Tittle: Lord of the Rings... my way!!!

By: Malara

Rating: PG. There is no sick humor. It's just a parody.

Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR. If I did, the movie would be a lot like this fic, so it's probably a good thing that I don't own it.

Stuff You Should Know: I like almost everyone in Lord of the Rings, and certainly everyone in this story. If you are offended by anything that is written here, all I can say is that I didn't mean to offend you, and I just wrote it for fun. I like LOTR, but sometimes it's fun to take a break from writing serious stuff and write light, funny stuff.

Enjoy!!

CHAPTER ONE: THE CRAZY COUNCIL

Many, many years ago (when your history teacher was young), there was a council with a great deal of important (and strange) people. Gandalf, who arranged the entire thing, planned on the council being an important meating where the Fate of the Ring would be decided.

Of course, with Elrond in charge, who knows what might happen?

Elrond made his beginning speech. "We are all gathered here today to discuss the fate of....... Braided hair. All right, well, - yes, what is it, Gandalf?"

Gandalf said, "I think we should be talking about the One Ring instead. After all, that is why we are having the council in the first place."

"Gandalf, are you deaf? I just told everybody we were having this council to discuss the fate of braided hair! Besides, I don't see a ring anywhere?

Gandalf turned to look at Frodo, who asked why everybody was looking at him. Gandalf sighed.

Legolas broke the silence. "I want to keep the Ring. It will look soooooooooooooooooo cute with this pick outfit!", but Boromir had a problem with that. "NO!!! I WANT IT!!! I AM A PRINCE, AND I RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Aragorn didn't care either. He said, "All I want is to bug Ellie. Guess what!! I'm going to marry his daughter!"

Elrond said, "NO, YOU'RE NOT!!!!!!!!!! Do you like my hair? I love putting knots in it!"

Gandalf tried to get everybody back onto the top of the Ring, but Frodo declaired that he wanted an orange. Sam replied with his famous line, "Pots! Pots, pots, pots!"

Legolas said, "Be quiet! You're loud voice is messing up my hair!"

"Well, you are the loudest, elf! All I want are pretzels, and I'm not disturbing anyone, like you are," Gimli argued for the sake of it.

Frodo turned to the dwarf and asked if he had any oranges because Sam ate all of his orange.

"No, I didn't! Gollum set me up!" Sam protested.

"And people wonder why I have gray hair... Four more years until retirement... four more years until retirement…" Gandalf muttered. He looked around, and saw Elrond talking to Legolas.

"Anyway, you take the lock of hair like this and twist it like this…"

Frodo walked over to Aragorn, and asked if he had any oranges.

Aragorn said, "Nope! But I bet Ellie does! Let's go raid the kitchen! Elendil!" Aragorn grabed his sword and waved it around his face, screaming a war cry. Frodo slowly followed him.

Gandalf contuined to mutter to himself, saying, "All I asked for was a council so we could decided what to do with the Ring. This is ridiculous…"

Suddenly, a loud noise came from the kicthen. Frodo yelped and came back to the council.

Gimli said to no one in particular," Is Aragorn in the kitchen? I'm going to see if there are any pretzels there. But I suppose elven pretzels taste worse than dwarven pretzels."

Boromir added, "But pretzels from Minas Tirth are the best." Then Legolas said, "How dare you offend elven lembas!"

"Elf, for such big ears, you sure can't hear anything!" Gimli said irritated. "We're not talking about lembas. We're talking about pretzels!"

Legolas looked confused as he said, "Huh?"

Sam said quietly to Frodo, "Blondes are SO dumb! Don't you think so, Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo looked at him strangely, then said, Uh, Sam, you ARE blonde.

Sam agreed happily. "That's my point!"

Gimli said, "Young hobbit, even though you ARE a blonde, no one is stupider than elves."

Legolas jumped up. "How dare you offend me!"

Frodo said nervously, "Uh, Legolas, we were not talking about you, we were talking about... um, Men! Yes, Men, not elves!"

Boromir said sadly, "I'm on your side, Mr. Frodo."

"That's copyrighted, you know!" Frodo said. "You can't steal Sam's line from Sam!"

Boromir replied (rather loudly), "I AM PRINCE!! I CAN SAY WHAT I WISH TO SAY!!"

Aragorn quickly replied, "You are NOT prince; I am going become King in order to marry Ellie's daughter because he said I could if I became king, and you can't spoil my plans because I have a ring with snakes eating each other!!"

Elrond said he didn't say that, and Aragorn jumped up.

"You liar! I am going to kill you!" He stood up and pointed his sword at Elrond. Elrond struck back in fear. "Hello! My name is Aragorn, son of Arathorn! You killed my father! Prepare to die!"

Elrohir walked up behind Aragorn. "Dad didn't kill your father, that's STAR WARS." He started singing the theme song of Star Wars at the top of his lungs.

Elladan walked up behind Elrohir. "Oh, it's you. I thought you were Arwen. She sings rather loudly too, especially in the shower. Anyway, Elrohir, Vader WAS Luke's father! Estel got confused with the Princess Bride.

Someone started sobbing, "Oh, my true love, I have found you!" and everyone assumed it was Elladan or Elrohir imitating the movie until they saw Arwen hugging Aragorn so tightly, she was suffocating him.
"Oh, Aragorn, I have found you, and no one can take you away from me!!!!"

Peter Jackson entered, waving his arms in panic. "Cut, cut!! You're supposed to do that BEFORE this scene." Arwen nodded slowly as Fran Walsh dragged her off the set. "Honestly! If you had blonde hair, you would be easily confused with Legolas; you're that dumb!"

Everybody yelled in horror, "NO! NOT LIKE LEGOLAS!"

Legolas (who was lembas) looked up at the mention of his name, squealed, "Oh, I'm so popular!"

Peter Jackson continued to yell at Elrohir and Elladan. "Where did you come from?! I specifically didn't hire you for a reason!!"

Elrohir turned to Elladan and said, "We are unloved!"

Elladan added, "Such a sad fate for being the two people who gave Gandalf gray hair."

"He's Gandalf the GRAY! Of course he has gray hair," Elrohir said.

Elladan smiled happily, and said, "That's why it's so much fun!"

Elrohir added, "Yeah, when he is interviewed for being the world's 'most famousest of all the wizards!', we get half the credit."

Sam said, "Hey, would you people stop stealing my lines?! I have to say something original!"

Frodo (seeing an opportunity) said, "Actually, Sam, if you didn't say anything at all, that would be very helpful!"

Sam said, "Yes, my master, I will do everything you say! I will obey you and honor you and help you and…"

Gandalf said to Elrond, "Agent Smith… I mean, Elrond, I have an idea."

Elrond irritably replied, Not now, Gandalf, I have to put a knot in my hair!"

Gandalf sighed, and said, "Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and myself are going to Mordor to destroy the one Ring! Come on, people, let's go!!"

And so they went, off to Mordor...

To Be Continue...

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it, and I was able to make you laugh! It's a fun thing to do! Please review, and be nice. This was originally in script form, so if it sounds weird, sorry!!!