Title: Morning Glory
Genre: humor/family
Rating: t
Fandom: the Vampire Diaries
Pairings: jeremy/kol, caroline/klaus, implied-elijah/elena, implied-rebekah/whoever your heart desires
Warning: contains excessive amount of crack and caffeine withdraw author. some elijah bashing everyone. some Original-mama. some pervy!Kol. some uncaring!Jeremy. possessive!Klaus. freakedout!Caroline. and an ending that makes little to no sense.
Caroline spared a final glance over her shoulder towards the door adjoining the bedroom and sighed in relief. Klaus was still on the phone and had yet to notice, or act upon, the fact that she was awake and, if she was quick enough, she might be home free and able to spare herself the guilt riddled walk of shame that came as a reminder with his good-bye kisses at the door. If Rebekah and the others weren't still lounging around the place, that is.
Especially Klaus's mother. How awkward would that be? First Carol now Ester? She didn't think so. Though she has yet to meet the woman herself.
What am I doing? Caroline wondered and sat up from the tall, four-poster bed with silk duvet half-thrown across her. She palmed the material absentmindedly trying to remember how nice they felt against her skin last night.
Everything in this room resembles so much of the man she had been spending her nights with. It's inventive, and dark, and uniquely beautiful just like him and the beautiful world he sees. She had seen the original sketches of the house, from intimate dinner napkin to professional drawing paper. It was a castle, well-oiled floors, wide halls wreathed with art both collected and made, every room fitted with handmade finishing touches from specialized woodcrafters to match each family member's personal styles, that could also be renovated anyway the room's owner saw fit.
It wasn't out of place in a town such as this, and Caroline had been to the Lockwood estate, and the Salvatore boarding house, but this place was remarkable in ways none of them could ever compare to. She tried not to linger on the fine beautiful details. Klaus had made some finishing touches into the fireplace mantel for her, making carved horses intertwining with fire of the wood pressed together by stone.
It took him three weeks and he had done it himself.
I should hurry before he gets off the phone. Hurry, get dressed, go home, pretend that she was there all night—and no was not with any boy—and order herself some take-out with her backed-up DVR.
She dressed quickly: loose tank, jeans, heels in hand. Did she have a purse?
She left at the bar again didn't she? Damnit. Her phone was in there.
As she's leaving, Caroline was again caught in that gut-wrenching realization that she didn't want to leave. She felt much better suited to just undress, curl back into bed and possibly one of Klaus's Henley neck shirts and flip through his sketch books for more horses.
What's wrong with me? She sighed and tip-toed her way to the door.
The door didn't creak when she opened it but, caught in her own triumph, Caroline didn't hear the footsteps tumbling down the hall at a much quicker, more hurried pace; shutting the door behind her she came nose-to-nose with Jeremy Gilbert, her best friend's little brother.
"Wha—!?"
"You—!?"
Both shushed each other quickly and Caroline—having been here before—gestured for Jeremy to follow her down the grand staircase of the landing to the main sitting room which had been since littered with Rebekah's subscribed magazines and more of Klaus's artwork waiting to be hung up.
Deeming it, somewhat, safe and closer to the door, Caroline whirled on Jeremy and smacked his arm. The teen howled as silently as he could.
"What do you think you're doing here?" She hissed. "And with Rebekah?!"
"What?" Jeremy all but squawked, and Caroline hushed him. "What am I doing here!?" His dark eyes pinch into a sharp, speculative look that she was used to receiving from a different judgmental brunette. "What are you doing here?"
Oh, shit. What now?
Okay, stay calm.
"Looking for you! Elena sent me."
Good enough.
Jeremy did not look convinced and huffs with a quirking brow. "Oh, so you were looking in Klaus's pants? How very insightful of you." He said dryly.
Not good, not good! Mayday!
Caroline felt the blood begin to rise up her neck. "Wha—?"
"One, I told Elena I was staying at Matt's tonight and Matt always covers for me. Two, Kol gave me a tour," he mumbled this like it had been a great reluctance. "You just walked out of Klaus's room. So, . . . are you and him—?" sleeping together? Shacking up? Doing the deed? She paused to long and Jeremy looked smug. "So you are?"
In her own bafflement, Caroline was at a loss for words, though thousands were flying through her mind. She had often wondered what would happen if her friends found out about her and Klaus's ill-fated union (the jewelry he kept sending her was a dead giveaway of intentions), however, she often thought it would be at the height of battle, or when in bed with the enemy, so to speak.
Even then, she assumed that Elena or Damon would be the ones to find her. Not Jeremy. She didn't have a game plan set for Jeremy.
"You—" she growled, stabbing her finger in his direction and fought the urge to stamp her foot in frustration. Her mind was a jumble of traffic lights all blinking red. "Have no right to act so high and mighty right now. While you're here shacking up with Rebekah—!"
"Who am I shacking up with?"
Speak of the Devil and she shall appear.
Rebekah stalked through foyer, full-well knowing this was her place and casually throws her mini black dress over an expensive chair like it was nothing but a rag. She had adopted a similar look Caroline had been thinking about, men's shirts and jeans. The owner of the shirt, however, will remain a mystery. Plain, white, boxy—there were millions of guys who wore shirts similar to that one, and Rebekah was wearing it like a trophy.
It must have been the conquest of the century.
The other blonde surveyed them—a baby vampire and a human—and smirked like there was an inside joke she wouldn't letting them in on. She quickly tamed her curling lips into a snarl and turned up her nose for good measure.
"Ugh, you two again? I guess the schedules are a bit muddled together."
The two looked at each other. Schedules?
"Really those two can't keep their mits off you . . . I guess that means I win then." Rebekah said coolly and there was a smile in her voice before she was stomping her way up the stairs. Her six-inch Mules clanking sharply with every step—which, no doubt, would scratching the expensive wood. Klaus would have her head. "NIK! KOL! They're down here!"
"Well . . ." A voice with a waning British accent sent chills up Caroline's back and she whirled around, a shriek on her lips, and found Kol behind them, leaning against the banister in a dark blue dress shirt that contrasted starkly with his pale skin and raging sex hair. His eyes were dark, kindled mischievously and on Caroline. "Looks like I'm not the only one who got some last night."
Jeremy looked sheepish under Kol's intense stare. "I thought you left."
What. The. Fuck?
Okay. Caroline drew a line and intended to follow it. Jeremy was here—and he showered—but he looked walk-of-shame guilty and all happy like a guy who just got laid, and he obviously didn't do it with Rebekah—or Ester, ugh—and Kol was smiling so that only leaves . . .
Ohmigod.
"Ohmigod." Caroline's eyes turn into wide blue saucers as she looked between Kol to Jeremy, Jeremy to Kol and ohmigod they did it! Ohmigod! Elena's going to blow a gasket!
"Love, you're hyperventilating." Someone murmured into the shell of her ear, but Caroline ignored him—still baffled by her new discovery.
Her eyes go to Jeremy again, looking for some sort of explanation like it was written on his face, but Jeremy simply shrugged like it was no big deal. People date Originals all the time. It's not like they hadn't been wondering where he had been sneaking off to. Caroline had vehemently campaigned the Where's Jeremy questions as oppose to the questions of her own whereabouts.
And now, she knew.
"Well now that we're all wide awake—"
Caroline jumped when two warm, rough, and vaguely familiar hands land on her otherwise bare shoulders. She's not really surprised he caught up with her either. Klaus's thumbs grind into her shoulder blades, working into the tense muscle there. He really didn't like being ignored.
"—let's all adjoin to the dining room for breakfast."
The two youngest Original growled distastefully and even Kol goes as far as to pull Jeremy against him. Jeremy swatted at him, but it was useless and Kol caught his flailing wrist and pressed it to his lips, eyes growing darker until the prominent veins of hunger began to show. "I think I'll take my breakfast in bed, brother."
Jeremy's body went lax in Kol's grip and—for a wild moment, Caroline thought about compulsion. What if Jeremy was being compelled? What if he was being tricked out of his daily vervain dosage and Kol's playing some sick mind games with him?—he then rammed the point of his elbow into Kol's solar plexus and the Original bent, giving Jeremy the opportunity to break free from his hold.
"I think I've been chewed on enough, jackass."
No he's fine. Caroline sighed in relief and she thought she heard Klaus's amused chuckle.
"Aw, darling, you finally chose a nickname for me." Kol huffed while rubbing away the pain in his abdomen almost absentmindedly.
"Jackass," Jeremy snorted, and refused the bait Kol waved in front of him.
"Alright," The hands fell away from her shoulders and two sharp claps echo quickly after each other. "Chop, chop children breakfast is waiting."
Involuntarily, Caroline's stomach growled at the promise of food and all eyes flickered to her again and she blushed. Stupid pale complexion, she cursed under her breath and the presence behind her drew closer.
"I'm tired, Nik." Rebekah muttered and turns to head back up the stairs, and end the conversation when lo and behold, Mama Original was standing at the top of the stairs, dressed in a smart blouse and pleated pants, her blonde bob perfectly styled and framing her heart-shaped face.
"What is all this ruckus?" She sounded like a real-mom too. Caroline could almost imagine her chasing around toddler-Originals and putting them in the naughty corner and doing other mom type things that moms did a thousand years ago.
Ester descended the stairs halfway with soft and subtle steps and only then does Caroline notice her son—Finn—was shadowing her like a dark cloud. She didn't know much about him, other than he's the most docile of the bunch. Or, just the quietest.
Ester stopped a step above Rebekah and smiled softly at her daughter, reaching out with a newly manicured hand to lay it against the swell of Rebekah's cheek and her eyes sparkle knowingly. "You spoke with the boy?"
Rebekah paused, looking—Caroline gasped—flustered and mumbled out a near incoherent, "I did," and Ester smiled brightly.
"Don't worry of it, he'll come around eventually."
Wait, was Ester giving Rebekah boy-advice?
Her own mother never did. Ester continued her way down the stairs, chastising Kol for slander and then looked at Jeremy, with a puzzling but nonetheless accepting smile. "Jeremy, so good to see you again, dear. Are you keeping my son in line?"
Jeremy looked uncomfortable for a moment before replying with a casual "to the best of my ability" which made Ester laugh—laugh!—and Jeremy cracked a nervous smile too.
Obviously, Jeremy's been here before.
Ester then turned to Caroline and smiled like someone off The Godfather. "You," she pointed at her and clasped her hands like an in prayer under her chin. "Must be Caroline."
She said her name like she was an old friend, a long-lost family member, a celebrity, someone she had been dying to meet.
Caroline stood mesmerized as Ester crossed the space between them quickly, analyzing Caroline as if she were trying to make a photocopy of her in her mind. "Niklaus has told me much of you."
"Really?" Caroline mused, voice coming out a touch too-high, too nervous. Her eyes skimmed the Original family around her, all waiting for what she would say next to the matriarch of their clan. Caroline quick glanced down at her bare, pedicured toes remembering that she still wasn't wearing shoes. And last night's clothes. And she was still hungover. Fuck, this was not how she wanted to meet anyone's mom
She forced as big of a smile as she could and gushed. "He's told me about you too."
"Oh really?" Ester ventured. "Like what?"
Klaus tugged on Caroline's arm a little until it's around her shoulders. "That I have a mother named Ester. Breakfast—anyone?"
"Why do you want us to eat so badly?" Kol demanded, his arms crossing in front of him.
"Elijah cooked."
The family was silent for a moment.
"Dear God what's wrong with him?" Rebekah sounded appalled and Ester threw an admonishing look over her shoulder at her daughter.
"Rebekah, darling, if your brother wants to cook it's perfectly acceptable."
"Let's all just be thankful hunting is not involved this time." Klaus intoned, turning Caroline and him in a full about face before leading her through an archway into the dinning room. "Best not to keep him waiting."
"Bit of the hair of the dog?" Kol offered a vodka bottle and Caroline wondered what her life was coming too as she passed over her glass of orange juice.
Currently the three of them—Kol, Jeremy, and herself—were huddled around the wet bar in the Mikaelson dining room, which was as expected tall and imperial as the rest of the house. With the exception of the clean white walls, exposed beams and wall of glass windows that were cut into mosaic shapes and colors, creating reflecting light patterns across the buffet of food currently dominating the dinning room table. It was all very Biblical.
Jeremy relented his glass of orange juice too and gave Caroline a hard look. "That wall is going to give me a headache."
"I'm already there." Caroline muttered, not sure if she was still drunk from the night before, or hungover, but she had a tension headache that Tylenol couldn't begin to solve. She kept sipping.
"I can make mimosas." Kol pulled out three wine flutes from the top cabinet and then bent down to the low fridge. "Pretty sure Elijah stashed a bottle of—here we go!" Caroline eyed the obscenely expensive looking bottle and took another sip. More of a gulp, really.
Jeremy shot her a look.
"Do you think it's a bright idea to piss off Elijah right now?" Jeremy raised his brows, but Kol had already torn the aluminum paper and dug his nail into the cork. "You're going to get yourself skinned."
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, darling." Kol muttered more so to himself, but Caroline kept her gaze snapping back and forth between the two of them. Wondering how that began.
Denver probably. She remembered vaguely during her friends' last stand against the Originals, Kol shouting something obscene at their cross-bow bearing hunter. However, none of them knew the implications of that. Also, the 'mates back in Colorado' bit was a clue.
"What exactly is going on?" Caroline asked and congratulated herself with another sip. That's right. Ask all the right questions. Very good. Just like this vodka. Shit, Kol had a heavy hand.
Klaus choose exactly then to sneak up on her again. Hand running up the seam of her spine.
She choked.
"When we were human—and if Elijah ever got particularly angry, he'd go into the woods and hunt. When he returned he wouldn't speak to any of us, but he would cook. He was always very savage about it, no mercy." Klaus explained all the while leading her around the long table, seating her between Finn and himself.
"It was always so poetic how he would rip the poor things limp from limp, cutting them up and then tenderizing them into fine chewable pieces—and that was only the vegetables. He made Rebekah cry once when he gutted a bunny." Kol added helpfully and Rebekah glared at him although even she did not have the legs long enough to kick him from under such a wide table.
"That's an . . . outlet I guess." Caroline murmured as Klaus took her glass. Before she could complain, Kol put another one in her hand.
"Yes, well, at least you have the right idea." Kol sounded almost chipper as he draped himself into the chair beside Jeremy.
Caroline took a sip of a fresh mimosa, pointedly ignored him. If she had to be here, dealing with this Original Family Values bull, then she could at least be buzzed.
"He was the first one of any of us to kill a werewolf in full form." Rebekah added.
"Well, at least he didn't make us eat Wilhelm." Klaus muttered, eyes distant as if recalling a fond memory. "That would have just been cruel."
"You hated Wilhelm."
"Yes, and it was very sad to see him go." Klaus smiled while his sister glared poison dipped daggers at him from her end of the table. Caroline was sort of curious to know the story behind that, but did not want to revisit the tomb of the tragic of exes from the Original family graveyard
"So why are we sitting here at the mercy of your brother's cooking?" Jeremy braved to ask, taking a sip from Kol's glass when it was offered. Kol looked cheeky still.
"Because he's good at it." Kol leaned closer to Jeremy. "Just don't look him in the eye, or he'll skin you for dessert."
"Kol," Ester murmured warningly.
"Are you sure we're not about to be poisoned?" Finn sniffed, speaking for the first time.
Jeremy nearly choked on looked like a cronut.
"Finn," Ester sounded aghast.
"Remain calm," Klaus prompted, his voice the absolute definition of zen and Caroline almost did a spit-take of her mimosa. Oh jeez, how strong did Kol make these? Klaus shot her a questioning look, but she waved him off, covering her mouth as she hid her fit of giggles with a cough.
Klaus pursed his lips. "Switch to water."
"I will." She coughed, rubbing her throat.
"All of you—hush." Ester commanded just as Elijah ambled into the room. He looked as perfect and prim as always with a tailored suit, that had been pressed and specially made to fit his tall, self-assured form. The only thing that was amiss was his hair, like he'd been running his fingers through it all night. "Good morning, Elijah." Ester's voice was bright, cheery.
Caroline felt like death.
"Good morning mother, Klaus, Rebekah, Finn, Kol. Oh, Caroline and Jeremy," His gaze wandered between the two of them and he feigned a smile. "So nice of you to join us."
Caroline sipped at her from her wine flute, trying not to look Elijah in eye. There were decanters for water but no glasses—ah, there they are. Right in front of her. Great.
Elijah sat down at the head of the table, adjacent from Ester with Rebekah and Kol on either side of him. He fixed his suit and flashed another wane smile. "Shall we begin?"
Caroline and Jeremy shared a look and waited for Kol and Rebekah to start dishing out food onto their plates politely to appease their elder brother. Finn and Klaus did the same, passing their mother things she couldn't reach and being cordial as possible while both serving her choice slices of honey ham.
This had to be the nicest they've all been to each other since they've awoken.
"So, Caroline, Jeremy," Elijah said. "Do your friends know you're here?"
Silence.
"Elijah, this is lovely. What are these?"
"Waffles, mother." Kol supplied, eyes shifting from one end of the table to the other. His wine flute was a good deed fuller than Caroline's. "Have a problem do we, Elijah?"
"No, of course not." Elijah was quiet for a long moment, fiddling with his silverware. Caroline tried to keep her head down. Klaus nudged a glass of water towards her.
"Really? You seem distraught, brother dear. C'mon—care to share?"
Jeremy glared at Kol, which went largely ignored. "Don't." Jeremy whispered.
"Really brother, it's nothing." Elijah assured dismissively, but he seemed to have forgotten who he was speaking to.
"No, no don't be modest; surely you have something to say. Why not say it?"
"Because it is curious to me that two people whom have been sided with those trying to run us out of town, and or kill us, are sitting at this very table yet no one lifts a brow to it. It puzzles me."
"Jeremy never did anything." Kol said quickly, tension lacing at his shoulders.
Jeremy looked away, tossing his napkin onto his plate in defeat.
"Really? I seem to recall a crossbow . . ."
"And I seem to recall a Gilbert girl playing you into the palm of her hand." Kol smiled like a cat who ate the canary while Elijah stiffened. "You like her don't you brother? You know, I hear that she is single. But she's waiting for Stefan. Wait, you'll have to get in line behind Damon . . . and that one blond human and, well, every man in Mystic Falls."
"Says the one who keeps a Gilbert boy in his bed every night. Walls are thin and Elena tells me much."
Caroline tried to hide her shock. Did Elena know? What the hell?
"Oh, does she now?" Kol continued in a high, peevish voice. "What did you do? Smile at her?"
Elijah sets down his silverware, eyes locking over Kol's shoulder towards Jeremy. "How's Bonnie?"
Caroline watched it happen in what felt at the time like slow motion. One second, Kol's plate, laden with pancakes and pastries and jams, was on the table, then in his hand, and next it was moving through the air in a high arch, hurdling quickly down and landing flat onto Elijah's face.
She registered that the high gasp that shot through the room came from her, but was unable to help it. These were Originals. They killed and plotted and stabbed each other in the literal and figurative back with literal and figurative daggers. And Kol had just thrown a plate of pancakes at Elijah.
Time continued to tick by bit by bit, the plate sliding down to reveal Elijah's unamused, jam and whipped cream covered face. "Brother," Elijah said as if that had not just happened. "That was not very wise."
He withdrew a handkerchief from his pocket to wide away at his eyes and cheeks, dragging strawberry seeds into his eyebrow.
Kol looked victorious, his lips curving madly as he grinned. "Oh, yeah? How?"
Splat.
The chocolate cake made for the brunch sails across the room, landing in Kol's face. Elijah was now positioned beside their mother to Klaus's right, fixing his suit. "Mother, I'd like to apologize for my behavior in advance."
"Just clean up when you're done." Ester mumbled and floated out of the room with an airy, if not annoyed wave. "It was lovely to see you two again."
Kol stumbled against the table in the same instant, knocking over a boat of chocolate sauce on Rebekah's side that spilled and poured over her trophy shirt. Rebekah screamed and grabbed and hand full of rolls from the bowl between them, launching five at Kol. He dodged and she kept throwing, screaming obscenities. "You bastard!"
Kol ducked and one stray projectile smacked Jeremy square in the forehead and Kol fell over into Elijah's crème puffs. "Okay! Now you're going to pay!"
Kol heaved a plate of éclairs near the general vicinity of Rebekah, but off by several seats, before turning back to pick up the fallen Jeremy. "Are you alive?"
"Why are there two of you?"
Klaus casually reached out, fingers brushing Caroline's arm and yanked her out of her chair and across his lap just as the plate crashed into where she was sitting seconds before and shattered into a thousand glass and chocolate covered pieces. She yelped and Rebekah launched herself up.
"Saved you from harm." Klaus smirked
"You're gonna die!" Jeremy's voice joined the crescendo and, still disoriented, threw a handful of sunny-side up eggs that land—wait for it—on top of Klaus's head.
Caroline stared.
And stared.
Then busted into laughter, side tingling, gut wrenching laughter while an all-out food war broke out around her.
Kol jumped at the chance to hit both Elijah and Finn with a breakfast omelet while Rebekah hurdled over the table and onto his back, taking him to the ground with ease and shoving his mouth full of sausages, trying to choke him.
Jeremy—recovering from his head injury—casually pours the delicate jug of milk over her head and Rebekah screamed like its vervain water. Kol clawed dramatically at the floor to get away while tripping Elijah by grabbing his ankle, so Finn could jump on top of him and smash a bowl of potatoes into his shirt collar.
Rebekah and Jeremy were having a parody of a Mexican stand-off with the jog of orange juice and an untouched jug of water. Neither were backing down.
And Caroline was still laughing.
"Oh, funny, huh?" Klaus drawled and Caroline's eyes widened.
Klaus and her tumbled onto the floor, laughing, and his arms come across her and she shrieks as he forces a blueberry muffin into her mouth. She laughing and she choking and it's hilarious and bazaar. She ruffled Klaus's yolk covered hair with her hands. He demanded for her to stop and they're leaning up against the chairs they knocked over in the process.
"You're acting like children!" Finn shouted and Elijah pours the contents of the gravy boat down his back spitefully.
Caroline shoved a chocolate éclair up Klaus's nose.
Later they're all in their respective bathrooms and Klaus was laying out his clothes like well-worn battle armor; smeared with chocolate and fruits and vegetables and pastries. His face is covered in sticky strawberry sauce that mirrored the stain branching across the margin of her mouth from when she kissed his cheek. He'd lifted her off the ground and into the cannon fodder of juice from Rebekah that drench her from head to toe.
"I'm gonna smell like a breakfast buffet for days." She mourned pressing back her syrup and honey covered hair.
Wait, what's that? She pulled a gummy bear out of her hair. We didn't even—ohmigod never mind.
"I get the shower first—called it." She shouted over her shoulder into the bedroom and Klaus's appeared in the doorway with his egg yolk yellow hair and strawberry mouth. "What's that look for?" She smiled at him through the mirror.
"You're beautiful."
"Well, that's weird considering." She blushed and gnawed at the inside of her cheek, trying to calm herself.
"No," Klaus stepped into the bathroom and touched her shoulder; she leaned back against the sink, assessing him with her eyes. Klaus's fingers tangle in her hair, pushing it back of her shoulders and away from her face. A smile tugging at his lips.
Back where she was mere hours ago, Caroline could think of nowhere else she would rather be right now other than in Klaus's bedroom. She was comfortable here, happy with him.
It made her heart hurt how happy she was with him. I want to enjoy this, she thought soberly as Klaus leaned down to kiss her blueberry stained lips. I want to enjoy him as long as I can.
He leaned down and she reflectively tilted her head up to receive his kiss when he tongue rolled across her lip. She laughed. He hummed.
"You're such an idiot." She groaned, pressing her palms carefully to the sticky sides of his face and pulling him down for a proper kiss.
And this is a piece of crack I've been working on since the beginning of the season. No real timeline here. It's anywhere. Season 3 or Season 4. Only thing that's different is that Ester didn't try to kill her children (yet). And Elijah's a bit of a moody cooker. I wish I knew one. It's three in the morning, g'night.
P.S.—I do have a Kol/Jeremy fic called Ink Through Water, but that's anything but fluff.
—cafeanna