A/N- I do not own Twilight, nor the song Just an avid fan.
This is in Bella Swan's point of view, mainly thoughts but the vocals are done in quotes.… defiantly more chapters to come!
In this world you tried
Not leaving me alone behind.
"You… don't… want me anymore?" tears started streaming down my face as I looked at the man I loved so dear.
"…No…" replied the stone voice of an angel.
With that he disappeared into the woods and left me… alone… I tried to follow but he was too quick. I never even had the chance to tell him… It was a wonderful birthday I had, he finally gave in and gave me a chance. Edward Cullen took my virginity, it was magical beyond words. But now I was left alone… cold… and possibly… pregnant.
There's no other way.
I prayed to the gods let him stay.
Sitting in the bathroom waiting for my fate to be decided, I felt sick, I never felt this alone in my entire life. All of them were gone and I had no one to talk to. Edward always said but never promised he'd be there, and the time I need him most, he's gone. Luckily Charlie wasn't home, I'm not exactly sure what to tell him, considering this isn't even suppose to be possible… technically Edward is… dead. I didn't want to think about it at this point.
I looked down to the tiny positive sign on the test. I sighed in frustration and leaned against the door.
"This is… great… now what?" sighing to myself.
Shutting my eyes I couldn't help but think of those beautiful golden eyes, that perfect quirked smile, and that amazing body… I quickly opened my eyes wiping a tear that had fallen.
I'm alone…
The memories ease the pain inside,
Now I know why.
It seemed like hours, I just sat there. I knew I'd have to move eventually, Charlie would be home soon and expected dinner, I just wasn't sure if I should tell him… or give the baby up without anyone knowing the wiser. The thought had broken my heart slightly… an abortion? Could I really do that to another human… well… was this thing inside me even human? I heard the door and quickly walked down stairs.
"Hey Ch… Dad…" I called from the stairs. "Dinner will be a little late… sorry I got side tracked."
"Not a problem kiddo, I was actually going to go to Billy's tonight" he replied sheepishly "So we were just going to grab a pizza, but I'll get you whatever you want before I leave.
" Nah, I'm actually not hungry if I do I'll just grab some cereal, I'm going to go lay down, it's been a long day…" I spoke quietly.
Charlie looked at me with a half smile. "Listen Bells… I know it's been hard with Ed… him leaving so sudden, but try… for me okay… just try to pick up your spirits…"
I nodded and walked up the stairs again. "Goodnight Dad."
"Night" He called back, with that he left.
All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments imagine you here.
All of my memories keep you near.
Your silent whispers, silent tears.
I turned on the laptop Charlie and Mom had gotten me. I think it was a 'this will cheer you up gift' but I didn't complain. Searching the internet I found a few clinics. I found myself thinking about him again. What would he say? Maybe he knew and that's why he had left… or maybe he wouldn't ever know.
I clicked into my music then lost myself in more thoughts.
Made me promise I'd try
To find my way back in this life.
'A chance at a normal life…' I don't want normal, I want Edward… I want to live, breath, feel… Edward… I'm incomplete... numb.
That was the word… numb… no longer living but just a hard shell of body. I don't know why… but the uneasy feeling of being dead suddenly held a comforting grip.
I hope there is a way
To give me a sign you're ok.
I won't even know if he stops existing… maybe it's my turn to not exist… I don't think I could live with the guilt of killing my… our child… but maybe I wouldn't have to live at all.
I finally snapped out of my thoughts, chilled by what I was actually thinking. Could I do that? To him… if he cared… what if he came back all that he would have would be a grave to make peace with.
I wanted him more than ever...
I stood and walked towards my rocking chair to sit and rock myself. It held many memories… like the first night Edward stayed with me, when I was actually aware of it. The morning after sitting in his lap... this was my happy thought.
It just isn't enough to make me fly…
Reminds me again it's worth it all
So I can go on.
Pregnant… alone… and there's still the chance Charlie won't act well… I could be forced to leave… though maybe he had a bigger heart then that…
Maybe getting this abortion is better… it's still early… it isn't really a baby yet is it… just a tiny shrimp puff… a little tiny human vampire living shrimp puff…
Maybe that isn't my option.
The window was open on this cold night… I hoped I'd freeze to death being in a tank top and shorts with no blanket. Maybe death was my ticket to escape it all… it is such a tempting offer, one that shouldn't be refused so easily… yet carefully thought over before making that decision.
Charlie would go back to how he use to be before me…
Edward would never know unless he came back. My heart hurt too much to even think he would, I would just be setting myself up for a let down.
All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments imagine you here.
All of my memories keep you near.
Your silent whispers, silent tears.
I have nothing left… all I hold are my thoughts and memories of a happier time.
No longer happy… eighteen and pregnant… with a vampire's child… how is this even possible? I thought vampires couldn't reproduce… it figures with my luck.
I leaned back and just rocked slipping back into my thoughts.
Together in all these memories
I see your smile.
I love your smile… it's beautiful. I love your persona, I love your family… I want to be part of your family… I love you…
Why couldn't you chose me instead of trying to protect me… the only thing I need protection from is myself…
All the memories I hold dear.
Darling, you know I will love you
Until the end of time.
I wished my end was coming, I still wasn't sure on what to do… my baby was growing… yet it's mother was dying inside. I don't seem fit as a mother… and how would this effect me in the long run? What would it turn out to be exactly…
It's future was just as undecided as mine was.
All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments imagine you here.
All of my memories keep you near.
Your silent whispers, silent tears.
What I wouldn't give to hear your voice, smell your scent, and feel your cool lips against mine…
I miss you… come back to me…
All of my memories...
I shut my eyes… hoping death would cover my existence without my own helping hand…
"Bella…?" I heard a small pixie voice call from the window.
Hope you enjoyed!
L