The Ice in My Heart
Summary: Edmund gives into to the cold. At the Witches side, he shall learn his lessons.
Warning: PG-13 for violence and torture.
Theme: Angst, Tragedy
Characters: Edmund, Jadis the White Witch, Peter, Susan, Lucy
Words: 2,638
Complete Story
* * * * * * * *
The cold surrounded me. As I sat on the ice, looking at the ice, feeling the ice, I forgot it was there. Nothing was there. The cold had completely taken over my entire being. As hard as I tried I could not understand how I had come to be here. Was there a specific reason for my being here? Whatever it was, I was being punished.
My eyes wander down my body. Shackles on each of my ankles and my wrists. The ones on my wrists are stuck together, my fingers wound tight around each other. White, so white my fingers are against my knuckles, painted with the dark rusty red of dried blood. My ankles have the same reddish drops trailing under the shackles. Each shackle has its own chain to a spot on the floor. This was so I could kneel, when She came.
Shouldn't someone else be here? …It's too quiet. Where did that goat-man go? He just kept talking. And that face. They took him away because he would not stop talking. She said something to him. He looked at me, like I killed him. I wonder why? What was it that he kept talking about? It was something very important to him. Something, important… to me? An… important person? Who?
She is back. I tell my legs to move, but they protest. The cuts reopen as the newly scabbed skin moves. I manage to get to my knees. I support my body with my hand in front of me, lowering my head. Why do I do this? I came here for something… Yes, something. And I should not have to bow! I was to be a Prince. That is right a Prince. I remember that. So why am I bowing with a broken body?
"So you have finally broken, my pet." The velveteen voice reached my ears. A voice like that has power, power to either help or destroy. No one, but someone equal in power, could disobey when She spoke this way. "Are you ready, my Prince?"
I look up. This is what I wanted. But from this cold demon? Yes. "Yes," my voice breaks "Yes… My Queen."
"Good." A crooked smile creeps onto her face. "Now, do you know what it is you need to do?"
Do?
"Where are they?" She croons.
They. The others. "Aslan," the name burns my tongue "At the stone table." My heart cracks.
** ** ** **
I am in trouble again. That stupid fox. Why did he have to show up? If it was not for Him, I would be enjoying dinner with more Turkish Delight right now.
Ever since leaving that cell in the dungeons I have been treated as the prince I am. My Queen was teaching me the ways of royalty and the laws of the kingdom. But I fell for the first trick in the book. Sympathy. I felt sorry for that fox. I had thought, maybe I could just save this one life. Look where it has gotten me, tied to a tree on the outside of the camp with a bruise and a cracked lip.
They will pay, those who go against My Queen. But for now I must earn my right once more. The dwarf is back, the one that follows My Queen around like a lost puppy. He is here to release me and take me to the test to regain my right. I am ready. I already know what it shall be.
I reach the inner circle of our camp. A sword is placed in my hand. A minotaur has been training me in combat. Many of the wounds I have at the moment are from this. In the center of the opening was a lamb, gagged and chained to a pole.
"Edmund, my dear." the circle of creatures bowed at the presence of the Queen, "You have broken a rule. You showed… feeling, for an insignificant creature no less." Her voice twisted with grace and sharpness. "Now, you must show that you have learned better."
She walked along the edge of the circle. Her beauty was wasted on this ugly crowd. When she reached me, I knelt down and bowed my head. A long, icy finger lifted my chin until our eyes met. Blue eyes of ice, vacant of all light, burned into my once lively brown ones.
"Kill the lamb." The words are as cold as the rest of her. 'What did I ever see in her?' But they were not meant as a suggestion, or an idea, but a command. I find myself compelled to follow her every order.
"Yes, My Queen." The sound passes my lips easily. So natural, so evil those words are. Yet I crave the utterance of them with my very being.
Counting, My Queen takes three steps back. With the sword tight in my grasp, I stand. Steady steps bring me closer to the lamb. If I do this quick, I will be punished. My failure is my compassion. To make it otherwise, I must know the lamb before killing it.
Reaching out with my free hand I brush the coat of this creature; so young. Looking into its eyes there is fear, and hope. Hope that I am not evil, that the stories were not just that, stories. I too once wished I was not evil, but my brother and sisters knew better. That is why they pushed me a way. That is why they never cared about me. That is why I stand today by the white witch's side.
A smile creeps onto my face. I wonder what I look like. The lamb is shaking now. Its chin still in my hand, I raise the sword. With one quick cut, the head drops into my hand. Blood runs from my fingers to my elbow, a little river of life, of death. Letting the head roll out of my hand, I turn back to My Queen.
There is no need to clean my blade or my arm. She likes the sight of blood, especially on me. I kneel in the same spot as before, waiting for her to come to me. She does.
"Very good. You are ready for the next stage." My heart is frozen in ice.
** ** ** **
"Edmund! Stop this nonsense right now!"
I stood next to My Queen. We were at the camp of the enemy. She wants me to face my past and turn my back on it. When She told me this, I thought it would be the easiest of my tests. The past that rejected me, the past that pushed me away. So why do I look at them with envy. I have everything I want. I am royalty, no one stands above me but My Queen, and one day She will be gone too.
At the moment she was in a tent talking with Aslan. Trying to find a way of ending with war without a battle; of course My Queen will not be happy without blood spilt.
"Ed, what happened? The Ed I know takes orders from no one but Dad."
That is true. Why do I follow Her? NO! I must not think that way. It is a trick to get me back. My Queen has been nothing but good to me.
"I never was good enough for you was I?" My eyes, I know, have gone cold, "Here, or there, you always wanted complete obedience from me with no worry of the cost or of my feelings." My voice is laced with rage, "If you think guilt tripping me is going to bring be back, you'd better think again."
"Boy, when Dad …"
"Don't bring Dad into this. We are not in London, Mom is not here to run to, and Dad is in his own war and might not even come back. Now we have a war of our own to deal with."
"Ed…"
"Shut up Peter. You are only making it worse." Susan's sour voice butted in, not able to stand aside while Peter lost their younger brother. She changes her voice to the sweet trill of a bird, "Eddy, we just want to help. Aslan is really nice." She passes "And if it is a throne you're after; we are getting that too. There is even one for you, if you come back to us."
Rage filled Edmund. This was the one thing I was going to have over them! And now I see they got the same offer! They are fools, the lot of them! Peter thinks he can guilt trip me, Susan bribes me with power, and Lucy … Lucy just sits there playing with the grass. She knows there is nothing she can say to bring me back. Wait… bring me back? Am I lost?
"Edmund." The small voice of my only younger sibling speaks. She was always my favorite. She used to follow me everywhere, I was her big bro, even though there was an even older one; I was the one she wanted most. "Edmund, I'm sorry."
Sorry? Why is she apologizing!? I just want to run up and hug her. But my feet are frozen in place.
She is back, My Queen. Out of the tent she walks stately towards me.
"The Lion and I have made a deal. Edmund, you are free to go back to your family; if you choose." Her eyes pierce mine, seeing the confusion my family placed there.
If I take too long to choose I will be in trouble. She walks by me, heading to leave the camp. So I must choose, stay here and face my past, or follow her. I don't know what will happen if I stay. I know the ways of my Queen.
With that, I turn on my heels, and follow her out of the camp, the last of my heart breaking.
** ** ** **
The final battle is here. It has been five days. Five days since I saw my family, five days since my world once again was thrown into turmoil. Lucy, how could she say she was sorry to a traitor like me?
Their shining armor is a striking contrast to our black. They stand proud and strong on the field, while we sneak through the shadows. Our armor is a minimum on each fighter. We have too many men to supply full gear to all. Even though we out number them three fold, we tremble in the shadows. The courage and bravery sickens the creatures of the night.
Truth makes a bitter man. Or a child in my case. I have been the fool of this war. Each side played me for their benefit. My Queen has lived over a hundred years, she is not about to die now. She needed me because she was scared of me. All I am is an important pawn to make sure the enemy does not win.
I have been informed of the prophecy of the four Kings and Queens to be. I turned my back on my family. My brother, my sisters. Sure they messed up, but I did much worse. I had a chance to mend it, and I screwed it up.
I hurt myself, focusing on the pain. What have I become? A monster, a traitor. Even if they forgive me, even if I live though this, I promise myself never to forget my failure and to never forgive myself.
The witch smiles at me. One thing I have learned is how to school my emotions and reactions. With a raise of her wand, we charge. I am stuck by her side. She has seen the thoughts in my head. For this battle I ride next to her, a chain attaching my ankle to the chariot.
The battle is in full rage around us. My brother is doing well. The organization of his first attack, and then backup has knocked out many of her men. In a fury she turns the people of Narnia into stone at every turn.
I watch her move though the chaos, slowly closing in on my brother. No, I must not let that happen. 'I'm there for you no matter what.' That is what Dad use to say. And now it is my turn.
Pulling a sword from the chariot, I slam it into the chain at my feet. With little effort I jump out and grab a shield of the dead off the ground. It just happens to be one of a fallen Narnian. Racing though the field, I fight subconsciously, not knowing who or how many I took down on my way.
I run up a side path that leads me to be on higher ground then she. She slowed to take out a leopard. With her wand out stretched I jump. My sword slices through air. She sees me to soon. But my training with the minotaur did not go to waste. I held my own.
The wand came at me, sliding sideways, it was the perfect position. One last swing and my sword landed on the wand, breaking it in half. Shards go flying, light blinding me. Then all when cold. Someone shouts my name in the distance. Looking I see the evil eyes of my once master; now she has killed me. A smile plays on her lips, one of true happiness. What strange things make her happy.
She drops me. Something makes a squish sound and pain erupts from my stomach. The ground is welcoming as my head spins. My legs, I try to move out of the war zone, but my legs, I can't feel them. Why do I try to live? They will not want me back; I just hope they can forgive me.
Breathing is like poison to a dying man. My eyesight is gone, my hearing compromised. It's like living in a bubble, everything is distorted. Even the sense of dying. This feeling is not new to me; I have met death many times in the witch's presence. She worked me hard to be ready for battle and sometimes just to hear me scream.
The darkness is closing in. Something is touching me… this is new. This is it, the end of the line. It tastes so sweet. The pain in my chest is gone. The air in my mouth becomes sour. Something calls to me. A voice, a magic, a feeling? It is begging me to come back.
Something wet lands on my cheek. And I give in to it. New air fills my lungs and the burn of my body comes back to me. I open my eyes at the pain, and the sight of white greets me. With every blink the world comes back into focus. Upside down there is Susan. To my right, with full water works is Lucy, clutching my hand in hers. And finally in front of me is Peter. His face a mix of white and red. He is supporting his arm, he must have gotten hurt.
I open my mouth, not knowing what to say. But that is decided for me. Strong arms of my brother surround me. The sudden movement makes my body scream, but I hold it in my mind. My body is on fire, centering at my heart.
How long has it been since I have been hugged? Tears roll, unchecked, down my face. The Edmund I know does not cry. Many things have changed since I last saw that Edmund. Now my only thought is to not let go.
"I'm sorry." I croak. "I am so, so sorry"
"Don't worry about that now. You are safe. And I swear I will never let you go again." Peter tightens his hold on me.
How can they forgive me? Such evil I am. For now I don't care. This is where I belong, in my brother's arms. I can only hope, that like his words say, he does never let go. For I know that I do not deserve them. And I will try to run. But for now, for now I am home. I am safe.