Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own any characters you may recognize as from the works of J.K.Rowling. She is the proud owner of all of them.
Warnings: I don't really have any. You must keep in mind the rating, there's nothing else I need to say. I don't write slash. And I'm not quite planning on writing a happy fiction, as you can tell it after the Prologue.- - - - -
I Walked A Path
Prologue
Lost souls don't have anything to say.
Lost souls don't have anything.
So my souls is lost. And so it remains. And though I hoped, craved for... for healing... silence... peace - somewhere deep inside me I knew, I feared... that there was no cure for me. No hope of turning away. No hope of leaving. No hope of being free again.
At the end... I didn't want to leave.
I walked a path.
I ruled the path.
Then - almost unperceptibly - the path has moved. It started its own
route, grabbing me with, chaining itself with me and me with myself.
And so it ruled me.
And so I walked the path.
I even started liking the word. The word I once so feared. Hated. Now I'm all relieved in it. Rejoice in it. I am the word, and I'm sacred.
I am sacred as once he was. Sacred in emptiness. Sacred in darkness. Sacred in madness.
I almost feel pity for him. For myself.
But I can not feel. I know there are such things as feelings. I can even name them. I know their meaning. I know them. But I can not feel them anymore.
I almost long to feel... to feel something. To experience the pain of a desire, of love - yes, even the pain of it... even the pain.
- - - - -
He lies before me, and I watch him. Years of war. Of fighting. Struggling. And he lies before me now.
My master. My mentor. My fate.
I feel captured. I feel empty. I feel... captured. And he knew it was going to happen. He knew I could only win this battle using the very weapon that HE uses. Using the same power that he possesses. Being the same as he is. Was.
He is laughing right now, wherever he might be. How he is laughing...
And he was wrong. Dumbledore. Was wrong.
I can remember him. Dimly. I remember him saying that evil can only be defeated by something other than itself. Something that engages its very nature. Darkness by light. Hate by love. Evil by Good.
The fool.
I know that path. Love I know. That I experienced. That I suffered. Because of that I suffered. Because of that I lost. Lost something. Lost the last I had had.
Lost him.
Him.
Oh, God, I LOST HIM!
But God - that I am. And I can not bring him back. Even if I'm god I can not accomplish it, and it kills me inside. Only... I'm dead inside. I'm dead already. I was at the moment I lost him.
I lost him.
And lost something else as well. The faith in love, in light, in good. It all disappeared with him. It was strange, really. One moment - one life - full of brightness, clarity, worry, fear... him... love within you, and then, all of a sudden - nothing. A moment of pain, maybe, of despair, but then - nothing. Emptiness. Darkness.
And then real - Darkness.
The others... oh, I do not miss the others. I can not even recall the moment of losing them. I can not even recall their name. I do not even try to remember their name. Their faces. Them. Did I feel regret when they died? Did I blame myself?... Was it me that killed them? I can not recall. I can not tell.
I can not care.
I only miss him.
Is this a feeling? I don't think so. I remember what feeling is.
But this is nothing like that. This is sheer power. My missing him. Is power. Is need. Is thirst.
It is my path.
He is my path. My power.
But my path has moved.
I know he would hate me now.
He would fight me now.
- - - - -
He lied to me.
Voldemort.
He lied to me.
The path was a Lie.
The power was a Lie.
I hate him because of it. Or... I would hate him if I found in myself the ability to such an emotion. To any emotion.
I hold no emotion. I hold only power within.
I hate power. Or... I would hate it...
Was this how he had been feeling?
I understand him. I feel him. I feel him like I feel myself. Is there a difference? I destroyed him, and I live. He lives. So simple.
Did he know it?
Did he long for redemption? Did he starve peace?
Maybe he even wanted me to defeat him? Wanted it to end?
And is it really him that eventually defeated me?
Is it him who won?
Did I lose?
Did I lose?
- - - - -
To Be Continued...