Abandoned

by embers-of-the-flame

I never thought they'd leave me. And if they did, I always hoped they would come back. I've been abandoned by them for over a year, any hope I had of them coming back is gone. I just hope that they're okay, where ever they are right now.

Note: This story was abandoned ages ago, it is just being posted to see if it was even worth trying towrite.

Hey, guys it's Ember. This was written a while ago and I'm only just getting around to uploading it even though it isn't complete and probably never will be. I can hear you guys asking "Why did you put it up if it's been abandoned?" Well... like I said above I just want to see if it was worth trying to write at all; plus, how many abandoned stories have you seen on this site? Exactly. Who knows, maybe I'll continue if it gets a good enough response from the fandom. Fair warning, pretty much all the characters are ooc in the story. I wanted to try writting what would happen if Sora's friends just stopped caring about him all the sudden and then have him get caught be Xehenort... ya not very original, but I wanted to see how I'd be able to do.

Flames are actually accepted; I'm not saying I want them, but I won't mind getting them on this story. So with that being said, let's get this over with.

word count: 4,008

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Abandoned

I stood there, in that metal hallway that I've seen far too many times, and every time winding up in the same position. My captor stood in front of me, just like all the other times I tried to escape his grasp, a swarm of heartless and Nobodies were behind me. In my hands was my Keyblade; my once bright and cheerful sapphire eyes now dull and only shone with the anger, helplessness and abandonment that I felt inside. The anger was directed at Ansem -no, not Ansem, his name is Xehenort, get it right, Sora- and at everything else that had happened in past year. Fueled by the idea that I was practically left for dead, and fueled by the fact that my life may never go back to what was normal for the last two years of my life before this year –even though I want it to go back to how it was.

The helplessness came from the fact that, even though I could probably get rid of most of the heartless and Nobodies, I doubt I'd be able to beat Xehenort, and, believe me, I've tried. At first I thought I was doing pretty well, than I think I just got to cocky, or maybe he was just toying with me, I don't know. I have no one to back me up, then again I haven't for a while and I seemed to be doing okay for a long time. Everything's changed, and, for all I know, one day I may go into battle and not have the Keyblade appear, and my magic has never really been that good to start with, and I probably won't have any back up. There is always someone that's better than you, there's always gonna be someone who you just can't beat no matter how hard you try, and I'm kinda scared that when I find someone, that's not Riku, who will always beat me; that they'll be an enemy and just chose to kill me then and there. But I don't think that day'll come for a while, at least I hope it won't come for a while. Then again, I may have already found him, he's here, standing in front of me.

Abandonment… it's… a weird feeling, to say the least. You feel confused, angry, depressed, worthless, and alone; basically any negative emotion you've ever felt in your life combined into one and multiplied by ten. It makes you feel like you want to give up, but you know you can't, but you want to so badly. It makes you feel like no one in the world cares about your existence, even your best friends, and that leaves you confused to the point of just not understanding anything anymore. And, if you're like me, getting confused can lead to getting angry, and that just sends you farther along the line. It makes you feel lost, like when you're walking at night during a rainstorm in the middle of the woods, you have no light and you have only a vague sense of direction of where you're going and you have a feeling that no one is going to go out of their way and look for you.

About a year ago my friends started to say some pretty nasty stuff when they thought I wasn't listening, or when they thought I wasn't there. Even when I was there they'd still say it, sometimes they'd say it to my face as well. I didn't get. When I spared with Riku he used to go a little easy on me, I could tell he was most of the time, like he was holding back, now he goes all out, he just doesn't care. By the time our spare is over he'd be tired (which never happened before then), and I'd have bruises and cuts –most of which would leave scars- everywhere, I think he broke my left arm as well at one point. I told myself they'd get over it, that maybe they just had some steam to blow off and this was their way to vent it.

Then, after about two months after that they pretended like I didn't exist, Riku, Kairi, everyone really. All at once, it was almost as if they had planned it or something. The heartless and Nobodies started to reappear and whenever I got into a fight with them and my friends were there, they'd just stand on the sidelines, or not do anything unless they were attacked, in which case, they would fight back. But other than that, they made me fight every battle alone, even ones that they knew I might not win. But, instead of helping me, or even just talking to me, they left me. They never look into my eyes anymore. Yet… I can't seem to bring myself to hate them. I had reason enough to do so, but I just… I just can't. Then I just kept telling myself it was a phase or something that they'd be over it in a week or so.

Another week passed and nothing changed. I just kept telling myself that they'd get over it soon.

Three months passed, and nothing changed.

One day I decided that I should ask them about it. I figured, maybe if they knew how I felt about it they would stop and everything would return to what had become normal. Thing is, when I asked, they ignored it. So I figured that maybe they didn't hear me, you know, it was a little loud in the room, I guess; so I asked again. I did get a response this time, Riku had said what in an annoyed tone, and the others were looking at me as well, each and everyone one of them looked irritated. When I started to say something, and got a few sentences in, I was just cut off by Donald who said that they just didn't want to talk to me or even see my face right now, or something along those lines.

My eyes looked at the floor and I walked away from them. They didn't want to be my friends anymore; they didn't even want to see my face anymore. I didn't get it, why did they just decide that they never wanted to be around me? Did I do something wrong? As far as I could remember I didn't do anything to aggravate them. That night I stayed in my room, I was just sort of there, trying to figure it all out on my own. I tried acting normal, pretending nothing was wrong; I didn't want them to worry. Then I slowly stopped eating as much, I ate less and less each day; and I slowly stopped talking too. Every now and then I'd see them and smile sadly in their direction, then I'd go somewhere they weren't. It wasn't that hard since King Mickey had allowed Riku, Kairi and I to stay at the castle for a bit.

Sometimes Queen Miney would ask me if something was wrong, telling me I could tell her and the King about it. I would just shrug, attempt to smile and say that I was fine. For the longest time that and "I'm not hungry" were the only things I'd ever say. Nothing made sense to me; I was always trying to think of why they would just chose to abandon me like they did. All I came up with were blank cards.

That's when I realized something.

They didn't need me anymore. For all I know they might never had needed me in the first place. To them I could've been just a tool. But… that couldn't be it. We were friends. Riku, Kairi and I had been friends for almost our entire lives. And Donald and Goofy… they left me at Hollow Bastion, but they came back. Sure they might have seen me as a tool at first, but by the end of it I wasn't, I was their friend. I'm not some sort of instrument, there's no way I could be one to them. Part of me was saying I should hate them, but, I just… I just… I just can't.

Part of me wanted to tell someone, but I figured it was my problem and I could deal with it. So I never told anyone about it, instead I wrote it down in a notebook. It's not like I could turn to anything else, my friends would ignore me and I don't want someone to look at me and lie to my face about them understanding what I'm going through; most of the time when someone says they understand what's going on they don't, and personally I feel like I've been lied to enough.

This went on or another week or so, to me time had lost meaning. I was still trying to figure everything out, but no matter how hard I tried nothing made sense; my own existence didn't make sense to me. My friends still treated me like dirt, and that still hurt, and I still avoided them, and I had stopped eating almost entirely (only eating the bare minimum I stopped being hungry), and I hadn't spoken to anyone, I had become almost entirely mute. It was just how I coped, I guess, I still had hope that it was just a phase and it would pass, but it didn't seem to be happening anytime soon. So I guess I thought that maybe if I didn't talk they would notice I changed and want to be around me again to try and get my smile back. Though that probably wouldn't work, but I tried it anyway. I had a feeling that the King and Queen knew something was wrong, but I was never around them so they couldn't really talk to me about it, and I don't think they wanted to summon me to them anyway. Even if they had called me to go to them, I wouldn't have gone, I wouldn't have cared.

One night I was sitting in my room, or, more accurately, on the window sill in my room. The night sky was empty, not a single star or cloud, not even the moon could be seen, and the wind blew cold, it seemed to reflect how I'd been feeling, empty, dull, frigid, things I never had been before. There was a knock on my door, and I answered saying "It's open." My voice was quiet and slightly hoarse from not having been used in a while.

I could hear the old wooden door creak open and the sound of feet colliding on the stone floors, then followed by the door creaking closed. "Sora," At the sound of the voice I mentally groaned, I wasn't in the mood for someone to try and probe my mind to see why I've been acting different. "Are you okay? You haven't been acting normal-" Normal… if he only knew that this is what normal was for me now. "-For the past six months. Ya know you can tell me what's wrong-" Thing is, I can't, I can't tell anyone because no one would listen "-I'm willing to listen.-" He was lying; nobody would be willing to listen to what I have to say. At that point I didn't understand why they keep trying to get me to talk. "… and I can try to understand." At least he admitted that he wouldn't understand it. "So, whenever you feel up to it, you can tell me about what's buggin' ya, okay?"

A sigh escaped my lips as I got up from the sill and walked towards the door, my eyes, which were now more of a dull blue, instead of their once brilliant sapphire, aimed at the floor. They only left to look the King in the eye, and give a sad smile, then shake my head "You wouldn't understand." Though, somehow, something inside me wanted to try and see if he could help, he's always helped me in the past, but that was the past. "If I can't understand it, then how could you?" Then I walked away. I knew I wasn't being very formal, but when have I ever been?

I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't really care, my eyes were aimed at the ground, watching my feet as they stepped on the tile. The corridors were empty, I knew that much. There was a time when I didn't like to be left alone, but I grew out of it when I was four. And now, I could care even less, I was used to being alone. Within minutes the elegant white stone walls had disappeared, the sound of my feet colliding with the tile floor had been replaced with the sound of the grass rustling in the wind. I had gone out of the castle without even knowing it. The wind was still blowing cold, but when I looked up, the once empty sky was slightly cloudy.

Part of me wondered how that could have happened because it wasn't humid at all, but that wasn't the part that was in control, the part that was in control didn't care. I just kept walking, farther and farther away. Really, I didn't care if I didn't go back to the castle, and I had a good feeling no one would notice I left; what with how silent I'd been, and how much I've been avoiding being with others lately. Maybe the King would care, but he knows that I just need to be alone right now; even though that's all I've been doing lately.

Honestly, I had accepted the idea that my friends didn't want to be around me, that they never really needed me. Course I still hoped they would allow me to be with them again someday, but I learned not to let hope consume me. If you do, then you're just letting yourself down, because when that hope turns out to be misguided, you're broken. Maybe you're not broken for very long, or maybe you are, but you're still broken. If someone ever tells you that, listen to them; you don't want to have to go through it, and I should have listened when someone told me, maybe then I wouldn't be too bad off now.

Something hit my head, then my arm, then before I knew it, it had started to drizzle. Looking up at the sky for some reason I felt like it was trying to voice the one thing I didn't let out, tears. The whole time I hadn't cried once, maybe I should have. It was a good way of letting lose your trapped emotions, and it's better than bottling them up like I'd been doing. I continued walking, the castle was only an outline now, good, at least I'm getting away from there. There was no reason for me to stay there other than my faint wisp of hope that maybe it was just a phase, or that maybe they do care, but they just need some time away from me.

Right now, I didn't want to hold onto false hope, or maybe it wasn't misplaced, I don't know. I just continued walking, every step I took it felt like my heart was growing lighter. As though everything that had been going on for the past six months was becoming lost in the wind and rain, washing away with each step I took farther away. And, for the first time in months, I smiled, a real smile. Not ones that I would give Kiari, Riku, Donald and Goofy for the past few months; but a smile that was made out of content, it was small, but it was more than I'd been doing recently. To be honest, I thought I had forgotten how to smile.

Slowly I sat down on the soaked grass, not caring that I was currently shivering and soaked to the bone from the rain that had started to downpour. I crossed my arms rubbed my hands up and down them out of instinct, I had also curled up into a small ball, my arms around my legs and my head in my lap. It didn't feel all that chill of the air anymore, but I could see my breath as it left in long puffs of wispy clouded air.

What I didn't notice, what I didn't hear, was the sound of footsteps on the grass, and the sound of shoes attempting to stay silent as they went through puddles.

"Now why would one such as yourself be out in the rain alone?" The voice drew me out of my thoughts, if there were any, it sounded cold, wise, but unforgiving; I stood up and turned around. A man in a black coat, the hood up over his head, stood before me. It was an Organization XIII coat, but they were all gone now. Roxas was really the only one left, and he reconnected to me, so he doesn't really count. Riku never wore his Organization cloak anymore, same went for King Mickey.

I questioned him "What do you want?" It was a question that most people asked when a stranger approached them and they said something like he did. Not like I didn't know his voice, though. It was the same voice that I had heard on the Island before everything happened, the same voice that Ansem the Seeker of Darkness had, the same voice Xemnas had; I knew that voice more then I wanted to. Xehenort.

Yen Sid had told us about him, he was Xamnas' other, and Ansem was his heartless. He was once a great Keyblade master, but then grew more and more interested in the X-blade and the Keyblade War. I can't really remember what he said exactly, but I knew that was the basics of it. "Come now, boy, is it so wrong to talk to someone that they see upon their travels? Correct me if I'm wrong, but you did the same multiple times in other worlds."

My eyes narrowed, and I stood in my fighting position after quickly summoning my Keyblade, just in case he started to fight. There was no way I was letting my guard down around him, he has no reason to just randomly talk to me when I just so happen to be alone... alone… and there won't be anyone to help me out if I need it. Even if I wasn't alone they probably wouldn't help anyway. "Ya, but I didn't-"

"You didn't what, boy?" It was like he was taunting me to continue.

"I didn't trick people into believing something that isn't true!" It was the only thing I could come up with, but it was true, wasn't it?

He laughed, and then looked at me with cold gold eyes that were barley visible under the thick black hood, closing them before nodding. Like he was trying to figure something out, whatever it was, it couldn't be good. "Boy, you truly haven't learned anything, now have you?" That confused me.

"What do you mean?"

"One who knows nothing can understand nothing." I heard that before… before I left the Island. I told a man in a brown cloak that I was gonna get out there and learn what's out there after he told me that there is very much to learn and that I understood so little. That was his response… a meaningless effort. One who knows nothing can understand nothing… that cloaked man, was that… him…? "You don't wish to see the truth, boy. Darkness is the hearts true essence. All live begin with darkness, and so all lives must end in it." He had told me that once before… so why was he repeating it.

It was the same lie… and I knew it was a lie. Yet… why say it twice? "Maybe that's true, but even in the deepest darkness there's a light that always shines!" I had said that the last time, and it was still true. Just like it always will be.

He looked at me, gold eyes glaring "Where's your light, boy?"

"Huh?" I didn't get it. "What do you mean?" What I didn't know was that I had slowly begun to let my guard down.

"Where's your light, boy?" It was the same question. "You say a light always shines through the darkness, where is your light then boy?"

I shouted "Why should I tell you?!" He smiled. Why did he smile? My left arm fell to my side, clenched in a fist. The keyblade still in front of me in my right hand, but it had fallen down to where my stomach was. Not that I was paying any attention at the time. Everything was focused on the man in front of me.

He wasn't talking, at first I thought he was just thinking of how to respond. I was so stupid, I hadn't realized how far I had let my guard drop; I hadn't noticed the footsteps that were coming up behind me. "Do you even know where it is?" He questioned "Where are those friends of yours, hm? Did they leave you?"

A growl formed in my throat. "My friends would never leave me!" At least that's what I thought until a few months ago. But… why would he ask about them though? They didn't matter to him.

"Then where are they? Come now boy, you're alone." He took two steps forward, I held my ground. I wouldn't run away from him, even if I might have been outmatched, I had taken down Ansem and Xemnas, why couldn't I do the same with him. The footsteps from behind me grew closer, I didn't notice them, all my thoughts were focused on the man in front of me. He smiled "And you always will be…" Xehanort nodded to someone.

"Huh?" I turned around, there was no one there. If only I had known he was hiding in the tall grass, then I wouldn't have turned back to Xehanort and said "I don't know what you're playing at, but I won't let you get to me. …My friends are there for me, I know it…" A lie, a big lie, they weren't there for me and I knew it; I'd accepted it a long time ago but I still hoped it wasn't true. And I think he knew it too because he smiled and shook his head. That's when I felt something hit the back of my neck, knocking the breath out of me.

The last thing I felt was my face colliding with the wet cold grass and the last thing I heard was "You truly haven't learned anything have you, boy?" There was a pause "Thank you for the help, now get going, you do not want to be caught, now do you?" Then the world faded to black.

When I woke up everything was dark, my arms were above my head, and I couldn't really remember what had happened. It seemed so much like a dream, then again, I wanted everything just to be a nightmare and wake up to find that it was all a dream; as if that was ever going to happen. The only thing I took comfort in was that I was alone. I was finally alone, sure I didn't know where I was, and I could faintly remember seeing Xehanort before I fell unconscious, but at least it gave me a chance to think things through.

A chance that lasted all of, what felt like, ten seconds.

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Even with an abandoned story I manage to end with a cliffhanger. *sighs* Well that was my longest possible one-shot if I hadn't left it. The ideas just sort of stopped for it, like I know what I want, but I don't know how to do it. *shrugs* But that's the past. I'll see you guys next time if you really want to see more of this story for some reason, and if I can actuatlly come up with something for it.

Later,

Ember