Mousy and shy. Those were the two words most people used to express Caitlin Snow. Maybe, occasionally, they'd throw in painfully shy, if they were feeling cruel. She hadn't had any friends in high school, a burden that she carried on her shoulders when she went to college, three thousand miles away. She wasn't sure if she was looking for a city to start over in, or if she was looking for a city to run away and hide in; whatever the reasoning for going to a school so far away, she packed her bags regardless, and didn't look back. Not once.
When the fall semester started, Caitlin immersed herself in her studies, becoming the recluse, she was in high school. Instead of going to frat parties every Friday night with her roommate, she chose to study, getting ahead of most students. It gave her ample opportunity to make sure her grades never slid past a ninety-five or higher. She prided herself on being an honors student, striving to out do even her best, never accepting a grade less than what she deemed worthy enough. Call it pressure or high standards that she held herself to, but Caitlin refused to be anything less than the best. She was, after all, her mother's daughter.
Jane Snow. What an interesting thought that swirled around that name. Her mother had never been easy on her; she instilled the value of being the best version of oneself at a young age. If Caitlin wasn't the best, then she wasn't anything. Not according to her mother. It may be considered tough love to some, but, to Caitlin, it was considered perfectly normal. It was also the reason that Caitlin chose a school so far away from her home. She didn't need her mother constantly breathing down her neck when she was in college, and when the first opportunity arose for Caitlin to escape, she grabbed it and ran with it, not once looking back.
Caitlin was also running away from other parts of her past; other painful memories. Ronnie. The grief that still rose through her whenever she thought about his name was debilitating. Not once in her life had she ever met someone who encouraged her to not put so much pressure on herself; not since her father had died. Ronnie, where Caitlin was shy to the point it was crippling, was the exact opposite. He was laughter and light; gentleness and caring. He took his time filling in the fissures that spaced themselves out across her heart after her father died. He pieced back her shattered self with gentle words and touches; loving affirmations that she was already the best, that she didn't need to try so hard to meet every expectation that people placed onto her shoulders. Then, in the blink of an eye, he was gone, and everything changed.
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Weeks passed, and Caitlin remained the same. Ever the studious student, she focused on her studies, ignoring every social gathering as they came, and went. It wasn't until one Saturday evening in the library, in late November, did Caitlin find herself using her voice for the first time.
"I see you in here all the time, buried behind spirals and stacks of books. Figured I'd come introduce myself. The name is Cisco Ramon," a guy's voice said, and Caitlin looked up, startled. She took in the guy standing next to her, noting his shoulder length, jet black hair, and the lollipop between his teeth.
"There's a rule against food in the library," Caitlin commented absentmindedly, before redirecting her attention back to the spiral she was taking notes in.
"I won't tell anyone if you won't," Cisco chuckled, before plopping down in the chair next to her.
"I didn't catch your name," he added.
"That's because I didn't throw it," she replied, still jotting down notes.
"Sarcasm, I dig it," he laughed, and she rolled her eyes. He waited her out patiently, apparently taking her silence in stride. Sighing, she glanced up at him a moment later.
"It's Caitlin," she muttered.
"Well, Caitlin with no last name, what are you studying?" Cisco's next question came, and she gritted her teeth.
"It's Snow, and bioengineering. Anything else?" Caitlin asked.
"Yeah, why don't you come sit with my friend and myself?" Cisco asked, and Caitlin looked at him.
"And, why would I do that?" Caitlin challenged. There was a tender look in Cisco's eyes when he responded.
"Because, everyone needs friends. Even us shy ones," he murmured. And that's how Caitlin found herself following him to his table a few moments later, arms weighed down with her books.
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Cisco, and Hartley, proved themselves to be exceptional friends. They never pushed Caitlin passed her comfort zone, forcing her to talk about things she didn't want to. They spent every free chance they got in the library, studying for their classes. Turned out, she shared some classes with them both, and had never noticed. She chalked it up to the fact that she was quiet, and never took in her surroundings. They studied until the library closed at midnight, then went to the twenty-four-hour coffee shop on their campus, and resumed their studies there, ordering extra large coffees when their eyes lids grew heavy.
The two guys quickly became her best friends, something that Caitlin reveled in. She hadn't had any friends in high school, not even talking to Ronnie's friends. The more they got to know her, the more Cisco and Hartley encouraged her to open up to them; they promised her that it was safe, that she was safe. And, she found herself trusting them with her secrets inexplicably. When their studies finished, she spent many nights with them inside the coffee shop, sharing her painful memories with them over cups of coffee. They both expressed their deepest sympathies over her father's death; over Ronnie's. And, Caitlin came to find out, it wasn't as terrifying to divulge that information as she thought it would be. It didn't leave her raw and bleeding; susceptible to more pain.
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It wasn't until the spring did Cisco broach the topic about going to her first social event.
"There's a track meet this Friday evening," Cisco commented one Wednesday evening when they were in the library. Caitlin paused her pen, and looked up from her notes.
"Okay, and?" Caitlin asked, unsure of why this was deemed important enough to be talked about.
"I think we should go," he commented. Caitlin looked at him for a long moment, before looking at Hartley.
"Might be fun," Hartley added thoughtfully.
"Watching the track team run and jump over hurdles might be fun?" Caitlin asked in disbelief, but her two friends just nodded.
"You never know, Cait," Cisco commented wisely.
So, that was how Caitlin found herself that Friday evening. She was sitting next to Cisco, and Hartley, in the stands, wrapped in her favorite sweater, and listening to the other students cheering on the captain of the track team. Based off the name on his shirt, he went by Allen.
"Whose Allen?" Caitlin asked Cisco.
"Barry Allen, lead runner on the team," he replied, and Caitlin nodded her head as she looked back at him. His running was smooth; much like a gazelle. Caitlin wondered what it'd be like to run that fast. She figured it'd must be nice; to be able to run away from her worries; to run to the point she was untouchable.
When the meet ended, Caitlin found herself walking down the stairs of the stadium with her best friends. When the walked right up to Barry Allen, she found herself shrinking inwards. It was one thing to be around Hartley, and Cisco; a whole other thing to be around someone she didn't know. When they reached him, Barry smiled warmly.
"Cisco, Hartley," he greeted them, and Caitlin found herself wondering how he knew her two best friends. They returned his greeting with smiles of their own, before Barry directed his attention to Caitlin.
"And, who are you?" Barry asked kindly.
When she didn't speak up, Hartley took over.
"This is Caitlin, Cait," he supplied, and Barry smiled at her.
"Was this your first meet, Cait?" Barry asked curiously, and she nodded once.
"You ran very well," she replied, wondering what on earth had possessed her to say that.
Barry chuckled. "Thanks. Glad we won."
Cisco looked between Barry and Caitlin for a moment, before clearing his throat.
"Hartley and I have to go, but why don't you two stay, and talk for a while?" Cisco asked, and Caitlin swiveled her eyes onto him, shocked.
"What?" Caitlin asked, wondering why her best friend was willingly leaving her with someone she didn't know.
"Trust me, Cait," Cisco murmured, low enough for Barry to not hear, and Hartley squeezed her hand gently. Then, before she knew what was happening, Cisco, and Hartley, were walking away from her, and Barry was watching her curiously. Gulping, she exhaled shakily, and smiled timidly at him, wrapping her arms around her frame.
"So, the meet…" Caitlin trailed off, unsure of what to say. Barry smiled gently at her.
"Let me change, and then we can go get some coffee, alright? Talk?" Barry asked, and she found herself nodding.
That's how they found themselves twenty minutes later, in the coffee shop and talking, well passed the sunrise.
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Barry Allen was a light in Caitlin's life. Much like Cisco, and Hartley, Barry warmed up to her, allowing her to forget her reservations about meeting new people. They talked about everything, everything but her past. She didn't feel ready to let him in on that side of her, determined to not get too close to him, like she did with Ronnie, in case he, too, left.
"You're an enigma, Caitlin Snow," he murmured. "One that I plan on figuring out."
Weeks passed, and Caitlin found herself going on dates with him. Barry, very much like her, was a studious student. Their dates consisted of lunch on campus, studying and laughing. Barry seemed to notice that she still held herself back from sharing everything with him, and didn't push her. He just accepted that there were somethings she wasn't willing to share, and he was fine with that. Until he wasn't anymore.
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"God, Caitlin, would it kill you to be any less secretive?" Barry shouted one night, and she blinked. They had been fighting all day. Anything seemed to set them off, and she was growing tired of the constant bickering.
"If you're tired, just leave," she snapped, folding her arms across her chest. He glared at her for a moment.
"It's like you want me to leave, to end this," he snapped, waving a hand between them.
"You knew what you were signing up for when we decided to date," she shrugged dismissively, wishing she was anywhere but here. She still hadn't told him about Ronnie, afraid of what would happen to her the moment she unstitched those old wounds. Barry sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I'm done," he said quietly, and Caitlin felt the world slip out from underneath her, but held her composure.
"Then go," she said calmly. And, not looking back once, he did. The sound of the door to her dorm shutting echoed inside of her ears for a long time.
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When Barry returned several hours later, he had a look that bore too much regret. Caitlin stared at him, and he opened his arms. Sighing, she walked into them, and buried herself inside of his chest.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, arms wrapping around her tightly.
"No, I'm the one who needs to be sorry," she whispered.
"I just, I just want you to let me all the way in, baby," Barry said softly, and she looked at him for a long moment, debating. He had proven to her over the course of the passed few months that he wasn't going anywhere. Maybe it was time to let her walls drop.
Nodding her head, she sighed. "Alright."
After that one word, there was no going back for Caitlin Snow. She told him everything. About Ronnie, and her crippling shyness. About how her mother fed her desire to be her best; how anything less than that was not acceptable. They stayed up all night talking. Caitlin shared painful memories about her father's death, about how she felt her world crumbling around her that day. She shared things with him that she hadn't shared with Hartley, or Cisco. She thought if she was going to let him in, she had to let him all the way in, like he asked. It was the only way they were going to survive.
When she was through, she looked at Barry anxiously, scared of what he would have to say. Barry looked at her gently, before brushing his lips across her forehead.
"I'm so sorry, baby," he murmured. With every gentle apology escaping him, he brushed his lips across different parts of her face, warming Caitlin from head to toe. She knew in that moment that they would be alright.
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When their wedding day came, Caitlin smiled brilliantly as she walked down the aisle towards him. He radiated happiness, something that she matched. She looked at Cisco, and Hartley, who were her versions of bride's maids, and they smiled gently at her. When she reached him, and had handed off her bouquet to Hartley, she looked at him, getting lost in his eyes. She barely registered what the minster was saying, only responding when it was time to say her vows. They were simple, just a promise to love him unconditionally until the end of time. A promise that she knew she would keep. And, she did so. Unquestionably.
Fin.