Flipside: The Spontaneous Files
"Villain"
Part of the Flipside universe.
By Nan00k
Welcome to The Spontaneous Files, a collective place for all the little shorts that I come up with within the framework of my other story, Flipside. Some warnings:
-They contain spoilers for Flipside: Aftereffects (sort of) but nothing major. Basically, we're jumping ahead about three chapters here from the current update (chapter five).
-You MUST read what I do have up of Flipside and Flipside: Aftereffects to understand what the hell is going on. I mean it. You can try, but it's going to be an ugly experience for you.
-Yes, this is an insert-story. But if you read the first two stories, you might understand why this is okay.
-This chapter and many of the others take place DURING chapter 8 of Flipside: Aftereffects, not after it! Just keep that in mind, since we have not reached that chapter yet. It's not really important, though.
-You really, really read the first stories, guys.
-This is entirely un-beta'd, as well, so apologies in advance for any mistakes.
In today's first episode, Starscream decides one day that his new evil minion needs to prove herself in the line of sabotage. Becky has a few ideas. Too bad her version of "villainous" isn't even remotely close to Starscream's version.
I hope you enjoy!
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Warnings: parody of fans, crude humor, foul language, slight OOC-moments, original character (self-insert type), nerds
Disclaimer: I only "own" the original characters found here and the Flipside stories. Transformers © Hasbro.
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"You want me to what?"
It was interesting to learn that the Autobots and the Decepticons were not totally different in thinking processes. A few weeks after both the Autobots and Deceptions accepted me as a "helper" of sorts, I was introduced to their different bases. The Ark, of course, was the Autobot base, though I already knew that thanks to previous knowledge. They had brought down the space vessel some months before I came on scene, and it was hidden quite nicely in the Nevada desert. Thanks to it being summer, I was able to spend a few weeks down in Nevada with the Autobots. Mom thought I was working at the "Teen Defense Squad" thing again. 'Cade was supposed to be back in Boise, according to our cover story, but in reality, he had come along in secret. (He told Emily that he was working undercover somewhere for the Autobots and he told his human bosses it was his dying father or something.) He was hanging out with his own friends, of course…
The Decepticons had also brought their own ship. Nemesis was a large ship, but like the Ark, the Decepticons found a way to hide it in the Sierra Mountain range. It was several hundred miles away from the Ark, but when I wasn't with the Autobots, I managed to sneak off with 'Cade. I had suggested the idea of putting the ship underwater, but like always, they did the exact opposite. I didn't have the heart to tell Barricade that that was exactly opposite of what they did in the series. Starscream had muttered something later about moving it to the Pacific, though.
I never ventured too close to the Decepticon ship. I didn't trust the other Decepticons not to step on me, even if Barricade had my back and Starscream still thought I was one of his minions. Thundercracker was just so aloof and Skywarp seemed very keen on scaring the shit out of me whenever we had eye contact. So it was to my surprise one day in mid-July that Starscream ordered that I stop by, and because I was still pretending to be his first human minion, I had no choice but to comply.
However, when I entered the ship and met Starscream in his "throne room," or the command center, I was greeted with something I had not expected.
"You heard me, human," Starscream snapped. "Or are your audio receptors malfunctioning?"
"My ears work just fine," I replied, frowning. "Sir. I mean, I was asking rhetorically. I heard what you said, but it…doesn't make any sense."
"And why wouldn't it?" sneered the Decepticon leader.
I let my shoulders drop, feeling more and more uneasy. "Um, because I'm just human?"
I was standing in the center of an insanely large room (which wasn't that big in ratio to the Transformers, but I was only like 1/10th their size) and in front of Starscream, who was seated in the command chair. Barricade was watching from the sidelines, but I'm sure he was very vigilant. Though I was a little more certain now that he did value me as a friend, I'm sure the real reason Barricade cared so much was because Emily would kill him if he let me die. There were two other mechs with us—the infamous Seeker duo, Thundercracker and Skywarp. I was still not on speaking terms with them, so I tried to ignore their menacing presence.
"You presented yourself as a loyal soldier," Starscream continued darkly, "and as a solider, you are expected to undertake orders. Isn't this true in your own society?" Ooh, jab at human society. Burn.
"Yes," I replied, honest. "But Lord Starscream…I was expecting, uh, more…size-appropriate requests. Like human-on-human missions."
Starscream growled. "The humans are the least of our concerns," he snapped.
"But…" I couldn't think of how to phrase my concerns. "I'm tiny. And pretty much offensively worthless, compared to you guys."
"Size does not matter in this sort of assignment, foolish human!"
"You want me to take on the Autobots alone and you're telling me size doesn't matter? !" I demanded, too appalled to care about my tone of voice. "Starscream, I can't! It's impossible!"
"That's Lord Starscream!" screeched the Decepticon leader.
"Lord Starscream," I amended quickly. Christ, he's bitchier than I am. "But please, see it from my point of view. I'm honored that you think I'm qualified enough to take a mission for our… cause, but logically, I can't!"
"What I'm asking isn't dependent on size," Starscream replied coldly. "Sabotage requires only stealth and skill."
"I'm five-foot-five feet tall!" I exclaimed. "Optimus Prime is two stories! And I have no skill!"
"Amen to that," Barricade muttered. I looked to the side, giving him a glare.
I turned back to Starscream, inhaling deeply. "Sir, I just can't see what I could do that could sabotage the Autobots and still work out," I said. Oh, man, he was scary sometimes.
"Consider it your initiation," Starscream replied in the same frigid tone. I grimaced internally. Oh crap… "Being human, your loyalty can't be trusted so easily."
Like you're an angel yourself, I interjected sourly in my head.
"And," continued the 'Con, "if you can do this, you will prove you are beneficial to our cause."
AKA, if I failed, I would die. Lovely. I forced a small grin. "What…a good idea…" I said with no enthusiasm. "You're right, my lord…I should prove myself. But…I still don't know how."
Starscream leaned forward, grinning (or I thought he was, as his face was obnoxiously hard to tell expressions on sometimes; I personally missed the G1 models.) "You claim you humans are so good at creative thought. Go ahead, and be creative."
Oh, the smug bastard thought he was smart. I bowed my head to hide my pissed off expression. Oh, how I wanted to say something back at him, but I was getting better at acting. Or at least pretending to be mature.
"Thank you, sir," I replied mechanically. Why did I put up with this crap? ! Oh, yeah, I didn't want to die. "I won't… fail you."
"I would hope not," Starscream replied, smirking wickedly. "You have three days to complete some form of espionage and sabotage that will somehow incapacitate the Autobots. Barricade is not to aid you in any way." I winced and I heard Barricade hiss lowly. "Your assignment starts now."
He dismissed me and I hurried over to Barricade. He picked me up and we quickly left the command center. Once the (really awesome in my opinion) doors slid shut behind us, I experienced the verbal tirade I had been waiting for.
"You are retarded!" hissed Barricade as he marched down the hallway.
I bobbed in his palm as he walked, equally angry. "Oh, shut up! You did nothing to help me out!" I growled back. With a cry of frustration, I fell back on his hand and pulled at my hair. "FUCK! I'm so screwed!"
"You don't know anything about sabotage," Barricade continued.
"No duh!" I snapped back, glaring up at him. "I knew that already!"
"Why would he assign you that, of all things? !"
"I don't know! I'm not a mind reader!"
Barricade let out a low hiss and the heated air hit me, which annoyed me even more; it was hot as hell in the desert. I missed my forests. "The Autobots aren't stupid. If anything goes wrong, you will get blamed," he said.
"And then, not only will I get killed by Star Cream for botching it up, I'll be marked a terrorist by my own government," I added with sarcastic cheer. "Oh, and that's only if I come up with some brilliant plot, too. Just freakin' lovely."
"This is serious!" Barricade snapped. We were approaching the exit. The sooner we were out of that damn ship, the better I would feel.
I glared at him fiercely. "I know that! I'm scared, okay? I act more retarded when I'm scared."
"You must be terrified all the time, then."
I scowled, but the bickering made me feel better. At least 'Cade had my back. He might not have been able to help me do the actual sabotaging, but he would stick up for me. Then again, it was a midget sports car and I against three Decepticon jets. That wasn't a very good equation. I sighed heavily, feeling overwhelmed. This was so not what I had in mind when I "signed up" for this job…
We went down the automatic ramp. The ship was embedded in the mountainside (I have no idea how they did that) and was essentially hidden by the mountain cliffs and surrounding inclines. Even radar would have trouble picking them up. Although not totally sensible, the temporary location was at least better than some underwater base when I really thought about it.
Once we reached level ground that connected to a wide dirt path along the canyon floor, Barricade set me down. I hopped off of his claw-like fingers and stood still for a moment. I was seriously screwed if I didn't come up with an idea soon.
"Three days isn't very long," I mumbled mostly to myself. Barricade transformed and pulled up next to me. I reluctantly sat down inside the passenger's side seat, but I did feel relieved when he put the air conditioning on when we started off towards the end of the valley.
"You'll figure it out," Barricade rumbled.
I stared in surprise at the front of the car. "No ideas?" I asked, feeling nervous.
"This is your mission," the Interceptor said simply. He didn't sound angry anymore. "You have to figure it out."
"You're leaving me alone with this? !" I exclaimed, hurt and surprised. I was counting on him for support!
"Improvisation?" he suggested dryly.
I stared at the dashboard, dumbstruck for a moment. The sly bastard used my own sarcasm against me.
"You think you're so smart," I growled, turning away sourly.
"I am," Barricade remarked smugly.
I snorted and ignored him for the rest of the trip back to the outskirts of the base, where I would say I took a bus to (really, what bus goes out to the desert? Idiots.)
Internally, I understood. I boasted a lot about my improvising skills. Now it was time to apply them.
My life kind of depended on it.
0000
The Autobots were nice people. I mean, a lot of them were assholes, but assholes were sort of indigenous to every species, so I had to cut them some slack. The twins, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, were two of my fan favorites, back when the world made sense and they were fictional characters. They weren't so nice in real life, however, and thought I was a Decepticon spy, even after Optimus had told them five times to stop glaring at me like I was a suicide bomber every time I walked into the base.
…If it weren't for the suicide part, I'd take that idea up as an option.
I was on day two of my three-day time frame to save my ass from Starscream. I literally had spent the last night staring at my ceiling and feeling utterly trapped. I had few options, other than fleeing to Optimus Prime for protection (not without 'Cade, my mind said firmly), moving to Canada (and what, the Mounties would protect me?), or blatantly throwing a grenade at a horde of Autobots at dinnertime. And as much as I wanted to survive this, I really did like the Autobots and their decision to protect earth.
So yeah, I was stuck.
"Need some help?" called Sam from across the expansive room the 'Bots called their command center. I almost choked at the ironic timing of his statement.
When they had finally gotten the Ark to earth, it had been a mess. Teletran-1, the Ark's main computer, was trashed and needed a total overhaul. From what I figured, the Autobots had barely managed to get to earth on the vessel after thousands of years of skirmishes and had left it on the dark side of the moon just prior to coming to earth themselves. Now that the 'Cons were a bit quieter, the Autobots finally had the time to repair the poor, neglected ship.
Hey, at least it beat being stuck in a volcano for a few million years… right?
"Nah," I replied, hefting up a large container of wires, "I got it."
We human helpers had been shanghaied into helping the 'Bots move in, essentially. There was a lot of maintenance to be done, some out of reach for us homo-sapiens, but we could do the little things, like shuffle supplies around. The military was helping out too, but their focus was on the Decepticons. It was the civilians who got the brunt of the work.
I didn't mind it, I admitted to myself, walking the crate over to the other side of the room (where Teletran-1's main screens loomed over us). While I wanted to stay alive and free of Starscream's wrath, I did like helping the Autobots. They were the good guys. Guilt plagued me. I didn't want to do anything to really hurt them.
Placing the crate on the floor next to the others piling up around the massive computer, I hesitated. Were this really the only options I had? Betray the Autobots, or die? It didn't seem fair. A little more than a year ago, I was daydreaming of robots and writing fan fiction about the very creatures I was now either joking around with or narrowly sidestepping. This was real.
A cold chill gripped my heart as I realized how very in-over-my-head I was.
"…not that big a—HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN!"
The shrill man-shriek that originated from the door did its job well to force me out of my melancholy thoughts and look for the source of the voice. Glen Whitman was standing at the command centre's doors, gazing up at Teletran-1's screens with the look of a man who found out he'd be photographing a reincarnated Marilyn Monroe for Playboy. I snorted.
"It's beautiful," Glen practically squealed, walking towards Teletran-1 with outstretched hands.
Behind him, Ratchet was walking with a very strained look on his face. I smiled sympathetically at the medic; Glen was annoying as a fictional character. He was no better in real life.
"As I was saying," Ratchet said, irritated as Glen continued to gape up at the screens, "you offered your assistance with programming. I cannot spare the time between this and the medical wing, so if you would be able to help with the basic installation of programs—"
"Oh my God, I would love to," Glen breathed, eyes glassy, mouth agape. "I-is this really your super computer?"
"Teletran-1 runs the entirety of the Ark, but is not the largest or most complicated structure ever built by our race. It's standard," Ratchet replied, not amused. "Now, if you'd focus for a moment, I need to instruct you on how to activate the specific programs…"
I observed for a while, smiling at the excited man and the impatient medic. Their antics were surprisingly calming to my nerves. I bit back a sigh when I remembered I was still on a countdown.
"You'd think he was seeing the labs at Vos," mused Hound. He had been moving some replacement panels for the surrounding walls and had come up to watch the amusing situation unfold. He was one of the few Autobots who didn't stare at me like I was a security threat.
I laughed. "I'd probably react the same way."
"I'll just pretend I know what that is," Sam muttered, dumping another box over at the pile. He stretched. "I don't know how the heck you know all that stuff."
"You're just jealous of my awesome oracle powers," I teased, shuffling his box over to the right section.
Sam gave me a patient glare; he was impressed by my knowledge of the Transformers, but didn't put any faith in the theory I was some sort of oracle. I think my ranting about him being a fictional character all those months ago made him a bit bitter.
"Well, its about dinner time," he said, nodding to the door. "You coming?"
The other humans were filing out, as were some of the mechs. With a sigh, I nodded waving the younger man off ahead of me. I didn't really want to be near anyone right now.
That escape to Canada was sounding pretty good about now. Maybe Antarctica if I was desperate.
…Antarctica. That was a good option.
Behind me, Hound was piling up the load of materials he had carried over and was probably about to follow Sam out to the Autobot-human mess hall we all shared; the Autobots more human-friendly like to dine with their organic allies.
Hound was a nice mech. A little geeky, a little slow… hey, he was a guy after my own heart. I wished I could be around the base more than I was, to get to know all of them better. I couldn't help but feel a little bitter at my circumstances. I wanted to be the good guy…
So, staring at the green mech in front of me, with little to no one else around, I couldn't shake the idea of confiding in him. I knew the answer I'd get would be to go to Optimus. He could save me, if anyone, I knew people would assume.
But there was a lot more than just me at stake. Barricade, Emily… my whole family. Optimus couldn't save all of us.
Oh man, I didn't know what to do…
"Hey… Hound?" I began tentatively.
He stopped and looked down at me, with those clear blue optics, obviously prepared to listen intently to whatever I had to say. It was such a clear difference between Autobots and Decepticons (perhaps Barricade excluded from that assessment.) Grief and fear welled up inside me as I considered and reconsidered the option of asking the Autobots for help in this matter.
"What is it?" Hound asked, interested and perhaps a little concerned. Yeah, I liked Autobots better.
I opened my mouth, prepared to say something—perhaps to explain what had happened, perhaps to try to expose my involvement with the 'Cons—when Glen, yet again, proved to be obnoxious.
"Y-y-you're giving me access to T-T-Teletran-1?"
Turning, I saw Glen gazing up at Ratchet with either disbelieving gratitude or a desire to jump the mech; whatever it was it, it was creeeeepy. Ratchet didn't look that happy either, but he was a trooper.
"You cannot uplink into the system as a mech would," Ratchet explained, clearly controlling his temper. "We can rig a standard human computer to log into the system. You could begin to do the maintenance from there…"
He went on to explain more complicated functions and directions, so I got lost in the technobabble—but something almost seemed to turn on inside my brain. I knew nothing of their technology, other than what was alluded to in the various series. The extent of my human computer knowledge was basic website coding and perhaps somewhat above normal computing know-how. But I had a terrible, awful, no-good, simply… dastardly idea worming its way into my consciousness.
"Hey… Becky?" Hound asked. I spun around, surprised. He frowned. "What were you going to say?"
"Uh…" I swallowed hard, my mind already latching onto that horrible little thought, that was soon becoming a full-blown plan. Oh, boy… "I…uh, was wondering…if you'd like me to show you some, ah, plants later?"
Hound's optics shuttered. "Plants?" he repeated.
"I heard you liked plants! And animals!" I continued, hastily, laughing awkwardly. "Yeah—and uh, I have a dog and a cat, if you'd like to meet them! And my mom has this garden too!"
Not quite as smooth as I had hoped to be, but my hastiness sort of paid off. Hound smiled and seemed to like the idea. "That would be great," he said, his adoration for organic life clearly canon in this universe of ours. "I don't know if I would be able to leave the Ark to visit, however, at least not for a while."
"Ha ha, well if you're ever in Boise," I said, a cold sweat breaking out on my neck, as we moved toward the doors. Awkward small talk continued as we headed toward the mess hall, my brain going a mile a minute.
I had a plan. A dirty, rotten, horrible plan. But… if I played my cards right… it would be weak enough not hurt the Autobots too badly, but strong enough to save my life from Starscream. With one day left tomorrow, it had to work.
Hopefully.
0000
Operation Try Not to Get Killed And/Or Expose Self to Friends commenced late the next day. It was my last day before I had to report to Starscream. Literally, it was now or never.
I worked my fair share that day and tried to be as calm as I could, to belay any suspicion from the Autobots or humans. I felt like a genuine asshole, laughing and joking with some of them. Heck, I finally got Sideswipe to laugh that day, so I was feeling pretty good—until I realized that I was about to totally fuck them all over. Well, not totally over, but I was about to pull a really dick move.
At least Sunstreaker's ever-constant glare made me feel more vindicated. At least someone hated me.
…the irony in that statement did not escape me. But it was still hard to get through the day, so when things winded down around four, I was jittery and nervous beyond belief. I couldn't believe that I was actually doing it, but… the fearsome face of Starscream, combined with the overall risk threatening my family and friends, pushed me forward. I had to do this.
Glen was working hard on Teletran-1's systems. He was having a blast while working at the alien code. I couldn't fathom how he could read any of it, but he was a quick learner. I guess he really was a technological genius.
So it wasn't strange that when I walked into the command centre at quarter after four that I found Glen still at work, typing away at his laptop, which was now connected to Teletran-1.
"Hey!" I called, faking cheer. He looked up and waved absently before going back to work. We were only acquaintances, but I doubted he'd pay even his grandmother much attention right now. "Still working, huh?"
"This stuff is amazing. Pure and simple," he said, eyes glued to the laptop screen. Teletran-1's main screens weren't up and running yet.
"Uh huh. Well, I don't want to interrupt you," I began, gripping my shaking hands behind my back, "but I didn't think you'd want to miss the brownies I brought for dessert tonight. I thought to warn you ahead of time, 'cause Sam was eyeing them something terrible earlier."
Oh, man, was I evil. Glen looked up and gave me a horrified look. "…Brownies?"
There was only one thing Glen loved more than his new role as alien tech support—and that was food. I wasn't the best cook in the world, but chocolate was chocolate for Glen I suppose. With as much grace as he could muster, Glen was up and charging out of the room, shouting the expected warnings to "gang way" and "I call dibs!"
I waited for a minute before turning back to the computer. It was still on, completely accessible. After this was all done, I had to be sure to warn Glen about being more careful about security measures.
Kneeling, I brought the laptop up to my own lap and after fiddling around with some controls, found the command screen. I took a plain disk out of my bag and put it in the laptop-adaptation Glen and Ratchet had made. The disk slid in and I waited as it loaded.
Although I knew the Autobots were good guys and I would always support them and their cause, I could not suppress a very gleeful grin that appeared on my face as I waited. There was just something about the situation I could not place that amused me. I was working as a triple agent, so to speak. I had both Decepticon and Autobot allies and I "worked" for both. In truth, I wasn't on either side. I was just on my friends' sides, and it just happened to be that I had both Decepticon and Autobot friends. It was tricky, but somehow, it was working out.
The computer screen in front of me, once pitch black, blipped and the white command, 'Boot from disk: Y or N?' appeared.
That gleeful grin grew wider and a soft chuckle escaped my mouth. A short laugh followed.
Oh, this was so much more fun than I thought it was going to be.
I bent over the keyboard and typed 'Y' to begin.
0000
It was an interesting car ride back to Nemesis. I refused to tell Barricade anything about what I had done, which pissed him off. He was obviously concerned about what it was, just in case it wouldn't work out. I was confident. I was scared, but I remained straight-faced and optimistic.
Just like three days before, Starscream was relaxing in his command chair and I left Barricade on the side to go before the leader. It was like the jet was attached to the damn chair. I briefly wondered if Transformers could get fat from lack of exercise.
"My lord," I said respectfully, bowing with more enthusiasm before. Oh, God, if he every found out I was mocking him, I was deader than dead.
"So," drawled the Decepticon commander. "Report, fleshling."
I grinned when I came back up. "My mission was completed yesterday," I replied. "Uh." I paused. How would I report a mission? "Um. It was successful and, uh, the Autobots never noticed?"
Starscream stared at me. I shifted uneasily.
"I'm new at this," I replied after a moment. "Cut me some slack."
"Tell me what you did," Starscream coldly, as if I were slow or something.
"Oh!" I laughed nervously. That was easy enough. "Well, Glen was working—Glen's another human at the base—was working on Teletran-1 for Ratchet. Teletran-1 is, like, their main computer. It runs the Ark and the Autobots use it for nearly everything, really."
Starscream suddenly looked interested. "Is that so?" he asked. He didn't let me answer. "You had access to their main operating network?"
"Well, I guess," I replied, not sure what he was saying.
"Did you download the files?" he asked. He sounded like he was excited or something.
Uhhh. "No?"
"WHY NOT? !" he screeched. Angry Starscream was scary. "Do you have any idea what kind of opportunity you passed up, fool? ! We could have had access to untold amounts of valuable information about those Autofools!"
"I thought I was supposed to sabotage them!" I exclaimed. "You never told me to download anything!"
Starscream let out a screech and almost leaped out of his seat. "You should have used that miniscule main processor of yours!" he shouted.
"Well, I wasn't thinking of spying! I thought I was supposed to 'incapacitate them'!" I cried, frustrated. "Dude, I'm a kid! I'm not trained in this!"
"You're supposed to be a spy!" the Decepticon snapped.
"But you sent me on a sabotage mission! I sabotaged, not spied! Be more specific next time!"
"I shouldn't have to!"
I heard the distinct sound of metal smacking metal, and I knew Barricade probably face-palmed himself. I was reallllly not good at this.
"Look, I did my best," I said, trying to be calm. "I know, I should have thought to steal information on them. I was nervous about being caught and it was my first time doing this. I'm sorry!"
"What did you do, that you think would make up for this utter failure!" Starscream demanded, livid.
He said the F-word. As in failure. Fail. Fail = death. I gulped down my fear. I was dancing on a thin line again, as in, between life and death. I had to be careful. I had to be smart. Oh, Christ, I was ready to have a heart attack, but I forced myself to focus.
Improvising, don't fail me now…
"Glen was updating and removing program files," I said, my voice remarkably calm. "So, I distracted Glen and got him to leave the room. He was still logged on, and because the security cameras were still uninstalled, I was able to access the computer."
"And?" drawled Starscream, impatient.
I grinned and I suppose it looked rather diabolical, which actually worked in my favor. "I put a CD-rom in Teletron-1," I began calmly, "and I uploaded the beta version of Windows Vista to their server."
Starscream, Barricade, and the other two seekers all stopped and I could literally hear their head gears pause. Barricade made a disgusted noise.
"What the slag good was that?" he demanded, breaking the silence.
I only grinned. "You have no idea what evil I have just unleashed onto the Autobots," I replied slowly. "You have absolutely no idea."
"Vista?" Skywarp repeated, sounding curious.
Starscream almost sputtered, trying to find something to say, or rather complain about. "What is that?" he screeched.
"A computer program," I replied.
"So? ! How is that sabotage? !"
"Lemme put it this way," I said. "Once the Autobots logon and are introduced to this program, their world will equal total pain."
Starscream and Barricade just stared at me, still not getting it. Thundercracker examined his wrist joint, bored, and Skywarp quirked a mechanical eyebrow.
I sighed and explained.
"It will crash Teletran-1, probably fuck up their systems, and oh, annoy the living shit out of them until, or if, they can get it off," I finally said.
Skywarp stared at me, quizzically. "How bad is this program?" he asked, surprised.
"It is the epitome of evil to PC users everywhere," I replied simply. "Give it a day or two, and we'll see results. It screws up normal computers. It'll probably corrupt you guys pretty bad too, even if you guys have übber firewalls."
All four Decepticons seemed a little taken back by this. I shrugged and motioned with my thumb.
"If my evil quota has been reached, may I leave now?" I asked sweetly.
He let me leave, but I don't really think Starscream quite understood what I was talking about. He seemed to trust me enough to see my threat through. Thankfully, we were able to verify two days later that my plan worked. I had to explain to a very pissed off Glen, whom got my cell number from Sam (the little traitor), that I did not in fact do anything to Teletran-1 and had no idea why it crashed, or why Prowl's battle system crashed twice after he uplinked to it. Then, just as I was celebrating life, Skywarp decided to take me up on my ominous threat…
And uploaded Windows Vista to Nemesis.
Starscream was Not Amused.
Even though I got screamed at for six hours for "influencing" Skywarp into being stupid, and said-jet got five days in the brig for being retarded, I did get to see that for the next two weeks, there weren't any problems between Autobots and Decepticons. That was because both sides were glitching out for days...
Being a Decepticon-Autobot agent was proving to be quite the adventure indeed.
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End Villain.
Next: Barricade's at work. Obviously, this is a good time for the Internet.
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I have no regrets. (I warned you; this is total crack and always will be.)