That's it, it's split, it won't recover
Just frame the halves and call them brothers
Find your fathers and your mothers
If you remember who they are
i. the truth
Something is wrong with his eye.
Jay can't tell the others this, of course. He's done enough already. He can't let them worry about him now - they've already done too much. This is something that he has to do on his own.
The problem is that he doesn't know what's wrong. Jay doesn't even know if there is anything wrong, for that matter. He'd have to ask them to be sure, and he can't do that to them.
They're supposed to be rebuilding trust. Getting back to normal. It'd be out of line for him to share his personal problems right now, because Jay ruined everything.
And it's not like it's that big of a deal, anyway. He barely even notices it, most of the time.
But sometimes when he looks at his phone screen, for instance, it'll dim out of nowhere and go back to normal a few seconds later, without him changing the brightness settings. Once, he closed his right eye - the one that's somehow wrong - when it happened, and his phone was just the same as it always had been.
And sometimes he can actually see a motion blur, if something is moving really fast. It was disorientating the first time he saw it, and he still can't get used to it.
And sometimes, if he looks in the mirror, and really looks at his eyes, he swears that the right one is a different color.
Something is wrong with his right eye, and Jay can't tell anyone about it, because he's caused enough grief already.
There's an obvious answer to it, of course. For a few days, Jay was far too busy being a mind-controlled slave to notice any changes. He was too focused on doing unspeakable things to his friends that he would never notice that something was wrong.
Some part of him is angry about it all. Angry about what was done to him. Angry about what he did.
But another part of him is just sad.
He kind of deserved it, didn't he?
ii. the death
There is an unspoken rule now:
Nobody can discuss anything of what had happened to Jay.
Part of the reason is that it usually ends in a shouting match between Jay and everybody else. Usually it'll start with someone looking at Jay, because Jay can't see anything but the disgust and the betrayal on their faces anymore. Jay will say something to defend himself, or they'll sigh and ask him an awful question, and then before too long everyone is shouting at everyone else. Sensei usually has to intervene at that point and say something along the lines of how everyone is at fault for something of what happened.
The rule is especially relevant now, though, because Zane is dead, and to a certain extent, it's Jay's fault.
He was working with the Overlord, after all.
He tried to kill them all more than once.
And then there's what he did to Lloyd...
And then there's what he did with Pixal...
And then there's his personal vendetta against Cole...
So Jay does his part in maintaining that unspoken rule, and disappears.
The irony is not lost on him, of course. The fact that he has to isolate himself again, like on that awful night when everything changed...
But the Overlord is gone now, and the Nindroids are dead. There's no danger in it... for now.
That doesn't change the fact that the next - and last - time that Jay appears together with the rest of them is at the funeral, and the only reason he's not afraid to sit next to Cole is because Sensei is sitting on his other side.
iii. the mask
He moves out the day after the funeral. Gets an apartment in the city. It's just something small in some downtown district, and it's definitely overpriced when compared to its square footage, but Jay doesn't care. He needed to get out of there, and the funeral was the last thing he needed to stay for.
He gets a job at a TV station. He's a celebrity, of course, so they put him on camera almost instantly. Somewhere in the studio's back-logs, there's an idea for a reality TV show involving an obstacle course. One of the producers messes with it a little to fit "his theme", as they refer to it. Jay doesn't actually care, until he figures out that "his theme" is that he's a Ninja, and that he's part of the team, and that Ninja never quit, and all those silly ideals that Jay gave up on a long time ago.
He hasn't really been "part of the team" since he got captured, or since that entire night. Really, he could go back much further than that - because was he ever really a part of the team?
He should be able to instantly answer that question with a 'yes' or a 'no', but he's not sure.
So he puts on an act instead. For the half-hour time slot that he's live on television, he acts like everything is still okay.
He did it after he came back, and he can do it again and again until it kills him if he has to.
Jay is a celebrity on live national television, though, and the media is everywhere. It's only so long before they pick up on the false eye, and every time they do, Jay has a different excuse.
Sometimes he grins and asks, "I lost it when I was a kid, and it's taken this long for people to notice it?"
Sometimes he lets his smile drop into a stony, glazed-over expression, and says that he lost it in a battle with a Nindroid.
And sometimes, when he can tell that his interviewer is a newbie reporter that nobody will believe, Jay drops his act and makes a reference to "his time in captivity" that he refuses to explain.
And then he puts the mask back in place, and continues as if nothing had happened.
iv. the debt
Jay didn't want to come to the restaurant.
Jay didn't want to see any of the others ever again.
But Lloyd practically forced him to, so he gave in.
Lloyd and Cole had arrived before him and sat on opposite sides of the little booth. Jay chose the seat next to Lloyd for a lot of reasons.
Jay couldn't sit next to Cole for a lot of reasons.
Nobody says anything - the three of them mostly just glare at each other - until Kai shows up, and then it's an argument. Jay mostly stays quiet, because he doesn't belong here in any sense of the word, and he knows it. He stays out of all of it when they get into a fight with some thugs that invaded the restaurant, but when they all chase them into the back alley, his breath hitches in his throat.
The note on the wall. The fortunes. They all say the same thing, and what they say is impossible.
But so is Jay.
Jay doesn't care what it takes, or how long. He doesn't care what kind of convoluted methods they have to use, or what sorts of issues they might face.
If Zane is alive, Jay is going to get him back, with or without the others.
He's still in debt, and it's time to pay it back.
It only takes moments for the others to decide, and it's in those small, fast, uncertain glances at Jay that they reveal their reasoning, too.
v. the anger
What scares him the most is how quickly he can bring the anger back.
The scariest thing about the Tournament isn't that he's now being forced to fight Cole. It isn't that the brackets were switched with no warning, and now they can't change it. It's none of those things.
What scares him the most is that he thought they were going to be able to get away from this with time alone, but for some reason Jay is still angry.
On some level, Jay thinks the anger is justified, but he's not sure if he thinks that because it is or because he wants to believe that it is. The fact that he can't tell the difference between those things is terrifying.
There is no time left, of course, and the fact of the matter is that Jay is going to lose this fight, because he can't let himself win.
As soon as the gate opens in front of him, he's running. He knows that Cole will be, too, and he's right. He manifests lightning with his hands but waits just long enough to be able to tell himself that, when he does throw it across the arena, it's in self-defense.
Cole's attacks move slower, but they look like they would really hurt if he got hit the wrong way. One of them comes near his feet, and Jay barely dodges out of the way before the dirt-and-stone spike rockets out of the cobblestone floor. He summons another ball of lightning and flings it away in retaliation, and he doesn't stop moving or stand in one spot for any length of time. Cole seems to be doing the same thing, so Jay tries to make him back up to the Jade Blade in the center, to force the fight to end faster.
Jay is still trying to figure out how to do this with a circular arena when he's suddenly thrown backwards by another stony spike that blasts its way out from under his feet.
He goes flying, lands, and skids along the ground for a few feet before he finally stops. The right side of his face is scratched and burns when he touches it, but he gets back up again and prepares a counter-attack when -
"What are we doing?" Cole says. "I don't want you out. You're not my enemy... Chen is!"
"Oh, sure," Jay sneers, cautiously approaching, electricity still flickering in his hands. "Lower my guard by pretending to be my friend, and then swoop in and steal the prize! Typical Cole maneuver!"
"I never meant to hurt you, Jay," Cole says, still standing open and vulnerable... "If I knew it would destroy our friendship, I'd take it all back!"
"Were we even friends in the first place?"
The question hangs in the air between them for a moment before Cole finally responds.
"What?"
"Answer me!" Jay screams, charging the lightning in his hands.
Cole stares at him with a look that's half-way between shock and betrayal. "...Of course we were," he says. "Why... why would you think that we weren't?"
Jay has an answer to that question. Jay has an answer that would leave Cole sputtering on the ground trying to defend himself. That answer is right on the tip of his tongue, and it starts and ends with isolation in the night.
Jay has an answer, and it takes all of his effort to bite his tongue and not say it.
Jay drops his gaze slightly and discharges some of the lightning as harmless static. "Good," he says. "I... needed to hear that."
The two of them work together for the rest of the battle, but it's still over too quickly.
Jay almost tosses the Jade Blade back to Cole, but by the time he has it in his hands, it's already too late.
Cole is already gone.
Jay now has what he once wanted, and he hates himself for it.
vi. the friend
"Why does everybody around here seem to think that building a statue can fix everything? Or, for that matter, that it can fix anything?"
Jay mutters the question to himself as he watches the workers place the finishing touches on the stone effigy of Garmadon being carved into the canyon walls of the Corridor of Elders. The others are finishing fixing the Bounty, but Jay doesn't feel like he can go back there yet. Even Lloyd had left to help, ten minutes ago or so.
He expects and accepts that he's alone, which is the only reason that he actually says the question aloud. It helps him to think, usually. What he doesn't expect is to be answered.
"It's kinda funny, isn't it?"
Jay turns his head and looks back behind him. Cole walks up to him and drops down next to him with a small smile.
"We did the same thing with Zane, too," Cole says. "Thought that was technically Cyrus's idea, I guess."
Jay isn't sure why Cole is here, but his voice is nice: it mostly blocks the sound of the breeze, which was beginning to annoy him.
It's not too hard for him to remember his line of thinking: something about the statue feels wrong. He had the same kind of feeling about Zane's statue, too, but that felt more bitter than... whatever this is.
Maybe, he wonders, it has something to do with how close he was to Zane, as opposed to Garmadon. Zane was his friend; Jay never really had any sort of relationship with Garmadon. Maybe that's why it doesn't feel the same.
But at the same time, maybe it has something to do with...
"Are we still? Friends? I mean?" he asks Cole, who looks over at him curiously. "In the fight you said we were friends, but..."
Cole shrugs in a noncommittal way. "I don't know," he says. "Do you want to be friends again?"
"Can we be friends again?" Jay asks.
Cole pauses a moment and considers it, and then he grins. Jay isn't sure how to interpret that, until:
"Of course we can, spark-plug."
And it only takes half a second for Jay to reply with:
"Good, then, sand-bag."
And then:
"So are we friends again, or are you too shocked to answer?"
"I don't know, aren't we taking this idea for granite?"
"Well I say we are, blue jay, so - "
"Ha! I win because you cheated!"
"Says Mister No-Pun-Whatsoever."
"Touche."
It's the first time they've laughed like this in ages, and Jay knows that this is a turning point.
True healing will take time, but this is good enough for now.
vii. the night
It's six months from the day when everything goes to hell.
Jay wakes up in the morning knowing that it's going to be an awful day, because as the unspoken anniversary rolls around, he can't tell if it's unspoken because the others don't want to think about it, or because they don't remember it.
He's already prepared distractions, of course. There's the job trying to find and capture the dangerous fish, one that he has "conveniently forgotten" to tell the others about for several days. That takes all of the morning and a decent amount of the afternoon, which is good - it's longer than he expected that it would take.
After that, he has several other things lined up, but it turns out that they're all unnecessary: as much as they all grumble about the weird uniforms they have to wear to promote the tea shop, it takes time, and all Jay has to worry about is getting through the next several hours until he can go to sleep.
Then the four of them suddenly lose their powers. When they return to the tea shop to try to figure out what went wrong, "Lloyd" arrives.
He isn't Lloyd anymore.
Lloyd is Morro now, and Morro forces their retreat.
When the Bounty crashes after a chase that lasts long into the night, Wu explains what has happened, and Kai fills them in on how Lloyd is fighting against Morro.
Everyone goes to sleep soon after that. Jay can't, though. Jay sees the two evils, and the lesser is very clearly to stay awake all night.
He makes himself useful by stoking the fire and adding little sticks and branches as necessary. The fire is warm and bright; it's comforting, and makes Jay feel slightly less exposed in the middle of the woods. The flickering shadows it casts back into the trees are less reassuring, but Jay will still be able to hear something sneaking up on them.
Probably, anyway...
After an hour or two, his thoughts return to the discussion the group had had earlier. The symbols on the staff, the story Wu told them, what Kai had said about Lloyd...
The last one bothers him. The last one bothers him a lot.
What had Kai said? "Lloyd is fighting against Morro". Something doesn't feel right about that, but he can't place it...
He looks around the fire pit again. The shadows in the trees continue to flicker back and forth, but Jay barely notices them. He looks at his friends sleeping around the circle, and then he looks at the sky. That's when it hits him.
It's the six-month anniversary of the last time he saw the stars. In a few days, it's going to be the six-month anniversary of the first time he saw the stars, though he doesn't know exactly when that will be. Jay lost track of time in the middle of it all; he knows what happened, but not when.
But was he fighting it? Was he fighting back against the Overlord's control? Was he even trying to resist?
He doesn't know.
Jay is happy that a lot of his memories of that time are fuzzy, because he doesn't want to know, either.
viii. the future
Kai is the first one to see the strange reflections, Zane is the first one to figure out that they show the future, and Cole is the first one to freak out over his lack of reflection, but Jay is the first one to understand his.
He's wearing the same kind of strange uniform that the others are describing: it looks similar to the magical ones that they received from the Temple of Light, but it's different somehow. He also has an eye-patch that appears over the mirror's right eye, but neither the uniform nor the eye-patch seem to be the important part of the vision.
In the reflection, Cole and Nya are standing next to Jay, and all three of them are laughing. They all have their arms interlocked around each others' shoulders, and they're smiling and laughing about something that must be really ridiculous.
While the others are still arguing in the background over what they think the visions mean, Jay already knows.
It means that everything is going to be okay.
ix. the worry
A lot of things have changed.
Nya is the Water Ninja now. Lloyd isn't the Green Ninja anymore. Ronin is an ally, and to a certain extent, a friend. If Garmadon wasn't really dead before, he's definitely dead now.
Cole is a ghost, Kai is even more protective of Lloyd than he had been, Zane is still Zane...
Jay doesn't really know what he is.
He's alive, for a start. Sure, he wasn't in as much danger as Lloyd or Kai or Nya, but it's a miracle that any of them survived.
He hasn't give up, which is also a miracle.
He's Cole's friend. That still feels new. Sure, it hasn't taken very long to get back into the swing of things, but Jay can't help but feel like he's doing something wrong.
He's also guilty, and hasn't been able to work up the courage to talk to Lloyd. It might be good for both of them to talk to each other and get everything squared away. But even though Jay doesn't know for sure, he still suspects that they had very, very different experiences.
And he's scared. Jay isn't sure whether that's anything new, but he's terrified for the future.
Everything that's ever happened to him has happened as a random chance. Some things were good, but there were enough bad things that he's not sure if they outweigh them.
He remembers the reflection in the ice maze, and that almost makes things better. Everything is going to be okay.
But he can't help but feel a bit uncertain.
Jay decides to walk over to the pond behind the tea shop, just for a change of scenery. When he gets there, Nya looks up from where she's sitting on a nearby rock. "Hey, Jay," she says.
"Hey," he replies, raising his hand with a little wave.
"I've been wanting to talk to you, actually," Nya continues.
"Oh," Jay says. He isn't sure if he wants to talk to her. He may be Cole's friend now, but he's never really fixed anything with Nya...
"You've been so tense lately," Nya says. "I mean, it's understandable, with all that's happened, but you should try to relax."
This was not the kind of conversation that Jay had expected.
"The reason I unlocked my powers is because Ronin told me to care less," Nya continues, smiling at him. "And I think you need to, too."
Jay isn't sure how to interpret that, so he asks, "Does that mean we're friends, or...?"
Nya grins playfully. "What do you think we are?"
"Friends, I guess."
"'Friends, I guess,'" Nya parodies, elbowing him in the side.
x. the wrong
Jay is not afraid of the night sky, but he is afraid of what's under it.
Especially now.
This morning, it felt like he'd woken up on the wrong side of something, and the feeling keeps getting more nerve-wracking as the day drags on.
He just got away from a risky encounter with a man watching television in an empty bar. Jay walks as fast as he possibly can without looking suspicious; he has no idea whether that man might have hit a hidden alarm system while he was still there, and he almost certainly is doing something now that he's left without a trace. Jay can't look like he's fleeing a crime scene, though, because even though that is what he's doing, he can't afford to get caught at this point.
He and Kai are the only ones that can leave their temporary hideout, because they're the only ones that can blend in. If one or both of them don't make it back, then Cole and Zane are stuck.
Jay hears a siren in the distance, and looks behind him to see flashing lights. He quietly slips into a nearby bush and waits. When the cop car whizzes by him a minute later, he knows what the man did.
And as he waits another minute in the bushes, he remembers that this was normal for him, a long time ago. For about ten days, he was running and hiding from a world that was entirely against him.
He's on the wrong side again, and it feels surreal.
xi. the halves
They finally won.
It was a long, difficult victory, but they won.
The others have already pointed out that the predictions in the ice maze from the First Spinjitzu Master's tomb - it feels like it happened ages ago - came true. Jay agrees with them for simplicity's sake, but knows that it's not quite true.
The eye-patch, for one thing. He has one that he looted as a trophy, but he's never worn it, and part of the reason is because he's not sure how to wear it.
He wonders whether the visions in the ice maze were reflections or images, and because he can't remember the details entirely, he can't know. It bothers him because it feels wrong to choose one eye over the other - the real, original left eye, or the fake-but-functional right. He's had the left one forever, but the right one changed his life.
Maybe the vision is already true, though. He's got the outfit, and the eye-patch, and he's friends with Cole and Nya again. Everything is just about back to normal...
Well, as normal as it can ever be again.
xii. the brothers
He only vaguely registers the fact that it's been a year on the day of the anniversary, in sharp contrast to the extended, painful countdown from six months ago.
He'd be lying if he'd say that it doesn't still bother him, but for the most part, it doesn't matter anymore.
Jay rolls out of bed like it's a normal morning, gets dressed, stuffs his wallet into his pocket, combs his hair, grabs a banana from the kitchen to eat as a quick breakfast, and goes outside. The other two are already there waiting for him.
"You know, for a lightning ninja, you sleep like a rock," Cole says cockily when he approaches.
"Oh, shut up," Jay says.
Nya snorts. Jay looks at her, and she hides a smile behind her hand.
"I didn't say anything. It's him you want," she adds, elbowing Cole.
"Hey!" Cole protests.
Jay has to smile at that. "Are we ready to go, then?" he asks.
"I think so," Cole says.
"Then we're off!" Nya says, smiling.
They don't choose it because it's the most famous or spectacular one in Ninjago, or even in the region. They choose to go to the zoo for two reasons: it's within walking distance, and it's a zoo.
They pay for their tickets and meet up in front of a board displaying a gigantic map of the zoo complex. None of them really have any specific ideas on what to see first, but Nya catches Jay's eye while they're looking at the board, and judging from the smirk that she's trying to hide from Cole, they both have the same idea.
Nya drops her smile and steps back from the board. "Why don't we go to the aquarium?" she says. "It's better than nothing."
"Might as well," Jay says.
Cole shrugs. "Lead on."
Nya starts off in the right direction, and Jay is just behind her. He can't stop himself from whispering in her ear.
"He's so going to kill us later."
"I know," Nya whispers back.
It only takes them a few minutes to walk to the right - or rather, the wrong - place. By the time they get to the door, Jay and Nya are both trying not to laugh, because the building isn't labeled on the outside. They walk through the two sets of double doors -
- and the first exhibit in the Reptile House is an eight-foot-long python. Perfect.
Cole walks into the exhibit. Sees what's in front of him. Realizes that this is not the aquarium. And then says "Nope", turns around, and leaves. Jay and Nya are laughing so hard that they can barely stumble out the door after him.
But it was so worth it.
Cole is waiting outside the Reptile House, holding a folded paper map of the zoo. "Now we're going to the aquarium," he says, and Jay has no idea what that's supposed to mean. He and Nya share a look, but follow Cole without saying anything.
Cole leads them off towards the aquarium, but when they get inside, he grabs Jay's wrist and drags him off in a specific direction. Jay is stumbling the entire time because of how fast Cole is walking, not to mention that his legs are longer than Jay's. He can hear Nya almost jogging to keep up with them. Cole suddenly stops in front of a specific exhibit, and it only takes Jay a moment to recognize the creatures inside.
"Are you kidding me."
"Remember when you had four of them biting your -"
"Hey, that actually hurt."
"Starteeth?" Nya asks when she walks up behind them. It takes her a moment to remember the incident in question, but then she looks at Jay and says, "Oh, the way that you screamed!" That only makes Cole laugh harder, and then she and Cole are laughing at Jay.
Jay stands there and pouts until they stop (which wasn't a very efficient method, considering that it made them laugh harder), and then they all move on to look at other things. They go through the rest of the aquarium (though Jay isn't sure if there's really a point in doing so, considering that they came in here for one exhibit), and then head outside to look at the giraffes, the elephants, the rhinos, the big cats, a whole bunch of birds and primates, and finally, a bear.
The plaque in front of the exhibit reads that the animal sleeping on a log behind the chain-link fence is a spectacled bear, an animal characterized by the dark patches around its eyes that look like a pair of glasses. The funny thing is that, according to the plaque, the bear is named Patchy, after the fact she has only one dark spot - resembling an eye-patch - over her right eye.
And that's when Jay remembers what he still has in his wallet.
Jay takes it out slowly and slips it over his head. It feels strange, but that's okay, because he understands now. He approaches the fence and suddenly spins around to look at the other two.
"Hey, look! We're twins!" he announces, with the eye-patch in place over his right eye.
The laughing fit that the three of them end up in produces a good picture on Nya's phone, three group selfies on each of their Snapchat stories, and eventually Cole's phone background.
To Jay, though, the most important thing is that the prediction in the ice maze came true:
Everything is finally okay.
A/N: Holy hell this is actually my longest oneshot by like a thousand words. The actual story itself (including the lyrics at the beginning) is 4916 words. That's only 106 words shorter than TSC 8, which up to this point is the longest single piece I've ever written. Just to give you guys an idea of how long this thing actually is.
Nowadays, it's a little-known fact that I actually worked on the plot of Proselytized - prpldragon's Nindroid!Jay comic. For one or two months back in 2014, we worked together - Prpl had general ideas for scenes, and I fleshed out those ideas by adding details. I also added a few things that, as far as I can tell, now constitute the entire second act. (Not chapter, mind you - I'm thinking in terms of story arcs here.)
Because of this, I know how every part of the story turns out, and that simultaneously gives me feelings of power and powerlessness because what have we done to these poor children.
The one thing that I'm still not sure if we ever resolved in any way is the ending. Even in the plot docs, it was merely described as 'resolution'. But I'm pretty sure that I remember at some point that we had a discussion over what would happen after the end of the comic, and at some point the idea came up that it would re-merge with canon after a certain point and continue from there.
Basically, I took that idea and I made this. Some of these details may or may not end up being accurate to the comic - I know that a decent amount changed in Chapter One alone (though it was mostly trivial details). Don't sue me if I end up getting a detail or two wrong.
This is an AU of canon in several obvious places, and a slight AU of several parts of Proselytized: Most notably:
1. The fact that I chose to go by Jay's original design that was seen in the first few Nindroid!Jay things, and that's mostly a stylistic choice (ignoring the fact that this fic would be much more miserable if I went by his current/actual design. Poor child).
2. The fact that this ignores the ending of the comic, wherein everybody makes up to each other and the love triangle disappears forever.
Other than that, I hope everyone enjoyed~ Consider this my ten-days-early tribute to the comic's first anniversary!
of course, my perfectly-on-time tribute is still to come~