I know I shouldn't start another fanfic. But Niham has gotten this one stuck in my head and I need more variety of things to write about lol. I hope everyone enjoys this fanfic. So let me know what you think.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach

The Mysterious Purple Elixir

Chapter1: Experimentations

Urahara stared down at his newest experiment with narrowed eyes as he contemplated the many possibilities of what could be his greatest concoction. The only problem was that he had no idea what it did. His forehead creased in thought; he sighed sadly since he couldn't test it on Tessai and the kids. After all, who would handle the shop while he worked? His eyes turned with contemplation about the store, only to gleam in wicked delight as they came to rest on Renji, who was currently leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. Renji tensed as a prickling sensation of dread shivered down his spine, causing goose bumps to break out on his arms. Hesitantly, he cracked an eye open with a frown forming upon his face as he noticed Urahara looking at him. A vein at the corner of his brow began to pulse. "What the hell are you looking at sandal hat?" Renji snapped as he inched farther away from Urahara.

Renji inched even farther as Urahara's eyes darkened except for the slight gleam, his fan shielding Urahara's face as he waved it back and forth like a rattlesnake's rattle. Urahara smiled slyly with a grin spreading, "My, you look rather nice today. Could you reach up and grab that mysterious brown box off the shelf above your head?"

Renji's eyes narrowed with slight confusion and annoyance, "Why don't you get it, we're the same height?" Suspicion filled Renji as he glared heatedly at Urahara.

Urahara chuckled, sending a nervous shiver down Renji's spine again, "Yes we are, but your closer. So hurry up and bring it over." Renji grumbled underneath his breath as he reached up and grabbed said box.

His annoyance rose as he turned back, only to find that Urahara was gone, a small bottle with a purple mixture sat on the counter. Renji looked away dismissively as he straightened, "Hey! I thought you wanted this damn box?!" Renji growled when no reply came from the opened door behind the counter. Walking over, Renji leaned over the counter, "Get the hell out here!"

"Oh could you bring it back here? And grab that bottle on the counter too," Urahara's voice rang with a sing song tone in his voice.

"What do I look like, your damn servant? Come get it yourself!" Renji could feel his temper rising when Urahara gave no reply back. Growling deeply, Renji swiped the bottle off the counter, only eyeing it for a brief moment as he stomped into the back room. "Hey, why didn't you just have Tessai do it? He was standing right there stocking the shelves." Renji blinked in surprise when he realized Urahara wasn't in the room. "Ur… Urahara?" Renji jerked straight as the door slammed shut behind him, a shiver rippled through him as he spun around. Urahara stood with his arm outstretched across the closed door, his Haori slightly open. Urahara's head was tilted down causing shadows to fall across his eyes, his lips curled up into a perverse grin. A sickened look fell on Renji's face, "Hey man. I'm not like that." Renji made a choking sound as he took a step back, "You should try Ichigo, or better yet Ishida. After all, what kind of guy sews? I'm sure you can get some from him." A slightly panicked look came to Renji's face; a drop of sweat began to trickle down his face.

Urahara's head jerked up, a slightly surprised look on his face. "What are you talking about Renji-san? All I wan is a little favor."

Renji relaxed for a brief moment, before suddenly stiffening again. His head shook quickly as he made a disgruntled sound in his throat. "H…Hey… W…W… Wait. Nnn. No Way! I already told you that there was no way in hell I was doing anymore favors for you!"

"Now, now Renji-san, don't be so difficult. Its time to take your medicine."

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Tessai stood patiently stacking the products on the shelf as he ignored the manly screams of terror. He turned his head as the door to the backroom swung open with force. Renji's upper half came slamming down as he tried to leap out of the room, his fingers digging into the floor boards. "Damn it, you god damn prick! I'm not your fucking guinea pig!" Urahara's hand shot out to grasp Renji by the hair; he dragged him back into the room as Renji left claw marks behind. Tessai turned back to his work as the door slammed shut, Renji letting out one final scream before it went silent.

A thump was heard before Urahara's voice drifted out, seeming to drip with fascination. "Ahh. So that's what it does."

As Tessai was finishing up his chore, Urahara began to emerge from the back room, his body freezing as a shout could be heard from outside. "Urahara, you bastard! Get out here!"

Tessai turned his head ever so slightly towards his boss and friend. Urahara grimaced slightly before smoothing into a small smile with an amused laugh, "Oh dear. That doesn't sound good." Tessai watched as he quickly withdrew his head back into the room. The click of a lock could be heard moments before the automatic doors slid open with such force that they bounced back to shut on a mop of orange hair.

Watching in silent amusement, Tessai watched as the young man forced his way through, the doors whining in protest. His young companion with obsidian hair followed a moment later. "But it is a good book Ichigo," her face held exasperation as she looked down at the cook book Ichigo's fingers were currently digging deeply into.

Ichigo turned back to her, his face turning a shade of red, "The pictures aren't appropriate for young girls! How could that bastard sell a cook book to Yuzu with pictures of naked women in it?"

"But it does have good recipes in it. Why are you overreacting anyways? They aren't doing anything bad, there just standing there holding food?"

"I could careless if it has good recipes in it Rukia! And I am not overreacting." Tessai watched as Ichigo scanned the shop with flames in his eyes before stomping in his direction, "Damn it! Tessai where is he?" Tessai shrugged his shoulders lightly before cocking his head in the direction of the back room as he turned to finish the last bit of his chores. Silence settled over the store before Ichigo bellowed Urahara's name, followed by his foot crashing through the door to the backroom. A series of web like cracks shot through the doorframe, and into the wall. Splinters flew into the air as well as chunks of the door.

Rukia sighed as she came over to stand next to Tessai, her head shaking. "Did you have to tell him where he was?" Tessai shrugged again as he turned to stare at the shattered door. Crashes and yelps of pain could be heard, and what could possibly be miniature explosions.

It grew silent again before Urahara's voice filtered through, "But she wanted a good cook book." The floor trembled beneath their feet as the chaos resumed. "Here drink this. Its grape juice, I swear!" A few explosions could be heard before all was quiet.

"I don't want any damn grape juice. Let go damn it!"

"But it will make you feel better… Take your medicine Ichigo!"

"What the hell. Get that shit away from me!" A small struggle could be heard before a thump. Rukia turned to stare at the door with slight confusion on her face. "What is that all about?" She wasn't surprised when Tessai made no reply. But the silence was beginning to make her nervous.

The corner of Tessai's lip twitched as the patter of feet quickly ran up a small flight of stairs, pausing at the broken door. "So destructive. I'll have to find a way to fix that problem." Urahara stepped over the bits of broken door on the floor, his fan came up to hide the smile on his face. "Ah. Rukia-chan, it seems Ichigo isn't feeling very well. Sooo… Why don't you just head on out?"

Rukia's eyes narrowed suspiciously, "I could always just drag him home."

"Oh no. No, no, no. That wouldn't be healthy in his state. He just got himself too worked up." Urahara managed to shove her out of the shop with much complaining from her. He sighed as he turned back to the door to the backroom. "Hmm maybe I should work on that special door later… It wouldn't be good to have anymore surprises." Tessai grunted an agreement as he picked up the empty boxes.

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Urahara hummed happily as he entered the backroom, being careful to avoid broken steps of the small flight of stairs he had just recently installed. "Ah, Ichigo… Why must you cause so much trouble?" A tiny growl was his only reply, as he stared down at a golden retriever puppy, its brown eyes staring up at him with hatred. Urahara shifted his gaze to the little red kitten that hissed a reply, little black designs zig zagged upon the kitten's body. "My… My. Ichigo… Renji. You two should really learn to control your anger a bit more. Its not healthy you know."

Urahara's brows furrowed at being unable to understand what each bark or mew meant, "It seems I will have to invent a few things." His eyes widened for the briefest of moments as a thought came to him. "Hmm. This should be interesting indeed.

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"Why the hell did you drag me into this you stupid, red headed freak!"

Renji hissed, his fur puffing out as he turned from Urahara to glare at Ichigo. "It's not my fault you came barging into the middle of this like a wild banshee. And shut up about my damn hair, at least I don't look like I have a giant orange on my head."

"Yeah well at least I wasn't the one who turned into a cat. What kind of a wuss turns into a cat."

"What the hell are you talking about, Yoruichi turns into a cat and she kicks your ass!"

"That doesn't count. For one, she is a fricken chick!"

"That doesn't make any sense you idiot."

Ichigo growled as he let out a bark, he pounced on Renji. A furious battle broke out as the two fought, both ignored Urahara's complaints. Insults were howled amidst the snarls and hisses, as Urahara stared down at them like they were toddlers fighting over a toy. Claws and teeth gnashed at air as Urahara finally ripped them apart, shaking them when they proceeded to try and attack his hands instead. "You stupid bastard. Why the hell did you make me drink that crap?!" Ichigo growled angrily when Urahara only looked at him with a small frown.

"Say something damn it," Renji hissed. Both of their tempers rose when the only reaction they got from Urahara was his lips thinning slightly. Snarling, Renji and Ichigo tried to attack him again, and no amount of shaking would stop them.

Urahara released them; they began to attack his legs, but froze as Urahara's voice drew their attention. "Ninth restraint. Geki!" Their eyes widened as red light engulfed their bodies. As the light receded, they found that they could not move, "Ah. That's much better. Now as I was trying to say, I haven't yet come up with an antidote seeing as I didn't even know what this elixir did. But now that you two were kind enough to test it out for me, I can begin making the antidote now. But first I will have to create something to help with translations."

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Urahara chuckled with amusement as a small growl drifted to his ears, "I suggest you two start behaving. I wouldn't want to bind you for a fifth time today." His grin widened as an almost pathetic mew came from Renji. From the corner of his eyes he could see Renji slump slightly in exhaustion from struggling so much. He drew his eyes back to the different metals that sat before him. A grin of amusement stretched farther across his face as he looked at the first test collar he had made. Sadly, instead of translating the animal speech, it had almost set Ichigo on fire. This was most likely why he was currently growling.

Urahara sat on the floor with Ichigo, clipping off all the burnt fur. Jinta was off to the side snickering at the two on the floor. Urahara couldn't help but feel as if they were all an unusual family with Ichigo and Renji as the pets. "All we need now is the wife," Urahara snickered underneath his breath. His eyes glazed over as an image of Yoruichi came to mind. His amusement turned to an almost perverse joy before a growl drew him back to the present situation. Urahara sighed as he gazed down at his pant legs, the fabric ripped and shredded at the edges. His eyes crinkled down at the slightly larger rip on his right pant leg from when he had stated they use the bushes outside for a bathroom and had tried feeding them dog and cat food. Although, feeding them outdated pet food probably wasn't the brightest idea.

The day was beginning to fade into night, his body growing wary. He had spent the whole day working. But had come no closer to finding an antidote, or to finish crating a collar that could translate what his two new pets were saying. Urahara chuckled at the thought of having pets. "Come on Ururu, its getting late. We better help close up shop now."

Urahara stood as the kids took off up the stairs, scooping up Renji and Ichigo, who surprisingly enough did not fight back. He crossed the room to plop on the recently added couch, the dark green cushions sagging beneath his weight. He could feel his eyes slipping closed as he felt a gentle heart beat through Renji's fur. Uncomfortable, Ichigo inched out of Urahara's feet. Ichigo's breath came out with a huff as he sighed; his golden paw stretched over one of Urahara's legs. Renji having fallen asleep even before Urahara had picked him up, began purring softly as he dreamt pleasantly.

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Yoruichi's eyes widened down at Urahara, a mischievous sneer spread across her face. Gazing affectionately at his content face, a small smile formed upon his lips. Her eyes flicked between the two curled up to him. Their energy signatures telling her who they were, and wondered what Urahara was up to now. She chuckled quietly as Ichigo made a whining sound, his back leg kicking lightly. Reaching out, her hand froze inches away from Urahara's slightly upturned face. Yoruichi resisted the urge to brush a stand of hair out of his face, his hat slowly slipping off of his head.

Straightening quickly, Yoruichi took a step away form him, a smirk lighting up her eyes. "Awe how sweet. I never realized you had such a soft side for the warm and fuzzy." Urahara's eyes snapped open instantly, standing up with grace, with a fluid motion as he flung Renji to the floor. Who hissed out a screech, landing next to Ichigo. Ichigo growled angrily where he had been kicked to the floor as Urahara had stood.

A playful grin spread across Urahara's face as he gazed at her with a twinkle in his eyes. "Why Yoruichi-san. You know you're the only warm and fuzzy one that I have a soft side for." Urahara ducked as she took a swing at him, yelping in pain. Urahara did a little dance as he tried to remove Renji from his back, small slashes ran from the top of his Haori to the middle of his back. Yoruichi had collapsed upon the floor laughing hysterically with delight. A small pout formed on his face before glaring down at Renji, his fur puffed out angrily.

Yoruichi came to stand, her body still bent as she attempted to regain control over her laughter. "I don't know how you turned them into animals, but they're more pissed at you then I have ever seen. When are you going to turn them back? Or are you not done playing master yet?"

A sheepish look appeared on Urahara's face, "Well that's a funny story. I can't do that yet. Considering I haven't created a way to turn them back yet."

Yoruichi turned serious, her eyes glinting dangerously, "What do you mean you can't turn them back. How could you do this at a time like now? I mean, I know Aizen has gone back into hiding. But he could attack at any moment. And you go and turn two of the strongest fighters into animals without being able to fix it?"

"Well I would have only tested it on one. But Ichigo barged in and started causing problems. He wouldn't calm down so I made him drink my elixir. It will be fine, I wouldn't have done it if it was a bad time. And there are enough Shinigami's to deal with the hollows." Urahara clutched the top of his head after Yoruichi's fist connected with his skull.

"You better fix the problem before anything does happen. Or I will make you regret it. I need a drink now." She sighed as she looked about the room for her stash.

Urahara straightened back up, "Ah that's it. You're going to translate for me. That is if you want me to finish with this faster." A mischievous look came upon his face, "After all, you're almost like their mother." Urahara ducked as she took another swing at him, her cheeks turning a light pink.

Here is the first chapter. I hope it was enjoyable for you. Let me know what you think

Special thanks to Niham for all your help and giving me ideas.

MikosWish