and fingers and slithering its way through her veins into her heart, its rhythm becoming broken, choked from this preternatural force. "It" wanted out, needed an escape, an outlet. It constricted tighter around her heart, permeated her lungs and threatened to overrun her mind and body. It searched her flesh, her veins, even her thoughts.

There resounded a thump as a flurry of feathers burst from the feather-filled spread. Her fists balled rock hard in the midst of the mess, Yuuki Kuran buried her face in the silky soft texture of the over-stuffed bed spread, raw energy and vehemence emanating from her delicate frame. Her long brunette locks spilled haphazardly about. Someone, anyone, please stop time just for a small while! She spoke to herself, "What are you doing, Kaname!" She curled inward slightly as she continued, desperation glazing her voice. "If it's true, then please stop the clock from moving." She dug her fingers into the spread, gripping it for some sort of stability, something or someone to hold onto.

There was so much on her shoulders, a toppling weight, the sort of weight that made one feel as if they really were drowning. She couldn't believe Sara Shirabuki, could she? How could she possibly..? But the flash of Aidou's horror-stricken face as his father burst into light-scattering particles haunted her, tormented her. Why? Why do we have to be separated like this, under THESE circumstances! Once more she pleaded for time to stop, only to come to a quick and imperative realization.

Time won't stop.

A deep-rooted longing thrust itself upon her and slashed at her with sharp talons. Fire. Fire in her throat. The thirst stabbed at her as she shot up, gasping, clutching her starved throat, eyes wide and wondering at the agony assaulting her. Her stomach convulsed in hunger, in thirst, as she failed to catch her breath. Panic was starting to overtake her. What should she do? There's no one here. No one. She was completely and impossibly alone here in this room that wasn't hers with its articulate furniture and silvery glow and quiet solitude and blood tablets on the nightstand… Her head shot to the left. Blood tablets. Blood tablets! She'd never had the opportunity, or need, rather, to be acquainted with them. Yet there they were, serenely placed where she left them on the nightstand in the room which she felt wasn't hers, beckoning silently to her burning throat. That's what she needed: blood tablets. The sweet relief washed over her, the panic quickly relinquishing.

The fact that I'm a vampire won't cease either.

She rose to her feet and reached for the box. Its contents were small and round, a number engraved on each individual tablet. The turn of events and the nostalgia she felt was strange, but nonetheless, what she held in her hand would take the edge off. She popped open the container and emptied several of the small pills into her hand, pausing to eye them curiously despite her sweltering hunger. There certainly wasn't much remarkable about their appearance. They didn't look refreshing in the slightest, but now was not a time for which arguments could be seeded.

"What is it, Zero?" she said, interrupted by his presence in the hallway. Probably patrolling.

"It looks like Ichijou-sempai has something to say to you." There was coldness in the man's voice, but this was another one of the things Yuuki was becoming accustomed to, despite the quick shot of pain it wrought in her. His footsteps faded.

She brought the tablets to her lips. Her eyes looked dolefully towards the silver moon. It seemed to be watching her, a certain sadness in its distant radiance, and Yuuki abruptly had the sensation as if it understood her suffering, her anguish. Her eyebrows pressed towards each other as the taste dissolved on her taste buds. Chalk. Blood flavored chalk. The taste was impotent and dreadful. Her throat, though, seemed to appreciate it, even if only a small bit. She felt alleviated, relieved. Her head was clearing and she believed she felt stronger at the knees.

"I'm stupid for not realizing that the door was open." She cursed herself softly. It was her weakness, her inability to pay attention to minute details which built the infrastructure of a secure realm which was causing her grief now. She couldn't possibly be equal to her fiancé, not now, not at this moment. She wasn't calculating, she hadn't the power nor the eloquence which he possessed and wielded upon whim, nor his experience and wisdom, nor the charisma to withhold leadership of an entire race in the palm of his hand. No. She was weak and gullible. She was vulnerable. These things slammed into her harshly and suddenly, with no warning, and she felt her knees weaken again. Weak. There has to be a way for me to escape my weakness and become stronger for both of them. There has to be something on this earth I can DO to make things better for everyone, something that can work.

There was a hefty challenge at hand, and without the inner strength to pick herself up, how could she expect to support her loved ones? If she couldn't protect herself, then how could she keep secure those around her? These questions battered her mind relentlessly. They ruthlessly tore at her weakest points, shredded them completely. For her cunning adversaries-to-be, she was an easy target, a fledgling who hadn't yet learned to spread her wings and take such pressing matters into her own talons, one who had yet to grow feathers etched black and stained in crimson spilled from flesh. She had yet to become one of the black swans. The others had mastered the art of perfection, poisonous black and invidious perfection as crafted from the most hideous shades of polluted souls.

If this is what I have to do, then I'll do it. Maybe then I can protect them myself instead of having them worry for me.

With that, an antiphon was born.

Note:

Antiphon: Any response or answer

xoxoxoxoxo