Summery:- Take one Aphenphosmphobian Sasuke, put him in a room with a hypersexual named Naruto and what do you get?

Disclaimer:- I do not own Naruto or any of it's characters ... sadly.

Warning:- contains Yaoi, Half-assed attempts at humour, Rape and overly perverted ooc characters!

Mai Antacchaburu Negai.

Chapter one.

Don't you just hate mornings? That damn sun breaking stealthily through the windows. Those annoying twittering winged beast's known as birds, chattering at ungodly hours. And not to mention the damn morning wood that crops up every morning with no one but myself to bring it down. Yeah, mornings suck. Would be so much easier if I had a room-mate to help with my morning predicament, but alas I am alone in this dreary room.

Why you ask? Well, it's not because I'm not attractive if that's what your thinking! In fact I'm a 6ft 2 bronzed Adonis even if I do say so myself. Well built with a dusting of muscles in all the right places, a full head of gorgeous sunshine blonde hair – and yes it's all natural blonde – and then my shining glory, my eyes, deep blue orbs swirling with lust and passion.. oh yeah believe it! I'm sex on legs. But that's not what's stopping me from feeling gorgeous friction only brought out through rough, hard, passionate sexual pleasuring. Neither is it through lack of offers, or lack of trying for that matter. No my problem is where I live.

Konoha's Institute For Those In Special Need – Or just Konoha Mental Institute for us common folk – a place for those who need 24 hour observance. And let me tell you, some of the staff here don't take their job lightly. Take Iruka for example, lovely guy don't get me wrong, but does he have to be so damn stubborn and persistent? I mean come on! Every time you think your safe... BAM! He's there, I swear he has some like... 'special powers' or something... Maybe it's ESPN..? Woah! Anyway, I'm getting off the subject. So yeah, Iruka may take his job seriously but not all of the doctor's here are the same, now Kakashi... That's a doctor I enjoy – wink, wink – he used to be one of us, but he's 'cured' now. Kakashi is a kinda laid back sorta guy who's usually too busy stalking – I mean 'vying after Iruka's affection' to notice, which is great as it keeps Iruka busy for a while heh.

Oh I'm sorry, I still haven't explained who I am yet. My name is Uzumaki Naruto, 18 years old and currently receiving treatment for being a 'sex addict' (as if too much sex is a bad thing!). How did I get this way? Well, the shortened version is... I don't really want to talk about it. End of story. Sorry, but not happening. I'll let you know a little bit about before I was caught though, ah I remember it well – being free, taking chances.. great sex.. heaven. But it seems that people in my – ahem – chosen line of work weren't widely customed. That is to say they wanted it to stay as an underground type thing. And that's all I'm saying on that matter. Now where was I – Ah yes, anyway, there was a raid and the 'establishment' was closed down, I know bummer eh? So we all had to find a new job, then suffering from withdrawals I uh, heh, started my 'door-to-door seduction'. Needless to say it wasn't popular and I was arrested for a bunch of crap – breaking and entering, sexual harassment.. you know the drill. After a couple of nights I had more withdrawals and tried it on with the sexy female officer on night watch, but was unsuccessful – I have the scars to prove it – that's when they had a shrink see to me, and after his diagnosis I was sent here for rehabilitation of sorts. And now sex is limited for me, but I damn well try every opportunity I get.

Even with the staff nurses, Hinata for example, sweet little thing – only 16 and still with innocence, but that's where I hit the brick wall She's so shy and innocent she blushes and faints whenever I go near her. Then I get a pounding from Sakura – she's another staff nurse on our ward – a fiery vixen is she, I tried it on with her too – another failure. She just prefers dark, mysterious men such as Kakashi as opposed to the what you see is what you get type, such as I. And there is no way I'm attempting Tsunade again, that drunken granny tried mutilating my ikkle Kyuubi. Yeah I named my penis, what of it? Why Kyuubi you ask? Simples, because I'm a demon fox in the bedroom. Male or female – Any hole's a goal right? – I'm what I like to call an 'equal opportunist'. Oh, I almost forgot, Tsunade is the owner of KI. Well her and her perverted husband Jiraiya. He's brilliant, his class is the only I get a little satisfaction in. Only for research for his books mind you, but who am I to pass an opportunity for release?

Uh I'm getting aroused thinking about it, heh let's get back to something less sexual shall we? Oh I know, wanna meet the nutcases? Okay... Where to start, well on the 'Genin ward' – that's the ward I fulfill with my presence – we have Neji, Ino, Shikamaru, Chouji, Lee, Kiba, Shino and lastly Gaara. You'll meet them all soon enough. You see pretty much everyone here has their own individually 'quirky' illness, let me explain. You see most people don't realize that no two cases are the same, so even if we have two say osteopaths here, then they wont necessarily have the same symptoms or anything. But you'll figure that out when you meet them.

Right so now that I'm up it's time for breakfast, I wonder what we get today.. And yeah, that was sarcasm. We always have the same crap. Oatmeal. Puke alert! Apparently though 'it's healthy and good for us' whatever! Just give me a steaming bowl of ramen and I'm happy. See ramen is the food of the gods! I've never met anyone who could resist its seduction, not one person! It's damn well orgasmic!

Guess I'll tell you about the other wards then. There's the 'Genin ward' as I have already explained is my ward, it's generally for the younger patients. Next we have the 'Jounin ward' which has the older patients. Then lastly there is the 'Akatsuke ward' for the dangerous – or murderous – patients. On that ward everyone has a locked and padded cell-type room as opposed to the two bunked rooms in the Genin and Jounin wards.

Our rooms are pretty crappy if I'm being honest. White walls, two small simple beds each with one pillow and a rather thin sheet-like blanket. No good for cold days, you freeze your ass off. And lastly a small wardrobe that you have to share. It's like prison.

Other than that we have a recreational room, which is cool; we got games, t.v with cable, pool tables.. It's all pretty cool. Then there's the cafeteria, it's like the ones you get in high-school, y'know simple tables fit for like 8 people, a hot food line where the dinner ladies serve you, all pretty mundane stuff. And all and everything supervised.

Hmm.. Speaking of supervised.. No Iruka about, that must mean Kakashi's on the prowl heh. Ooh and we all know what that means! Oh yeah.. Now where's Genma, he's always on hand for a bit of fun! See Genma's just like me, sex addict, and damn he's good. But where is he..? Aww man, looks like the Jounin ward aren't at breakfast today. Sucks, no one on my ward is as easy as Genma.. Guess I'll have to settle for another then. Let's see.. Aha.. I bet I could get Lee by making it out to be some kind of 'challenge' – he's so gullible like that – Ah shit, Iruka's here.. sigh.. opportunity gone. Wait, he's heading this way.. what the hell, I haven't done anything!

Oh.. he just wants to tell me about the new patient.. as long as he/she is fuckable who cares? Not that I'd dare say that to him heh, but still why is he singling me out to tell.. Ah that's why, looks like I'm getting a new roomie! Hmm.. Is he hot? Shit! I just said that out loud! Great now Iruka's giving me the third degree; "Judging someone by looks is no way to get to know people... Blah, blah, blah..." Heard it a thousand times. Well, guess I should go introduce myself.. Iruka won't mind if I leave his lecture, after all it's for a good cause.. I need to meet my new room-mate and see if he's bed-able.

After all, who needs personal space?