Watching You Watching Her
Staring at him as he watched her. How pathetic was that? Goo Yong Ha, the man who could have anyone, couldn't do anything as his best friend, the only person he had ever loved slipped from his gasp. Don't get him wrong, he had always knew that this will happen someday. Jae Shin was beautiful, inside and out, even though not many people saw it.
And he also knew that he could show him love greater than anything the other man had known. He could make him forget about the world outside of his embrace, he could make all his insecurities, his grief and his pain vanish and surround him with tenderness and care. He could, and would, follow his every whim just so Jae Shin would give him the time of the day. But he never did. No matter what Yong Ha could offer him and how clear for both of them was that Kim Yoon Hee didn't see the other man as something more than a friend, Moon Jae Shin never choose him.
He didn't choose Yong Ha when he needed comfort, he didn't choose him when he was devastated and he certainly hadn't chosen him when he'd kissed Yeorim. Yong Ha remembered that they had been drinking, that much he knew, and talking about something unimportant. Then Jae Shin had leaned down and perked him on the lips. It hadn't been much, just a slide of lips, but it'd made Yeorim whimper when they'd parted. His heart had been beating so fast that night and only one word had been running in his head- "Finally." Oh, but how wrong he had been.
Because Yong Ha was a man and he didn't deserve Jae Shin's love, no, he didn't even deserve his attention.
It was almost a month after that night, a night that according to Jae Shin had never happened. They were drunk, both so very drunk, or at least Jae Shin was. Yong Ha never touched his sake, never missed the opportunity to observe Jae Shin closely, hidden by the mask of intoxication. Jae Shin never suspected a thing, it wasn't necessary for Yeorim to hide the fact that he didn't drink- his friend was too engrossed in his own problems to notice. It was the day that Yoon He had told them she and Sun Joon had decided to get married. Jae Shin had accepted it well, smiling and congratulating them both and, call him stupid, but Yong Ha had thought it was over. And he had been right, partly, something was over.
That night Jae Shin fucked him. It was rough and it hurt, his partner's breath stank of sake. His hands didn't caress Yeorim, they bruised him and wasn't it so pathetic that Yong Ha called it lovemaking. But for him it really was, because he loved the other and wasn't that the real identity of lovemaking. After all, so many people liked to play games, pretended to hurt each other, but at the end of the day they fell asleep in each others embrace. And they did this, even if Yeorim denied to himself the truth. He refused to acknowledge the fact that after Jae Shin finished, he rolled on his side and fell asleep and Yong Ha curled next to him, seeking is warmth like a little boy.
The next day neither said anything, but it became clear to Yong Ha what had came to an end. Jae Shin was cold toward him, watched him with so much hatred and disgust and Yeorim knew. He had lost his friendship and ultimately his reason to live. He was stupid and melodramatic, but as he watched Jae Shin, the only one for him, as he followed his eyes toward her, smiling and laughing with the only one for her, he couldn't stop the tears falling. He wished he was a girl, he was ready to give his everything to become the one whom Jae Shin looked like that. And in what a cruel world he was living- having everything he wanted and missing the only thing he needed.
A/N This is something I started 4 months ago, but I didn't like it. It was all too depressing, all too... real. And today I found it and tried to edit it. I wanted to make it better, but it was all fake. You know how sometimes when you want to make your character say something, just for the sake of the plot, it sounds weird and you just can't imagine it. Same here when I tried to lighten up the mood. Anyway, I hope you like it. And, hey, if there are a lot of people who want it I can always write a sequel with a happy ending.