July 2005: the squirting

All the world will drown in the salty Korean goodness. Only one hero can stop them, his name... the Stig. Hearing the cries and moans of a thousand wet women, the Stig sought for his mighty steed, the majestic Stigasaurus, made from the tears of a billion Top Gear fans. To his right, the mighty weapon the Not-so-sonic screwdriver, with its half-arsed design and possible faulty wiring, he set off to the land of Korea to fight against the oncoming cum-storm.

He sets off to the land of the rising jizz, flying across the ocean, until he crash landed in Tailand (The Stigasaurus doesn't come with GPS). After spending many moons at the ping pong tournaments there, he, still on the back of the Stigasaurus (Who is now a transvestite) with the dripping Not-so-sonic screwdriver, set off to stop the moans of the squirters. He travelled far, the salty smell his only guide, until he found the gate to North Korea. When suddenly…

"HALT!" A very out-of-place Irish accent stopped him as he crossed the border. "NONE SHALL ENTER THIS LAND! NOT WITHOUT A BUTT PLUG!" The out of place, if rather severe voice commanded.

The Stig looked around, because he couldn't see where the voice was coming from. He looked down. It was a leprechaun, with a bright ginger beard, "DO YA HEAR ME, LADDIE?" He squeaked, "SHOW ME YAR BUTT PLUG!"

In case of such a situation, the Stig had one on the 'rear pocket' of the Stigasaurus, one with a picture of Jeremy Clarkson's glorious face on it. He put his arm deep inside the Stigasaurus and pulled it out with a squelch. Jeremy Clarkson winked through the sheen of lube. He ripped open the back of his suit and pushed it in, then thrust his arse into the leprechaun's face. "WELL LAD..."

The Stig looked at him deeply, but we couldn't see his actual eyes, so we don't know how deep, but the small ginger man started to burn, burn brighter than the hot Asian sunlight, and killed him; as baked as Snoop Dog. He walked on through the gates, the butt plug sequencing with every step. North Korea was entirely deserted, nothing there except massive marijuana plants. He bent down to sniff one. And then, a sudden familiar tune was heard all around, angels flew in with voovoozelas, whilst some carried the throne of the supreme leader himself. In his almighty tone, he cried...

"ONBAGA BONG CHA MYAI EN". However, the Stig didn't speak Korean, and therefore had no idea what the Supreme Leader just said. He pulled out the butt plug and prayed to Jeremy Clarkson's smiling face. And then... THE RUMBLING MARCHING OF THE FOUR ARMIES FROM THE CORNERS OF THE HELL CAME FROM BENEATH THIER FEET. THE GROUND BURST OPEN, SPEWING THE ENTRAILS OF THE DEAD. THE STIG, IN ALL HIS GLORY, HELD THE BUTTPLUG HIGH INTO THE RED TURBULANT SKY, FOR ALL TO SEE! IT SHONE, AND THE SPIRIT OF JEREMY CLARKSON CAME FORTH UNTO THE WORLD AND DECREED THUSLY,

"THOU SHALT NOT BE A SILLY WANKER!" HE THREW THE BUTT PLUG IN THE SUPREME LEADERS FACE! KIM JONG UN SCREAMED LIKE A CHILD,

"FARVAH!" HE FLAILED IN HIS CHAIR OF ANGELS, Who had unfortunately all came at the sound of his voice, ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE LEADER CHOKED, AND FELL, DEAD. BUT WHAT WAS THIS?! THE SKY TURNED A BLOOD-RED, AND THE FACE OF KIM JONG IL SHONE THROUGH THE CLOUDS.

"Son!" He cried, sound like a gay man who had his balls kicked. "Why you no have no A*? Is this why you so mean?" his giant holy hand prodding the errant body of his sadly deceased son, that came as it was prodded.

"Me Stig," he looked calmly at our silent protagonist, "For your reward, I give you A,"

Stig was infuriated by this. Surely he deserved A*? So he bitch slapped that mother fucker.

"DO YOU WANT A MINUS?!" the head screeched, and rained down thousands upon thousands of dried rice onto our hero's Helmet, however, the Stigasaurus was not that easily defended. It whipped out its eight meter long dick, and shot sparkly cam all over Kim Jong Il, knocking him out of the sky, until he crash landed in Area 51, and was never heard of again. The sky faded to blue one more, yet now filled with rainbows and sparkles and little smiley emojis.

"STIG," a booming yet warm voice was heard, and yet another head appeared in the clouds, it was... Graham Chapman! He smiled benevolently down on the Stig. "Since you used the power of the gay" Chapman cried out, gayfully," I have decided to reward you; reward you with a great power! The power to poop in public without judgment!"

And the Stig was happy, the Stigarausus was happy, and they all lived happily ever after, poopng in public.

...I have no regrets. This was co-written with my friend, TheWorstDovahkiin, and yeah. Here it is, in all it's glory. Sorry for spamming you with this crap, I've not been doing much serious writing, as I've had my art coursework deadline on friday, and now I'm knackered. I'm trying to get it up to 4000 words for you, cause I know I like big chapters. Anyway, I hope this brings a smile to your faces! Enjoy~