Dedicated to Shamybabboos: Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here.
Use your imagination.
"…Sheldon? Sheldon, what are you doing?"
"Ssshhh, go back to sleep."
"Sheldon, I can't go back to sleep."
"Why not? You were sleeping 13 seconds ago."
"Because I can't go back to sleep while my husband is trying to stuff his dick in me in the middle of night!"
"Amy! There's no need for excessive crude language."
"What do you want me to call it then, your Love Handle?"
"It wouldn't hurt."
.
.
"Will you stop that! Coitus isn't even on the schedule tonight. Not to mention it's 4 in the morning."
"Who says we're going to have coitus?"
"We're not?"
"Of course not."
"So you attempting to enter me in the middle of the night is not you initiating coitus?"
"No! I'm just going to keep it there."
"You're what?"
"Since we're whispering to each other at this ungodly hour, I assume you didn't hear me. I'm just going to keep it there."
"No, I heard you. I just can't believe what you said."
"Why don't we cease this conversation claptrap and actually get this over with. Just spread your legs like this and-"
"Sheldon! This is ridiculous!"
"You know what, I'm just going to get on top of you. I've always enjoyed the convenience of our current sideways position, but it appears that I have no choice."
"Sheldon, don't you dare. Just stay like that. I can't believe I'm doing this."
"See, this position is increasingly convenient. Oh wait, we need you lubricated. Since we ran out of synthetic lubricants, we're gonna have to make do the old fashioned way."
.
.
"Mhhmm. Sheld- Sheldon, so let me get this straight. You don't want-ahh-you don't want to have coitus?"
"No."
"And you just want to penetrate me and-and do nothing?"
"Correct. How do you like this?"
"Oh god, yes."
"Do you like it when I stroke you like this?"
"Ahh. Don't stop. Keep going. Coming back to topic. Why do you even wanna do this?"
"Do what?"
"'To keep it there' as you put it."
"Because I couldn't sleep and you're warm and comfortable."
"You couldn't just-ahhh-You couldn't just snuggle with me?"
"I could, but your insides are amazingly warm and comfortable."
"That's strangely flattering. But Sheldon, you can't make this a habit, okay! Just tonight."
"Just tonight."
.
.
"Amy, I think we're ready. Just lift your leg up a bit…. There we go."
*Gasp*
"Amy, did I hurt you?"
"Sheldon, you ask me that every time we have sex. No, you did not hurt me!"
"First of all, this is not sex. I told you, I'm just going-"
"-to keep it there, yes. I heard you loud and clear."
"Don't interrupt me, little lady. Second of all, I feel obliged to ask since you gasp every time I enter you."
"Well, you do lean towards the larger size, so it just takes me by surprise is all."
"Oh… Oh well, now that this ordeal is over, you need to go back to sleep."
"Good night, baby."
"Good night."
.
.
.
"Amy, will you stop that."
"Stop what?"
"You're clenching."
"I'm not clenching."
"Yes, you are. Your walls are clenching around me and it's proving to be rather-oh god, Amy! You feel amazing."
"Maybe if you stop rocking back and forth, my walls wouldn't clench so much."
"Amy."
"Sheldon."
"Amy, I may have been wrong about this."
"Wrong about what?"
"I think it's impossible for me to just keep it there."
"Really, what gave it away, Dr. Cooper?"
The End.
I should not have published this. But the recent spoilers has gotten me immensely depressed and bitter. So I wrote this to cheer myself up. And hopefully you too.
Update: I'd be willing to write a description version of this in Sheldon's POV if you'd like.