So, this is my first story on this account (I had another FF account when I was obsessed with Danny Phantom, but we don't talk about those dark times in 8th grade).
In this story, we find out exactly what Mabel is covering up with all those colorful sweaters.
Warning/Disclaimer: This story contains self-harm, so trigger warning to those who are sensitive about it. I, sadly, do not own Gravity Falls or any of the characters mentioned, and if I did, I probably would be writing episodes rather than fanfics.
This fic isn't really sad or tragic, just…sweet, in a way. You'll see once you read.
Enjoy!
"Hey, Mabel," Dipper called out to his twin as he stuffed some of his belongings into his pine tree backpack. "Great Uncle Ford and I are going out to go study the gnomes. Wanna tag along?"
"And be recaptured to be throned as Mrs. Mabel Gnome? I'm good," she said with a recalling cringe.
Dipper laughed. "You know that wouldn't happen with me and Ford." He tucked Journal #2 inside his vest pocket, along with a pad of paper and a couple of chewed up pens. He turned to his sister. "You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," she reassured him. "I have karaoke practice with Waddles anyway. Maybe I can get Grunkle Stan to join us…"
He chuckled. "Alright." He turned and started to head out the door when he realized something. He paused for a moment to place his thoughts in order. "Wait," he turned to Mabel. "Waddles is at the vet's. He got scratched up real bad by that pterodactyl, remember?" He looked at her suspiciously.
"Oh, uh.." she stammered. "Yeah, Soos and I are going to pick him up today. We should have him by the time you come back…"
Soos is working on fixing the leaks in the roof all day, Dipper thought to himself as he scratched his head. She's been acting really strange lately. Maybe I should let it go for now… "Alright," he went along with her story. "I'll see you when I get back."
"Later, Mystery Twin!" She waved excitedly from the bed. "Capture a gnome for me! Show 'em who's boss!" She called after him as he walked out the door with a grin and a returning wave, shutting it behind him.
Mabel's giddy smile faded as soon as he shut the door, enclosing her in the small attic with nothing else but her own thoughts. Thoughts about her failures, and then Dipper's successes. Thoughts about how he was always the one to go on missions with Ford, because everybody loved Dipper. She wished she could be remotely close to being as smart and victorious as him.
Wiping a single tear off her cheek as she mentally tore herself down, she hopped off the bed and reached for her wooden box underneath it. She opened it, and sadly smiled at its contents. The light from the window reflected off of her knife she had taken from Soos. It was more effective than a pencil sharpener blade, she had decided when she first started her gory habit about a month ago.
She pulled the left sleeve of her sweater up. Just a few… she thought to herself. She closed her eyes; the sensation was stronger that way. She held it up to her forearm, but hesitated; she thought about Dipper. She thought about how oblivious he was about why she wore sweaters throughout the hot and humid summer of Oregon. She thought about how he would feel if he ever found out…
With a violent shake of her head, she forced the opposing thoughts out of her mind and drew the blade across her skin out of impulse, calming herself down. She felt the corner of her eyes start to slightly burn as she let silent tears roll down her face. The feeling was overwhelming to her, yet satisfying. She did it again. And again.
Her eyes naturally gazed around the room when she saw a brown backpack with a blue pine tree print on it sitting by the door. At first she thought nothing of it, as she saw it lying around all the time, before her eyes opened wide in realization. Dipper forgot his backpack…He's going to be back to get it. She panicked. Without bothering to clean it off, she hurriedly tossed her open knife back in her box and shoved it back under the bed, right as Dipper walked in the room.
"Hey Mabel," he greeted while glancing around the room for his bag. "I left my backpack somewhere around here. Have you seen-," he looked over at his sister sitting tensely on the bed and sensed that something was very, very wrong. "Hey, are you okay?"
"What? I'm totally fine!" She said with a surprisingly convincing smile on her face. "Look down beside you, dummy!"
He ignored her comment and made his way over to her. She shifted uncomfortably. "What?" she asked innocently. Dipper eyed her suspiciously as his eyes caught small yet thick red lines seeping through her pink sweater sleeve. "…What's that?"
She looked down at her sleeve as her heart began to beat faster. She suddenly felt light-headed. "Oh, uh, grappling hook accident. You know me, klutzy old Mabel!" She said with a silly face. She forced a laugh, although she could tell Dipper didn't buy it.
"Can I see?"
Her heart beat faster as she felt her face heat up from her nervousness. "Why? It's just a couple scratches. I'm okay."
Dipper looked her dead in the eyes, making it clear that he wasn't joking around. "Mabel," he said sternly. "Let me see your arm."
"No."
Dipper was taken aback by her immediate response. He paused for a second. "Does Grunkle Stan know something's going on?" he rhetorically asked her. "If not, maybe he should." He turned around and slowly walked towards the door, giving her time to fess up.
"Dipper." He turned around to face her to see her halfway buried in Sweater Town with her eyes welling up in tears. He looked her in the eye and she immediately broke down.
Dipper ran over to his sister and sat next to her, holding her close. "Mabel, just tell me what's going on," he pleaded, starting to tear up himself.
She looked down at her sleeve as Dipper's eyes followed her gaze. He looked at her gently before cautiously taking ahold of the end of her sweater. He slowly started to roll it up, inch by inch, before he saw the red lines of blood deep in her skin. He was frozen with shock. "Oh, Mabel…" He looked up at her to see her hiding her face from him, but knew she was crying. He couldn't help himself; he started breaking down in tears. Mabel looked up at him in surprise.
"How could you do this to yourself, Mabel?" he asked her demandingly. "Don't you know how much I care about you!?" He wiped tears away from his eyes as he tried to calm himself down. He took a breath. "How long have you been doing this?"
She hesitated before answering. "About a month…" She said with guilt in her voice. "I'm sorry, Dipper. I didn't want you to find out."
Dipper had a moment of realization. "This is why you always wear the sweaters, isn't it?"
Without looking him in the eye, she solemnly nodded her head.
"I knew it."
Mabel looked at him, confused. "What? What do you mean you knew?"
"Mabel, you're my twin sister, I know you better than anybody. I know when something is wrong. I just didn't know it was this bad…Show me your other arm."
She reluctantly lifted up her other sleeve, revealing scars up and down, with a little bit of crusty, dried blood on some of them. Dipper started to tear up again. He looked back up at her. "Why?"
"I'll never be anything like you are," she bitterly replied. Her instant response took Dipper by surprise. "You're like the perfect kid," she continued. "I'll never be as smart as you or as pretty as Pacifica. I'm just a dork. I'm silly and stupid, and where is that gonna get you in this world?" She looked down sadly at her arms and traced a particularly larger scar with her finger. "Nowhere. I have no reason not to do this." She sniffed. "It's not like it really matters anyway."
Silence. She looked up at Dipper to see him looking at her angrily, yet sympathetically, and looked as if he was going to start scolding her. Instead, he grabbed her and pulled her close to him, letting her head rest on his chest. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in this shirt, letting it soak up her tears. She felt a teardrop fall on her cheek and realized Dipper was crying for her as well.
"Doesn't matter?" He repeated whilst stroking her hair. "You really think something like this wouldn't matter?"
She lifted her head up to look up at him but didn't respond.
"To see you hurt yourself like this hurts me just as bad. Seeing those scars tear me apart. You really think that doesn't matter to me?" She opened her mouth as if to say something but he cut her off. "What about Grunkle Stan? He loves both of us like our parents never have. What do you think he would do if he saw those cuts on your arms?"
Mabel had nothing to say, and fell silent. So Dipper continued. "I don't see what you don't like about yourself. Yeah, you're not me, and you're not Pacifica, and you never will be, because you're someone so much better. You're Mabel Pines. You're the girl who puts a smile on everybody's face. You're the girl who lights up a room just by walking through the door. Heck, you're the only person I know who can become pen-pals with the pizza delivery guy in under a minute!" She chuckled at that last part, and Dipper was glad to see her smile again.
Dipper rubbed the back of his neck before proceeding with what he was about to admit. "Honestly, Mabel…I've always been kind of jealous of you."
She looked at him curiously. "Jealous…of me? But why?"
"You're a person magnet. You talk to someone and they automatically want to be around you, meanwhile I mess up my own name when I try to talk to a girl," he rolled his eyes with a smirk as Mabel giggled at the memory of that awkward day. "Yeah, I've got the smarts," he continued, "but you've got everything else; you're sweet, funny, strong, and you're smart, even if you don't believe it. And, frankly, it's a shame to watch you do this to yourself."
She perked up her ears at him as he said, "You're a beautiful girl, Mabel, and I love you. I'm proud to call you my twin." He smiled a genuine smile at her, but it faded as he looked down and held onto her arm. "But this-", he motioned to the cuts, "-this needs to stop. I'm serious."
Mabel took back her arm and rubbed her cuts. "I'm sorry, Dipper," she said, ashamed. "It was selfish of me, I know; I should've thought of everybody I would be hurting. I won't do it again, I promis-"
She barely finished her sentence before she found herself wrapped tightly in Dipper's arms. "Thank you, Mabel," he said while hugging her tightly. "You have no idea how much I care about you, I can't lose you. Ever. I love you, Mabel."
She paused before responding with, "I love you, too, Dipper. I don't know what I'd do without you."
They kept hugging for a few seconds longer before they let go of each other, wiping the sentimental tears away from their eyes.
Dipper then suddenly asked her what she had hoped he wouldn't. "Where do you keep your blades?"
With a sigh, Mabel answered honestly. "I keep them under the bed, in a wooden box. You'll see it," she said as Dipper jumped down to peek underneath the bed and sure enough, there was the box Mabel had described. Dipper took it in both hands and opened it up, gasping at what was inside. First he closed the bloody knife that was at the top, shooting Mabel an accusing look. "I'd know that knife anywhere. You stole from Soos?"
She twiddled her thumbs in shame. "I was desperate."
Dipper sighed. "You're lucky I won't tell him about this." He tucked the knife away in his pocket and looked back inside, spotting some band-aids, a few gauze pads, some tape, and disinfectant cloths. He turned to Mabel. "Let's get you cleaned up," he said, opening the cloth and rolling up her sleeve. He gently patted her arm at the open wounds, wiping the blood away, her slightly wincing at the minor burn. He then opened up the band-aids and placed them over the small cuts, while putting the gauze pad on the open ones, carefully wrapping her arm up in the tape. He looked up at her when she was done and she smiled. "Thanks, Dipper," she said gratefully.
He smiled back and made sure all blades were out of the box before closing it and placing it back in its spot underneath the bed. He stood up, and held out his hand to her. "Since you won't be needing these anymore, I'm going to go throw them in the bottomless pit. Care to join me?"
Mabel smiled and nodded in agreement. She took his hand and let him pull her up to her feet before heading out the bedroom door. They walked downstairs together, almost past Great Uncle Ford, who was waiting on Dipper by small talking with his twin brother. He saw them pass by, and called to Dipper.
"Dipper! Are we still on for today, son?" he asked excitedly, holding one of the journals in his hand with a big grin on his face.
"Sure thing, Uncle Ford, but first, Mabel and I need to take care of some business. We'll be right back!" he called behind his shoulder as he and his sister walked out the door.
They walked shoulder-to-shoulder on the woodsy trail to the infamous bottomless pit. They walked in silence, as they both were caught up in their own thoughts. Mabel was thinking about how she had no idea how much her brother cared for her, and how lucky she was for that. She swore to herself that she would never do anything to hurt him. While Dipper, on the other hand, was only blaming himself for his sisters' actions.
This is all my fault. If only I'd have been more caring of a brother and paid more attention to her, she wouldn't be feeling so low of herself. I swear, from this point on, I will do everything I can to take care of her. He looked over to Mabel admiring the birds chirping in the trees and smiled to himself. I promise I'll make you happy, Mabel, he silently vowed to her.
Eventually they reached the pit. They slowly walked up towards it, and peered into the empty abyss. They exchanged looks, and Mabel gave him a determined smile and nodded, assuring him that she was ready. "Let's do this."
He handed her one of the blades, and left the other in his own hand. They joined hands – Mabel squeezing Dipper's hand for support – and in sync, threw them down the deep, dark hole, never to be seen again.
They stood in silence for a few moments, before Dipper broke it by clearing his throat, then said, "Thank you for doing this for me, Mabel. I know it probably wasn't an easy thing to do."
"Actually, I thought it would be hard, but I feel a lot better now. I don't need to be doing that anyway, especially when I'm not the only one that I'm hurting," she gave him an appreciative smile, silently thanking him for making her realize how much people care. "Thanks for looking out for me, bro." She tackled him in a totally non-awkward sibling hug, and he returned the hug with a smile.
They let go after a minute, and then Dipper came back with his previous offer. "So, you sure you don't wanna come along with me and Ford? I'm sure he wouldn't mind."
"Actually…Sure. I'll go. I could use some time with the family."
Dipper smiled at her response, and gently took her hand in his. "Great! Let's go!" He led her back down the trail in which they came, preparing to go on yet another adventure together.
Yeah, this is kind of a personal fic. But I like how it turned out, I hope everyone else does too. Review please? :) I would greatly appreciate it, especially for my first story.
You'll definitely see me on here in the near future!
-Lyles